New kh, question about state of mind

Discussion in 'Novices and newbies' started by longtallsally, Apr 29, 2022.

  1. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Hi, thank you again for the thoughtful responses to my newbie keyholder questions.

    I want to ask something about devices and being locked. I've read quite a bit here about the advantages of a more snug device rather than a slightly more accommodating one. On a physical and comfort level, I think I understand that now.

    But what I'd love to know is how having a different size of cage affects your mental state. I'm very keen that my partner is as aroused as possible. I keep reading how very snug devices are so comfortable that the wearer forgets they're there. Or that a very snug device suppresses even the beginning of an erection.

    My partner kind of hinted (yes, we need to talk more, I know) that the slightly larger device that allowed him just the beginning of an erection was more exciting because it instantly reminded him what he was missing.

    And I think both of us quite like the look of something a little larger. He finds a small device a bit humiliating, which I don't think either of us wants. At least, not now (!)

    We're going to try and compare both. Or at least I hope we will.

    Grateful for any thoughts on how device size affects your mental state and sexual arousal.

    Men. You're more complicated than I knew !

    Sal.
     
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  2. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    Personally I find the smaller cage better. Easier to wear long term and doesn't look like you've hidden a canoe down your trousers. Lady C used to be concerned about the bulge and AFAIK no one has ever stared at my crotch when out other than another chaste couple.

    As for the mental mind set, I think that we change from the normal look at how big I am attitude to a look how much I've been controlled.

    Yes, we're complex, sensitive people, but only when caged. Otherwise we revert to our inner cavemen habits.

    A
     
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  3. BarbCD
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    BarbCD Long term member

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    #3 BarbCD, Apr 29, 2022
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2022
    Sal,
    LOL, heck, we are more complicated that WE sometimes know. This really came home to me the other day when I was trying to describe to a male friend (who also owns a cage) just what I get out of it. That was a lot harder to explain than I thought.

    But on to your question.
    I know you’ve read this a lot, but it comes down to what you both are comfortable with. But here is my experience.
    I had one custom cage that even the maker said was a perfect fit when they saw a photo. But it was too big. Not only was it heavier (it was stainless steel), but as my penis varied in size during the day there were times it would flop around (sorry for the visual) and that didn’t feel right. Plus, it made a bigger bulge in my pants. But the worse thing, the very worse thing for me, was that it allowed me to start an erection. That created friction issues as it started to pull away, and the erection itself was uncomfortable because it was well along before stopped by the cage. Some here like that feeling. I did not. (I like the arousal and the blood flow that starts it, but I’m more comfortable when any real growth is stopped.)

    So for my next custom cage I went with the “smaller is better” advice. And that was an improvement. It was lighter, smaller, and didn’t pull away. So far so good, right? Well, no. Because it felt like my penis was squished inside a tube that was too small. So I was always overly aware of it. Plus, my bits would squeeze out between the bars and the skin would rub and abrade. And when the cage came off, I had these deep red marks from the pressure, similar to too tight underwear, that both my KH and I thought was unattractive. And it’s not like the tube was crazy-small for me when measuring, it just turned out to feel a lot tighter than it was, if that makes any sense.

    So with those lessons I went on to custom #3, and like Goldilocks, finally found what works for me. This is my one cage now, and I can an do wear for weeks on end.I chose a model with only lengthwise bars, so there are no circumferential rings that make parts of the cage smaller in diameter. The cage diameter is about 2mm smaller than my most typical soft flaccid state. Just barely small enough to keep me secure, but not so small as to create marks or allow me to flop about. Because the fit is good, it is very comfortable. Lengthwise I did make it about 5mm shorter than my usual length based on prior experience. Being just a tad shorter (for me, 5 mm shorter is about 8-10% shorter than my normal length) ensured that the tip was always right up to the end of the cage and had the benefit that it made the shaft slightly “plump up”, which helps in keeping my diameter a good fit for the cage. Also, the combination of diameter and slightly shorter length prevents attempted erection and the pull way I didn’t like. And finally, because I had now had a good understanding of my anatomy and chastity desires, I made the leap and had this one made from titanium that is about half the weight of steel.

    And that is my experience. Others will have different opinions no doubt. Also, don’t be scared off by the fact that it took me three custom cages to get it right. There are ways to find the right fit more economically. Plus, your own needs may not need a custom solution. If you are only going to have him locked for what is essentially extended foreplay, a less expensive device that is good enough is perfect. My goal was to have a device I could wear for months at a time (even though I don’t) and that was easy to clean and hygienic. We had the financial resources for me to experiment a bit….another benefit of having children who are now adults and self sufficient.
     
