My lock up diary

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by emsprisoner, Apr 9, 2009.

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  1. emsprisoner
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    emsprisoner Senior Member

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    I only just found this section and thought it would be fun to start a little blog. I'm not really into journals but I have a lot of energy to put into it at the moment.

    Well I've been locked up for 8 days now, the night before I lost control and came without permission and got locked up again the next morning. I was given a choice.. 6 weeks in chastity or 3 weeks if I was to serve my fiancee completely. Of course I chose the latter because been relatively new 6 weeks is a long time for me.

    I was locked up for 2 weeks before I came and after days of constant and cruel teasing I totally lost it and came. I thought it might relieve things but after a day or so things were not much easier.

    I'm normally pretty strong still at 8 days but last night I was teased so severely that I feel really broken today. She has become so much stricter dominant with me and has left no doubt that I am her property now and refers to it as her cock.

    I must admit that I am a little stubborn. I am submissive but not a slave and am prone to misbehaving and touching when I am really teased which often earns me a longer sentence. So last night I lost control and gained myself another week and a half.

    I love the way she has become so dominant and determined to break me. I am a little scared of being teased now because I'm so wound up that I may touch in desperation and earn even longer. I think she will probably have to restrain me soon or I will end up never getting unlocked. :gen085:

    Don't get me wrong, I'm not moaning just genuinely broken and daunted by what is probably to come..

    Yesterday she was discussing a few possible punishment for breaking her rules such as locking me up for weeks without release with teasing, she said maybe one punishment would be to stop chastity. Negative psychology eh? Although I'm pretty desperate now and would love to be able to wank, I really don't want it to stop.. bit of a paradox really..

    :jumping0044:
     
  2. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    emsprisoner, at a certain point, adding to the duration of your punishment may become ineffective, or your release time may become SO far off, that it becomes unrealistic.

    As an alternative, might be interesting to make a list of punishments, of increasing unpleasantness, and give the list to her. Each time you deviate, you are given the next punishment up the list. For example, maybe being punished another week of chastity doesn't intimidate you any more, but perhaps being caned would? It really depends on customizing the list to your own psyche. Such a list would be very useful to work through with her, as it would really help establish your limits, etc.

    I just think it's really a turn-on to commit the submissive act of writing a list of punishments, which terrify me and give it to my Mistress, knowing she will use it if I don't comply. Ohh... droool.... :jumping0036:
     
  3. maid madeleine
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    maid madeleine Senior Member

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    I'm glad you started this journal, emsprisoner. Looking forward to reading more about your experiences.

    :loveCM:
     
  4. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Welcome to the Vault emsprisoner! :party-049:

    I hope you will find it very helpful, people are able to give you feedback on how you are feeling, and all round helpful comments.

    Being a stubborn one, I would listen to mike. He is right... adding time to your sentence would just make you more stubborn and resentful!

    It sounds like you are in good hands though, enjoy! :manga_shout:
     
  5. emsprisoner
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    emsprisoner Senior Member

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    I think you are right, once a chastity sentence becomes to unobtainable its not such a deterrent. Once you have already got to 6 weeks, 7 or 8 isn't much more. Having said that, if I was locked in a 100% secure device I may be a bit more daunted by such a long time.

    My Mistress is being kind to me at the moment and usually unlocks me at night and I get to sleep better. She has put a lot of trust in me and I am doing my best to behave, although I did have to confess a minor touching slip up yesterday. She was very disappointed and a little angry and it reminded me to try and not do it again.

    The time when I really misbehave is during teasing sessions as it is so intense. I think I/we may have to discuss different punishments. Getting locked for a long time without release is a good one to start with but in moments of extreme torment I sometimes crack anyway. I think she likes seeing the struggle that goes on in my head (and right hand) trying to behave and would like it if I was trained to obey her without the need for bondage or punishment. I still think I am a long way off that though so I like the idea of the escalating levels of punishment for now.
     
