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Newbie in every possible way!

Discussion in 'The Foyer' started by Mouse, May 8, 2017.

  1. Hi All,

    I'm Mouse, and 6 weeks ago I didn't even know male chastity was a thing. 4 weeks ago he introduced me to the concept (and his cage), 3 weeks ago we tried it for rhe first time. Yesterday we had an almighty row about it all because he wants to go straight to long-term chastity and I was kinda hoping we'd work up to that! Also, made an epic mistake when he demanded his keys back...and I gave them! I have lots to learn!
     
    Keyholder Kim likes this.
  2. It's hard starting out. Is it a foreplay tool or is he wanting to be your submissive? For a long time I tried to control what when and how it should be. In the end, my wife and I sat down and had a good long talk. She now calls the shots and I do my best to please her. Find out what you both think you want and talk about it. Communication is key.
     
    Keyholder Kim and Mash2214 like this.
  3. Submissive, definitely. Humiliation as well. Which is all fine in theory, but I'm crap at the practical! And after years of suppressing this side of himself he's now like a kid in a candy store and wants everything immediately. I feel like I'm just massively unprepared!
     
    Mash2214 likes this.
  4. This is my situation as well. My KH & I only started our "new" relationship last week. After a talk we are now a female led relationship FLR, I am her sub. I introduced all of this to my KH to try & improve our marriage. In just a weeks time we have both already noticed a huge difference, for the better :) the only issue I am facing right now is that I too am like a kid in candy store! I want it all now! My wife (and KH) told me last night that I am smothering her with to much attention right now. I was put in my place, which I liked actually. I was told that I'm not ready to unlock you right now and that it was time to go to sleep. She said I've been getting to close to often, she said to cool it or I will pay! *gulp* I'd better listen. Welcome to the mansion! You'll find help here!
     
  5. That actually helps, thank you! We don't live together so its all...a bit tangled right now...can't believe he asked for his keys back and I gave them!
     
  6. Oh my god that would be fab! Thank you!
     
  7. Your significant other has no idea how lucky he is that you are involved at all.
     
    anasyrma, Mouse and Her sub Don like this.
  8. since we are new to male chastity my KH has insisted that I keep an emergency key with me at all times. I've had some issues with nocturnal erections causing some serious irritations to the back side of my boys. For hygiene reasons I have kept this key with me until we figure out the correct sizing for our device. Most men can in some way escape their chastity device if push came to shove anyways. I remember reading somewhere here that chastity is really a mental device more than a physical device. Since you guys don't live together you will need to assess the need for him to have his keys. Maybe establish a safe word or something. My KH has told me that once we figure out my device I will be locked away 24/7 and I will hand over my emergency key. However if I absolutely need to get out, for hygiene reasons or other, we will discuss me being released and she will unlock if needed upon inspection. So maybe handle his keys in a similar matter. Next time find out why he wants his keys and go from there. Remember YOU have the control now! ;)
     
    JiL likes this.
  9. The only time he's worn his cage (with me) has been when he knew I was coming over. He can't wear it 24/7, not with his job, but I agree that he needs to keep a key in case of emergency. Yeah, remembering I'm in control now is taking some getting used to - which is odd because in work I'm definitely in charge, I just can't translate that into our relationship (yet)
     
  10. When we first began my wife and I had a couple of minor arguments/heated discussions. She has never had the keys. I told her that I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue. She wasn't very involved and it was beginning to become... Not fun... She simply said, "I didn't tell you that you can quit." grabbed a snack and headed to watch TV as if the entire conversation never happened.

    She was great.

    The problem is that everything is moving too fast for him and you right now. He wants you to fulfill his fantasy and you don't have any idea what you are doing. You are going to have to communicate a lot in the beginning. So much that it will get uncomfortable. Get over that part if you want this to work.

    Tell your Significant other that he's not allowed to look at porn any more
    No more masturbation... Ever.
    Tell him that you want the device... He can't have it back until you give it to him
    Set a masturbation schedule. Put it on a calendar. Start with:
    Monday - 2 days
    Wednesday - 3-4 days have sex/masturbate on the weekend
    Monday - One week
    Monday - Two weeks Give him back his device
    Go another two weeks

    Make up your own schedule from there.

    You have to understand what caused him to blow up at you the other day. He has had years of looking at porn and masturbating to fantasies. He asked you to participate and you aren't living up to his expectations. You can change his expectations by removing the porn... Because that crazy stuff he wants you to do and be is unachievable unless you are committed to completely changing everything about your lifestyle.

    The bottom line is that you can't be something that exists in his mind only. If you do this for him then you are committing to a one way relationship. You do whatever he wants to him.... Which has the potential to be a lot of work.

    The alternative is to take charge of the relationship and this situation, giving him a piece of what he wants while keeping your happiness and desires in the forefront. If he is saying that he wants to do this to make you happy, then you should have to do very little. So make him prove it.

    Start by visiting

    http://aboutflr.com/In-Depth-Guide.html

    Read each page and click the links at the bottom.
     
