non D/s chastity

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by boilym, Feb 24, 2010.

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  1. boilym
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    boilym Junior Member

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    Hello everyone

    After spending some time here, talking to people and reading posts, I got curious. Does some of you on this site have experience with chastity play in a non-D/s relationship?
    I ask, as I'm curious about different types of chastity play, one could crudely formulate it as different usage of chastity (hope it makes sense).

    Kind regards
    D
     
  2. collegeslave
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    collegeslave Junior Member

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    I don't think this is necessarily what you mean, but right now i'm in a vanilla relationship and i'm trying to use chastity as a way to keep me from orgasming in the time between seeing her. So far it's not working out too well since i self-lock and don't have someone to tell me to not masturbate and don't have the greatest self-control.
     
  3. DanniCB
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    DanniCB Junior slave in training

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    yeah i'm the same way but i have support through the internet people telling me no to cum be a good slave and whatnot keeps me going. dont give up babe! i"m not a dom but i recommend you stay in your chastity! and if you don't reach the days you have set for yourself in advance make a harsh punishment and make sure you stick to it.

    I haven't really met any non d/s relationships with chastity online really. i think most who use it discreetly dont say that they do it online alone join a forum for it. this forum is for more d/s says so when you first go to the homepage anyhow.
     
  4. Tom Allen
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    Tom Allen Member

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    Ah yes. My wife and I do not have a D/s lifestyle, do not practice any BDSM, nor do we have any kind of FLR or similar lifestyle. We simply enjoy the power exchange of her control over my orgasms.

    I write about this often on my blog -- I sometimes feel odd posting in forums in which so many people have some degree of D/s. But there are a number of people who use the devices simply as a way to spice up their sex lives.
     
  5. tj246
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    tj246 Senior Member

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    i am not into D lifestyle either

    wife hold the key to my chastity
     
  6. davidphd1866
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    davidphd1866 Member

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    I am with Tom Allen on this topic. My wife and I do NOT have a bdsm or domme/sub relationship. Rather, we use chastity as a form of fun with us.

    Please don't allow any group or anyone in the groups tell you what chastity play needs to look like, it is up to you guys.

    Have fun!

    David
     
  7. boilym
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    boilym Junior Member

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    Hello again

    I'm sorry that I've been slow answering to my own thread, but I've been away for almost a month due to work.
    Thank you for your answers. David, good point that it's up to one self what chastity play needs be. Collegeslave, have you introduced your gf to chastity?
     
  8. countachcx
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    countachcx Senior Member

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    The reasons I am now in chastity is unrelated to D/S. For me, it's more of a mindstate. I'm transgendered, and so I just want to forget about having a penis, and male orgasms. I actually don't need a device for a while, but I imagine it will get a bit more difficult after a while..
     
  9. Sarah
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    Sarah Sarah

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    Yes indeed!

    This has bothered, annoyed, frustrated and exasperated me many, many times over the last couple of years.

    There is no element of D/S in our marriage, although I do control John's orgasms. Other than that we're normal (except for the fact we're actually happy, which is pretty abnormal for marriage, I suppose).

    Yet I am constantly bombarded with messages and comments that I'm doing it "wrong" and I "must" be dominant. I'm not. John is very much the alpha male and on balance our marriage is male-led. It's certainly not female-led.

    I'm not into telling him what to do or cuckolding him or telling him and acting like he's "worthless". I love him, respect him and don't want anyone else. End of story.

    To us his chastity and denial (and it may well end up permanent) is just one big never-ending kinky sex-game.

    Sarah
     
  10. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    Good on you girl, ignore all the perscriptive "experts", it's your marriage and if you are happy then obviously, you are getting it right. :Tulip_Up:
     
  11. Sarah
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    Sarah Sarah

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    Oh yes indeed. Not sure John always agrees, mind :happy0007:

    Our BIG question (well, mine really, because it's in our contract I can unilaterally enact the Permanent Chastity and Denial clause we have in there), is... do I ever make it really truly honestly permanent denial?

    We're a way from that because we have yet to find a device he can actually wear for long periods of time... but it's coming (which may be more than he'll ever be once we get one...).

    Sarah.
     
  12. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    I can only give you my point of view formed through my own experience - and we are in a Female Led Relationship so pick out of this what you feel is appropriate. I love my husband very much but have found permanent chastity to make a huge difference to his behaviour and also to how HE feels about himself. Note here though that we do not practice absolute denial, just orgasm restriction. I don't treat him like a collared slave and nor do I make him walk 3 steps behind me so to the outside world, we have no outward signs of anything other than the mutual respect we have for each other and an open, communicative relationship. He is still masculine, attractive and sexy - I just dont get all the nagging, bossing about and competition that was a source of resentment for me (both being very alpha people).
    Chastity is nothing more than the mechanism we use to achieve this, D/s play is something completely separate and is just part of our married bedroom repetoire - which is why I get a bit huffy when the hard of thinking start to tell you what is right and wrong behaviour (lol). I've just written about this in detail in my most recent blog if you want to read through.
     
  13. Sarah
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    Sarah Sarah

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    Would love to! Where is it?!

    Just for clarification: do you ever allow your husband to orgasm?

    John is in permanent chastity now, meaning he doesn't get stimulatiopn or to come without my express permission. But we're also considering permanent orgasm denial even though I'd still tease the hell out of him. He'll still get to make love to me, just not to orgasm ever again.

    Does that make sense?

    Sarah.
     
  14. cockislocked
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    cockislocked Senior Member

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    If it feels right... guess what.. it is right!

