My Journey Begins... I hope

@slayergirl Thanks! lol I really tried on that one. I was worried it seemed fake though. It all really happened, I just like to dramatize things.

 

@Shepherdsflock You sir are living the dream. Before chastity I enjoyed licking pussy. However, i viewed it as an obstacle to overcome so I could get to my orgasm. Abstaining from solo orgasms has totally changed my view on female sexuality. The vagina should be adored and worshiped because it is by far the most beautiful yet powerful thing on this planet. Before, I licked my wife's pussy so I could cum in her mouth. Now I lick her pussy so she can cum in my mouth. Where ever our sexual journey may take us her pleasure will always be most important to me.

 

@Chastitygirl88 Thanks for thoughtful reply! I would love nothing more than for her to physically take control of my cock. But I think that if a kink doesn't work for one partner then it shouldn't work for either of them. I think what we need most right now is a time of exploration. You know, let her really understand who she is and what she likes. It's funny, I think any kind of BDSM sex is the realest sex you can have because it forces both partners to look at the deeper emotional connections happening below the biological ones. After all you can't control one another with out first understanding yourselves.

I hope things work out well for you and your sub. I know my wife and I will be having many deep and open conversations about what turns us on and why. good luck @Chastitygirl88 !!!

 

After my last post I definitely hit a low point. Sometimes I feel like chastity makes my emotions manic and unpredictable. I feel these awesome highs brought on by denial and then these horrible lows after release. After the conversation I posted about with my wife I all but gave up on having any sort of discipline concerning orgasms. I ended up giving myself three more over the following two days.

I could feel the change in me and I was back to my old self. My wife was showing my all of the photo filters she had on her phone and wanted me to choose which one I liked best. With no orgasms I would have thoughtfully examined each and every filter and gave her my opinion. However, with three in a week I couldn’t care less about her interests and told her so. She was so mad. We ended arguing and I said things I would later regret.

“All the filters look the same! Just pick the grey one, who gives a shit!”

“That’s not what I’m mad about. What happened to the husband that treats me nice and cares about what I want?”

“I don’t know, I guess he’s gone forever.”

“Why can’t I have the husband I want without him being involved in his weird chastity cult?!?”

“Fuck you! It’s not a cult and it’s not weird! Chastity and my behavior are not mutually exclusive. You can’t have one without the other. If you want a nice husband then stop being weak and take control! Make me the husband you want me to be.”

“Oh it must be so easy for you! Your behavior depends entirely my actions? Why don’t you be a man and treat your wife the way she should be treated.”

And there is the crux of the problem. Through my actions these past couple of weeks the dynamic of our relationship has been upset. The both of us are beginning to realize that we are two naturally submissive people and neither wants to be dominant. I think in many ways my last post was me lying to myself. I was trying to convince myself to be happy about my circumstances when in fact I could never be happy being dominant.

I haven’t posted for a couple of days because I needed space. I needed time to think and process and conclude. For two days after this argument I wrote journal entries exclusively for my wife’s secret Tumblr to try and clearly express my emotions to her. I wrote love letters attached to photos of us together. I posted articles about FLR’s and more of my journal entries here. I wasn’t sure if she was reading them though. She wouldn’t talk to me about the argument. I was pretty sure she wanted me to come to her. As time went on it became easier to communicate as my “depleted aggression” faded and the “satisfaction” from my orgasms were forgotten.

By the end of the second day my wife was sitting in her favorite chair, her eyes trained on the screen of her phone. She was deliberately ignoring me. The icy tension between us was palpable. I knew I was wrong and that I should apologize. I silently walked over to her, got on my knees at her feet and wrapped my arms around her waist. I placed my head in her lap and just sat there for a moment enjoying her warmth. She wasn’t going to speak first, I knew that much. It’s funny, my wife claims she doesn’t want to be dominant. However, when she is mad at me she is very good at it.

“I’m sorry I was such a jerk. I want to support your interests and give you my input. I want to be there for you, to be patient and loving towards you.”

“Then why do you treat me so badly? What happened to the man that took such good care of me a week ago?”

“I think he’s still here. It’s hard to explain. It’s just that when I orgasm it’s like a switch is flipped in my brain and I suddenly don’t care about connecting with you.”

“But why can’t you just force yourself to connect, to be emotional with me when I need it. If you love me enough you should be able to do that.”

