My New Life in Submission

Here I sit, at my computer, a Normal middle aged man, starting to write about My New Life in Submission. How did this happen, and how did I get here? The journey starts now.

Background

I am a mid forties man, living in the South just having a normal life with many ups and downs, many successes and many distractions. But having been around for a while, I find myself searching for something more. The exact what, at the time, escaped me. Like a lot of men in my situation, I start to causally surf the internet looking at any free porn that I might find. Then one day, through some strange twist of fate, I discover male chastity. Interestingly enough, I am immediately turned on by the idea. Not sure why, but it just is. So then I alter my surfing slightly to research and learn about male chastity.

Through this research, I start to see the connection between chastity and many other things that I have always been turned on by. Things like spanking, bondage, and womans clothes. And other activities like serving woman, and being dominated. All of these had been things that had been in my fantasy world in the past, but now I find the connection to male chastity.

The Device

So then, about a year ago, I decided to purchase a CB-6000 male chastity device. It had just recently come onto the market and it seemed to be a good combination of an adequate device at a reasonable price; something good to start with. I played with the device on and off for a year, but it was clear that the missing link was having a keyholder and/or someone to submit too.

The Internet

Somewhere during this time, I discovered the ChastityLifestyle site and I lurked there for a good 4 or 5 months. I simply went on every day or two and read the posts. There was a lot of stuff there that I could identify with and a lot the just turned me off, or just did not seem real. However, through this lurking, I started to notice certain individuals that seemed to be more normal and sane (no offense intended to those who are very deep into chastity and submission). So in order to look at profiles, I had to take the step of signing up myself. So that is what I did.

I continued lurking, but as a member now. I started reading profiles and found a few people with whom I could I identify with. So I mustered up the courage to message them through the site; all responded and were not only very helpful, but nice and respectful.

The Missing Link

Then about 2 months ago, I struck up a conversation with one member who has been extremely helpful and understanding of my situation. So we messaged back and forth numerous times. Then She suggested that we IM. So I set up an IM account and started to IM with Her. She had been in the scene with Her husband for a long time. She was able to help me cope with many of the feelings and desires that I had. She allowed me to openly communicate my desires and fantasys without feeling like I would be shut down. I could even share things which She found unappealing, but we could talk about them none the less. She then started challenging me to wear my cage; which I did. She introduced me to the ChastityMansion Site, which I promptly joined. Then.

The Project

Then the project was born. My Mistress was found, and this is My New Life into Submission. This will be my diary of my journey into the world of male chastity and submission, under the direction of Mistress.

 

Mistress Watchful,

Thank You so much for your kind words. I actually had fun writing it and I am looking forward to my journey and writing about it. Interesting enough, posting a journal really made me think about my journey and the connection between me and My Mistress. It is actually a valuable part of being in a Mistress / sub relationship. It gives the sub time to think, contemplate, and realize their place, which in turn reinfocres the dominance of the Mistress.

And by the way, yes You are one of the 'normal' ones.

 

October 7th Update

Although i first met My Mistress a couple of months ago, it was a few weeks ago that we started moving towards a Mistress/sub relationship. My Mistress, Mistress Michelle, is a wonderful woman who has slowly guided me into the start of My New Life of Submission. She is a Woman who just has a way of making one comfortable. From the first time i read Her profile, to the first time i messaged Her, to the first time i IMd Her, to today, She has always been very helpful, respectful, and open to hear about my struggle with coming to grips with my feelings. She created an environment in which i could fell comfortable to open up all of my inner feelings and desires. However, in Her ever so subtle way, She was becoming My Mistress and i was becoming Her sub.

The Party

Then one night, She asked me if i knew about the party she was planning? She told me that i could look it up on the Chastity Mansion site. So that became my impetus for joining here at this site, which by the way, i find very informative and a little less intimidating than some of the other sites. i found the invitation and was intrigued, but that was nowhere near where i live. She later gave me a casual invitation to the party. This was the turning point in our relationship. This is when She turned up the heat and i fell right in the pan.

