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  1. tinynails0
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    tinynails0 Member

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    I have been looking for tips so please do share but..


    I self locked two sundays ago now and finally built up the courage gave my wife the key yesterday. I had sent her https://happy-marriage.neocities.org/ last week and told her to read it.

    We spoke last night about what it was about- shes still a bit confused and saying she feels guilty about the orgasms being one side.

    We proceeded to kiss and i ended up fingering her and licking her out, we cuddled for a while. I love that i can uddle with no expectation of having an orgasm, i always felt like i was using her when we kissed as there was that expectation but now that is gone.

    Sleep has been a problem and very broken since putting on the cage but the cage is almost second nature now.

    I havent had a proper erection in ten days and havent cum in the same time. i am very horny now but want to see how far we can push this.

    i have bought her some underwear and a maids outfit of shein to wear which hopefulyl she will at the weekend.

    Main things are:

    how do i get her to overcome her feeling of guilt?
    how do i get my very passive wife to want to boss me around more?
    tips of improving sleep or will i just get used to it?
     
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  2. Bill249017
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    Bill249017 Active member

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    Hello there! I have been where you are. I bought a cage and introduced the concept of chastity to my wife about a year ago. Like your wife, my good lady was worried about the one sided nature of the arrangement. However, we have been on a journey since then. Over the last 12 months we have become closer than ever. We cuddle every morning and night; she gets orgasms whenever she wants, with me denied. I have improved my behaviour so much that I can go uncaged (so my wife has access to her cock) and still avoid cumming as I finger her and use her toy on her.
    The key thing is to keep talking, and take things at the speed you are both happy with.
    I have gone 3 months at a stretch without cumming, and I love avoiding the drop I always feel once I go get to cum.
     
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  3. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Member

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    My wife’s a little the same. At times she really enjoys the control and she always enjoys the activities we do. We’ve done the whole dress up thing, even full on make up so you couldn’t even tell it was me… (I might add a pic as I’m pretty impressed with her work).

    I think if it’s guilt she’s feeling than maybe some reassurance. Explain this is what you want from her but it doesn’t have to be a full on BDSM relationship. It’s not all whips and paddles. Tell her how amazing it is solely to pleasure her and how the cage makes you want to earn it over and over. You don’t need to cum, you want to cum but sexually you feel more satisfied this way. You few more attentive. Basically be honest.
    Ultimately, if you’ve pushed it on her you can’t make her want to do it. Just show her the benefits of the whole situation and she might start to take to it more and more as time passes.

    For me, the best thing we did was a ban on discussing chastity at all. It was overtaking our relationship so we went with a more passive approach and when she was ready the release was incredible.

    As the main struggle she has is not the control (believe me the she controls EVERYTHING!) it was the instigation she struggled with so we played games with me earning the right to play.
    We have spin the wheel. A bag full of rewards to draw from (I use the term rewards lightly, some are pretty cruel for me). Dice rolling. Just takes the pressure of her deciding what’s going to happen and keeps it a little more light hearted rather than expecting her to turn into a cruel, dominating, PVC clad mistress overnight.
    Before my standards became too high and I was earning too many reward points I would earn points for housework and chores etc. This later became the expectation that I would complete these anyway… she has a nice relaxed life now… and I earn negative points for not completing certain things she’s asked (or not asked for) which are converted into weekly spanking or punishment. At times now she releases me and at times she says “I might let you spin the wheel”. After two-three weeks locked up earning that touch and a ruined orgasm feels incredible even if somewhat unsatisfying.

    Lastly, never seem disappointed if she wants to release you just for intimacy. There’s other sides to a relationship that don’t all have to be female led.
     
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  4. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Member

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    Oh and sleeping? Find a ring that fits. Wear it for a few days to get used to it… and then find a cage that’s quite snug. Advice of 1.5cm shorter than your flaccid length worked for me.
    The shorter cage will stop your erections to a degree and stop tugging on the balls. But it’s something you grow accustomed too.
    I was never an early riser it for work I now get up at 4am without complaint… you get used to it.
     
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  5. tinynails0
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    tinynails0 Member

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    do you have a dice you purchased or is it something you have made online?
     