“I don’t know if I could ever help you understand this completely. But, us men are simple machines. We are driven by the act of sex. It consumes us. I think about you naked at least every twenty minutes. We can’t use our brains and our dicks at the same time. We just can’t, it’s not possible. I know this might be hard for you, but try and imagine only being able to think about one thing at a time at all times. If I satisfy my need for sex it’s like my body dictates that you are no longer a priority. It’s all biology, it has nothing to do with how I feel about you.”

“I just want your love for me to be so great that it overrides your biology. I want to be so important to you that nothing could stop you from caring for me.

“But I do love you that much. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I love you so much I’m willing to give up my satisfaction so that I can give you the love and patience you deserve. My orgasms aren’t mandatory but my love for you is.”

For a while we both just sat there with my head in her lap while she gently ran her fingers through my hair. I could tell she was thinking. I wasn’t, I was just enjoying her gentle caresses.

“Then maybe we’ll put sex off until Monday. I don’t know, we’ll see if I’m ready then.”

My wife looked down at me and gave a mischievous smile.

“Whatever you like my love. I’ll do anything for you.”

“You’re not off the hook either. I’m still mad at you. I might be mad at you until you make it up to me.”

“How do I do that?”

“I don’t know. You’ll have to figure it out.”

“How about back rubs and foot rubs whenever you want and I’ll clean the bathroom?”

“It’s a start. In fact I think I’ll have a foot rub now.”

I tightened my arms around her waist and sighed contentedly. I’m tired of trying to define our relationship with concrete terms. She’s in charge of this, I’m in charge of that… I think right now the dynamic of our relationship is in free fall. I’m not sure where or how we’ll land but I’ve decided that no matter what, I’ll do my best to be content with the outcome. For now I’m simply going to apply slight, steady pressure in the direction of an FLR. If we get there, great! If not then that’s okay too.

 

So, I’ve taken a chill pill and things are going smoothly between my wife and I. She is beginning to relax into a role of dominance I think. For instance this morning I burned her toast.

“You burned my toast. Eat the black part for me.”

“No thanks babe, I don’t really like toast.”

The daggers she stared through me could have been lethal.

“It’s your punishment for burning my breakfast! Now eat the toast.”

I ate the toast. I am just noticing little things like this in the way we interact now. I rubbed her back last night for like forty minutes and eventually got off the bed to clean up.

“Where are you going? You’re not done yet.”

She has never really spoken to me in a commanding tone like that before and I have to say I love it. Last night was the best yet. After her back rub we ended up cuddling and one thing led to another. Eventually I was licking her pussy. However, she had grabbed me by the hair and was guiding my head where she wanted it. It might not seem like much but for her to subtly tell me what she wants in bed is a big deal.

After I made her cum with her vibrator I began to pull my shorts down. Every other time we’ve done this she always makes sure I cum as well. I think for the longest time it was a guilt thing for her. But I think she has finally gotten over it. As my hands reached my waist band she gently put hers on top of mine, looked at me and shook her head.

“I think you’ll help me get dressed and then get me some dessert.”

I did just that and we went on with our night. It was the first she has ever accepted an orgasm without giving me one as well. It was great! As I’m typing this I feel horny as hell and I am very happy.

As things become more regular for us I find it harder and harder to post anything interesting. That being said I may end up changing the focus of the journal... I don't know. I like writing her but I feel like I have nothing left to say. only time will tell I guess.

 

@slayergirl

Thank you for the kind reply. I really appreciate it. I never considered that my writing might help others like me. It feels good. I plan on continuing this journal but I definitely want to change the focus. I doubt many people would want to read repetitive posts about me eating my wife out.

I think the next post worthy milestone for us would be getting her on board with me wearing a device. But I have a feeling that is a ways out. However, At this point I'm open to questions, ideas and prompts to help me keep this journal going. Shoot me a PM or post here if anyone wants me to write about anything in particular.

 

I’ve decided to not think so much and just write whatever I’m feeling.

Today is a new record for me. I’ve gone ten days without an orgasm! My wife has not hinted at or alluded to when she might be considering letting me release. Frustratingly, she also has little desire for any sexual satisfaction on her part either. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned here it’s that you don’t want to be the chaste man who whines about his horniness. So, I have resigned myself to quietly endure while I serve her every need.

