Need a little help

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by MistressAngela, Dec 31, 2009.

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  1. MistressAngela
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    MistressAngela Junior Member

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    First I wanted to tell you a little back round on my subby and I. We have been together for three years now. I had been in two very bad marriages where I had been controlled . When he met me and we became intimately involved and moving forward in our relationship he verbalized that he wanted to give me the control on our relationship that I never had in any other relationship. early on he told me of his desires of wanting to dress feminine and to have a strap on used on him , I was extremely sheltered but we started our relationship put very open and willing to everything sexually. So we started with the strap on and I absolutely loved that , then we introduced the feminine clothes which I also loved. we have done many things trying all different sorts of domination/submission. I have locked him in the cb-6000 for the most two weeks ( with a few days of being out due to a sore on his shaft) . Every time he gets around the two week mark he gets very emotional and he does not think that I am interested in the dom/sub lifestyle. Most recently ( today) he wanted to stop doing it all together after a long conversation with him last night about him feeling like I was no longer interested as usual and him telling me that I have no interest in learning anything new. I finally told him the way it was going to be from now on that he will be doing more around the house so that his mistress has time to talk to other mistresses and get opinions or suggestion or do things for herself he agreed last night. today he was at home trying to accomplish the list of things that I left for him today well he did not like that so much and he lashed out again wanted to stop all of it. I really would like for my fellow mistresses to give me some suggestions on how to go forward and not go backwards. we both know this is what we want , but I am not sure how to go forward and make it stick this back and forth is to much. I would appreciate any help.



    special note: this is always the way it is at about two weeks . and when he cums he becomes completely impossible. I told him he still has the mind set of wanting what he wants and his mentality is still that he has a right to have an opinion and I tried to explained to him that is no longer true but I need something to wake him up and shake him up where he realizes it.
     
  2. Mistress Michelle
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    Mistress Michelle Magical Mistress

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    Hello Mistress Angela,

    This seems to be a common problem, it seems all is good as long as We are doing all the work to keep them entertained!
    However, I guess on the flip side, they do not enjoy chastity unless they have the constant teasing and denial, it is the most important part of the whole process. So, I would have to suggest a few things to keep his mind in sub space which is where it needs to stay for both of you to remain happy.
    Set up some rules, make up a couple games, something that creates daily activity, with rewards and punishments.
    I perticualy enjoy dishing out punishments Myself LOL
    Does your sub belong to this site? Maybe he needs to spend some time on here learning also!

    The worst thing you can do as his Mistress is let him get away with anything, so whatever happens, dont back down from him.

    Mistress Michelle
     
  3. goddessape
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    goddessape Junior Member

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    what i do with my husband is i have him in lock up for one month and the day is marked on the calendar for his potential release.any request not done gets him an extra day.any lip that follows gets another day.when you start crossing off his day and adding new or more to his scheduled release days ,you will be surprised at how quickly his attitude will change.i have a whole list of rules and regulations that must be followed and some with two weeks added for infractions.any request not followed promptly or entusiastically in front of company is one week and another for any lip that follows and any request not followed when unlocked gets two weeks added.this works great when i want him to eat his own come and the first time he got a month and twenty five days added to his release date and he is completely subservient now!any questions send me a message and i will give you my complete list of rules and regulations as well as my dice roll game that he has to play when it does come up on his day for release and his chance to roll the dice to see how and if he gets to come
     
  4. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    Hiya, I don't have much time, but I'll chime in a bit now, and maybe more later.

    I agree with goddessape's philosophy about setting a firm date, and making it very clear that infractions will increase the duration. That puts the ball in his court to comply.

    That said, I think it's important to keep things in perspective, too. Before you got the CB, he was probably masturbating daily (we all do!), and each time fantasizing about all the hot sex, perpetual arousal, and constant teasing he could get. Then, in real life, suddenly he goes from cumming daily to getting a release every few weeks. The time in between seems interminable. I don't know how much of that time he is teased, denied or otherwise aroused. Then, at the two week mark (which is VERY common for all of us), his hormones cause a negative spiral in emotions.