Upping the Ante

After She invited me and i expressed an interest (although i never really thought it would work), Mistress challenged me, or told me, to get my cage out and wear it. So being the obedient sub that i am, i did as i was told. i never even gave much thought to it, as it is something that i wanted to do. But now, i see that she had just set the bait and i eagerly took it. i eagerly wanted to do it, for someone, for Mistress Michelle. And then the next day i told Her that i had worn the cage, and She was extremely happy. This is what a sub wants to do, please his Mistress. So her response closed the loop.

Last Items

So the next few weeks contained several challenges from Mistress Michelle and each time i eagerly complied. She wanted me to upload pictures to my profile. i did that. She told me that her subs take cold showers only. i did that. She wanted me to wear my cage. i did that. She wanted me to do some nipple training. i did that. Each time, She asked, and i complied. And each time, we would talk, and She was always very happy. Her response is nothing short of fuel for me to continue to please. The interesting observation to me is that, even though some of the things She request of me, like the nipple training (that hurt like hell), and the cold showers (well, they are COLD), are not thing i find pleasant. But i eagerly do them, and when doing them, i think only of Mistress Michelle, that wonderful person who has opened the door to my submission. i think i must be the only person in the world who can take a cold shower, but get more aroused than i was before the shower. It is amazing; She is amazing. THANK YOU Mistress Michelle.

So to finalize the past and look towards the future; i am again wearing my cage because she demanded that i do so. Without question, i am complying. Also, i am going to her party in November. i am so eager and excited about this event. We have spent countless hours talking about my desires and expectations and what She demands from her subs. i have no idea what the future holds, but i am very eager to let this journey unfold and more than eager to share with this group. Now we are up to date; what will tomorrow bring..

 

October 8

My first two updates have been the background to get everyone to this spot. Now my updates are suppose to be daily/periodic updates that cover the events of those days. So for this mornings update, i want to go back to 2 day ago.

Two days ago was an interesting and amazing day. i awoke that morning and i knew that Mistress wanted me to do some nipple training. She likes Her subs to have sensitive nipples, and with the party fast approaching, She wanted to get started. So i had been instructed to place a clothes pin on each nipple for 30 minutes, rest 30 minutes, and then repeat 3 or 4 times. Being the good sub that i am, i knew that meant 4 times. i was a little nervous about this task. Truth be told, i had seen pictures on the internet, so i had tried this before and maybe lasted 1 2 minutes. Now my Lovely Mistress Michelle had asked me to do this for 30 MINUTES, 4 TIMES. Ouch!


So after my morning Cold Shower, which always seems to get my focus right towards Mistress, i get locked, don the panties, and settle in at my computer to get a few things done. i decide that 10 am will be the start of the nipple training. So on they go; left then right. Man that really hurts and i only have 29 minutes and 30 seconds left! Somehow, i make it through the first session, all the while cursing and thanking Mistress. At the end, i decide instead of taking them off, that i would yank them off. i knew Mistress would be pleased. So off they came. Well i thought i was going to die. i was literally rolling around, doubled over. That pulling off thing was way more painful that i thought it would be. But i recoveredsort of; my nipples were sore and each time i realized or thought about it, i also thought about Mistress Michelle. i also knew that she would have that big smile on her face. For me, that is intoxicating, because i know she is truly pleased and happy. During my rest period, i decided to then start working on stretching my anal opening. Mistress had suggested that i might want to do that before the party. Hmmmm, i wonder what she has planned there? So i go and commence that, all the while my nipples are burning, all of which is making me strain in my cage. i am so aroused, that the initial insertion into my ass causes some prostate pressure and a small amount of cum is expelled. All of these sensations peak over a few minutes and mentally i am freaking out. i just want to rip that cage off and take care of this issue. i just want to scream and i am thinking; where is Mistress, we NEED to talk. But calmer heads finally prevail and i am able to calm everything down. Ironically about 10 minutes later Mistress Michelle pops up online and asks me how it is going? i tell her my story, and needless to say She laughs and is extremely pleased and satisfied with my current state. We talked and i told her that i had pulled the clothes pin off. She was happy about that and said She wanted to tell me to do that, but figured She would go easy the first time. i expressed to Her that i was not sure i could do that again. However, this is not what She wanted to hear.