    I think you sound like a lady that has got what She wants and he sounds like a guy that has got what he wants too. Sounds great to me! The fact You control his orgasms is a form of 'power exchange' and therefore it could be argued that this is 'a tiny bit D/s', but it is in reality its a fun consenual activity that you both enjoy right? It is all about degrees on a very wide spectrum across a wide range of kinks and games. I say enjoy what you have. Don't listen to the opinions of people telling you that you must be a ball busting bitch Domme and thats the way it is, coz it ain't. Whilst i am in an FLR marriage i can see why it would not suit everyone. W/we certainly don't practice heavy BDSM and in fact are very vanilla in 99.9% of what we do.

    (Also sounds like you are one of the few members of that very exclusive club i belong to, 'the happy marriage club' Whoo hoo!)

    :HappyDay:
     
  15. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    Hi Sarah,

    To read someone's blog you just click on the name at the left hand side and bring up the profile. The blogs are listed as a link on the profile itself as well as all of their posts. Have fun reading - be happy to receive your comments!


    I do let my husband orgasm but it is always on my say so. Not sure what would happen if we banned orgasm altogether, sounds a bit too cruel to me (even for a Domme!) and when we've discussed it, he feels it may end ultimately (for him) to be a source of resentment. I classify his orgasms, they range from ruined ones (punishment) to self allowed (masturbating) to full on reward orgasms and this seems to work for us. He is also posting on this thread (cockislocked) so you can get his point of view from his blogs too.

    Try banning him for a fixed period of time and see how you get on - I'd say potentially this may make chastity lose its appeal for him as you are removing the male motivator but ofcourse, it's different for everyone!
     
  16. cockislocked
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    cockislocked Senior Member

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    Distant Key Holder

    See now i am interested in self lockers and how you can be so STRONG. i am dead lucky as i have a Wife/Mistress that holds my key... so i started a thread a few weeks back on the possibility of sending the key off to someone else, so that if the self control was a problem, you kind of had no choice.... so clearly there were some issues, ie emergencies. So how about a combination lock that you can get the code in an emergency. Would that work for you? Would you be brave enough? i am really curious about the whole self locking, i know i could NOT do it... i know i would just unlock myself as soon as it was too much. my Mistress knows i am a bit weak and She is VERY determined, so unless one of my 3 rules is in play (see my blog) i am NOT getting unlocked...:Locker:
     
  17. Sarah
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    Sarah Sarah

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    One way you could do this is with an email autoresponder -- you can get the unlock code emailed to you at any time just by pinging the address with an email. And if you DO she'll know you've done it.

    Or you can invest $500 on a "strict mistress" safe from Locked in Steel. It's controlled remotely over the Internet -- a signal sent from the website physically unlocks the door for you. Clever stuff. Not cheap though.

    Sarah.
     
  18. cockislocked
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    cockislocked Senior Member

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    $500.00

    i think you have to be seriously motivated to spend $500.00 bucks... in fact i think i might start a poll on that!
     
  19. Sarah
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    Sarah Sarah

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    I agree. But put it in perspective. If you were a man who desperately wanted your key to be beyond reach, yet had no keyholder, it might be cheap.

    People will pay any price to get what they really want. It's a question of value, not price.

    Sarah.
     
  20. Arrested
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    Arrested Member

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    Like, You saved $500 too spend on Strict Mistress, but you decided against it at the last minute. With this kind of cash avalable what goodies will you buy?
     
  21. cockislocked
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    cockislocked Senior Member

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    Probably an iPad! So i can surf CM out and about. my iPhone is a bit too limited!
     
  22. cockislocked
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    cockislocked Senior Member

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    you are spot on with the value statement. There is probably a fromula based on price=need x motivation/economic ability

    i think the main question i was asking (badly in the first instance) is about the mind sets and strength of character that self lockers and holders must have and would they continue to be that controlled or, if they had the opportunity, would they 'send the keys off' to a third party. This then begs the question for me at least, does sending the key off add any emotional/ sexual excitement that self lockers potentially don't get as they can unlock basically at will? Is there a loss of control and therefore an increase of submissive feelings if the lock control is elsewhere? i find the psychology of self locking fascinating it must take huge effort and will power i don't think I could emulate.

    regards to all
     
  23. Chastemale42
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    Chastemale42 Junior Member

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    back to your original question..

    We are a mostly non D/s chastity couple. We dabble a little but are strictly "playing" when D/s is afoot. Our biggest kink is the fact that we swing ( and have for many years). The effects of chastity on our swinging fun is not fully explored. From what we've found so far, I get the added experience of being teased and denied by more than one woman! Even without a chastity device, I have rarely had an orgasm with any of the other women I have had sex with while swinging. And my wife gets dozens of orgasms at the hands of men and women in these situations. Another twist is some feminization. My wife will leave her panties for me to wear to work on occasion or lingerie for me to do household chores in. She says it keeps my brain out balance - like in the movie Bull Durham

    By the way, I LOVE you blog so far. Your perspective is as close to ours as you can get. And you manage to express it perfectly. Thanks for your openess.

    Chastemale42 and Goddess
     
  24. Sarah
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    Sarah Sarah

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    Thank you, CM. Sorry to take so long to reply... been busy blogging ;-)

    Sarah.
     
  25. Locked_In_LV
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    Locked_In_LV Mistress Lauren's Slave

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    Another non D/s Couple

    Hey, I'm glad to see there is another non D/s couple that is in to chastity. My girlfriend and I have been together for four years now, I became interested in chastity play when I saw a CB-6000 on an adult toy site. We are certainly equals in the relationship and I wouldn't want that to change, but the power exchange of allowing her control over my cock is incredibly erotic.
     
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