    So, how do you deal with that? Well, first I think you need to build up the duration slowly. Have you guys had a conversation about your long term goals? Was he thinking he would just wear a CB to keep from masturbating between sessions of hot sex every other day, while you thought he'd be locked for weeks or months at a time? I'm sensing there might not be common ground there. Ultimately, if he agrees to be submissive, you get to decide, but I think you need to be sensitive to how common or different your vision of chastity play may be, and build up slowly.

    If he constantly keeps playing the "I don't want to do this any more" card, perhaps you should have a very blunt conversation about what that would mean. If he won't wear the CB, you could cut him off from D/s play entirely. Ask him if that's what he really wants.

    I think the trick is to make him understand that you're trying to give him what he wants, at the same time you are challenging him.

    Well, gotta go. Best of luck to you!
    mikecb
     
  5. Rachel
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    Rachel Owned by Mistress Michelle

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    Mike ever the voice of reason at the Mansion.

    rachel
     
  6. superchef08
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    superchef08 Junior Member

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    first of all if kids are not in the long term picture then think about this... hormone reduction therapy (secret of course) i can tell you where to buy male hormone blockers that will rob him of his macho attutude and put his wild dicky to 'sleep' but you replace these hormone blockers in a bottle of mulyi vitamins and make sure he takes 2-3 a day i know where to buy them and have helped 13 women in their dom and controlling life style let me know if this helps
     
  7. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Okayyyyy....

    I'm not really one for drugging people with or without their knowledge! In fact, it's probably illegal isn't it?
     
  8. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    I was physically abused in my first relationship, and was completely submissive in my second... it knocked my sideways when pet asked me to be Domme. I threw all manner of toys out of the pram and said there was no way I was going to do it.

    Then, because I loved him and figured he understood my kinky side like no-one else, I would give it a go. It's actually quite a relief to be in control sometimes isn't it!

    Feminization was something I didn't really associate with, and when it did take hold it was all consuming. Fortunately we got over that and now I do look forward to seeing charlotte every so often and would love a sissy maid when time allows.

    The CB6000 can be a right pain for those sores and grazes. Two weeks, yep, sounds about right!

    Again, perfectly normal. As has already been suggested you need to keep him focused and yourself focused. The Marble Game is perfect for this. He is kept busy adding up his score all day while doing chores, then you get a little ritual in the evening at bed time where you pull the marble. An exciting moment, something to look forward to. And if he doesn't get an O ball, who cares, you can still make him go down on you if you're horny and get what you need.

    We've been at this for over 3 years now and I still have trouble "pushing through" these moments... but this is what they really want and really need, otherwise they wouldn't be giving us the key!
     
  9. Rachel
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    Rachel Owned by Mistress Michelle

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    MW then your new avatar is against the law because i am put in a drug like trance everytime i see it,lol.

    On a more serious note. You are absoutely correct in this statement. It seems to me they are topping from the bottom and will continue to do so if you give in.
    Mistress Angela if you take on the marble game you could always pull out an orgasm marble for any pissy moments or just add a day to his release date as Goddessape suggests. There are many ways to teach him this is not proper behavior but whatever you do make it clear to him that all releases or orgasms are completely at your descretion. This has to be rule number 1.
    MM's sweetpea
    rachel
     
  10. MarqDzine
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    MarqDzine Junior Member

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    Hello Mistress Angela,

    I realize you asked for other Mistress' suggestions, but hope you won't mind another male's perspective. Since I can't possibly know your situation well based on one post, I won't be presumptious and claim that I see the answer. However, I do see there might be one of several motivations at work here. Is it possible that he's more sexually submissive and finds it harder to focus on your desires when a sexual component isn't involved? For instance, as a switch, I find household chores boring, but if my Mistress has spiced it up a bit, I'll not only marvel at her cleverness, I'll also be much more motivated to complete tasks well. Maybe something as simple as butt plug locked in place during the chores, or having him dress feminine and have his highest heels locked on while doing tasks might help him feel your dominant influence more even during mundane things. This doesn't really require much extra work on your part but might be just the thing to keep him motivated. I also wondered if there are any rewards, other than the satisfaction of doing somehting for you, waiting for him at the end of properly completed tasks? Again, it doesn't have to be much, but might help with long-term conditioning.