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  4. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    My partner at first preferred the slightly more open and larger cage. She said she liked seeing it strain behind the bars. So it was more of a visual preference for her.

    That kind of cage might be ok for fore play or a teasing session, but a cage that doesn’t fit will eventually lead to abrasions, burns, owies in general. The size of the device really depends on what fits him. Other design factors can be chosen after. Lock style, metal or synthetic, open or closed, etc.

    It’s not about being as small as possible or big enough to hold an erection, it should be close to the same size as his most flaccid state and fit comfortably when not hard. Erection attempts are negated by the device itself and neither hurts or feels pleasure.

    I made a thread I’ll share, it’s the basics for beginners choosing a steel cage.
    https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/cage-advice-for-beginners-my-opinion.24945/
     
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  5. anasyrma
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    anasyrma Long term member

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    Sally, I would say that having a slightly larger cage that allows some erection, but not a full one, may be more frustrating for the man than one that is so small that it has no room at all. At the end of the day if you find it more enjoyable to see more frustration in your man because he has a partial erection then that is the better choice for you.
    I first started with the CB Curve cage which I thought I needed to allow for an erection (albeit pointing downwards), but I found it uncomfortable and learned that smaller cages are generally better. I think most people progress to smaller cages as time goes on.
     
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  6. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    QUOTE="BarbCD, post: 523053, member: 67529"]Sal,
    LOL, heck, we are more complicated that WE sometimes know. This really came home to me the other day when I was trying to describe to a male friend (who also owns a cage) just what I get out of it. That was a lot harder to explain than I thought.

    But on to your question.
    I know you’ve read this a lot, but it comes down to what you both are comfortable with. But here is my experience.
    I had one custom cage that even the maker said was a perfect fit when they saw a photo. But it was too big. Not only was it heavier (it was stainless steel), but as my penis varied in size during the day there were times it would flop around (sorry for the visual) and that didn’t feel right. Plus, it made a bigger bulge in my pants. But the worse thing, the very worse thing for me, was that it allowed me to start an erection. That created friction issues as it started to pull away, and the erection itself was uncomfortable because it was well along before stopped by the cage. Some here like that feeling. I did not. (I like the arousal and the blood flow that starts it, but I’m more comfortable when any real growth is stopped.)

    So for my next custom cage I went with the “smaller is better” advice. And that was an improvement. It was lighter, smaller, and didn’t pull away. So far so good, right? Well, no. Because it felt like my penis was squished inside a tube that was too small. So I was always overly aware of it. Plus, my bits would squeeze out between the bars and the skin would rub and abrade. And when the cage came off, I had these deep red marks from the pressure, similar to too tight underwear, that both my KH and I thought was unattractive. And it’s not like the tube was crazy-small for me when measuring, it just turned out to feel a lot tighter than it was, if that makes any sense.

    So with those lessons I went on to custom #3, and like Goldilocks, finally found what works for me. This is my one cage now, and I can an do wear for weeks on end.I chose a model with only lengthwise bars, so there are no circumferential rings that make parts of the cage smaller in diameter. The cage diameter is about 2mm smaller than my most typical soft flaccid state. Just barely small enough to keep me secure, but not so small as to create marks or allow me to flop about. Because the fit is good, it is very comfortable. Lengthwise I did make it about 5mm shorter than my usual length based on prior experience. Being just a tad shorter (for me, 5 mm shorter is about 8-10% shorter than my normal length) ensured that the tip was always right up to the end of the cage and had the benefit that it made the shaft slightly “plump up”, which helps in keeping my diameter a good fit for the cage. Also, the combination of diameter and slightly shorter length prevents attempted erection and the pull way I didn’t like. And finally, because I had now had a good understanding of my anatomy and chastity desires, I made the leap and had this one made from titanium that is about half the weight of steel.

    And that is my experience. Others will have different opinions no doubt. Also, don’t be scared off by the fact that it took me three custom cages to get it right. There are ways to find the right fit more economically. Plus, your own needs may not need a custom solution. If you are only going to have him locked for what is essentially extended foreplay, a less expensive device that is good enough is perfect. My goal was to have a device I could wear for months at a time (even though I don’t) and that was easy to clean and hygienic. We had the financial resources for me to experiment a bit….another benefit of having children who are now adults and self sufficient.[/QUOTE]

    Thanks! That's really interesting. May I ask, was there any difference in how easily or intensely you became mentally aroused or sexually excited between the three different models? Or is it as simple as the third one was most comfortable so that was the biggest mental turn-on?

    Sal.
     
  7. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    I get where you're coming from in terms of wanting to make him aroused and not particularly going down the humiliation route. In that case, what you're suggesting is sensible. It's big enough to be a constant reminder of his locked position. He may find, over time, that the size really is too big and it could come down a notch, but that's something that can evolve. The key thing at the moment is to work with what is motivating the both of you. And if that needs a bigger cage, have a bigger cage.

