New to the idea of being a Keyholder

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by laerenielwen, Jun 15, 2020.

  1. laerenielwen
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    laerenielwen Member

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    Hello all!

    Looking forward to learning more and educating myself.

    I'm was a female submissive for the most part until I learnt of edging, orgasm denial and chastity.

    This has certainly brought out a much more dominant streak in myself and I'm currently beginning to explore it with my new partner.

    We have started very simple. A one hour session, once or twice a day with no release until before bed.

    I'm sure that must seems beginner level extreme for some of the more advanced members but if I've learnt anything it's to take things slow and build your way up.

    I guess, my questions to you all are:

    1. Am I starting out right? Am I missing anything?
    2. My partner has always been very dominant and is very interested in the idea of chastity and reluctant servitude. Is there anything I should be looking out for, whether mentally or physically? I care about him deeply and want to help him experience this while keeping him safe.
     
  2. iome343
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    iome343 Long term member

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    it's a couple game, but you think a lot about what you like.
    Everyone goes his own way, with his own times, there is no right and wrong.
    There is what you, he, you two like
     
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  3. latexbound
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    latexbound Locked

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    Welcome to the Mansion. Plenty of help round here :)
     
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  4. Eve
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    Eve Long term member

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    Welcome to CM enjoy wherever it leads you most important, have fun
     
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  5. MissyB
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    MissyB Long term member

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    Welcome to our community. I'm sure you'll find it enjoyable. For a new Domme and key holder there are lots of experienced, Superior Women here who can give advice and guidance. You sound like you are approaching the idea openly and with desire. Good luck and enjoy.
     
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  6. richard
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    richard Just me

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    Start slowly seems very sensible.
    Enjoy.
     
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  7. John
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    John Member

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    One thing I see beginning keyholders do wrong is to be too easy to manipulate to get a orgasm. Most important you have the control and he feel you got the control that's the big turn on. If he gets off too often he lose a little of the excitement. Most men get less eager to please when they come. Just make sure the chastity work while sleeping since I had some issues with this and and the cage don't pinch. If it look like he can endure it let him please you from now on. Have funny and focus on your needs now you are the dominant. Love it when women gain power it's one of the things that excites me the most.
     
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  8. richard
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    richard Just me

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    There are a few difficult milestones to get past initially.
    Physically wearing it overnight.
    Psychologically wearing it outside and to work.
    Once he's through these, you pretty much own it if you want to.
     
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  9. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    Hello and welcome. I won't offer advice, but leave that to our women members. There is a validation process you can go through which will give you access to the verified women only area where I'm sure our resident women will be delighted to advise. Good luck
     
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  10. laerenielwen
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    laerenielwen Member

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    Thank you! I have messaged to see what that may be and get it taken care of :) I look forward to learning.
     
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  11. madams-sissysub
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    Hi there and welcome to the mansion! Good luck on your journey!
     
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  12. CagedJohn
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    CagedJohn Long term member

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    Welcome!
     
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  13. amvetsb
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    amvetsb Long term member

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    Chastity play doesn't have to lead to a lifestyle.
    I am a firm believer that even if it's just for occasional use or 'play', that a guy should experience a proper 'break-in period' that goes from what you described and eventually leads up to a week or more of constantly being in a chastity device. You won't know if it's possible until you've tried. There are plenty of articles out there that give good advice on how to proceed. Starting off with the adjustment period of finding the best fit and what it takes to get his bits into the device where he can go for a couple hours at a time is a great beginning point. This will reveal any pinch-points or edges that would prevent longer-term wearing. It also 'trains' his bits to being in chastity and not in "dangle mode".. After the jitters are over and you both have some practice with this, increase the duration locked and reduce the pleasure and time 'free'... Work up to from waking up, CLICK!! to just before bed for a couple of days... This will get him used to 'normal functions' like going to the bathroom and how he sits down and how he sits when seated... Getting in and out of a car.. all the normal stuff... After that, the hard work begins... Sleeping.... On a Friday morning, lock it up, then go as far into that night as you can stand... He'll be uncomfortable and easily woken with nocturnal attempted erections. They don't forever go away for most guys, but they get easier to overcome. He'll be a horny mess and for the first couple of nights will most likely be unbearable to put up with. Peeing normally helps get passed most of these attempted erections, but not always. Anyway, my point is that eventually the over-night issues will get easier and he might sleep through till morning. That's a good sign! It'll take a lot of will-power and accepting his predicament for you both, but it's worth it! For the first couple of nights, just let him free but tell him it's just for comfort and not to touch his bits and go back to sleep.... After that, feel free to reward him with some free time, but keep up the overnight part! Give him too many nights off and you'll have to start all over again!
    SO, for me, that was a turning point. As soon as I was getting enough sleep while caged, it just felt natural to keep going through the day, and why not keep going through the next night and so on....
    Don't set out to 'break him'... keep it fun and rewarding for both of you.
    One bit of encouragement... Don't set a schedule. It will all happen in it's own time... Same applies for when you 'let him out' or reward him, keep it random!
    Best of luck!
     
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  14. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    Have fun, explore and push both of your boundaries. Keep him motivated with little things like a touch to the cage, a text message telling him you are hit thinking about him locked up. Ask for massages and favors and maybe consider using it to motivate him 5o do things like working out, eating right or weight loss. You can help him with things he procrastinates about.
     
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  15. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Long term member

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    There is no right or wrong way to start, just have open communication with your partner & you two should have a great time with it.
     
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