Need some encouragement!

Good luck! Those early records are difficult, but you CAN do it.

 

Good luck. Don't try and get to really long lock-ups too quickly. Just go steady and take your time. It's okay to sometimes go backwards and last less time than before.

 

Good luck and remember to have fun with it!

 

I'm in the same boat. I hope she will eventually be my kh

 

My KH went from, "You don't have to wear chastity: I don't want you to get hurt," to, "Now you're my chastity slave and it's permanent!" To begin with she indulged my 'weird' chastity fetish just to please me, but once she discovered how chastity benefits her, there was no going back. She often tells me now that keeping me in chastity is, "The best feeling ever," but she first had to overcome her own feelings of guilt (for denying me orgasms) and shyness (towards taking control), before she became comfortable with the idea of chastity. In fact, I didn't know how much she valued keeping me locked up until I escaped one time: she wasn't happy at all! It seems that she liked keeping me in chastity long before she actually admitted it. In any case, you're right not to force the issue, but good luck getting to eight days of chastity. I guess if your wife asks you to take it off before then, you shouldn't feel bad about it. In fact your wife may be more impressed that you're willing to do as she asks!

 

You've said your wife wants nothing to do with it but does she know you are self-locking? I'm in the same situation where my wife didn't like it. I took a break for a while but I've been self-locking for about a year without her knowledge. I think if she knew she might just let me carry on and eventually get used to the idea but I'm scared of her reaction. How about you?

 

Has masturbation or chastity severely damaged your sex life? Sorry if I misunderstand! Having re-read your post, I guess that compulsive masturbation is the main issue. Hence, the chastity.

Like you, I find that chastity helps prevent compulsive masturbation. Wearing a chastity device virtually stops any attempt at playing with myself, but if ever I were to be unlocked again I know that I would soon return to old habits. It is a strange thing, isn't it!

The trouble is that men and women don't often understand how it feels for the other person when it comes to sex drive: you are trying to mend your relationship, but the solution you are suggesting may seem utterly alien to your wife. The whole compulsive aspect simply doesn't register as being a problem. Why not just stop masturbating, if you really want to stop?! Of course, it's easier said than done.

Perhaps she may never come to understand why you would 'want' to lock your dick in a cage instead of just stopping yourself from masturbating. Then again, she may see a difference in your behaviour which could trigger an appreciation for keeping you in chastity at some point in the future. Unfortunately, such outcomes are utterly unpredictable.

Either way, this site is a great help to many of us and even if we can't offer any definitive solutions, we can at least 'talk' openly here about whatever may be on our minds.

I'm certainly not a therapist or a councillor, but I would say: do what's right for you and your relationship, but try not to push the issue of chastity with your wife if doing so would damage your relationship any further. Focus more on your wife's needs if possible, as she may be unhappy with the way your relationship has gone, too. Maybe try something new together, like going on a date just like you used to when you first met? Rekindle some romance, maybe? Hopefully things will improve for you both in the long run.

Good luck!

 

That's a bummer. When someone has set their mind on an issue it's very hard to get them to change. Coincidentally my wife just found out about me wearing a cage and was not happy. I wish I had a solution for you. I think you are going to have to put it aside for now and concentrate on the other aspects of your relationship for a while. I wish you luck.

 

Talk to her. Not about chastity but about intimacy, what she wants, what you can do for her, how she feels about your relationship.

I feel ya. My wife just doesn't have a fantasy life so when I ask her if she wants something special she gets freaked out. The tastes that I brought to the relationship are wildly different than hers but chastity was a 'bondage variant' she accepted, very slowly and with great hesitation but she is at least a willing participant.

No guarantees but the basics of any relationship is communication. I keep learning that one over and over and over again.

 

Perhaps the best thing you could do now is keep wearing the chastity, so long as it helps you deal with your addiction, but do not raise the matter in conversation. Just get on with life as if it weren't there, but take it off if and when your wife wants sex with you. It shouldn't inconvenience your wife in any way. In the meantime, be attentive to your wife's needs, without trying too hard if you know what I mean. Chastity is something you need, but your wife shouldn't feel as though she's being forced to be involved in something which doesn't interest her. It may take some time, but if being attentive towards your wife brings tangible benefits for her then she may come to accept it as something positive. Even if she doesn't understand why locking up your manhood makes things better, she may one day come to accept it.

