New kh: How to pre-empt excuses for not being locked?

Discussion in 'Novices and newbies' started by longtallsally, May 10, 2022.

  1. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    A quick question from a novice keyholder. I'm hoping to agree some principles with My Pete this evening. If that goes ok, I want to lock him there and then, which I'm pretty sure he won't be expecting. I've been trying to think of excuses he'll come up with and wanted to pre-empt them. I think of it like the first time I dived from a board above a swimming pool - I wanted to do it, I knew I would do it, but I found every excuse not to do it until I'd run out of excuses and reasons!

    The only thing I have been able to think of is that when we've played with the cage previously, some hair snagged and pulled at the ring, which was genuinely painful, so he needed to shave a bit. If that comes up, I can just ask him to do that, or even better, I'll do it since the whole idea is for that part of him to be 'ours' (or even 'mine'!) rather than 'his'. But are there any other excuses or delays he'll ask for? I know he wants to do this but I also know he'll want to prevaricate.
    All advice gratefully received!

    Thanks, Sal.
     
  2. Chaz69
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    Chaz69 Long term member

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    Best I can think of is, you stand firm and say "If you love me, you'll do this, for me" and just repeat it for every excuse that he might use.
     
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  3. CabanaJack
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    CabanaJack Long term member

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  4. Mat-Locked
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    Mat-Locked Active member

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    Dear Sally,
    I guess you know his buttons….
    Tell him the thought of doing that makes you shiver,
    Don’t be afraid to get flirty and touchy while making him shave and pretty.
    I am sure you‘ll make it.
     
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  5. MSDB321
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    MSDB321 Active member

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    He might say that he has to do something tomorrow which would be difficult if he was caged.
    He might say lets start after the weekend.

    I like "If you love me, you'll do this, for me" Although that is maybe a bit blackmaily. Maybe say that this will really turn me on, I am so excited about you being restrained.

    Anyway good luck.
     
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  6. mikecb
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    mikecb Long term member

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    When wearing a CB "out in the world" the first few times, it feels like EVERYONE will notice it. Be prepared for "I can't wear it to work" or "I can't wear it to my family" kind of thing. The fact of the matter is, no one notices it unless you are wearing super tight clothes and trying to flaunt it.

    It seems that sitting to pee was also very uncomfortable for him. He may have concerns about having to do so in public restrooms. I believe you stated that it was a turn-on for you, knowing he had that minor inconvenience. I'd emphasize that.

    He WILL have genuine discomfort issues, chaffing and swelling at times. You shouldn't discount those, but having a "careful inspection" before letting him out could be lots of fun!

    As stated elsewhere, your principals are fantastic. It's not often that the novice KH "drives the bus" in terms of beginning the chastity relationship. It sounds like a fantasy! :)
     
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  7. CabanaJack
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    CabanaJack Long term member

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    "Someone might notice the bulge" - "They'll just think you're HUGE. No one will know you're wearing a cage. Well, not unless one of us tells them."

    "The cage might get uncomfortable" - "I'll keep a key handy, at least for a while. Wear some loose fitting pants. I've heard a bit of lube can help allow the skin to shift a bit. We can try that. I've also heard that using some really fine sandpaper can make the Cherry Keeper base ring more comfortable. See - lots of things we can do."

    "It's hard to stand to pee" - "Sit if you have to. If someone gives you a hard time about it, just say you have a condition that leads to sitting working better for you."

    "Erections overnight can be uncomfortable" - "Just think of them as me indirectly holding onto your firmness. Well, that might not work. Might be better to just get up and go to the bathroom. Walk around a bit."

    "Why are you making me do this?" - "Because I love you, and I want to engage with you in the closest, most private way possible."

    "I'm not sure where all this is headed" - "And the problem is....?"
     
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  8. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thank you. That's a really good one to be prepared for because I know he has meetings and things. I'll have a suitable response up my sleeve! I think emphasising my excitement is better than the blackmail version. Sal.
     
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  9. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thanks - I'll make sure I have suitable responses for all of these, just in case! Sal.
     
  10. longtallsally
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    longtallsally Long term member

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    Thank you. He has worn it outside a couple of times so I don't think he can use the 'someone will notice' excuse. If he gets genuinely sore he will have a key with him, only of course I'll know he used it. As for the fantasy - I can understand that although to me at the moment the whole thing is flipping between fantasy and nightmare! Sal
     
  11. Mat-Locked
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    Mat-Locked Active member

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    Ah….a Little helpful advice…
    Yes give him a key, especially in the beginning/getting used to it phase.
    Don‘t worry about safety and him using it.
    Just tell him to have a pen and some post-it with him all the time as you might send him a message requesting a quick photo with his cage and a written number on the post it within the next 5 minutes….
    (A number you send him of course with said message)
    That’s by the way an immense turn on.
    Also there are no real excuses, as a „Sorry gentleman but I should pay a visit to the bathroom“ is nothing creepy at all :)
     
  12. Headtrip
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    Headtrip Long term member

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    Some things my Queen used early on, to answer my excuses:

    "Do you love me?"
    "Will you do this for me? I promise when I do let you out it will blow you away!"
    "I'm told that if you really give up control you will wind up having the best orgasm ever when the time comes"
    "Don't you trust me [evil grin/wink]?"
    "Yes, I am sure there will be some challenges, we will get through them together, right?"