So 11 came, while we were IMing and on the pins sent again. For the record, they still hurt like hell. We finished our talk and then i finished my 30 minute sentence. Then i took a deep breath and grabbed both pins and yanked..but only one of them came off. Again i was reduced to a ball of flesh rolling on the floor. There was no way i was pulling that other one off myself, so i simply unclipped it. i did however, feel a sense of disappointment towards Mistress. i would tell her later when we talked. i repeated my last 2 sessions, and not only unclipped them each time, but also did not quite make the required 30 minutes; 25 and 20 minutes.

Late in the afternoon our schedules aligned and we talked. i confessed my results to Her and apologized for falling short. Overall She took it very well. We talked about various things and then She closed with another challenge. She wanted me to sleep with my cage on that night. Due to various circumstances of my situation, i normally wear the cage during the day and it is off at night. When it is off, i have pledged the honor system to Her. So far that has not been an issue.

The Dream

i know the previous events were long to explain, but it was very important as it relates to the dream. All the events of the day had me really ramped up and aroused. So i went to bed and the cage was in constant danger of splitting. My mind was racing about Mistress and many of the things that had happened and about the up coming party. At first, i kept thinking of my sore nipples and Mistress, and at one point, i almost released a huge load of cum, but i was able to hold back. This amazed me that i could be that aroused merely by being caged and the thoughts i was having. Then later as i would doze off, i would have this very vivid dream about a scene at the party. It would get to a certain point and i would awake to find myself very hard (sort of). i would then get settled down somewhat and start to drift off. But that same dream would resurface and wake me. This repeated five times. While i really enjoyed the dream the first three times, because it contained Mistress and it also contained one of my huge fantasies, but by the fourth and fifth time i was getting mad. i wanted to SLEEP!

The Next Day

The morning, i wrote Mistress one of my Good Morning emails. i try to write one a Good Night one and a Good Morning one. i told Her of my recurring dream and all the details of it. i did this even though I knew that some of what it contained was not really something She really wanted to do. But like i have said before, She will listen and talk about anything and i am comfortable to share with Her on that level. She later replied that She was glad i had shared it with her and that she liked the dream. i think She liked it because it demonstrated that She was indeed in my mind and had a pretty good hold of it. Oh yes, before anyone asks, the details of that dream are now Mistress Michelles property. So you cant ask me about it.

She had wanted to resume nipple training yesterday, but my work schedule prevented it. As such, it was a pretty low key day. i did have a long IM during the day with Mistress and that was nice. i always enjoy talking with Her. We continued to discuss the upcoming party. That is always arousing in a subtle way. In a way, it is a form of tease and denial.

Last night, i had some projects to work on, so i was only able to talk with Mistress for a short period. That was kind of disappointing, but it does show that you do have to work at this and you do have to have patience, because everyone has daily life and home responsibilities and challenges. Since our day was low key, my Good Night email was probably a little disjointed compared to normal. Sorry about that Mistress. She did request me to wear the cage last night and circumstances allowed that. But like my Good Night email, my dreams were a little disjointed as well. But every night cant be like the night before. So it is a new day and we will see what is in store.

 

October 9h

Thank you Mistress for posting to my journal, it gave me a sense of pride. I hope I can continue to please you!

Well yesterday was somewhat of a non-normal day. Schedules of daily life and circumstances just continue to invade. But that is why they call it real-life.

I was able to get online early, but Mistresss schedule did not permit. So I finally go took my normal COLD shower and focused on, if not for a short time, Mistress and hoped She had a good and productive day. However, once the shower was done, my regular day started; regular, except I was locked and panty laden. So I did have a small connection to Mistress. Then it was off to run several errands.

