New FLR

I think you need to talk. You can't go on indefinitely wondering what she thinks about chastity and what both your expectations are. Important to know if she's hurt and upset with you or has forgiven you. Not important that you demand her to look at the cage

 

I think that's a good, but VERY curious, sign and I'm interested to hear what she thinks. But not yet? I feel like if she was mad or upset you'd know. 26yrs? You'd know...

Maybe she did the reading you asked her to do? Maybe she didn't. Maybe she already knew?

If I were you I don't think I'd ask. If I wasn't getting the cold shoulder I'd ride it out and see where it goes.

 

I would definitely talk with her. Giving her a letter was a good way to start, but since there has been little visible response, bring up some of the points in your letter. Invoking chastity into a relationship can be a big hurdle, so explaining your feelings and intentions, face to face, can be a way for her to begin to understand. It may take more time and discussion, but you need to follow-up. good luck.

 

This is your thing not hers. Don't push it. Your good lady needs time to think. Forcing the issue in anyway will have a negative impact but of course your dynamic could be different. It took my wife five years to embrace being a keyholder. I'm basically permanently locked up now. Patience grasshopper .

 

I’d say this is a good sign. If she were upset I doubt she’d be snuggling up with you. I asked my wife what she think of chastity and she said she didn’t know. I think she was embarrassed to say. She has been making teasing remarks about it tho so I think she is liking it

 

I am fairly new to all this, but I think you went about doing this the wrong way. Everything I am about to say is an opinion though.

-I think it was a good idea to find a chastity device that works for you and wore it around to make sure you were ok with it before moving forward.

-I think you should have addressed playing with yourself in person by telling her you thought it was a problem. I would have also asked her how she felt about it and how it was possibly affecting your relationship; emotional & physically.

-From there bringing up chastity as a solution to this would have been a good idea, but only in the sense of what you needed to address the issue of you playing with yourself.

-Tell her there are other aspects to her keyholding if she desires. Let her know that she is making a huge important commitment to you just by keeping you locked & you would be willing to make sacrifices for her knowing that keyholding is such a commitment that she didn't originally ask for.

-I would have she could have looked up topics on keyholding rather than telling her to just go to the wild west of a google search. You know your wife better than myself obviously, but you should be aware of what she might find that could give her the wrong impression. A chastity relationship could mean anything from 0 to 100.

-I wouldn't wear the chastity until you talk to her now that you know you can handle wearing it. I would also continuously do work around the house and treat your wife like a Queen. Be very affectation and let her know that you love her... and you feel terrible about you playing with yourself and neglecting her needs by possibly not listening or being aware of them.

This is just my take on it, but you guys need to talk.

Question for you: Why do you already have three chastity devices?

 

@Darlydixon, the reason that she said nothing sofar means perhaps that your better half is shocked….even after knowing eachother for more than two decades could cause this effect. So, please check with her how she is doing and if she may want to talk about this.

When I ready your story, I guess that you - like me - extracted "a significant amount of information" from the internet first. So you know "everything" and your better half "knows nothing about it and might be shocked". Do not expect she will be "up to date" in a couple of hours, days and then start the discussion with you. This will take months and most likely a lot of trial and error....

Unfortunately I did something same like you - letter first - some talk - showing her my cage. I concluded afterwards that I could have done much, much, much better. Our lifestyle changed drastically after explaing "why I needed this". Only my masturbation and porn habits were not the only reason, I wanted to improve my relationship!. In particular I explained my need to improve our intimacy and deepening our converstations. To achieve this goals, I asked her to take over control of my orgasms - gradually if she wants - as this could realy help with that. That is how we started….Result: Tease & Denial is winning from "just PIV", orgasms reduced to once every 4-6 weeks, energy is burning inside me and most importantly, our intimacy and converstations improved significantly. New life started!

So, be prepared for tiny little steps, be patient and keep on initiating discussions about the topic. Speak from your hart, avoid "just kinks" and do not give her "just a book" or "sending her to a www" (although CM will be really helpfull at some later stage).

All the best!

 

I guess my point is, you already have three devices before seeing if your wife is cool with it. It sounds like you have been thinking about chastity for awhile and you didn't just get them to try on to see if you could handle wearing them before you ask the wife.

 

Hi,

I might recommend that you purchase the book "Locked-In Love: How two weeks in chastity can end the barter system, renew courtship and make a better husband." by Key Barrett. It is available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle.