    Alternatively, if this is just a battle of wills, you may have to call his bluff and indeed go backward a bit to hopefully go forward. If he's trying to get attention when he says he wants to stop, give him "negative" attention. Have him unlock himself and try putting the relationship back to a place before he complained so much. He may need to realize what he's losing in a such a case, and if he does, he'll come back to apologize and beg for another chance. I know in my case, I'd hate to lose the secure feeling of being possessed by my loving Mistress, and the feeling that offering her my chastity pleases her so much, if she took the chastity component of our relationship away. Especially if it was due to my whining and was my fault.

    Finally, while I think it's the least productive route, you may need to simply stand firm and try pushing his limits further along the same path you are on now. Mistress Angela, I wish you the best in your quest, and would certainly like to hear how it works out.

    Cheers,
    MarqDzine
     
  11. MistressAngela
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    MistressAngela Junior Member

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    thank you

    thank you all so much for all your responses . I want you to know that I have read all the threads and I have learned a few things already . all future advise and suggestions would be greatly appreciated and well used.
     
  12. MistressAngela
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    MistressAngela Junior Member

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    Okay I just read something from a link that was posted on here that helped me completely understand what was going on with my sub and about the chastity and orgasm denial . I have learned more from that one article then anything that I have read so far. I am going to be completely open right now I have a difficult time being creative on the things that I do with my subby . I really have wanted to ask for some Ideas and maybe make adjustments so that it would fit my subby and myself. I am being as honest as I can be my subby is very Imaginative but he likes for me to coime up with my own I just have a hard time with everything else that I think of throughout the day. I know that him being a male he thinks that all of my time should be spent thinking of how to entertain him or keep him stimulated but the fact of the matter is I have no I dea were to begin sometimes.
     
  13. newsub4a
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    newsub4a Senior Member

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    Just curious, but what was it you read?

    Goddess has the same problems with creativity. Why don't you put your subbies mind to work for you? Make him write a sexy short story for you once a week (or more often) involving his fantasies. Make sure that you make it clear to him that if he writes about it, it might just happen! Make this VERY clear so that he doesn't write fantasy stuff that can't be acted out in reality.
     
  14. ladylionzsissy
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    ladylionzsissy male chastity sissymaid

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    Dear MsAngela ::curtsey:: sometimes i feel similarly among family and friends, that they wish to control my actions and attitudes. after living through that for years i finally realized i couldn't possibly try to please everyone around me and that only one person mattered: Mistress. i don't think You have to cater to Your sub at all, and You should be the one calling the shots. if he's submissive he'll have to come to that realization. perhaps You might give him an ultimatum and if You do, i'm sure he'll come around to Your point of view. in my very humble opinion, of course. i hope this helps! ::curtsey::
     
  15. MistressAngela
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    MistressAngela Junior Member

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    newsub4you I read the chastitytube link that was posted it had alot of info in it , all I really new about chastity my subby told me so I was misinformed looks like I should have done my research earlier huh. That is okay though I have that information now and that is even more power .hahahaha . it is a good thing and he is really going to suffer for trying to be so selfish , I thought it wound up all being about the subby . so not true.
     
  16. MistressAngela
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    MistressAngela Junior Member

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    lazylionzsissy you are correct that ia my problem trying to make everyone happy all the time. I have to reconcile that part , so that I can receive what a mistress deserves.
     
  17. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    My guess is that only half of him wants to be subby - the other half of him wants to 'top from the bottom'. This won't work. If you're to be in control, that's got to be it. The thing is: after a fortnight's lockup he's getting over-horny and hasn't learned to handle it. Getting a grip on his balls may be what he needs. Also, or alternatively, some form of commitment from him (in writing) may cement things. Otherwise, make it clear that any wingeing will AUTOMATICALLY add days to his lock-up, period. If the relationship you both envisage is to work properly, you need to be strong, and take control on your own terms.
     
  18. Rachel
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    Rachel Owned by Mistress Michelle

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    Mistress Anglea could you please post the link in it's entirety i can't seem to find it in the previous posts.

