My wife don't like cages

Discussion in 'Novices and newbies' started by Chasticot, Feb 11, 2021.

  1. Chasticot
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    Chasticot Member

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    Hello,
    with my wife, for a few months now and on my initiative we have gradually started a kind of chastity. She decides when I come, when I can touch myself. So my orgasms have gone from several a week (often by my hand) to about every week and with her only.
    She also finds her pleasure and has more and more fun controlling my sex, teasing me and enjoying the changes caused by my frustration and pleasure.
    But there are 2 shadows in the picture. After one week of frustration it must be difficult not to think about sex every time, not to be demanding. What madame finds a little annoying at times.
    Second concern, she doesn't like chastity cage and doesn't seem to want to change her mind (I don't want to impose that on her either), but it's not easy for me to remain chaste without a cage ^^'
     
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  2. Charles3451
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    Charles3451 Long term member

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    So, you have only been with your wife for a few months? Surely at this early stage you should be enjoying sex with each other?
     
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  3. Chasticot
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    Chasticot Member

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    No, in chastity for few month but wit my wife since 4 years ;)
     
  4. Neander
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    Neander Active member

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    You say yourself that you have been playing for only a few months.
    Some things take time; trying to force something in relationships is counterproductive. Constant dripping wears the stone.
    YEARS ago my wife was absolutely opposed to the idea of male chastity. But mainly, as with you, concerning the cage. If I could only sleep with her and not masturbate at all, THAT would be in her interest of course!
    I didn't give up and she became more and more comfortable with the benefits.
    Meanwhile, SHE is the one who holds the key. And hopefully gives it to me at the weekend.
    And like last Sunday morning says: not now, I'm going to take a shower, and you're going to get locked up again. While she hands me the cage...
     
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  5. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Howdy

    In my opinion, you have a few options that make change mind on it with pros and cons to each.

    1. Talk to her, tell her how much you enjoy saving yourself for her, but you just aren’t capable of doing it without the tools needed. The cage is only a tool that helps you from ruining that. The con of course is her saying that you two don’t need to continue this lifestyle and go back to “normal”.

    2. You could continue without the cage, and as you give in when you want, she notices your behavior not up to standards she understands that the cage is necessary on her own, asks you to get the cage. The con is she may not ask.

    3. You accept that being caged isn’t going to happen, try your hardest to be chaste without that help. Cons are that failure may be a regular occurrence, not as much fun, and she isn’t as much of a participant as you would like.

    I think if you ask her as a favor, explaining how much you really want this, she would be willing to try it. Plus, it wouldn’t hurt to get something that is pleasing to her. If she doesn’t want a plastic thing, or weird color, it might put her off. My wife prefers the steel cages that are a bit open, so she can still see it a little. Plus keep yourself groomed and clean. Be super vigilant on this, you don’t want her finally unlocking you and finding it smelling or looking gross.

    good luck
     
  6. Chasticot
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    Chasticot Member

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    Thank you for your reply. I'm not as impatient as my text shows but I don't know English enough to be subtle ^^ '
    It's like you're saying a new experience where we're both fumbling around figuring out how to do it and how to please each other.

    Patience is indeed essential to avoid as much error as possible.
     
  7. Chasticot
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    Chasticot Member

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    You've summarized my possibilities pretty well. I also tell myself that I still have a lot to learn. For example this horny state and the expectation of an orgasm. This can make me too demanding for his taste ^^ '
    Getting locked up won't fix my arousal level ...
     
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  8. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    You’re arousal levels will go up and down, for me she finds it cute while it lasts, and it’s put aside
     
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  9. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Long term member

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    What doesn't she like about them?
     
  10. Mauiperson
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    Mauiperson Long term member

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    Don't worry...have hope, my wife hated it at first, but she doesn't want it any other way now. The truth is that the more the tension builds, the more you need help with a cage.

    I know this isn't the best analogy, but here it goes. If you were an alcoholic, you would probably not have any alcohol in the house to avoid the temptation. Problem is....your dick is always there with you and you know there is nothing but a pleasure palace waiting for you if you touch it. Who wouldn't need a device to help you out?
     
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  11. homebody
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    homebody In awe of GoddesofHomebody

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    My wife’s first reaction was so negative we didn’t talk about it again for over a year. Now it’s gotten to the point where she bought me a new cage and told me how much she likes the look of it. She thinks it looks sexy. Don’t give up. But you may need to give it time.
     
  12. Couple4517
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    I would not give up or push it to hard. My partner was not keen at first either as it looked odd, was uncomfortable and just didn't seem quite right to her. After having some time without me saying anything about it she asked me to wear it for a few days and was still a bit unsure. This went on for a while and gradually she got used to it. Now she regularly touches the cage and does not find it odd at all.

    I think key thing is to remember that we often have a long time to get used to the idea as we think about it, research it, buy it and probably even try it before ever showing our partners. Then suddenly she sees it the first time and just needs some time to process it.
     
  13. Chasticot
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    He don't like the concept.
    For her, locked up my cock is too dominant. We are not looking for a Dom / Sub life and she worries that the cage will make me submissive in all aspects of our relationship.
     
