Newbie seeks advice

There's no "right" way to have a sexual relationship, being open to trying is a really good way to start though.

The thing about exploring and experimenting is to do just that, there will be times when it all falls flat, but the best advice I can give is discuss about it with your other half, both before and after any activity (and if not distracting during).

As it's now a day after your post... did you manage to "get going"?

 

Welcome!
Tho. We talked yeaterday I thought I would give you a proper hello.
Feel free to message me anytime.
I hope you find what you're looking for.

 

My wife is soooo vanilla, and yet we are making a real effort to get this whole thing started. I am on the honor system, which means no device. I started this on my own to stop masturbating and improve/enhance my relationship with my wife and better my relationship with my family. We already have a great relationship so we have a foundation to work from. If all of this stopped today we would both say it was a great experience and there are parts of it that we will not ever change about ourselves or our relationship.

Most of the real answers you are looking for aren't going to come from us. They are going to come from you. You just don't know what questions to ask yourself or him yet.

Now here are some things that use to get started. You said he asked you to use a penis cage in the bedroom. Did he present one to you that he already owns, or did he just ask you if you would be interested in using one on him in the future? If he didn't give you one, see if he would agree to abstain from masturbating and porn for a week, while giving you foot and back rubs every night. You don't have to have a cage to try this out. This is free and you can see how committed he is to the idea. Sure you can touch him, and you SHOULD to keep him worked up, just don't let him "O". A few days later tell him that you don't want to wash dishes any more and he looks sexy with bubbly hands. Baby steps are what make this work. You are going to have to keep him off of the computer when you are in the other room. No more porn. Seriously. At first he won't be able to keep his eyes off of all women, but soon you will be the only object of his desire.

I have found that there is a whole lot more to all of this than just locking your other half up. First he must communicate his expectations. What does he want out of this? Is it just a kinky game he wants to play. That's normal. Is he doing it for a reason? What led him to this decision? Where does he want to take this experience? Is he sure that he knows what is going to happen when he is no longer in control of his most treasured thing? How does he plan on treating you once he does get locked up? He's not going whine like a baby 24/7 for release is he? Does he have a plan to make sure that he continues treating you a specific way even when he can't be released? What if it's not time for his release on the schedule that you are keeping, or you can't because of feminine issues, or you decide to exert your control and just say no? Does he think that you are going to be horny all the time and need to be pleasured just because he's locked up? That's dumb, but all of us men seem to think that just because we are horny so are you. Does he want you to pay sexual attention to him every day? Does he want you to ask how hard it was for him to not masturbate every day? After a few days ask if he cheated the system? Does he expect you to tease and touch him often? All of this is what's in his head and if you want to get started, it's what you need to know.

Now to the important part. You.

What about you? He is getting ready to give you a lot of power. What do you want to do with it? Do you have a plan? Do you WANT a plan? Are you doing this for him, or are you doing it for you? Are you just doing it for fun? He's going to change, if he sticks with it, probably for the better. What if he doesn't like it because he is horny all the time? Will you be strong enough to tell him no we can't stop because you asked me to be stronger than you? What if you are enjoying the benefits and he isn't? Will you ask him to take you to the porn sites he's been visiting? Those are his fantasies, which you can use to your advantage. Be aware though, once you have opened Pandora's box, you cannot unsee what you have seen. Have you considered or researched a Female Led Relationship (FLR)? Once he's locked he's going to be looking to you for control him. Well a female Led Relationship is control. Do you have interest in exploring BDSM? What do you think BDSM is? Is his definition the same as yours? He is probably going to expect you to pay attention to him on this subject every day. You will get tired of it. Are you strong enough to ignore him, or punish him for bothering you about it? One well known member here states that his wife only allows him to initiate discussions on this subject on Saturdays.

You need a plan. Go in with your guns blazing. He probably has years of porn surfing knowledge and expectations that you cannot possibly meet. But then again, don't try to. Do it your own way, but know what your own way is first. Once he has committed this is no longer about him. Only do what you want and what you feel comfortable doing.

You are a valued person in a relationship first.

The way that I posed all of this to my wife was that I had an interest in doing something different. Think of it as a game that she is always winning. I will never put her in a position where she feels uncomfortable, or ask her to do anything that she doesn't want to do. I do not want her to feel responsible for any of this at any time. I am now here at her pleasure, and her pleasure must come first even before my comfort. There are many resources out there for all of this so you don't have to sift through tomes of online journals. Of course you are welcome to read my journal in the vault titled On Your Mark. Get Set. Go.

You could also start with

http://aboutflr.com/ (you don't have to sign up to get info here)
https://www.malechastityjournal.com/ (You have to sign up to access journals)

 

Before you start, communicate, communicate, communicate! Communicate your expectations, your questions, mutual concerns, etc. And, unless he has experience enough to articulate his needs to you, you both need to do research...LOTS of it! Research on Chastity and on Tease and Denial. If you have experience and you both can articulate your needs, all good. But if not, you need to research how to approach sexuality in a way that is erotic and stimulating to your both. If you simply lock up and ignore sex, it is neglectful and will sour things quickly. For my husband, he needs to be denied long-term but he also responds submissively to merciless teasing and to cuckolding without him being allowed relief until I say so. You two also need to discuss how you will get satisfaction during periods he is denied intercourse. As a woman you must never allow your sexual needs to go unmet, that is bad for you both physically and emotionally. HE is in chastity, not you!

 

I totally agree with @LeadingLady . Talk, talk, talk, and then talk some more. In my opinion it is one of the most important aspects in making the chastity lifestyle work. I hope the best for you @Mistress Unicorn

 

I agree talk and reach a mutually agreable compromise. I was desperate to try and have a male chastity relationship with my wife. I wanted to be made to cherish her and fulfill her but it went nowhere and now we live seperate lives.we both needed to be caring of each others sexuality and when the other half isnt even prepared to give 20% your relationship is toast