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New Hear

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by sparrow, Dec 5, 2017.

  1. Hi everybody. Really enjoying the site. Nice to be amoung like minded people.
    I am new to forums, so please excuse any rules I may break, and feel free to steer me in the right direction.
    I am sort of in a FLR. That is my wife makes nearly all the decisions and controls the finances, so i guess that puts me in a FLR ? Which I am very happy in. But I think my wife deserves more.
    I am looking for better ways to please and serve my wife. I think my wife and I would benifit greatly if I was to be locked into chastity, as it would keep me more focused. We havent spoke about it yet, so not sure how to approach the subject. I have seen a few posts on hear on the subject, which I intend to read and get some ideas.
    If anyone has any advice or comments please get in touch.
  2. Mistress Jules

    Mistress Jules Professional Dominatrix and Owner of Lockit
    Staff Member Administrator Moderator

    Oct 27, 2013
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    Welcome to the Mansion. I am sure there are a number of threads on introducing a partner.

    The guys will be happy to help as well, I am sure.

    Good luck and please do let us know how you get on.
  3. I'm afraid that you've caught me at the wrong time, if your looking for positive advice. Oh welcome to the site by the way, which is very good.

    When I read your post above, I couldn't help thinking how much it sounded like me, maybe 10 years ago. When I read the words "better ways to serve my wife", "think my wife deserves more", and "if I was locked into chastity, I can't help thinking that it sounds more like, "I would like and want to feel controlled and subservient to my wife", "I hope that she enjoys and would like to encourage a submissive and subservient husband", and "I want more than anything to be locked in chastity by my wife because it turns me on to be under her control, whether she likes it or not". In other words I want this, so she must.

    Please don't think that I am being critical or even trying to second guess your motives, or anything like that, but I am just about to give up on my quest to make my own a WLM, one ideally based upon tease and denial, chastity and my submission to my wife. I think that there is a real danger that a lot of men desiring such a shift in their relationship, make some very big assumptions about whether or not their wives really want this at all. My biggest mistake was to assume that my wife would enjoy having a submissive husband that would worship her, do chores, remain devoted and obedient towards her, even setting aside my wider desire to become her maid, kept locked by her and a personal slave.

    I could write a million words about how to, how not to, what I think motivates men and what you must do or not do to make yours a successful WLM or FLR, with or without chastity. But like I say, the most important factor is whether or not your wife would engage with and would like to encourage it.

    As far as Chasity is concerned, no matter which way you look at it, I think that it always comes back to "sex", whether it's arousal, sexual control and even female domination. Whether or not, and I believe it is an most cases it is, the desire by a man to be locked in chastity is often linked to his desire to be controlled and submitting to the female form, his wife or girlfriend. If however your wife or girlfriend is vanilla and not particularly interested or motivated by the desire for her own sexual gratification, then in my opinion it takes away a significant element require to keep this type of play and relationship fresh and mutually enjoyable. In the absence of such desire or need, or where the woman is not naturally very dominant, the man then has to rely on his wife's desire to "please her husband" or be motivated by some other desire to see her man locked and under her control.

    I know it's impossible to understand other people's relationships and to know how each of us react in different situations, but I would say that very generally, if your wife is kind with a good nature, vanilla, and not particularly motivated by her own sexual arousal and gratification, then you could like me be facing a very "long haul" with no guarantee that you will ever be fully satisfied. If like me you desire to desire to feel subservient, submissive, kept teased aroused and denied by her feminine charm, while she enjoys her own sexual pleasures, then there must exist one major and significant element. And that element is her enjoyment of the situation, her power and control, her desire to see you aroused and turned on by her femininity, her wish to encourage you by keeping you desirous of her.

    However you approach this, it is vital that you communicate with each other, something that I have never verbalised with my wife, but relied on messages and notes to communicate my desires and needs. In this respect I have failed which is why after 10 years plus, I still don't feel that she is actively or will ever be actively engaged in the type of sexually charged WLM that I would enjoy so much.
    ineverknew and Sarah8 like this.
  4. Howdy and welcome! I’m sure you will find many threads here if you search for some key words, will supply you with some advice on how to broach the subject.

    How she will react and what you really want her involvement to be and the odds of that happening, I think you have a pretty good idea of. I suggest honesty first with yourself on your expectations, honesty with her about your desires, and a slow approach that doesn’t push too hard too fast.

    Good luck, looking forward to hearing about how you two fare.
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