I got home around 11:30 or so and got back on the computer; still no Mistress. I guess She was having a busy day, but this did make me somewhat sad. So at noon, I decided that I would go back to the nipple training and I put the clothes pins on. I would wear them for 30 minutes. I knew Mistress would be happy.

Then, like magic, she popped up on IM around 12:15, and after our greetings, She said I dont have much time, so lets get those pins on. With a smile and a small amount of satisfaction, I told her I already had them on. I think this really pleased Her. We then chatted as the rest of my time passed. She said She wanted me to go shopping today. She wanted me to go to the store and browse in the lingerie department and find a nice pair of panties. She instructed me that they needed to be pretty, lacey, and they could not come in a pack; only a single would do. Then She wanted me to look for some sort of anal toy that I could use to help prepare for the party. It had to be some normal day to day item.

Well, my 30 minutes finally came to an end and I had to take off the clothes pins. Darn, too bad! Just as I was getting to remove them, She told me to pull them off. However, I hesitated a little, and whined about having to do that. She then sent back DO IT. I got the dreaded all Caps IM scolding. I knew that was bad. So a quick Yes Mistress reply was sent and then off they came. As before, the pain was intense, and I doubled over while trying to recover. I really dislike those pins, but then, It is NOT about me. Since I had to leave in short order for my shopping trip, I was instructed to put the pins back on for 10 minutes, then off. Ouch!

The shopping trip went OK, but I have to admit that the feeling of nervousness and humiliation were intense. I did not have a lot of time, so I went to a local department store and walked past the lingerie department several times. I was checking it out, from afar, how many ladies were browsing, and I was trying to find where I needed to go. But finally, I turned in. To be honest, I like being in this department. I have always thought womens underwear was pretty and attractive, but this was different. Now I was in there to buy some for myself. I felt like I was three shades of red. If the store security had seen me, they probably would have thought I was up to something, as I was a little fidgety. After a while though, I finally found just the right pair. I have uploaded pictures for you to see. I then wondered around and found my anal toy. I was a bottle opener, with a nice smooth and shapely handle. Then off to the register. Amazingly, I got no strange looks. Hmmm, does she think I bought these for my lady, OR..are there more men out there wearing ladies undergarments then we really know?

I only got some brief time talking with Mistress during the evening, as my daily life prevented more time. And as Mistress knows, it was indeed a very strange evening. It was so different, that Mistress gave me some unusual orders, which I complied with and then when I could not send my good night email, she so very sweetly, sent me one. When I found that, it really lifted my spirits. Thank you Mistress. The events of the evening sent me to sleep in a confused state, but I awoke around 4 and I was so calm and relaxed and yes Mistress, a portion of my recurring dream replayed. I just laid there taking in the moment, hoping it would not end..

 

October 10

i was up early yesterday and wrote Mistress a nice email and posted to my journal. i thought i was doing good and would get it done before She woke, however, when i went to email, i saw that She had just sent me an email. The best laid plans of mice and men.

Mistress Michelle came online just after lunch today and when she did, i had a surprise for Her. i had gotten a webcam. She was very excited by this and then as a result spent the next 90 minutes online with me; talking and tormenting my nipples AGAIN. The part She liked best was when, after my 30 minutes of clothes pins on the nipples, i was told to yank them off. First time was bearable, however the second time i disappeared form the camera in pain. Giving Mistress the visual was priceless and She was extremely pleased by this. Receiving time like this from Mistress is truly a gift and i know from Her reactions that i was able to make Her day. It was a win/win.

 

Reflection

Reflection
Yesterday was a long since Mistress had many things to do and out schedules did not match up. But i did experience an interesting situation which really caused me to reflect on the topic of submission.

So i went to take my normal cold shower as directly by Mistress Michelle. But for some reason, i thought; Why dont i just take a normal hot shower? She would never know. i am hundreds of miles away and i can just not mention it or just say that i did. She would never know. Then all of the sudden, this strange wave of guilt washed over me. It kind of froze me in my tracks. Long story short, i could not do it. i could not be deceitful or dishonest. So i took my normal cold shower and thought about my lovely Mistress the whole time.

i then reflected much of the day about this event. i guess, at least for any submissive man, there is just a huge, hidden need to serve and submit. Personally, i think this desire is in most men, probably laying dormant or being hidden or not understood. However, if you can let this surface and actually find someone like Mistress to harness it, the power is just amazing. i only wish i could experience in person with Mistress instead of via a long distant relationship. i image that the power would be ramped up exponentially. Thank you Mistress for taking me in and harnessing my submission.