  6. maid madeleine
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    maid madeleine Senior Member

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    I like the idea that Mike presented...a list of escalating punishments. Perhaps your Mistress could secretly make notes of certain things that she knows you hate...things that will definitely not give you pleasure to either do, wear, etc. When your misbehavior is brought to her attention she could use these things as powerful behavior modification tools. Just a thought. Best wishes, emsprisoner. Without sounding impertinent may I just say that you are a very, very lucky boy! I've befriended your Mistress here and she is absolutely gorgeous! Yay for you! fondly, maid madeleine xo
     
  7. emsprisoner
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    emsprisoner Senior Member

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    Thanks Madeleine,
    She told me you had exchanged a few sweet messages and I 'm glad you two are friends. I really do feel like a lucky man to have met her and to be so in love with such a stunning woman. :love0001:
     
  8. emsprisoner
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    emsprisoner Senior Member

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    back to square one(ish)

    Oh dear, it seems just as she had got me to the all worked up and crying in desperation, I tipped over the edge and came. I was all tied up and teased but when she decided to make love to me I lost control and the upshot of our accident was we have decided to have a 1 - 10 number system so I can let her know when to ease off in future.

    Cumming after being locked up is always amazing and I've been so over stressed with work that it really chilled me out again. Such a shame that it feel like going back to square one again though as she had a whole weekend of torment in store.. :smilies_xxx22:
     
  9. breakinghim
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    breakinghim Junior Member

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    yes my prisoner didn't do so well yesterday... a little sneaky too as this time I had no idea he was about to tip over the edge. He was very naughty in holding back any indications other then the obvious hard throbbing cock!! So before I knew it, it was all too late. I was disappointed at first and have certainly noticed the difference already. Nothing like a man that's been looked away for over a week or two. He's done a bit of cleaning and chores today but I miss the look of desperation and brokenness in his eyes the most... oh well.. onwards and 'upwards' eh or not as the case maybe :smilies_xxx02:
     
  10. maid madeleine
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    maid madeleine Senior Member

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    I just love reading about your dynamic you two! Miss Em is so right about the passivity, brokeness and willingness to obey that comes as a result of being locked in chastity. My attitude changes almost immediately as the lock is clicked and my fate is sealed. (Which is why I can't remain locked up while working as a chef...totally takes away my edge!) Have a wonderful evening Miss Em and prisoner. love, maid madeleine xo :)

    :chores004:
     
  11. richard
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    richard Just me

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    I and probably others would love to know how you two got into chastity etc.

    You both seem to be having lots of fun with it.

    rich.
     
  12. emsprisoner
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    emsprisoner Senior Member

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    Well, I can't remember exactly when I first found about about chastity but the first time I say a picture of someone locked up I was quite into the idea. I have always been really into teasing and denial and this seemed like the ultimate in teasing.

    We have always been pretty kinky with her naturally dominant and me submissive so it was easy to mention chastity to her. I wasn't sure if she would be into it but she thought it would be fun and bought me a CB6000 for valentines and quickly seemed really excited about getting me into it. So eventually I squeezed in and after a few days adjusting I gave up the key to her foolishly, without discussing a release date... She kept me in for about 16 days as I remember with no release and loved seeing me get more and more broken as the days passed. :bad-girl-0009:

    We played a few times and she generally decided of her own accord to keep me locked up for as long as she wanted each time. We have just got into it again after a long break, and something is very different about her this time. She is so much more dominant and just can't wait to get me all frustrated and compliant and we have both decided this is something we are going to do most of the time now. If only we could find a nice comfortable and secure device to wear long term :(
     
  13. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    That's EXACTLY how we started!

    That really is the most difficult part of chastity. I think the only people I've seen who are 100% happy are those with full belts - and we are not ready to take that step yet.
     
  14. breakinghim
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    breakinghim Junior Member

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    Hey Mistress Watchful, I am curious to know why are you not ready if you don't mind me asking?
     
  15. emsprisoner
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    emsprisoner Senior Member

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    I love the idea of the security of a belt but don't feel ready yet either. Maybe one day.. I am really turned on by the idea of no escape ;)

    I drew up a list of punishments and gave them to my darling today, she seemed to like the idea especially more house work!! I have a feeling I am going to need a little discipline soon as the frustration is building already after only 2 days. Anyway she has told me to post the punishment list for all to see.

    Punishments for touching without permission..

    Extra time on my sentence :tortoise:

    Extra household duties that I hate doing :chores037::chores047::chores020:

    Humiliating housework, having to be naked and collared when cleaning or restrained to make it difficult

    Being left tied up for a while, punishment by boredom and frustration :mad0260:

    Permanent lock up for a fixed duration with no night time release. All cleaning to be supervised then immediate re locking. Basically no touching or release at all.

