New - I know I'm not alone...

I read your story with interest mainly due to your avatar. Nice bass. Lol. I would suggest you get a couple of Mistress Ivey's books for her to read. The FLR book is good as a start. They helped convince me.

 

From reading your post, it seems like several things are going on at once and you two are very busy. I'm not quite sure what your goal is.

You help out a lot around the house and with the kids. Your wife is already in control of most things and it makes you angry when she denies you sex. Plus you say she has absolutely no sexual urges towards you. I'm not sure if you consider that an issue...and if so, are you trying to fix that issue? It depends on what your end goal is. If you want to have more sex and rekindle the flame in the bedroom, chastity may or may not be the way to do it. It might just become another barrier or something that annoys her if she already has no interest.

On the other hand, if your goal is to have fun with the thrill of sexual denial...it may be a lot of fun for you and require minimal effort on her part. Of course there are a lot of variables and it could go any number of ways. I'm rambling on here. The point I'm getting at is...if you're trying to increase her sexual desire for you...make sure she has a positive reaction to the idea of chastity. If not, find a way to explore what she wants to do sexually and find out what would make her happy. Spend a considerable amount of time finding out why she has no sexual urges lately. It could be the stress, any medications, lack of rest and the list goes on and on. I hope this didn't sound too negative. I didn't mean for it to be. I wish you two the best of luck. Feel free to keep posting/venting here. We are happy to listen and comment .

 

Welcome first of all,

In a way I am in a similar situation. By that I mean my wife has ALMOST no sexual drive. If we have sex once a month that is a lot, sometimes a few times a month but then months of NOTHING in between. I really want her to have a sex drive and not just to have sex for me. But I feel like most of the time she is a good wife and does it just for me, occasionally initiating it too, but usually that is up to me.

Then that leads me to chastity. It is one of the first kinks I read about as a teenager, although it was the girl in chastity most of the time then. Anyway now I desire it for a few reasons. Not only is her drive low but her kink level is 0. I really like most things, bondage, latex, sex toys, chastity and the list goes on. But I feel if I lock myself up then when we are in a dry spell at least I am getting something out of it, the feel of the restriction and the knowledge that I am in bondage without the key (she will hide the key when I ask) and even when in public I am probably the only guy that does not have control of his dick and has not even been able to touch it in weeks. Now my wife will sometimes play along as I said but I feel she does it out of guilt and does not enjoy it. So the chastity also puts the ball in her court as to when I get sex, or when I give her pleasure. In other words I don't have to ask and be turned down so often.

We don't have kids so I don't totally feel your pain, and we are not newly weds but have been married a while though i am guessing not as long as you have and my wife will OCCASIONALLY indulge me. But just try and keep communication open is all you can do I guess and try to do with with love and respect not anger or biterness, it may take a while.

Good luck!

 

I think firstly you need to talk about why she has no desire for you or sex. Those are big ones. I know for my wife she said her desire dropped because of her self image, gaining weight. She also said I was selfish when It came to sex and never cared if she finished. After years of that, she thought what was the point. So maybe you have some of that going on. Secondly if you lock yourself up and she isnt willing to play, i think you will still look at porn(its hard to walk away from) and eventually you might get angry and feel abondoned if you get nothing from her. So personally, and my opinion, would be to get some things worked out before jumping into chastity. FYI, when your locked in chastity, especially in the beginning, all you can think about is your locked up cock, not the opposite.

 

I agree with what @Bound4life and @ineverknew said. Keep the communication open and approach the situation with love and understanding. Make the extra effort to relieve the stress in her life and make her feel good, sexy and relaxed. If regular life events have her so stressed out that she isn't sexual at all...trying to add the kink of chastity to it all won't help her.

I see your point about how it would be easier for you to deal with if you had no choice because you're locked up. That's fun and can be tempting to do. But I encourage you not to take that easy path. Help her find happiness and you will be happy as well. She will be more open to kinky play that way as well.

 

well said @Trey Jones, his happiness lies in her happiness. I agree.

 

Howwedoin, the advice from Trey and Ineverknew are right on target. When women are saddled with 3 kids, it's difficult to consider themselves as being pretty and sexual. I think that your situation is not all that much different from so many people. They just won't admit it or do anything about it. You have broken that Ice and opening the door to communications is the key to success. I would suggest that you keep initiating conversations, but not too strongly about what you want. Make it about her and her needs and I'll bet she will come around in a big way. I've been twice married and with small kids both times had different results because of open communications. Just take it slowly, keep the focus on her and you will get more than you could dream of!