My reason for locking

I initially locked to focus on my Wife and family rather than myself. During the nearly 15 years we have been together, I was often angry or insensitive. Also, I was so detached from what was going on around me that I couldn’t confidently name even one of my kids’ friends.

I eventually hit bottom when my Wife told me that my behavior was a deal breaker. I took Her words to heart and took a deep, honest and searching look at myself. Looking back on my life, I was finally able to understand what was wrong, why it happened, and what I needed to do in order to make things better.

I’m a submissive. For most of my life, I knew this deep inside me, but I constantly pushed back, partly because of societal pressure, but mostly because I was afraid to accept this in myself. This fear came out as anger and self-distancing from those I loved.

Once I came to understand the cause, I realized that the solution was a simple but very profound change. I need to be dominated in order to be happy, but only by the one I love and care for above all else - my Wife. Further, I need to submit fully to Her and give Her complete control over me, body and soul. The most concrete evidence of that control is my chastity cage. If my Wife owns me then She owns my penis, libido, and orgasms.

Now, this change didn’t happen overnight. It took a lot of discussion and quite a bit work to ease into a full time D/s lifestyle. Luckily, I am married to a true Angel who has always been open-minded and accepting. It also helps that She is discovering her inner sadist, and She REALLY enjoys being a strict domme!

Ever since I handed over control to my Wife, I feel like I have been reborn. Having this control in my life gives me a framework to follow to make my Wife happy. Also, wearing the chastity cage has the wonderful benefit of sharpening my focus on my Wife and Her needs and desires. She has often joked that She wishes that I had discovered chastity years ago!

Now I have apparently become a victim of my own success. Yesterday I handed over the cage key to my Wife, and asked Her to put it in a safe place, hidden from me. Her response was to let me know that She loves how I am now, that the old me needs to stay gone, and that I should plan on never being unlocked again. EVER.

I can’t say that I hate this decision. In fact, the joy I feel is nearly overwhelming. My chastity has helped to make me a better person and a better husband, which in turn has completely brought my wife around to the idea of permanent chastity. I truly and completely love my Wife, and I’d gladly forego EVER having another orgasm if it makes Her this happy.

 

Great questions!

Once I realized the need to be controlled and dominated, it was like a switch was turned from “Bad” to “Good”. Having the self-awareness to understand my need was key. The next step was to communicate this need to my Wife and obtain Her approval and willingness to participate. Finally, we needed to make the shift to the new power structure.

My personal need is to be completely owned and controlled by my Wife, and in our house Her word is law. Of course, being grown-ups, we have some realistic limits: don’t tell the kids, keep the “heavier” things inside the house, don’t jeopardize our jobs, etc. Other than that, I submit to Her in everything and accept Her as the leader of our family.

To grant some context and understanding, each week I recite the pledge from page 45 of Key Barrett’s book, Surrender, Submit, Serve Her:

She retains control through my complete submission, and through her willingness to immediately and painfully punish any infraction. A riding crop is Her current favorite punishment tool, but She recently acquired a short heavy whip… I don’t soon forget when She corrects me. The other aspect of that is aftercare. Each punishment is accompanied with a show of love and a discussion about why the punishment occurred.

Also, just as important, I never want to go back to how I used to be, so I have great personal motivation to submit to Her.

Hygiene? Yes. I wear a Holy Trainer v5 Nub, which requires frequent cleaning because it’sa closed tube. However, I followed some advice from TomVanAllen over on Reddit and obtained a soft narrow brush that can be used to clean inside the tube without removing it. So hygiene breaks are going to be rare from now on.

Erections? Never. My Wife forbids it, and I don’t have any desire to be unlocked without Her permission.

I hope this helps, and I’m happy to answer any other questions!

 

Quite a bit to unpack here, so be warned…

My moment of clarity arrived during a family trip to the Outer Banks in North Carolina. This is our happy place, where we go to disconnect from our daily lives for a week. The problem was that I couldn’t find that happiness. Little by little, over the past several years, my wife had been distancing herself from me due to my unacceptable behavior. She finally confronted me about it and let me know that, even though she loved me, this could be a deal-breaker. I took this with the seriousness that it warranted, and I resolved to find a way to fix the situation.

Armed with a twelve-pack of Lime-a-Rita’s, I retreated to the rooftop deck of the beach house and commenced a review of my life, looking at all of the pivotal moments that I could recall, and trying to understand how they could have contributed to the situation.

1. Throughout my life, I have always fought to be self-sufficient. My (misguided) feeling was that, as a man, I should do for myself, rejecting all offers of aid or assistance. This was my mindset for many years, and caused me no end of trouble, emotional pain and heartbreak.
2. I was in the Navy during the early part of Desert Storm. The structure that is inherent to the military resounded within me. I flourished within the Navy’s strict rules and quickly rose in rank, already an E-4 before I ever set foot on a ship. I found that the secret to success and happiness in the military is the ability to function in and conform to a rigid structure.
3. I’ve always been bisexual, and in the early 90’s I had a short relationship with a man that was heavily involved in the Master/slave scene. During that short time I learned two very important things about myself. First, I love pain, and second, I LOVE being dominated. I blame the end of that relationship on my inability to accept my own desires. In fact, it took meeting my Wife to get me to open up and acknowledge those needs and desires.
4. My Wife and I had always engaged in some light BDSM play and pegging. I liked pain, and She was more than happy to oblige. She told me recently that it was a safe way to punish me for my behavior. What slowly happened over time was that I came to realize that the thing that I liked most about those scenes was the feeling of submission and domination, specifically by my Wife.

Taken together, these moments led me to recognize the missing key to my happiness and fulfillment. I thought to myself, “I need to be owned and dominated by my Wife.”

Everything seemed to fall into place after that fundamental revelation - at least to me… It took a lots of conversations with my Wife to adequately communicate my reasons for asking Her to join me in this lifestyle change. Imagine my surprise when, after carefully ensuring that She understood what I was asking for, my wife was in full agreement with my desire for a FLR, and for chastity.

First and foremost, She keeps me locked because I asked her to. We have both realized that I am my best self when I am in chastity. And now, because she has control, she has decided to make it permanent in order to help maintain what we both agree is a wonderful state of affairs. She gets the husband that was her suitor during the initial days of our romance. I get my wonderful Angel.

Regarding orgasms… She’s never been a big fan of PIV sex. She’d much rather get off from oral, a vibrator, or strap-on. As for me, I get off from seeing Her get off, or from anal. There’s just no real reason to unlock anymore, other than hygiene. And, as soon as finances allow it, we’re looking into cages that allow cleaning while locked, which eliminates the hygiene issue.

My Wife and I are falling in love with each other all over again, every day. The butterflies in my stomach that I had when we were dating have come back, and they refuse to go away.

Both of us agree that we are in a better place than we have ever been before. And the sex? Mind-blowing!

 

Thanks!