 

Daily Life

I bet all you thought I had faded into the sunset and my thread would die a quiet death. No such luck! And by the way, this thread is open for responses. Like someone else said, it is nice to hear some encouragement, rebuttals, etc every now and then so I know I am not just talking to myself.

Not much to report other than, the weekend and then yesterday was somewhat interesting. It was a great example of how day to day life does impact trying to lead a submissive life. Due to weekend constraints and the long distance, everyone basically lived there lives, and Monday was a day to try to get back into the swing of things. For those that live this lifestyle daily or those who are tying to, I can appreciate the work and attention that must be given to develop it. For most, I assume that to be successful, you have to be realistic and accept that sometimes obstacles from daily life will sometimes get in the way, but that you are committed to always picking up the pieces and moving forward. That takes work, as it would be easy just to say it is too much trouble to do this each time something got in the way. What do you think?

 

Thanks xcitex2 for the comments. While I find making my entries, in a way theraputic, it is still good to know others (at least one) reads them and finds it interesting. But, I must say, that I also read many posts, but rarely post a reply or note of encouragement, so I guess I need to take that advice myself and improve my own actions. I know Mistress has mentioned that I should be a little more active on the site.
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Anticipation

Anticipation! That appears to be a big part of the stimulus process. As some of you know, Mistress Michelle is hosting a party at the end of the month, of which I am going to attend. This will be my first time meeting my wonderful Mistress and her devoted pet in person as well as my first time experiencing true life, in person, submission.

The excitement and anticipation on my part are building rapidly. However, this is somewhat a direct result of Mistress teasing me along the way. She does just enough of this to create mental images in my mind, which are typically done late in the evening. So I am left with thoughts and dreams as I drift off to sleep. Last night, for example, during a chat she started telling me what she might be doing to me at the party. Or course, she already knows what gets me going. But if that was not torture enough, she then sent me some pictures, just to make sure I had the idea. The combination of those sent me off, just before bedtime, with a wild imagination.

It also got me to thinking how important the mental aspect of this is. Since I am new at this, and am merely trying to submit long distance to a wonderful Mistress, I have no real frame of reference. So I have thought a lot about what a real experience might feel like, both physically and mentally. I know what the mental part is, but how will each physical encounter compare. It is fantasy vs reality. It is anticipation! I assume that the anticipation will only enhance the actual physical encounter. Do others find this true?

 

Well it has been somewhat of a strange week, as schedules have been disjointed between Mistress Michelle and me. It has made me realize the big difference between a long distance relationship and one where you live together. And that difference is the little casual exchanges and interactions. When the Mistress is around her pet and things are busy, she can still give that simple look, or make a small comment, or give that special touch all because they are together. But when it is long distance, these things are not possible, and it requires extra effort.

In my humble opinion, it is these small things that, at least for me, keep me going and focused. Sometimes Mistress will stop by my profile and simply post a Good Morning or Hello message. On those busy days where it is unlikely we will get to chat at all, that simple message makes the world of difference. That simple act of kindness can do wonders and fill up my tank with enthusiasm. Now, as a submissive, I know that it is NOT about me or having Mistress be kind to me. But I think Mistress Michelle understands that a small ray of kindness only furthers her little pets desire to serve or do whatever she wants. That small act pays her back ten fold.

Mistress and pet are off for the weekend, so I hope you enjoy your time. By the way, I did get those new clips you wanted me to get and yes they do scare me. We will be standing by waiting on your return from your trip!

 

Trish ?