    As above but for a period known only to you.

    A good hard spanking beyond my normal limits then immediate lock up as one of the above.

    Extended teasing under restraint then immediate lock up.

    Having to sleep with my hands cuffed behind my back. Then lock up as one of the above.

    Having to wear a butt plug whilst in chastity for a period of time.

    Not being let out until I reach a physical goal, such as 20 chin ups, 50 press ups etc.


    Punishments for cumming without warning or permission..

    Eating some of my cum

    Immediate lock up for a long time.. not cumming agian for a long long time

    An extremely frustrating teasing session, being stroked so gently that I gain little pleasure
     
  16. emsprisoner
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    emsprisoner Senior Member

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    I think we came up with a punishment I really wont like in any way. Getting properly tied down and tickled by her.. I like the tying up but the tickling is hard to handle :mad0245:
     
  17. Respectful
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    Respectful Chaste by choice

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    Oh my, if you are as ticklish as me this will send you off into sub space :)

    :manga_cheer:
     
  18. emsprisoner
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    emsprisoner Senior Member

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    Benefits of chastity

    Hmm, not really sure about subspace.. for me it would not be a pleasurable experience and the best deterrent we have thought of so far.

    Anyways, I have been thinking a lot about the benefits of chastity at the moment as I really think it has improved my well being and our relationship. I am definitely much more attentive, adoring and willing to make her life easier. Having her hold the key to my release both physically and mentally (I am often released at weekends), has been a great experience. I have had a strong addiction to porn in the past which re surfaced during our relationship and I really feel like it is leaving me know. All my energy is focused on her and I have become much more loving. Why would I look at porn when I am constantly worshipping her and she is giving me so much attention even if it is often frustrating from her torments.

    In turn she is relishing in her new power over me, can't wait to get me all broken and desperate and can't seem to get enough of winding me up. She is very sweet with me in her little dominant way, it is a game after all and we do have a foot in the real world. One minute she is telling me what she wants done around the house, the next we are cuddling up sweetly or laughing and joking around. I wouldn't say I am totally submissive and she does not want me to be her complete slave, we just enjoy the game and the pressure she exerts :smilies_xxx02:

    As for the other benefits, I have so much more energy and like to take care of her as much as I can. I have started exercising again and it is giving me more energy for yoga and meditation. So all in all it has been great for us and brought us closer together. I would say that the only down side is I spend a little too much time in the day thinking about chastity when I am away from her all locked up and would like to train my mind to keep it in context which is not easy after a week or two of frustration.
     
  19. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    emsprisoner, it sounds like things are going wonderfully for you! Congratulations! :party0023:
     
  20. emsprisoner
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    emsprisoner Senior Member

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    Thanks for your sweet words Mike, its has been great for us. I think I am starting to slowly get my head around the idea that I may possibly never masturbate again now which is a huge mental shift for me.
     
  21. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    But be honest... you got just a little bit hard when you typed that, didn't you? :happy0011:
     
  22. Rachel
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    Rachel Owned by Mistress Michelle

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    Mike just wanted to let you know i enjoy how you look at things and your sense of humor.

    Rachel
     
  23. emsprisoner
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    emsprisoner Senior Member

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    Yeah your funny man :happy0030:

    Just for the record when I referred to my darling and her own little dominant way it was meant to be endearing not disrespectful. It just came out like that because she is such a wonderful mix of loving, playful dominance.
     
  24. chastityslavejohn
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    chastityslavejohn Mistress Irianna's pet

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    back to tickling, this is something that Mistress does to me a lot. She has beautiful long fingernails that She uses to trace lines along my body paying particular attention to my feet and armpits. sometimes She has me chained to the bed and that's bad enough but at other times i am loose and forbidden from moving. it's excruating to be tickled and not allowed to move a muscle...much easier to struggle against the chains.
     
  25. emsprisoner
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    emsprisoner Senior Member

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    Well I have only been tied and tickled once and I find it pretty hard to cope with. Not sure I could handle having to be still by myself, that takes serious will power. Your Mistress sounds like she knows how to torment you
     
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