    Good luck
     
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  8. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thanks! That's really interesting. May I ask, was there any difference in how easily or intensely you became mentally aroused or sexually excited between the three different models? Or is it as simple as the third one was most comfortable so that was the biggest mental turn-on?

    Sal.
     
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  9. mikecb
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    mikecb Long term member

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    I suggest a smaller cage for 2 reasons. 1) If you have room to grow, you have room to pinch and cause edema, as several people above noted. 2) I don't find that there is much of a difference in the "beginning of an erection" based on the size of the cage. One will allow you to swell a bit, and then you start to feel constricted. The other feels constricted sooner. If the "pent up but can't go anywhere" horny scale went from 1-10, then a long cage starts at 1 but ends at 9., and the short cage starts at 2 and ends at 10. For me, the more I feel constricted when I'm REALLY horny, the more intense the experience is. Also, I think it ALWAYS feels a little restricted, which adds to the experience for me. To that end, starting small is a win.

    The only advantage I see to a larger cage is that having more room around your penis makes cleaning easier if you remain locked for LONG periods of time with no release. Again, even though I'm into the long game myself, I wouldn't go with a shorter cage. I get edema too easily if I get pinched, abraded. Of you're not (yet) into long periods of denial, that extra space is irrelevant to you.

    Enjoy!
     
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  10. BarbCD
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    BarbCD Long term member

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    It was as you assumed. Removing the discomfort of the first two cages allowed me to focus/enjoy the experience and predicament. And that enjoyment includes the sensations and knowledge that I am still, nonetheless, locked into a metal chastity cage.:)
     
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  11. Lakeman
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    I don’t think there’s likely to be any major difference to the extent that he’s turned on by chastity by the length of the cage. The advice offered to go for length about the same as his flaccid length seems to work well for most. The style of cage in my avatar is what I’d recommend to anyone, made of steel and quite open, this will allow him to wear it for extended periods without any worry about it getting stinky and needing to be removed just for cleaning. I’ve worn this, or similar for up to 3 months 24/7, no smells, no problems.
     
  12. Alceste
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    Alceste Chaste Member

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    If he is a grower, a much shorter cage is the best approach. You just collapse it down lengthwise. It is much easier to deal with on a daily basis.
     
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  13. handsolo
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    handsolo Long term member

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    Penises are variable, unreliable, and sometimes downright traitorous! That's why it's the best policy to keep the damned things under lock and key, where they can't cause trouble.

    Kidding. Sort of.

    Fortunately, we now live in a world of cheap and easily available Chinese cages. I'd head to DHGate, and just order several of whatever looks appealing. Be sure to include a recent (v 4?) Holy Trainer knockoff, which will include several tubes and 4-5 rings, extremely useful for sussing out general sizing. The A271 and its variants are also dirt cheap and have probably the best user satisfaction/cost ratio of any device. Order a long and a short with different ring sizes; the parts are interchangeable.
     
  14. madams-sissysub
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    I agree!
     
  15. Guest 6019
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    Guest 6019 Long term member

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    Get on AliExpress and get a full range of HTv4s. The nub is a mindfuck it's so small, but I wouldn't wear it all the time
     
  16. Guest 6019
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    Guest 6019 Long term member

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    I started off with standard, then small, then the nano was perfect. At first you think you want a bit of room, but then realise it is better to have it in the Goldilocks zone. Snug. My wife doesn't really like the look of the nub, and usually laughs when she sees it, but it can really make you feel very submissive in a way, even better if she chooses it, because she wants to keep you really small and denied. Haven't slept in a nub yet, but might try for fun.
     
  17. Guest 6019
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    Guest 6019 Long term member

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    The intensity of the different sizes is also dependant on how long I'm denied. Have you found www.evolvingyourman.com yet? Some really good guidance on FLRs
     
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  18. Crowdpleaser
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    I am not into tiny "nub" cages and have tried larger as well. The larger cages definitely allow more erection to be visible but are very painful during the erection. My current cage is probably 1.5-2 inches in length and is the most comfortable for long term wear. I am just as aroused in this cage as a longer cage. I do prefer a metal cage where I can still feel my cock through the bars versus something fully enclosed like the CB-6000.
    All that said, I am often ordered to switch into a larger cage for short periods of time when my husband wants to see the results of his teasing and watch it grow in its' confines. He also has me wear the larger cage if I need to leave the house ocassionally, so that I have a larger bulge that cannot be avoided.

    Attached is my favorite cage for long term wear and optimum arousal. I have photos of it on but know you may not want to see that.
     

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