  14. Chasticot
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    Chasticot Member

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    Thank you for all your feedback!
    It's nice to see that we are far from being the first to go through all of this, the doubts, the impatience and the errors that flow from it.
    currently, even if I am not really locked, we are already experiencing some new and profound things. So step by step without hurry and it will be fine. (10 days without cumming so it's not bad I think ^^' )
     
  15. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    you may have to learn to love the honour system. Good luck
     
  16. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Long term member

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    All relationships are "give & take"/compromises.... I am not sure how long you have been, but this sounds like it would be something you would arrive at before marriage if it was a "deal breaker". She wants to control your orgasms but she doesn't want to be "too dominant"... that doesn't sound right...

    It sounds like she is just turned off by the idea of you playing with yourself and the possible lack of interest you will have in her... but she doesn't like the idea of you wear a device either... She probably just looks at those "things" are perversions.
     
  17. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    Why not a compromise where you only wear a cage when she isn’t around? She could leave the key on her key ring and you unlock as soon as you have access to the keys. At some point she may want to not allow you the key.
     
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  18. Byrdie
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    Byrdie Junior Member
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    So, there's this guy advocating for "devotional sex" where the woman is more a manager-type of the man's orgasms. He tries to make an clear distinction between his philosophy and D/s - but still acknowledges that they can be used together.

    Given that there's a sliding scale between the two concepts, I'd say that:

    • pure "devotional sex" is where the man determines how often he wants orgasm and the woman manages his orgasms to hold him to his goal
    • adjusted "devotional sex" gives a little more leeway for chastity devices and other concepts
    • D/s with "devotional sex" added in uses ideas and requests (well, in such a case, demands) from dev sex but with a firmer edge, and in which the orgasm amount / scheduled is likely left up to the dominant.
    Some men who already had the potential for submission do find that chastity makes them sink into it more. However, I've also heard of dominant men wearing chastity, so it doesn't seem to be an automatic side effect of the devices.

    She might find it interesting to look into orgasm management styles and see that there's a bunch of different ways to experiment with chastity.
     
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  19. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Long term member

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    One thing that may help...
    From threads here and from my own experience, stainless steel is more attractive than plastic.
    After wearing plastic devices for a few years, i wasn't expecting my wife's reaction when she first saw me wearing a steel cage... "Oh! it looks just like jewellery!".

    We originally chose steel for better hygiene with longer term lockups, but she definitely decided that she much preferred the look of the stainless steel once we started using it.

    With regards to the sub/dom aspect... the cage won't necessarily be what determines that.
    I'd say that we were reasonably equal outside the bedroom, with her possibly being just a little more dominant, but in the bedroom, even though I am caged, I can still be dominant in terms of how we have sex, except that she has total control over when or if I am unlocked and whether I have an orgasm or even get any stimulation. She of course, even when in a submissive position, gets all the orgasms she wants.
    If you asked either of us who is the dom and who is the sub, we don't know, it's too complex to answer!
     
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  20. subrick
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    subrick Junior Member

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    I will agree with @bondinchas in that my Wife prefers the look of the steel over the plastic cages. In Her case, though, it was because She perceived the steel as being heavier (so more noticable for me) and more "permanent" than the plastic. While She knows one can escape from any cage, She likes the extra strength of the steel. For one thing, if She decides to give me a good kick, She has to worry more about hurting her foot than breaking the cage. Well, She's learned how to do it without hurting her foot....so...another reason She likes the steel.

    Just to be clear: are you getting frustrated & demanding, or is SHE? It sounds like it's you that's acting up here. In which case, you need to realize what your lovely Wife is doing for YOU and be appreciative of that. Make sure that SHE has all of the massaging and attention She wants from you, with NO expectation that She has to reciprocate for you in any way. My wife frequently just wants to be rubbed all over. Other times, She gets turned on and desires Her orgasm, which I gladly help deliver to Her. Yours might be similar. If She just wants to roll over and go to sleep afterward, then so be it. You'll hopefully get another shot next time.

    My Lovely Wife has really found that She enjoys seeing me denied all of this time. It helps excite Her to think that my devotion to Her is so strong that She has been able to deny me of any physical release in Her honor. Couple that with some ball-busting, and Her lastest find: having me tie a leather bootlace around my balls for Her to pull on during Her orgasm. The harder She comes, the harder She pulls. She LOVES hearing me groan, moan and cry out with pain as She explodes...all of the time while pulling harder as her climax builds. I SWEAR one of these days after such a session I'm going to see my balls hanging on the end of that bootlace! LOL But She loves it!!!

    So, you have to find what it is that She wants and enjoys and make sure She gets it, as best as you are able.

    ~subrick
     
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  21. downlow
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    downlow Junior Member

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    You can always get a cage and keep the key yourself. Maybe she just doesn't want to play the dominance part yet. You take it off when you want or she wants, but she doesn't have to be involved with the key. Seems like a decent transitional step.
     
  22. Chasticot
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    Small update!
    long stroy short, we continued our "cage free" chastity game
    I explained to him that it would be easier for me with a cage.
    Since she appreciates more and more keeping me chaste, she accepted. So I now wear a cage, which I can remove whenever I want. I give him time to get used to it before offering him the keys;)

    The problem now is that she can keep me chaste longer ^^'

    And thanks for your answers, it always helps
     
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  23. Turma
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    Turma Long term member

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    We always have phases in our relationship where I am without a cage! However, my wife trusts that I do not take advantage of it!

    If you can do that, then you manage everything together!

    Because chastity and her being faithful, is not a question of the cage, but your will and her will to enforce it.
     
  24. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    Does she dislike the cage, or dislike all the fuss of keys and locking and unlocking?
     
  25. Junebug15
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    Junebug15 Long term member

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