My path to chastity

No I managed to get to sleep, caged edges have a very different feel and effect to uncaged ones. Difficult to describe but the frustration doesn't seem to last as long for me from an caged edge.

 

Well it does depend a bit on what else is going on but yes as a general rule the uncaged edge would be worse as its closer to what you would experience from sex I suppose so it makes it more frustrating. I also find it is relatively easier to stop stimulating for a caged edge than an uncaged one.

 

Apply a wand vibrator to your cage and you'll find out soon enough

 

I've just realised there are now less days on my countdown clock than the total days extra chastity I've accrued from punishments. My chastity is currently far more self inflicted than it normally is!

 

Today I was to start two days of intensive edge training for @LadyFedora , something that I clearly need. Just before starting she said I could forgo the training if I agreed to my release date (12 days away) being set to the 1st of January, any accidents would mean an extra 46 days chastity (for the number of days I've been locked so far putting my next chance for orgasm into next year). I should have taken the deal. Lady Fedora began warming me up with a number of edges and all was good, we were having a lot of fun together. In fact we'd recently been discussing what would happen after my release date given it was getting so close. (All these edges are by placing a wand against my cage).

Then I was assigned a task; 2 sets of 11 edges with 30 minutes between sets. I was to time each edge and that would be my rest time before the next edge of the set. This started out very well with 68 second gaps, by the time I was at edge 5 or 6 the gap was down to 30 seconds. At this point my penis was literally twitching in frustration constantly during the rest periods. By edge ten I was desperate; desperate like I have rarely felt. I was pushing my self so close to the edge trying to prove I could control myself, but I couldn't. It only took 15 seconds to get to edge 10 so 15 seconds rest but 10 seconds into that rest it all went horribly wrong, a ruined orgasm happened and weeks of cum flowed out of my caged cock. I was utterly distraught not just because of what this meant for my release date but more for having failed Lady Fedora again, she has been so wonderful to me taking me on as her submissive and I keep proving my inexperience and lack of understanding of my body making the same mistake again.

My countdown clock has been deactivated - all I know now is that my next orgasm occurs sometime in 2016 when Lady Fedora thinks I've earned it. And finally to Lady Fedora, I am so sorry to have failed you again, you are such a wonderful Keyholder to me and mean so much to me I would do almost anything to atone for my sins and return to your good graces.

 

I feel like Icarus flying too close to the sun and getting burned by my body's orgasm response.

 

I wasn't even released; this was from a wand applied to my cage. But yes its hard to stay in control after so long without.

 

Some of this duplicates what I said earlier but it was important for me to write it.

I failed Lady Fedora again today by producing a ruined orgasm during her edge training. The consequence of which has been that my next orgasm won't come until next year and my countdown clock has been deactivated, my next orgasm is now entirely at her mercy and not that of a clock.

This is a really good change I think. We had a discussion and one thing was clear; I had become too fixated on my orgasm on how many days I had served her. I wasn't embracing my submission as I should be. It reminded me of the time when I first submitted to her before the clocks were introduced. Back then all I knew was Lady Fedora would keep me chaste longer than my previous record, other than that it was up to her. And I gained a bliss in submission from knowing that decision was no longer mine. Once the clocks were introduced I had some control over what happened to them by completing tasks and gaining rewards and punishments. Perhaps in a way it diminished my submissive state.

I allowed myself to become more focused on the destination and was not taking enough time to enjoy the journey. I was perhaps using my small amount of control over that countdown clock to diminish my submission, it wasn't my intent but it happened. Now its time to return to how this started; embrace submission and the release it brings. Acknowledge that this is not about chastity it is about being in service to Lady Fedora. Recapture the bliss of being someone's submissive and see how great that joy can truly be; in essence surrender fully to Lady Fedora.

The fact that this has happened again also highlights a final point; I really don't know my body well enough I look forward to Lady Fedora teaching me to better understand my body and its signals and reactions.

And a final thought; while its nice to track my record of time in chastity and othe details; ultimately its only more information to inform Lady Fedora and not otherwise important.

 

Thanks jason; your support means a lot.

 

So several mistesps along the may (including almost meeting a keyholder who forgot to mention she charged) I find myself back in chastity and to none other than @LadyFedora apparently chastity is an appropriate birthday present. I'm not overly submissive right now but I am excited to be back in chastity to Lady fedora.

