need helpful guidence

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by speedy, May 18, 2009.

  1. speedy
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    speedy Junior Member

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    Hello I am speedy. I need guidance about easing into this b&d stuff. I guess I should start with some background about myself, and my relationship with my husband. Im 45, and he is 53. We have been together 23 years, 2 kids 18, and 20 last one just moved out 3 days ago, and I have an extreme case of empty nest syndrome. He cant work for health reasons, and I work 5 days a week (no set schedule). I have been going through pre menopausal crap for about 2 years now. Sex has been the last thing on my mind, so I found some meds that help my sex drive sometimes. My husband has tons of time on his hands, and surfs porn far too mush, and dwells on the fact I dont give him sexual attention. I guess I dont want to rush into b&d heavely cause I dont think it should be a major part of our life. I think Im afraid I am not enough cause he has always needed some kind of bondage when we have sex. I dont know what I want, my life is very complicated right now, and I am babbling too much. Ok cut and dry info is I lost my sex drive, and he is always horny, he has had ED for last 10 years, we have tried everything from Viagra, and other pills to injections I give him. Nothing has worked. I guess I feel it may be caused from his extremely frequent use of different harness devices on his penis, and balls for as long as I have known him, but only had ED for the last 10 or so years. He gets me off, and I cant seem to get myself off anymore. I cant seem to shut my mind off (ever). I guess I really needed to get this off my chest. Any words of wisdom would help, if Im asking the wrong person just say so. Hope Im not wasting your time here, and thanks for letting me pm you.


    Hope to here from you soon,
    Speedy
     
  2. susie q
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    susie q Dear friend of the Mistress Michelle clan

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    Hi Ms Speedy im not sure if this will be of any help but here goes. Im pretty sure i have spoke with your husband before as this sounds very much the same as we talked about.As im not female i cant help you much on the menopause but my ex went through it for years and was major mood swings ...real horny and then not at all.. back and forth.I do think when you have sex make sure you get pleased first as we males after we cum we loose intrest really fast (bad boys)but i believe your problem is mainly stress work ,kids and just daily normal crap.Mistress Watchful has posted a wonderful journal its worth a read going through alot of the same things .. i have been through alot myself and the stress and depreasion is a killer.I know this isint much help but your not alone and this is a great place to vent and get advice,good luck and best wishes to you both.:mad0218:
     
  3. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    Hi speedy, another male here, but I have a few questions & ideas. First, let me say that it's really awesome that you're interested and engaged enough to come here seeking help. My wife and I are in a similarly dysfunctional state, though I'm not suffering any ED.

    You're asking questions about D/s, you've mentioned your husband is into bondage, and perhaps Cock & Ball torture (yumm!.. oops, sorry!), and you're here at Chastity Mansion. What led you here? Has he expressed interest in chastity devices? Don't get me wrong.. we're happy to have you here, I'm just curious since if he has ED, a chastity device almost seems redundant! ;-)

    Anyway, regarding D/s, if he's interested, and you're interested in "helping him", I have some suggestions. As susie mentioned, it sounds like you're leading a VERY stressful life, and you're feeling even more stressed out because of the sexual issues. Here's a scenario that might help relieve the stress, while giving him a bit of D/s. How does this sound?

    You go to your husband, and tell him that you would like to try D/s next weekend. If he would like to submit to you next weekend, he will stop surfing any porn on the computer all week, and to keep his hands off himself. Next weekend, he will devote the weekend to giving you pleasure. For the rest of this week, he should pretend as if you guys had just met... taking you to dinner... flowers.. however he flirts. Friday, and Saturday he will take you out on formal dates, and when you come home, you will assert control even further by treating him as your slave. To the extent of his abilities (due to his health reasons), you will put him to work taking care of you... serving drinks and snacks, foot massages, running a hot bath, whatever. There is no promise of sex at the end of the weekend, but if he has relaxed you enough, and put YOU in the mood, then PERHAPS something will happen. Put the burden on him to relax you, and take you away from all the stress. Put him to work solving the stress problem for YOU, instead of YOU putting yourself into more stress trying to help HIM.