    And btw, my Queen was very cooperative - at first. Whenever I complained the cage came off, got inspected, etc. She pulled me into it "Of course I will take it off right away, will you promise to fix it if I do?" (men love to fix things and it made me the architect of my own prison)
    "I understand if you do cheat. If you are honest and help me fix it there won't be a negative consequence.".

    Cheers
     
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  13. MSDB321
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    MSDB321 Active member

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    Just a question...how long do you have in mind for this lockup?
    So exciting!
     
  14. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes Level-4 Sarcasm Master, PhD in Google, Ace Pedant.

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    That's emotional blackmail, not a good way to run any kind of relationship.
     
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  15. bitslinger
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    I'd suggest avoiding the temptation to pre-empt. Communication is about listening. We can't listen while we're busy talking. So, be prepared by all means. Have that list of answers ready in your head but my suggestion is to let him talk and express his concerns, keeping those answers in reserve in case he asks the questions you've anticipated. Show him that you're excited and want this to be something the two of you can share, let him know that his concerns matter to you, listen to what he has to say, lead him to consent, and then make a little ritual out of locking him up.

    Best
     
  16. bitslinger
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    Agreed. Consenting out of love and desire with free will is the only way to go in a relationship. Sometimes we have to play the long game, and sometimes we have to play the hand we're dealt.
     
  17. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes Level-4 Sarcasm Master, PhD in Google, Ace Pedant.

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    Just agree the few opportunities that he will be released such as travelling through an airport, visiting the doctor, family gathering, that sort of thing.

    Once you BOTH agree then when he is complaining about it being unbearable you just need to refer him to the list of acceptable reasons for the cage to come off.

    My KH and I have a simple agreement; She decides when the cage is on or off. It's mostly on, like 99% of the time, but if something arises then we discuss it like marture adults and make a decision then. A snagged hair is no a valid reason haha.

    At first it's very difficult on a man, the first few weeks of continuously caged drove me INSANE. Now it generates a beautiful warm desperation that I can mostly keep a lid on.
     
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  18. Andy88
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    Andy88 Long term member

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    D male chastity is voluntary.. ok, u could enforce it by being strict.. so tat both can make suces out of it.. but if d male member is unwiling to participate n create excuses at every whims.. its not ez to cont.. mayb u can ofer him reward for prolonged caging… incldg piv/orgasm.. only he can eradicate his own xcuses.. mind over mater..
     
  19. Jah Rubbings
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    Jah Rubbings I deserve to be locked

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    Day 10, and I'm really looking for excuses to be allowed to come, I am that desperate. Any ideas? Seriously though.....

    I've done LOctober, we celebrated our First Chastiversary, and it was successful, but I had a bit of a meltdown and a break (it was horrid, we didn't get on well at all, fell out a lot and I was back to my old habits. Sex was almost non-existant) until we resumed in February this year. I've learned a lot about myself in the process, and think that if I'm kept that long again, I would do better in the inevitable crash that comes after a long period of denial. Recognition of your hormones and self awareness help to lessen the effect every time.
    It takes time to get used to the longer wait, and the drop, but over time there is only one path.

    You start to enjoy being denied and teased.

    It's the best sex you've ever had.

    You start to hate the drop, but you do need to come.

    Logical conclusion....come less often,.and you have less down time.

    He needs to reach this conclusion himself. Then it's a matter of percentages. How much down,.non submissive time does he want, or be allowed.
     
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  20. SlaveBoy73
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    SlaveBoy73 Long term member

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    Maybe make a deal with him. If he shaves and locks for you, you will shave and put in a show for him?
     
  21. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    There is no time like the present to start
     
  22. Sausage
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    You can give him a spare key to keep in his wallet, but dip it in candle wax so you know if he has used the key. Or wrap it in masking tape and sign your name across the tape so it can't be replaced.

    If he mentions not wanting to sit to pee, tell him that is you have to pee all the time. There's nothing wrong with sitting to pee. Tell him that you want to know how you feel when all the stalls are taken.

    One thing I wouldn't do is the whole mind game/black mail deal. Don't make him submit to something he's not comfortable with out of guilt or pressure. Let him know how much it turns you on and how you want him to experience the things you go through on a daily basis
     
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  23. maid julie
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    maid julie Long term member

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    Sitting gives me a few moments to read or check messages
     
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  24. krystalasbaby
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    krystalasbaby krystalasbaby

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    That is what i do as well or play a game on my cell while sitting
     
  25. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    Bit late with my answer, sorry. The most important thing is to be stern and tell him that this is what you want, end of. Get it on and get used to it. For me the biggest threat is my KH wife, mistress will never entertain chastity ever again.

    A
     
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