 

Well unfortunately changes in personal life (nothing bad) have meant I've snapped out of anything that resembles a sub mindset and after one week this new journey has come to a rather swift and abrupt end.

 

Thank you Jasmic, means a lot when people read my story. It is of course still being written and is likely that it will continue with @LadyFedora at some point however for now I need the time to myself and am not in a submissive mindset feeling I need to control my time and not submit it to another's control.

 

Being a switch isn't always a blessing. Whilst it means you get to enjoy both sides and get an understanding of both sides there are big downsides. It means my desires vary significantly and sometimes unpredictably making it hard to reliably play with people especially when I have an interest in chastity and my long term mood is difficult to maintain.

 

And so they have. Over the Christmas holiday I got into a very submissive mood and also recognised I had a bit of a masturbation problem (too much free time on my hands). So I did the possibly crazy and definitely dangerous thing to do and reached out @LadyFedora and asked her to lock me in chastity again. And... I almost got away with it, I heard from Lady Fedora not long after but then her life got busy so it took a while for us to connect again by which time I was almost out of sub side and headed into the Dom side of my personality. I was reluctant at first but Lady Fedora talked me into it and... she persuaded me to lock up for her once again!

 

Be Careful What You Wish For! Right now BCWYWF has never rung truer for me! I revealed to @LadyFedora I loved games and the idea of risky strip games. So Lady Fedora decided to indulge me - taking far far far too much pleasure in doing so! Bellow I present her devilish game that I will now have to play:

First we will determine what will happen

1) You remain locked for a amount of days
2) You’re allowed to unlock and play
3) You’ll remain locked until I’ve had a certain amount of orgasms
4) You’re allowed to unlock and will edge a number of times
5) You’re allowed to unlock and give yourself a ruined orgasm
6) You’re allowed to unlock and have a full orgasm

A second roll will determine exactly what will happen:.

1.1) 3 days
1.2) 5 days
1.3) 1 day
1.4) 8 days
1.5) 2 days
1.6) 4 days

2.1) Ball squeezing and light stroking for 10 minutes
2.2) 15 minutes of lubed stroking with electro pads on balls
2.3) 20 minutes of heavy stroking, max 30 second break when you’re at the edge
2.4) Stroking while plugged for 10 minutes
2.5) 5 minutes of light stroking
2.6) 10 minutes of heavy ball squeezing

3.1) 4 orgasms
3.2) 10 orgasms
3.3) 3 orgasms
3.4) 7 orgasms
3.5) 14 orgasms
3.6) 24 orgasms

4.1) 5 times
4.2) 15 times
4.3) 10 times while plugged
4.4) 23 times
4.5) 8 times
4.6) 11 times while electro on balls

5.1) 1 ruined orgasm after 15 edges
5.2) 2 ruined orgasms after 20 minutes of heavy stroking, max 30 second break at the edge
5.3) 1 ruined orgasm after self pegging for 5 minutes
5.4) 3 ruined orgasms as fast as possible
5.5) 1 ruined orgasm after telling (Lady Fedora's other sub) you’re going to give one to yourself
5.6) 4 ruined orgasms after 20 edges

6.1) 1 orgasm after 10 minutes of heavy self pegging
6.2) 1 orgasm after 15 edges
6.3) 1 orgasm with nipple clamps and electro on balls
6.4) 2 orgasms while plugged after 10 edges
6.5) 5 orgasms within 15 minutes
6.6) 3 orgasms without any stopping between the orgasms

If you roll a 2, 3, 4 or 5 during the first roll, an additional third roll will be added which will determine the number of days until we will play this game again, here are the numbers:

x.1) 3 days
x.2) 9 days
x.3) 5 days
x.4) 4 days
x.5) 11 days
x.6) 1 day

BONUS:

There is a way for you to better the odds for yourself!
When you complete any one of the tasks below, you’ll get a chance to remove one of the numbers from each of the lists, but… I will also get to remove one of the items from the list… If you throw a number that is removed, you’ll get to throw again.

Here are the available tasks:

• Write me a story about a mummification scene, you and me. (min 4 pages)
• Make me a CBT video. (min 10 minutes)
• Agree to a relock for minimum of 1 month directly after your orgasm. (breaking this promise will have serious consequences, so you better be sure!)

More tasks might follow. If you think you know a task that might earn you this privilege, let me know in the comments below.

In short I take it all back - I hate games with consequences. I don't ever want to reveal more fantasies to be turned on me like this!