Well i got scolded last night for not updating my post; sorry Mistress. It was a very LONG, LONG weekend as i was busy with life, and Mistress was away. The combination of those two things created a situation where i knew i would not be able to even chat with Mistress. This made me somewhat sad.

But on Sunday night, Mistress arrived home and popped up online to say hello and we chatted for a little while. It was weird, but i guess i had pushed all this submissiveness into the closet over the weekend, but as soon as i knew Mistress was back i was awash with emotions. The amount of thoughts and the like came crashing onto me. i think it was three days worth all at one time. So yesterday, i had a long list of things to do at home, so for whatever reason i chose to drag ‘trish’ out of the closet. i told Mistress that trish was going to do all the chores for the day. i had told Mistress of trish some time back, but we never really talked about her. But amongst all those backed up emotions, trish just popped out.

As a little background, i secretly have this desire or fantasy to be a sissy maid. Since it is merely a fantasy at this point, I cannot say to what degree I would want this. As ‘paulie slave’ said today in her post to the New sissy maid dress thread, “…and remember that when you become a Mistress's property wearing the dress will be a double-edged sword - although it's fun to wear, there are generally lots of chores/housework that go with it!” So I can picture being a sub that is required to be a maid when needed and I can see it being full time. But then I guess it is easy to have a fantasy of being a full time sissy maid because it is very unlikely to come true; we all have to have a job to keep the roof over our head.

So early yesterday morning, Mistress sends me a text saying She wanted to see pictures of trish. This was not a development i had expected. i was a little embarrassed, because i do not really have ‘the outfit’ and trish is more mental than physical. So i get ‘dressed’, poorly i must admit, and then take a few pictures and send them to Mistress. Then i decided that since my pictures were poor that i would write a description of trish; the one that is in my head and send that along with the pictures. i completed that task and then went about my day. i must admit though, when i am doing chores and i am in the trish mindset, it is so arousing. i sometimes wonder why this is, but then i just enjoy the moment.

Late in the day, i chatted with Mistress and she was very pleased with my pictures and my description. i think She might have even been a little surprised. We have chatted many times and this is the first time i have ever really gone into any detail about that desire. i guess i just had it hidden away and suppressed. But as i have learned, watch out what you share with Mistress as She will make sure to exploit it. So a few hours later, i get a message from her on the Mansion site and she is planning to expand the shopping list for our upcoming shopping trip. Now besides making sure i get some nice new panties for everyday use, she wants to add a nice matching bra and some thigh high stockings and maybe a garter belt. That just made that trip a little more interesting.

So i am curious, for all those subs out there, do you also share the desire to be a sissy maid?

 

Trouble in Paradise

Wow, what a day. It started with a morning appearance of trish (see the previous post) all dressed and cleaning away. And per a chat with Mistress the day before, i put on those dang nipple clamps. She said, You can wear them while you work! So trying to be a good sub, i took that as an implied instruction.

My work schedule was different yesterday, but as a result i was able to have a long chat with Mistress Michelle. That was the highlight of the day. So here i am, having a great day. Played a little fantasy in the morning, working a job i love, and then chatting with Mistress. All great, Right? Great until about 5 am this morning. Then Trouble in Paradise. i am right about that normal wake up in the morning time with a lot of stress in the cage and with all kinds of thoughts running through my head. i had many thoughts about the upcoming party Mistress. (I cant wait). And then, all of the sudden, POP; yes the popping of my CB6K splitting the cage; which of course is followed quickly by a pinching sensation. Ouch! So in a mere split second, pun intended, i go from arousing dreams and that wonderful restrained feeling, to that bubble being burst, pain in my groin and i shoot straight out of bed and i am moving like the house is on fire! i finally get the cage unlocked, but it is pinching, uhmmm, my member, thereby securing the cage in the on position. If i pull it hurts, so i try to relax so that things can get as small as possible. Finally, after what seemed like eternity, i get small and am finally able to pry the split cage apart enough so i can release myself. Now i am stuck with that deflating feeling of not being able to be locked, and not sure what i will do going forward. i have already replaced the cage once, and glued this one back together once. Oh the struggles.