  6. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Member

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    We just use standard dice. Well actually we use the dice roll app which can roll multiple at a time. Great for determining time periods etc. but we’d write out (more specifically she’d write out) things to do numbered 1 to 6 and see what we land on.
    Or roll odd and Im released, even I’m not. Or evens for ruined orgasm etc.
    Loads of ways to use them if you get creative.

    buying online is ok but the couples dice have things on you might not be into
     
  7. tinynails0
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    tinynails0 Member

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    what are your normal 6 options? i know everyone is different but i am looking inspiration
     
  8. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Member

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    Normally it goes something like
    1 No release
    2 Massage and orgasm for KH (no release)
    3 Handjob (she decides how far I get to enjoy it, ruined, denied etc) - obviously after massage and orgasm.
    4 Spanking with Large butt plug
    5 Fisting or Junior with vibrator on my cock.
    6 Full sex
     
  9. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Member

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    Obviously, theyre quite vague to keep her options open.

    ps. Junior is a giant 12 inch strap on.
     
  10. knightly
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    Coming in out of left field...I am curious about ideas for this. I recently worked on a game with my wife (not chastity based, but similar). I posted this on another thread here a few days ago. This shows the basic mechanics that could be customized for different preferences. What is important is 2 6-sided die and the probability of various rolls allows for considering higher/lower probability activities so she can customize likelihood of a specific activity to favor certain things.

    Step 1: First roll - determine the number of days of the ‘season’ (1 6-sided die roll + 5):
    The result will be 6-11 days. This is how long I will go without orgasm (unless, of course, she decides otherwise).

    Step 2: Daily role (roll 2 6-sided dice):
    Roll the dice daily to determine the day’s activity. The likelihood of activities are based on probability of the dice roll. 2 and 12, for example, have the lowest probability of a roll, where as 6,8, and 7 have highest (see the link for the probability chart below)

    2: Jump directly to Season day role, Step 3
    12: Penis play for 5-30 minutes and stop (her choice of duration and intensity)
    3: Penis play for 10 minutes 7-8 intensity and roll again
    11: Self play for 10 minutes 7-8 intensity and roll again
    4: Penis play for roll x 4 (4-24) minutes 8-9 intensity and stop
    10: Self play for roll x 5 minutes (5-30) 8-9 intensity and stop
    5: Free style self play for roll x4 (4-24) minutes
    9: Penis play for roll x3 (3-18) minutes
    6: No activity today.
    8: No activity today.
    7: Meditative self play for 15 minutes to 7-8 intensity and stop

    Step 3: Season day roll (day determined from the first roll):
    Note: extension rolls should not exceed a total season duration of 15 days unless agreed.
    2: Release by her with (roll to choose - even = regular, odd = ruined) release. Ends game. Start new season
    12: Release by self (roll to choose - even regular, odd ruined) release. Ends game. Start new season
    3: Release by her. Ends game. Start new season
    11: Release by self (her rules on pace and timing, edging). Ends game. Start new season
    4 Release by self (her rules on pace and timing, edging). Ends game. Start new season
    10: Penis Play with edging 15 minutes, roll again to extend season by number of days (1-2=1, 3-4=2, 5-6=3)
    5: Self Play with edging 15 minutes, roll again to extend season by number of days (1-2=1, 3-4=2, 5-6=3)
    9: 15 minute her Penis Play, roll to extend season by number of days (1-2=1, 3-4=2, 5-6=3)
    6: 15 minute her Penis Play, roll to extend season by number of days (1-2=1, 3-4=2, 5-6=3)
    8: 15 minute self play, roll to extend season by number of days (1-2=1, 3-4=2, 5-6=3)
    7: 30 minute freestyle self play. Roll to extend number of days (1-2=1, 3-4=2, 5-6=3)

    Dice probability chart for 2 6-sided die: https://4.bp.blogspot.com/_Aj5ChdgJN_o/SZjeg-QGPxI/AAAAAAAAA28/EbwEO76-yaI/s320/dice_9d2.png

    Example:

    Step 1: Roll a 6. 6 + 5 = 11 day season

    Step 2 (days 1-6):
    Day 1: Roll an 8. No activity that day
    Day 2: Roll a 10. Self play for roll of 4 (4 x 5) for 20 minutes
    Day 3: Roll a 6. No activity that day
    Day 4: Roll a 7. Self play for 10 minutes (meditative)
    Day 5: Roll a 4. Her play roll of 3 = (3 x 4) for 12 minutes
    Day 6: Roll an 11. Self play for 10 minutes. Roll again to roll a 5.
    Free style self play for another roll of 3 x 4 = 12 minutes then stop
    Day 7: Roll a 6. No activity that day
    Day 8: Roll a 7. Self play for 10 minutes
    Day 9: Roll a 12. Her play for 5 to 30 minutes (your choice) and stop
    Day 10: Roll a 6. No activity that day.
    Day 11: Roll a 6. No activity that day.
    Day 11 - Step 3 roll:
    Roll a 5. Self play for 15 minutes, then roll to extend season by roll 3= 2 days
    Day 12: Roll Step 2 for a 6. No activity today.
    Day 13: Roll Step 2 for a 7. Self play for 10 minutes
    Day 14: Roll Step 2 for a 8. No activity today.
    Day 15 - Step 3 roll
    Roll an 3. Release by her (choice), following her rules on pace and timing. Season ends.
     