While my wife and I have dabbled in chastity numerous times over the past decade or so, recent events (an indiscretion on my part) caused us to revisit it. My longest time being locked up prior to this has been 90 days, but I was allowed occasional release during those times. As of today, I have been locked for 62 days with no orgasms of any kind and no date set by her when I will either have one or she will release me. She has let me out for short times for cleaning, her enjoyment or my punishment, but I cannot have any orgasms when released. She has just told me it will be A LONG TIME before I am released. She is willingly and HAPPILY holding the key, and is really enjoying being treated like the Goddess she is. To be perfectly honest, THIS is what I NEEDED in my life and in our relationship (married for almost 29 years!).

About a week into this last lock up, I asked her if it was OK if I ordered some books for us to read about chastity and Female Led Relationships. We had a few, but we were looking for additional input. The one I mentioned above we read first. Well, I read it to her, every night, for several nights. It allowed us to communicate in a very loving and heartfelt manner about what the author and his wife experienced, and how it paralleled with what we've experienced. It REALLY helped me to convey my inner feelings to her about how much I loved her and how this "little piece of plastic" helps.

During all of our previous chastity commitments, she told me she never really felt that she was doing it for HER. She enjoyed the attention, but always looked upon it as just satisfying some kink I had.

During our discussions of the reading of the book, she confided to me that she is upset that I need the "cage" to treat her the way she feels she should be treated. And had a concern that once it came off, I would quickly resort to being my "old self". My first response to that was "Well, you can just put me back into it?", half question, half statement.

But then, I thought of another reason, which I probably would NOT have thought of had the book above not put us into such a terrific place to communicate. Here's what I told her: "Baby, if I needed a cane to walk, would you begrudge me the use of the cane? I need glasses to help me see, but you aren't concerned that I need them. It just occurred to me that the "cage" is really but a tool like the glasses and the cane. I have a weakness in my psyche, like many men. Is it possible that you could view the "cage" as just a tool to help me to correct my weakness?" She thought a moment, and a smile came over her face and said "Yeah, THAT makes sense. Do you really feel that the "cage" does in fact help correct your weakness, and it's not just some kinky play that you desire?" I told her, "Yes, that's exactly how I feel.".

So, I don't know whether this was all fostered by my indiscretion (she WAS/still is PO'd at me!!!), the reading of the book fostering our great communication, our GREATLY IMPROVED marriage as a result of me being in chastity & worshiping her as I've never done before, or my agreement to us working toward an FLR. But she is definitely 100% onboard with this current situation. I have vowed to her that I would be fine to spend the rest of my life with her as my KeyHolder and being locked up by her. And I mean that sincerely. She replied that IF I keep making her feel as good as I have these past 2 months, that THAT could very likely become a possibility. THAT thought makes ME happy, because I know that saying it made HER happy too!

I LOVE where she has led our relationship. I LOVE that she controls more and more of my life and I can tell by the looks & smiles on her face, her new flirtatious & teasing nature throughout the day, and the way she is taking an active role in our FLR and as my KeyHolder, that she is loving this too.

I could write volumes, but my main point out of all this is that book helped my wife see things a bit differently from all of the other times. First of all, it made her realize that I wasn't some "weirdo" who desired this. There are others who have travelled down this road, and for logical reasons. Second, it showed her, by the conversation the book inspired, what my true feelings were for her and how much I truly did love her. And Third, I believe I was able to explain to her that the chastity devices wasn't just a "piece of plastic" used to satiate some kinky desire, but rather, the "cage" was a tool I found that could correct a weakness in my male psyche so that I could keep my love focused on her 100% of the time.

I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors. Finding a comfortable cage is a HUGE first step. Once you have a device you can have confidence in for longterm wear, it makes the ability to make an earnest commitment to your beloved Goddess that much easier because you know you won't have to bother her with fitment/comfort issues. Fortunately, for this last bout, I had purchased and tried many devices over the years, but for the past several years, the Holy Trainers became my favorite. So I KNEW I had a device that would work well for me. The one I'm currently wearing and find very comfortable is my Holy Trainer V3. I believe with occasional removal for cleaning & inspection, I could wear this device indefinitely. And it looks like I'm going to have to! I LOVE my Goddess & KeyHolding Wife!

Good Luck,

~subrick

 

My experience is that you will get used to it, and spontaneous erections and emissions when not purposely aroused will subside.

I have been wearing a secure device since mid 2014.

 

Wonderful to hear. First that it appears your wife is embracing chastity and second that you're getting used to wearing the cage. These first moments of giving somebody the key to your cage are precious - enjoy them.