Yesterday my wife was sitting in her favorite chair and she requested that her feet be rubbed. I immediately jumped from my chair (At this point I crave any physical contact I can have with her.) and kneeled at her feet. However, I didn’t stop with a simple kneel. I then proceeded to lower myself to my back and lied perpendicular to her. I grabbed her feet and placed them on my chest, acting as a foot stool while I contentedly rubbed away. She gave me a mischievous smirk and said nothing more about it before returning her attention to her phone.

Last night my wife invited me to shower with her. I, of course, agreed trying not to sound too excited about it. After reading the journals by @Jasmic68 I find myself having a lot of shower fantasies. I thought that just maybe she might have some naughty plans in store. I suppose, in a way she did. When we got to the bathroom she had me prepare the shower for her, adjusting the water temp to her liking and situating her various products. She then disrobed and smiled as my eyes glazed over and my jaw went slack. I literally jumped out my clothes as she entered the shower. I went to follow but she giggled as she slid the door mostly closed between us.

“You can watch from there.”

She laughed at my erection and began to bathe herself as she usually does. It’s funny how chastity makes such a mundane act as bathing so erotic. I ogled and drooled as she lathered her breasts, working her way down to her midsection and then to her legs. For some reason she turned and paid extra attention to lathering her butt cheeks. I was in complete awe of her beautiful torture and didn’t realize at first that I had in fact started masturbating.

“eew, don’t be creepy.”

She said teasingly. I think she knew exactly what she was doing. I let go of my hard cock and noticed she hadn’t cleaned her back yet.

“It looks like you need help with your back.”

I know I sounded desperate but I wanted to touch her so bad.

“No I don’t I can do it myself.”

And she did. She rinsed and slid the shower door open and stepped out. I was disappointed but I kept it to myself and wrapped a towel around my wife’s wet naked body.

“You can shower now. And hurry up, I don’t want to wait. If you’re not done by the time I’m dried and my robe is on I’m leaving and taking your clothes with me.” (We are not the only ones who live in the house.)

My time in the military had taught me how to shower very quickly and she knows it. (We call them PT showers… don’t worry about what it means.) I can bathe in about three minutes and be perfectly clean. I did so and as I was stepping out she was fastening the tie to her robe.

After going upstairs I gave my wife a full body rub down with moisturizing lotion, paying particular attention to her legs and feet. I love rubbing her legs with lotion they feel frustratingly amazing. We then spent the rest of the night cuddling while I focused on my breathing to try and come to grips with this new level of arousal.

 

@Nicoftime thanks for the response. I've never been happier with our relationship since I've started this whole thing. lol but I still want moooore! I mean we've reached a pretty big milestone but now all I can think about is being caged. Through all of this I've learned to communicate better and I've learned to identify my flaws and improve upon them. I think now I need to better manage my expectations and my excitement. It's hard to stay on an even keel though.

@Jasmic68 Yes, it was very nice and very frustrating. When I first started out here I never thought this level of frustration even existed. I was super confident about my ability to handle it. Now, I feel like mental mush after every back rub. I couldn't possibly imagine 150 days.

 

I think that the modern man in the first world has the luxury of choosing to experience discomfort. It is my opinion that this choice in many ways has made men (especially young men) weak. To have the ability to never experience anything difficult or challenging allows many men to fall into a semi-mindless stupor. Biologically speaking women on the other hand have to experience monthly discomfort at the very least. Because of our biological differences I feel that women are not as susceptible to this stupor. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying all men are weak. I’m just saying it’s easier for men to fall into the trap of stagnation.

The most evident culprit is pornography and masturbation. Daily masturbation is a widely accepted (at least in the west) practice amongst men. For some reason women choose to accept this as a fact of life rather than a choice. The sad part is that most men don’t see it as a choice, they see it as a necessity.

“How can a man go through life without constant stimulation leading to satisfaction?” asked every modern man ever.

For a man, having a daily orgasm is comfortable. It isn’t challenging in any way whatsoever. It is a pure satisfaction that he can give himself any time he wishes. Given modern advancements in technology men can even begin to immerse themselves in digitally customizable erotic situations. To put it simply, for men instant sexual gratification is only a click away.

However, it doesn’t stop at sex. In the time before civilization if a man did not work hard in spring him and his family would starve in winter. Today food is nothing more than a means of providing a pleasurable experience (In the first world at least). A man places his order and his meal is brought to him. And when he is full he keeps eating because it tastes so good.

