New...ish. Husband and I are looking to extend our play & horizons.

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by LadyC, Jul 16, 2020.

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  1. LadyC
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    Well hi, there. My Husband and I(F) have been exploring chastity and have been very successful with short-term play (lasting no more than a week). We are looking to become more serious and have more long-term play, with our goal of having him locked up during October for "Lock-tober"...and potentially longer.

    I'm here because I need some advice/guidance on how to keep us interested, dedicated, and safe for the long run.

    We tend to fall out of the loop for one of several reasons:

    1. I get horny and let him out so he can be intimate with me (in this, I'm at fault for giving in to my hormones/his sex appeal).

    2. There is discomfort with wearing the device/pinching.

    3. One of us becomes insecure by something that happened (not engaging enough, an event that didn't work out as expected) and we back off/ end the session.

    4. Stress of modern life and both of us working full time.

    I'm hoping that with this community I can be supported and support others. I'm fairly private by nature, so this is new to me...but at the end of the day, I'm here to learn and in time pass on my experiences to others who are also "new-ish".
     
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  2. MissyB
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    MissyB Long term member

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    Welcome to our community and I hope you find it helpful to be part of it. I'm sure some of the experienced Dommes and Key holders on the site will be able to give you tips. Good luck and enjoy.
     
  3. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    Welcome to the Mansion @LadyC My better half is also called Lady C.

    My recommendations, albeit quite curt are:

    1. Keep him locked much longer, you'll soon find how he can deal with you better when you get horny

    2. Find a device that's a better fit. Maybe try some lube

    3. Talk, talk, talk and talk. Talk about what was good, how you can do better, what's your (and his) expectations. Keep him locked whilst you talk it through

    4. Eh, can't see that as a problem. Cock cages can be worn under work clothing. Fewer times you have to unlock, the more time you'll have for teasing, and for him to satisfy your horniness.

    Remember, chastity is not about the end of the day, its for way longer ;-)
     
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  4. sissydavenport
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    sissydavenport Locked sissy sub / spouse of Mistress Davenport

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    First, welcome to the Mansion! It's always great to see another married Femdom couple on here. I had a couple notes on your falling out of the loop concerns from personal experience:

    1. I get horny and let him out so he can be intimate with me (in this, I'm at fault for giving in to my hormones/his sex appeal).

    Totally, and this is part of the fun. There are two ways about looking at chastity: A. It is an Olympic sport of ignoring. B. It is a tool in tease and denial. W/we subscribe to Option B. During chastity, I'm regularly let out for sex (as sex rules), but I'm always left denied. I rinse off and go right back in the belt. The only thing is that She needs to punctuate it verbally, telling me that was what She wanted, I'm a good sub, and to lock it back up.

    2. There is discomfort with wearing the device/pinching.

    The right device goes a long way. It took U/us a while to find the Holy Trainer, and to buy a real one (there's a big difference). One small tip I can say, is good aloe vera lotion or something organic/similar a few times throughout the day does wonders for pinching.

    3. One of us becomes insecure by something that happened (not engaging enough, an event that didn't work out as expected) and we back off/ end the session.

    One of things that helped U/us was viewing a Mistress/sub relationship as something that just continued indefinitely. There were lots of little things throughout the day and even something like regular vanilla sexual acts were a ton different when enacted through a Femdom lens. Really the important take away, was that She needed to lead and explore what She enjoyed. And that makes a ton of sense, because at the end of it, I just want to be doing it as frequently as possible (and the activity matters a lot less than Her enjoyment of it does to me).

    4. Stress of modern life and both of us working full time.

    Stress does suck the joy out of things. One of the things that W/we've found is that W/we always have five minutes to do something to have that physical reminder of O/our relationship. W/we used to tell O/ourselves that it took some big production, but really, when a day is bad/stressful W/we're open with each other, force O/ourselves to spend the five minutes, and then always feel immediately better. Way less stress and there's this real sense of clarity.

    It's wonderful that You're on here looking to connect with others. This is a really fun adventure!
     
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  5. NZSenator
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    NZSenator Long term member

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    Dealing with your state of arousal, do you have toys? A dildo/vibrator can have two functions, firstly it helps satisfy your urge for orgasm and secondly (if you are open to the idea), having your partner either be a passive bystander (having him watch) or be more active (guide him how to use them on you) will be extremely erotic and a massive turn on for him, adding to the frustration of being chaste.

    You could also set mini goals / expectations at the beginning of each session (as you put it), decide how long the session will be, or under what conditions it may end (roll of dice, or some other random event for example) and make more of a game of it. This could help with the feeling of insecurity or lack of engagement as its known up front things that are required. This could also include discussing just how often and how much chastity will be discussed. This is probably one area where my wife and I haven't really settled on yet. Its new and exciting and I'm eager as, she on the other hand is less enthused and so I have to judge carefully when to engage and when to back off of conversations.

    Making sure of penis / ball health is important in chastity. Check for discolouration or coldness as these are signs of distress. Under what conditions is there "pinching"? If when hes aroused, then that could be normal, it could be the type / fitting of device.

    Have fun with it, be safe and enjoy your role being in charge of his orgasms.
     
  6. Cumschot
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    Cumschot Long term member

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    Welcome here your highness
     
  7. Devoted Hubby
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    Devoted Hubby Long term member

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    Hello & welcome, I'm sure you'll get some good advice from the good people here.
     
  8. BR_Saiph
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    BR_Saiph Self-published author

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    You will get lots of great replies, so I'll only add that being locked 24/7 doesn't mean you can't take him out to play whenever you feel like it. Big-O doesn't have to be a part of that play.
    It's complicated and each couple is unique.
     
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  9. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    Buy some Uber Numb on Amazon and have him apply it to his penis then put a condom on for 15 min. You can give him PIV and he won’t get off then you can give him 10 min to try by hand and enjoy the amusement as he flogs away without success. You bot( get intimacy but he doesn’t get off.
     
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  10. King Hippo
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    Welcome to The Mansion! I suggest you get your account as a "Verified Female". There is a really good community here for you if you can.
     
  11. Eve
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    Eve Long term member

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    Welcome to CM
     
  12. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    Welcome. We have a females only section where our women members would be delighted to give advice. Good luck
     
  13. madams-sissysub
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    Hi there and welcome to the mansion! You will find reams of information here to help you.
     
  14. Sissy-CJ
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    Sissy-CJ Long term member

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    Welcome to CM
     
  15. LadyC
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    Thank you everyone for the comments and support! I already feel more confident, comfortable, and creative
     
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  16. tomf_22033
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    tomf_22033 Long term member

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    Welcome.

    I won’t give you any advice except one thing. Make it fun and try different things.

    You’ll find what works for you as you experiment. Some things will work and some will be utter failures.

    So learn to laugh at the failures and learn from the successes.

    Folks above have given you some good things to try. Joining your local BDSM community when Things open back up might help you make friends and get ideas. And of course this and other sites have things you can try.

    So the more fun you have the less frustrating it’ll be and the more you’ll want to try!
     
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