Naturally Female-Led, and growing.

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Tarknassus, Mar 12, 2022.

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  1. Tarknassus
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    Tarknassus Wordy chastity nerdery.

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    I've been married to my wife for 13 years, fast approaching our 14th year. What's been interesting is the natural female-led aspect to our marriage outside of the intimate, sexual side. She's been the arbiter, the big decision maker - although we have aspects that are mutual too. Not everything is controlled or dominated by her.

    I was always more submissive as a person than a dominant type. Most definitely a beta male in most situations, I preferred direct, forthright women in my relationships. My very first girlfriend all those years ago showed me that because she was not like that at all and the relationship failed horribly. Fast forward to my wife and she is perfect for me. A counterpoint to my submissive type, she is strong willed and has a clear idea of standards, expectations, etc. But it was also fair - we agreed on some things, I even had the more dominant expression in certain decisions, etc. But 90% of our marriage has been her in charge, at first begrudgingly but as we grew together she saw value in my quiet, dedicated devotion to her and her needs. Now she doesn't even think about having that 'alpha male' husband - because to her there were more benefits to having the husband she has now.

    A few years ago we (mostly I) had to admit my financial handling skills are abysmal, I'd not made progress in resolving my financial issues on my side. We have separate bank accounts as my wife had her business involvement in hers and that was our best solution at the time. We now run our own home business together (50% partnership, but she's the boss), and I relinquished access to my accounts handing it over to her. Now, even though that's the case, she still wants me to learn my own responsibility, so I am involved with working out our "pay" from our business account, helping make financial decisions, and things like that. I doubt I'd ever have any full unfettered access and I'm fine with that.

    My wife is the final say in a lot of things, but we discuss them, she deals with it fairly, she wants me happy and fulfilled - recently allowing me to upgrade my photography equipment as it was something I enjoy. Seeing me satisfied in my personal activities means she has a better husband to live with.

    I love to do things for her anyway, I help when I can to do things around the house. I'm not perfect, and prone to either laziness or because my side of work has been busy so I'm physically exhausted by the time I get home. She helps me look after myself, giving me time to rest. I long to do more, so she knows she is being looked after as much as I can. Once, she prolapsed a disc in her spine and I was doing practically everything. She saw in me a devotion to her every need without judgement or (for the most part) complaint. I wanted her well. I wanted her emotionally stable because it took a toll on her mental state not being physically active.

    She was, and is in charge of things by and large. It wasn't until I discovered the chaste life and brought it up with her that we could finally label our life together. It was a lot of stops and starts, fumbling along, usually with me having to research, read, digest and pass on the information to her. I have been careful not to try topping from the bottom (that was one of my early mistakes), but rather filtering the aspects of the FLR/FemDom world she doesn't like and presenting them to her as suggestions and options for her to choose. She took that, started to make each thing her own. Sometimes it would evolve naturally. Like I never told her about teasing about my predicament being caged - she just saw it as the right way to do it. Tempting me by putting the key in the lock, and leaving it there, not unlocking and after a while removing the key.

    But each time we failed to keep things going, we ended up learning more. It would take many attempts. She wanted to keep it going, but dealing with learning a lot and me trying not to put pressure on it too.

    Very recently, I'd started self-locking because I knew I wasn't contributing to the health of our marriage by not fixating on her needs but my own. It works for me, for us. She knew straight away the change that happened. Obviously having not done this for a while, I was still adjusting to it, getting my bits used to the feeling, getting the skin acclimated to the cage once more.

    Last night we had a long long talk about things. We talked about our dynamics in the marriage, how we'd seen a return to passions for each other, how I was more focused really on her own sexual needs over mine, my serving attitude in general, etc. It culminated in a discussion about me being locked up and under her control. We've changed the way it works. Rather than in the past it would be too much too quickly, we've opted for a different path. We are beginning with a weekend. After that, we'll talk again, review it, move forward with a few more days, then review again. Each time going a little longer between the review and refinement.

    There are some simple ground rules we agreed on based on past failings - I'm given cage cleaning under supervision. The key will never leave her sight. She is exercising authority over me by now being the one to unlock and lock me. She lets me put the cage on however (there was that one time she pinched my skin trying to put it on... It bled for a surprisingly long time).

    This empowerment has already shifted the power dynamic. She gave me a minor punishment for an infraction this morning (I complained about something, not even to her, but just out loud!). We'd not even discussed anything like this, but needless to say it was what I deserved, and gave me comfort that she is really happy in the role as head of the house. Yes, it hurt. No, it wasn't in true anger, but was a correctional application. As it's new experiences to me, yes it was kinda hot, but it filled me with dread knowing the ease with which she has applied a punishment so swiftly and quickly - what happens now with a stronger infraction, or failing to uphold a command? I really have no clue and it's a huge motivating factor to keep in her good books. It's probably going to go past the stage of being hot because it's new to being part of my life very quickly I think. We shall see.

    It's early days into this go at making the FLR a more encompassing aspect to our relationship, it's certainly brought about a comfort and peace between us having more defined roles and understanding of each others. The new elements and her growing into a powerful leadership role is a dream come true in many ways. Talking about each stage, going through our hopes, fears, apprehensions about things has helped massively. There's still a long way to go, but I'm loving each step we have made, and so glad to see it making her so happy.
     
  2. Cincy
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    Cincy Long term member

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    My wife is in charge, likes to have things her way, and views me as her slave, but she is the nicest wife I could ever have. Every day I just want to please her in any way I can.
     
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  3. madams-sissysub
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    same here!
     
  4. Guest 6019
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    Guest 6019 Long term member

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    What a great post. You have a really interesting, thoughtful style, which resonates with me. Sounds like you are in the right path. Keep journalling, I want to hear what happens. And, good luck.
     
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  5. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    Thoughtful post. Good luck to both of you.
     
  6. Tarknassus
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    Tarknassus Wordy chastity nerdery.

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    Thank you. We are making good progress overall, things have evolved quite naturally and it's changed our marriage dynamics a lot. But we both see the changes as a 'layer' on top of the already solid marriage we have. We'd been through a lot together and stuck with each other, so it's not something we're using to "fix" things, but to introduce a new element of fun and interest to things.

    My wife, who has been famously vanilla (lovemaking became so routine it was incredibly predictable) has broadened her horizons in ways I could not predict, I now have no clue what will happen when she says "Get upstairs."

    She's surprised me totally. The intimate side of our lives is the area we're experiencing the biggest change, because our daily lives were always pretty much FLR. At the moment it's one-sided (i.e. torturing caged me) because we're working on her issues (post-menopausal) and that's going to take a few weeks to sort out initially, then it's going to be a whole new game...

    It's a good time for us, I'm much happier in my submissive state, she's far happier in her dominant state.
     
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  7. Andy88
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    Andy88 Long term member

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    Same scenario with me here.. our roles have been reversed since me losing my job and she advanced further in her career. I have been helpful around the house and she appreciates my male energy in getting things done n tidy. My wilingness to submit n agree on most if not all of her decisions has actualy saved our marriage.
     
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