    If he's truly submissive, a week of that kind of service and flirting will be better than a handful of purple pills. If nothing else, it will help resolve your stress.

    Something like that may work for you guys, or it may not, but I think you need to turn the problem around a little. New Dommes get REALLY stressed out, because it's even more responsibilities on your already heavy burden. If you want to go down that road, I recommend finding a way to reduce your stress, while practicing your dominance.

    Best of luck, and keep us posted!
    mikecb
     
  4. sophia
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    sophia Senior Member

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    Hi Ms Speedy!
    I guess your husband is interested in chastity? Since you ask in this forum?

    I can only relate to my own relation. We are the same age as you. For a couple of years now my wife has been the "dominant" in our marriage. Of course that does not mean she is "dominant" 100% of the time. She has a job, she is tired etc. etc. A lot of daily life has to be done. I as a "submissive" can not be 100% submissive... for the same reasons. We are a very "normal" couple who shares a secret.
    I can say that since we started this "lifestyle" we are closer together. We actually share more of the normal daily activities. We go shopping, see friends, go fishing, holiday trips.... just like most people do.

    I can honestly say that all people see my wife as a very soft, warm, caring woman. She is lightyears away from the Domina stereotype.
    I think she is even more satisfied than I am. Of course, that is in the nature of this game.

    For your husbands ED i have found that my erections are much better now.
    Strange? Since my wife is the boss and decides when I will be allowed....
    I can also assure you that her sexdrive is MUCH higher now. I have to pleasure HER first until SHE decides when SHE wants to feel me inside HER. Whenever that may be...

    I see that mikecb has given good suggestions since I started writing this.
    My advice is to take it easy and enjoy yourself. Play and have fun.
    Another advice, we are not very serious, we make jokes and have a good laugh sometimes. I think that helps a lot to reduce stress.

    Good luck!
     
  5. Mistress Kate
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    Mistress Kate Senior Member

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    Welcome !

    I don't generally offer advice as I still feel pretty new to this myself and, after a great start, we are currently going through a more challenging time with our chastity play. However, it certainly does sound that there could be potential here to improve things for both of you.

    If he's been into the type of things you outline, there's a fair bet that the concept of chastity has been up there with his various fantasies. Secondly, if you can switch him off from the porn and onto thinking about you, it's got to be better for you.

    Even if you don't cure the ED (and there's got to be the possibility that you will - a good keyholder is surely better than any porn site) you should be able to take back control of your life and get spoilt a bit.

    I should go for it - really shock him with what you are prepared to wear and do. That seems to be what they crave and I don't see much of a downside for you - it sounds like neither of you is really happy with your lot at present. It could work for you but, if it doesn't, are you any worse off than you feel now ? If it does work it'll probably change your life - I couldn't believe how fulfilling I found the keyholder/mistress role when we started.

    Good Luck !
     
  6. susie q
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    susie q Dear friend of the Mistress Michelle clan

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    If i may add abit..first what wonderful advice from Mistress Kate,mike and sophia. As a sissymaid myself i cant explain what a beautiful feeling it is to serve Mistress Michelle even though i cant do it full time (i wish)the time i get to is just thrilling to me (getting off topic here)i guess what im trying to say is please take advantage of the situation and put in your favor i believe he will love it and im sure you would enjoy the pampering.Case in point Mistress has had to take on most of the load herself due to pets illness and to help her was such a great help to me also as i think i was born to serve... just the little things ...getting the morning paper ,getting her dad coffee and juice,and of course the coop and doing things for her around the house.Let the hubby take charge in taking care of you and i think everything may fall in place for you both.:whipbang::chores001:
     
  7. speedy
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    speedy Junior Member

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    Thanks

    thank you so much for the advice. i think i'll try your suggestion, and let you two know how it goes.
     
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