    Mash2214 and Mouse like this.
  11. Mash2214 likes this.
  12. Those links were great - thank you! My mother died unexpectedly 2 weeks ago and...its been a bit of a stressful time. I can now see at least a couple of place where I went wrong or he pushed too far for the circumstances. It's like having an over-excited puppy isn't it? I need to teach him to sit and stay lol
     
    Keyholder Kim and Mash2214 like this.
  13. He's just agreed to all of those rules...you rock!
     
    macmagna, JiL and Her sub Don like this.
  14. I'm sorry to hear about your loss - We'll keep you in our thoughts. It's like being an over excited puppy......yes!! He will love you to teach him to sit and stay. I know I would love such obedience training! leash-man-lanczos3-e1412403267836.png
     
  15. Well based on the speed with which he just accepted macmagna's proposed rules, I think this is going to work out just fine I might buy a large dog crate...
     
    spider203, anasyrma and Her sub Don like this.
  16. Given all you've had to deal with lately, you sound like such a dedicated and loving partner. Now that you know what some of hid ideas and "fantasies" are, you take control and go at a speed which is good for the two of you, not just for him. If he's agreed to "all those rules," now you get to have some fun enforcing them at a level which is acceptable to you. Doesn't sound like your gonna be a Newbie for long.
     
  17. I think that's where I was going wrong - I was looking to him to guide me and he was just looking for me to take control (which he knows I can do, we used to work together). And definitely at my pace now:)
     
    Her sub Don likes this.
  18. Welcome to the Mansion @Mouse@Mouse. You are getting a lot of good advice. Developing a Dom/sub relationship takes time and patience my Wife/KH and I have been at this for 7 years. Your both have a lot to learn, try and not get discouraged because thinks didn't go how you thought they would. Spend some time exploring the Mansion, people are more than willing to help you on your journey. @macmagna@macmagna is a good person to take advice from, it's nice to have a Mouse in the house. I look forward to hearing and helping you on your journey
     
    macmagna and Mouse like this.
  19. If you build your relationship on Love, Trust and Respect your relationship will last forever. My sympathy to you over loosing your Mother
     
    Mouse likes this.
  20. 7 years? And he was frustrated because I didn't have it all sussed in 2 weeks! That makes me feel so much better, thank you
     
  21. Most guys are greatly aroused by permanent or very long term denial. It is the holy grail of guys who view chastity from a fantasy point of view. He is doomed to failure and if she wants long term denial so much, why did he demand the keys back. You did not say if you were married or not.

    Many guys do not know the difference between a fantasy and reality. In our fantasies we cannot feel what we will feel in reality. The great majority of guys who want chastity do not stick with it after the initial excitement wears off and/or they start to feel horny. From what I am hearing he will not last long in it so you can indulge him for a few weeks or not. The greatest threat you can give a guy really into chastity is to threaten to hand the keys back if she removes your control over his orgasms. In fact you should because you are heading down a path where he is topping from the bottom and wants chastity only under his terms, a not so uncommon theme in the fetish world. You do not want to play with those type of guys. They will want to be your sex slave but only if they can control how you dominate them. You become nothing but his slave doing things the way he wants them done. Ask any of the Mistresses here who tried to dominate men over the internet. They will all tell you that the guys disappeared as soon as they did not do things the exact way they wanted it. If a guy wants it exactly as he pictures it, he should go to a professional because for the right amount of money, he can have it his way. For free he does not get to tell you what to do.

    My Keyholder is my wife. The only rule we have is that she makes the rules. If not she hands me the key back and tells me to find someone else to hold them. Just that threat is enough to keep me in line and if it not enough for your boyfriend or husband, he is not serious about chastity and probably masturbated to it while watching porn and now wants to do it not knowing at all how it will feel and how his hormones will urge him on steadily to orgasm. Next time he asks you for the keys back, just say no and if he is serious he can have the keys back and you will not play with him again. As I tell my wife, her job is easy. She just has to say no. I never get mad at her for denying me and in fact, am not happy when she lets me orgasm once it is over. If I insist and use my safe word, it means that she will never be my Keyholder again. Also know that if this is a boyfriend, you might want to find someone more sexually compatible. I was a fetishist and married a girl who was willing to explore fetishes with me. I would never marry a girl into vanilla sex. Secondly, demanding the keys back is rude and insensitive. Does not speak well of him. It is OK to beg for an orgasm or ask to be unlocked but demanding shows that he is dominating you rather than vice versa. In short, he is in control of his orgasms, not you and it never is good to play with someone like that.
     
    Mash2214 likes this.
  22. anasyrma and Her sub Don like this.
  23. @Mouse@Mouse People don't like change. We try something different in our lives and it's interesting and exciting. ( even things that are not of a sexual nature). When we start changing something we're on an emotional roller coaster up and down. Sometimes almost instantly things change, that's why you can't just click on a lock and everything will be different we have to change how we think ,how we do everyday things, how we interact with our spouse. Change takes time for example when I submitted to serving my wife. She went for almost 4 months with almost not even touching me. The only sexual excitement I had was when I mastarbate out of frustration. You both need to be patients and caring about each other. If it's meant to be it will be. That's just my opinion you can do with it what ever you want. Take Care
     
  24. She's not a Newbie any more. More like a Super Mouse.
     
    Mouse, macmagna and Mash2214 like this.
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