My husband and I are fairly new to chastity and FLR. When my husband first brought up the subject of buying a chastity device I was floored. Honestly, I had no idea this existed (I have led a fairly sheltered life evidently). He explained the basics to me and sent me links to different blogs and forums. I’m not going to lie, I was put off by my initial research. So many of the web sites dealing with chastity and FLR are pure fantasy fiction. Of course I didn’t realize that at first. I thought there is no way a 50 something basically vanilla woman can become the Dom my husband expects. Needless to say we had several more discussions. After he reassured me he wasn’t wanting the extreme Dom/sub relationship I agreed to give it a try. Over the course of a few weeks we worked out a fairly tame routine. He is in chastity 24/7 except for doctors visits, cleaning and play sessions. Since I am not normally a dominant person we started with a couple of simple rules that would be easy for me to enforce. He is to be naked at home unless our kids and grandkids are around, he is to wait for me to take the first bite before he can begin eating, and he is to stand by the bed until I get in, then he can get in. These simple rules have worked out well for us. We recently added discipline to our routine. I’m not confident in my disciplinary ability but I am working on it. I came to the mansion in hopes of advice and new ideas to aid in my evolution. I am determined to be the best key holder I can be.
Welcome. There’s a fair bit of fantasy here, but also many kind, supportive folks who are straightforward and serious.
Welcome! Can I ask what it is that doesn't quite work for you about being dominant? Is it confidence, do you feel silly, do you not want to hurt him? Just curious. Sounds like you are doing great! Just take your time and try things and if they don't work don't worry about it
Welcome to the mansion! First off, my now wife and then girlfriend, did her fair share of internet scouring after I mentioned the device. The first thing she said was not ok with x, y, and z. After looking up male chastity, I found exactly why she had come to that conclusion about it. I assured her that this was all about me pleasing her and doing what she liked, and by no means does x, y, or z ever have to come up. Certain activities do pop into reality that may surprise you, I think having complete sexual freedom without judgment tends to liberate many into experimentation and being able to let your guard down. He’s wearing a steel cage on his penis and can’t exactly make fun of you...or refuse you now can he lol? At first she jumped right in and tried to do all the things that she thought I wanted, as time went by, we do almost none of that, and do strictly what she likes. You will find your groove, enjoy the fun stuff, throw away the stuff that isn’t, and just remember there isn’t a right way, just your way. Good luck
It sounds as though you are making a good start. FLR isn't just a set of rules with chastity, bondage and punishment. It's whatever works for both of you. We are in our late 50's and started "playing" 6 years ago. We went from just chastity to put a bit of fun back in the bedroom and have evolved into a more FLR kind of thing. Excellent fun and Mrs Chaste is certainly more dominant (in a nice way) than before. Have fun.
A lot of my problem is confidence. Honestly I do feel a bit silly when administering discipline. It is getting easier as we go along. It has been hard to really submerge ourselves in our new lifestyle because we took care of our grandchildren over school break. Now that school is back in session I am hoping we can delve deeper into FLRD. The more I read the more I realize the possibilities are endless.
Welcome and I really appreciate your honesty about your start in chastity. As some have said, I think the keyholder should seek those things that please her most about the experience and then focus on those. Getting your way is one benefit of chastity that it seems many KH relinquish. Otherwise, you seem to be making a good start and I wish you god luck with your journey.
My suggestion would be to turn the tables when you feel a bit silly. Perhaps you could call your partner out for his immaturity if your feelings derive from a premise that mature men wouldn’t let their partners discipline them. Make him feel silly. Just a suggestion.
Welcome. I am certain that you will enjoy this site. With your "motivation" i am certain you will find lots of advice and ideas.
Ive always been dominant and cant be anything else.I am cruel yet kind.Kinky as hell but enjoy a chaste Ds when possible.I enjoy ''normal life'' too and incorporate a lot of fetish and discipline into that too. Just imagine being in control of someone.They do as you say.Does not have to be BDSM related.If they disobey and answer back, then let the punish fit the crime.As long as Mutually consented of course.
Welcome, it's good to see that some of us older generation couples are finding the joy and pleasure in a FLR and using chastity as a way to keep things forefront in the mind of their subs. With time, this will become the norm for you and him and you'll thoroughly enjoy the life you've chosen.
You have made a great start Ma'am, It's not something so easy as putting pieces into a puzzle, every relationship is different one has to make it work for there lifestyle. People search outside there home never telling a loved one there needs and go online looking for relieve. Because it is online a lot of times short-lived. be Thank full Ma'am he came to you with his needs and you can guide each other into the FLR. I APPLAUD you both please keep us updated for me it's been twenty years We began this wonderful Journey.
Welcome to the Mansion, M’Lady @LadyL. Even though our journey into FLRD has just started, I am enjoying it thoroughly. Please lead and I will follow. Your humble submissive and husband.
My wife and i are in a similar place, and we are in our late 50s. From the mans perspective i would suggest that even very brief comments or actions can have a profound positive effect on me if they reveal that my wife is conscious of my locked status, is enjoying the fact of having locked me up, or is taking pleasure in my discomfort. It reassures me that we are in this together. I do not need any more than that to feel grateful for my situation and to feel a connection to her. Maybe this concept will be useful to you at times when you need or want to do other things, but you dont want your husband to feel like hes being ignored or neglected.
As others have said there are no rules and what ever works for you is best. I brought up the idea to my wife and she went online and was totally turned off. We are very vanilla with differing sex drives. I am always in the mood she is about every two weeks. I developed the habit of taking care of myself and was not ready when she was. We discussed the cage was to keep me ready and nothing more. It really brought back a spice we had lost. That was about a year and a half ago and I have pretty much gotten over the masturbation habit and have lost interest in the cage. She has told me she loves the feeling of managing my penis and the way I treat her along with the amazing sex when she unlocks me, she wants me locked. I agree because it makes her so happy and I have a good custom cage I usually forget that I am wearing. I love to make her happy. Very different situation than most here but highlights that what you read about chastity does not have to dictate how it is used in your relationship. I hope you find what is comfortable to you and makes you both happy.
Welcome and enjoy. One thing I've not seen mentioned in this thread yet. If it is, then apologies. There is no right or wrong way to do chastity. Make it your version and by all means learn and copy from others experiences. Just my tuppence worth.
Welcome!. This lifestyle can be SO REWARDING for both of you but it does take time to evolve. I could not wrap my brain around talking down to my husband, for example, I'm a nice person dammit, how can i possibly do that!. But ya know what, the more you do it, like anything else, the better you get. Sometimes I have a hard time being creative in things like punishment. I keep lists on my phone of things that have worked in the past, things he's mentioned or things I've read about. This site is a great resource also, ask questions...A LOT if you have to. The people on here are a great resource and are very supportive. Much luck to you in your journey
Also, the confidence comes when you've done something really great and you see that look of adoration on his face. It fuels you and lets you know your on the right track. Fortunately for us, men are fairly simple creatures when it comes down to it.