  11. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Member

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    You put a lot more work into it than we do!!

    I think the game is as good as the parties are involved. Sometimes it’s just nice to have a simple dice roll for time periods of lock up. Or a quick game of hide the key.
     
  12. tinynails0
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    do you remain in chastity for 4 or 5?

    she is very new to this so pegging and anal play might take some time
     
  13. IB-Chaste
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    Depends how she’s feeling.
    It doesnt have to include anal play, they’re just things we enjoyed before chastity life so it’s stuff we do now. Make it personal to you otherwise it won’t work. Can’t force things on eagh other you’re not into
     
  14. tinynails0
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    So second night with my wife having the keys, she had read more about this in her own time and she has come up with some rules.

    in order for me to get out of the cage i must give her an orgasm 10 times but also i need to say when she comes. she is seeing this as n educational tool as i never know when she cums. if i get it wrong there is a punishment, so i got it wrong last night, i used my fingers and sucked on her breasts and now the tally is at 11 i have to get.

    i want to get her to come round to the idea of pegging me as we do have dildos suitable but no harness which i'll buy in week or two to take things slowly


    i'm very horny now but feeling a lot more confident and lacking in anxiety really.
     
  15. IB-Chaste
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    Good idea. Glad to hear you’re both getting into it.
    A word of caution… you’re going into a period of what could be 2-3 weeks (I don’t know how often she cums) and that could be tough on you if you’re not used to it. Good luck.

    One of the tasks in our bag of treats is “no release until 5 orgasms for KH”. I like that one!
    While your ordering the harness get a mains powered wand. She’ll love you for it and you’ll be released in no time!!
     
  16. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Member

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    Out of interest, what cage are you in and is this the one you started out with?
     
  17. tinynails0
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    tinynails0 Member

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    we have talked about vibrators, we do have one of those clit sucking vibrator things which gives her crazy orgasms very quickly but thats not allowed, for me to use a vibrator she says that is cheating
     
  18. IB-Chaste
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    It doesn’t have to count to your tally, maybe just to finish what you’ve started when you’re wrong. Which I assume you mean that she hasn’t climaxed. Could be quite humiliating being told she will have to use her vibrator instead while you longingly wished you’d got closer to release
     
  19. tinynails0
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    Bondage Masters Male Chastity Cage With Hidden Lock

    https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07HCN7HHQ/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_image_o04_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

    i might try and get a smaller more expensive one soon but this suits for now.

    I have self played in secret over the years and had a cheap c6k which was horrendous and i had another plastic ht3 knock off from amazon but i purged them myself
     
  20. IB-Chaste
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  21. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Hi, @tinynails0 , first congrats on getting this started and on getting her to "take the bait". I cant stress enough how important it is to make this about what SHE likes. Pushing anal because you really think it would be cool for her to peg you doesnt mean she will like it (it could turn her off and feel like work). Keep talking, its okay/good to tell her what works or how xxxx makes you crazy for her (most women love to hear this), but take time to ask what she does/doesnt like.

    EMC was my wifes idea but we went very slow and carefully for the first months. As a result we are living HER fantasy, not mine, and I think it works better this way (yes, even though I wont always say that, lol).
     
  22. tinynails0
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    tinynails0 Member

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    what is EMC? i'm quite happy with our progress. she has been more ceptive than i anticipated, even coming up with her own ideas.

    I have had anal only orgasms before in my secretive self play and i'm getting very frustrated now craving some sort of relief
     
  23. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    EMC = enforced male chastity

    You asked for the frustration! Not trying to be a smart alec, but you have to let HER have the control and not tell her how or when to get you off. That being said, 10 days is a pretty long initial lockup so you probably want to beg nicely! Especially because some of the "guides" out there recommend initial lockups (no O at all) of 3 months or more, and if she starts reading up - yikes!
     
  24. tinynails0
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    tinynails0 Member

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    yeh i sent her the neocities guide- i am hoping she hasnt read that far :)
     
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  25. tinynails0
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    Night 3 with my wife as keyholder we fooled around including me licking her out and using a dildo on her at the same time.

    Her goal of me making her come 10 times and recognising it is going to be tough one, i made her orgasm last night but i wasnt able to recognise it. this education she wants is quite tough.

    She has mentioned that she will miss PIV sex but how much she doesnt know as this is all new to her.

    Horniness is at an all time peak
     
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