    Thanks in Advance
    MM's sweetpea
    rachel
     
  19. MistressAngela
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    MistressAngela Junior Member

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    hello rachel I would certainly tell you were to find it but I can not find it now it was instruction for Mistresses so that they understand the dynamics of the chastity device on the male in their life and then she went into orgasm denial it just made things clear on the mental aspect of chastity on my sub and the process of changing that well bred mental male attitude.
     
  20. MistressAngela
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    MistressAngela Junior Member

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    rachel that link is in a post called two orgasms under pedestal.
     
  21. xcitex2
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    xcitex2 Back from the past!

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    Hello Mistress Angela. If you have not already read it there is an incredible book called the Keyholders guide to Male Chastity. It has some great ideas from a woman's perspective on what it really is, how it works, and how you should go about it. With that said, please know that the dynamics about the relationship are ultimately going to be what works for the two of you. I will say as a guy it is very hard for me to completely surrender in a full sense. Lucky for me my wife/Goddess does not want that in ALL aspects of our marriage but does love the sexual control she gets from the chastity. I like your sub was more about the fantasy of it when it first started. You know lock me up for a couple of days, tease the hell out of me, deny me o a couple of times and then somewhere along day four lets have a great lovemaking sessions where I get to experience the release of a lifetime. If you read that sentence a couple of times you will notice it is all "I" and "me" Once he starts focusing on your needs, wants, and desires two thing will happen almost instantly. The first is you will understand and enjoy what the entire lifestyle is about, and second he will (may not think so now but he will) gain more pleasure from being able to pleasure you to greater depths. For me when I am in a long period of lockup or denial, the focus changes after a few days because I realize I am not getting a release and for me the only pleasure I get is the pleasure she allows me to give her. This is a huge high and once it is experienced it will become an addiction in and of itself.

    Obviously there are a lot of elements in between these stages and those are where you have to find your common grounds. Talk it out between you, write it down. what does he want from this and what do you want. Then make the things you want tasks he has to complete or achieve "before" he gets what he wants. Just you wait! If he is anything like the rest of us who started with the all me attitude (and I am not saying he is) there will be a noticeable change that will leave you with a sense of empowerment and joy you have yet to see. Even my Wife who is not much into the BDSM lifestyle has found she loves the rush she gets from just something simple like running her hand down my inner thigh and realizing what is there is securely locked away for her! Hope this helps. Feel free to PM me anytime if I can be of further assistance. Also feel free to contact my wife/Goddess She is Goddess_Melissa on here.
     
  22. MistressAngela
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    MistressAngela Junior Member

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    Thank you very much for the information I will have to get that book also . So basically it is going to take time for him to understand that it is not about him and keeping him entertained , correct? It is a process of him learning about how to please his Mistress first . I think he is not completely to blame he is a. man and when it comes to fulfilling their fantasies they are very excited and anxious like a child on Christmas morning. especially since I always try to fulfill his fantasies as soon as he tells me about them , before I realized that is my problem not making me his fantasy all the time instead of the ones he used to have when he was able to masterbate the ones not based in reality.
     
  23. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    pet is also a "do me" sub. He wants to be tied up and teased and made horny and then be released.

    I, on the other hand, now like my position in this household and want more from the D/s lifestyle.

    My problem is fitting in training around a housefull of kids and the both of us studying and working!
     
  24. MistressAngela
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    MistressAngela Junior Member

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    I know how that is , it is hard to try to fit everything in a day. I think there must be a balance some how matbe the fact that the subs can help take up some of the slack so we can both get what we want. but that is the issue . how do we make them understand that and get them where they want to help. ever since i read that article i want the same out of this lifestyle also.
     
  25. xcitex2
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    xcitex2 Back from the past!

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    In a word, Yes. We all, including me at first, want the fantasy of this lifestyle. However for it to be mutually beneficial your fantasies and desires HAVE to be met first or you will lose the drive to want to continue. This happened with us and it is something we still struggle with. However once he crosses that line I think he will find the complete surrender a complete thrill! It will take time but for me the "fantasy" is now to have her not give me the options I once had. I trully would love to have her loving side, but the playful dominate side that says "no tonight you serve me" and know she won't back down. Does that make sense? Main thing to remember is to give it time. We have been doing this now for 18 months and we still are working out the kinks no pun intended LOL
     
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