 

@hopefulhubby @tiny69 I think you need a glimmer of hope that your wife would like to have a restored intimate relationship with you. I have successfully navigated this path with my wife and here's the recipe that worked for me.

1 - I confirmed with her that she desired greater intimacy in our marriage. You may need to ask her if that is something she desires and / or what it would take from you to foster that.

2- I communicated with my wife that I wanted to love her sacrificially like she deserved and treat in such a way that she felt wanted and desired emotionally, intellectually, spiritually & physically.

3 - I told her I had an addiction to masturbation that started in childhood and that I needed help in two ways to help me overcome that addiction. One - I told her I was resorting to wearing a chastity device to stop myself from touching myself and asked her to hold me key. Two - I wanted her to become my sole source of sexual pleasure and I needed her help to rewire my brain to want her solely for that pleasure. Sexual addiction is similar to other addictions and certain feelings and external stimuli trigger addictive behavior that is impossible to stop by a sheer willful cognitive function. The pleasure center of the brain overwhelms the frontal lobe of the brain and rational thought loses out.

4 - I explained that a chaste man who has begun to be aroused & stimulated by his wife will be able to leverage his unspent hormones to redirect them towards pleasing, serving and being more attentive to his wife. It gives him the motivation to become a better husband, father, etc. Tell her this means keeping you denied for lengthy periods of time while you demonstrate that you can put her needs ahead of your own and please her sexually without being pleasured yourself.

5 - My wife was shocked because she had never heard of chastity and thought there was something wrong with it. But she could tell I was broken, emotional and desperately needed her help to be the man she wanted me to be.

This is why it's essential that you establish upfront whether she has a desire for better intimacy in your relationship. If not, start working on becoming a better husband. Self-lock if you have to and hide it from her. Put your key in a timed lockbox. Only take the key out for cleanings when you don't have time to play with yourself. Find ways to tease yourself to drive your testosterone levels up so your physical & emotional desire for your wife increases. That will motivate you further to please your wife.

Bottom line: she needs to know that you want her, you love her, you need her and you are attracted to her. And it needs to be genuine.

 

I had my wife read this after I had already posted it. She said it was an accurate reflection of what happened and that she agreed with the approach and advice. She reaffirmed that chastity sounded crazy, kinky to her at first, but she went along with it because she believed I was sincere.

 

Hmm... To me it looks like you need to have a serious discussion about intimacy and sex (which are two different things!). From what I've read so far, it seems that she isn't that interested in sex (anymore?) and you are.
But how about intimacy, you and your wife will get a lot of it, by giving here a massage or taking care of her feet etc. And not just as foreplay or with any expectation regarding sex.
If you have intimacy with your heart & brains only then its maybe time to talk about sex/fantasies etc. And its totally fine to disagree and I would not try to force her to do something she isn't interesting in. But at the same time there might be options where you can follow your desires without having her involved (if you have established certain rules which are OK for both of you). Maybe involving a third person for you etc.
Wearing a cage / having no orgasms will make you much more horny and "needy".
If you don't have intimacy it sounds to me like a recipe for failure. Not sure.
Do you two love each other ?
- Feathers.sub

 

Women are so stupid! ugh

 

One idea. It sounds like your wife has absolutely no interest in sex of any kind, not just chastity. Right?

I'm not sure if that's going to be enough for you, but have you considered something like this:

Copied from here: https://happy-marriage.neocities.org/relationships

 

Not sure if this would really work. If she isn't interested in sex, it is pretty unlikely that she is interested in seeing him in front of her while he puts hand on himself.
Sounds cruel and emberassing for both of them.
If she really said "why can't you just stop masturbating" it looks to me that she doesn't understand sex drive

I think that intimacy and sex is great and ifnonly one of the partners doesn't need this, there must be a solution which fits both of them, for example for him looking for someone who shares this desire with him.

Having an open talk about it will (always) help, maybe only re-evaluate the relationship.

Feathers.sub

 

I've been self locking for about a month. She has only noticed 2 times and I took my metal cage off for her.ive been a better husband and lover to her.
Hope I can let her know that I want her to be my kh