I must admit that even I am guilty of complaining about a minor sensation of hunger. If I could not immediately eat when I felt like it I would fall into a terrible mood and act as if the entire world was working against me. I was unknowingly choosing instant satisfaction over discomfort.

Physical fitness is a common enough hobby but many do not partake in it because it seems too hard. Or perhaps many may feel that there is no point to fitness seeing as the need to farm and hunt is no longer necessary.

My point is that all of the most basic needs of men are either able to be satisfied instantly or are deemed no longer necessary. In choosing to not experience discomfort I feel that the modern man is missing out on a key component of his existence. Men are made to suffer. We are built for it. We evolved to hunt prey in adverse conditions, to defend our mates from rivals and slay predators that come for our children in the night.

When you take suffering away from man what is left? Perhaps am individual who expects everything to fall into place with little to no effort.

I’ve spent some time talking to those who are a few years younger than I am and I’ve learned that even after the short five years I have been married the mainstream/vanilla dating scene has changed considerably. In many ways it has been digitized. It’s all about swiping, liking, matching and rating. A man now has the ability to cultivate a short description of his persona and press a single button to attract a female. It is even a common practice for some men to send out dozens of dick pictures knowing that one woman will respond. This practice takes little effort and gives the man a sense of instant gratification.

At the risk of sounding cliché I feel the need to say it. Chivalry is dead in most of the western world. Many men expect women to come to them with little effort and many women accept it as a fact of life.

Starting my chastity journey has opened my eyes to the state of the modern man. I now realize that I am made to endure frustration. The world does not end because I am horny for more than a day. The world does not end because I haven’t eaten in three hours. The world does not end if I spend the day doing chores.

In fact I now relish in these small sufferings. They make me feel alive in a way I never have before. I am no longer stagnant and my wife is beginning to see it. My gratification now comes from the long, slow burn. I may not experience satisfaction now, but through my hard work it will come and it will be sweeter than any instant gratification.

I have made a conscious effort in making my wife the center of my existence. I now live for her and I truly feel that it has made both of our lives immeasurably better.

All I have left to say is, Ladies! MAKE US SUFFER! We crave it because it is a part of what we are. Make us work for your affection and we will love you forever.

 

@Nicoftime No worries. In fact I like when people give detailed responses to my writing. Thank you! I totally agree about the chase being a huge aspect of chastity. But I also think chastity represents something different for every relationship. As I have mentioned in previous posts here many times I have tried to dominate my wife through anger and emotional abuse. So, for us I think chastity is more about me submitting to her will to prove my devotion and love.

Where as if I were addicted to pornography chastity would be about helping me abstain from my addiction. I think it's amazing how versatile a tool chastity is. I think it has something to do with the fact that stripping a away a man's ego driven sexuality leaves just the man. He has to look at who he actually is deep down, rather than pretend that his baser needs are the basis of his personality.

I'm not sure where I was going with that. My original point was that, yes, I too enjoy the thrill of the chase. However, chastity provides a multilayered dynamic to a relationship that is unique to each situation.

Good post Nic! thanks for sharing!

 

So, I’ve been wanting to post for a couple days now but a couple of changes in my daily routine have kept me away. First, my wife has fully accepted that I do all of the house hold chores when time permits. (Laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking) Second, my son has decided that sleeping is no longer a necessary bodily function. It takes at least an hour to convince him otherwise. So, between work, chores and baby and my wife’s emotional needs I have little time for much else. That being said, I am very happy.

Three nights ago my wife initiated some romantic time, which is huge because she usually never initiates. One thing led to another and we were trying another attempt at PIV. This attempt was our first success! For the first time the pain she felt was bearable enough for her to enjoy things.

Her body was responding to mine in a way that it hasn’t since at least four months ago. She was writhing and moaning and her hips were rocking into me like they used to. It was pure magic. Also, I think I found her A-spot. (https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/2010/09/a-is-for-a-spot-can-you-find-it/) This led to her having her first internal orgasm. Deep throws of her ecstasy she pleaded for me to cum in her, which I happily obliged.

I have to mention that for the past couple of weeks I have been edging myself about three times in a row while in the shower. I read somewhere that doing this will enhance your stamina. I feel like it has totally helped. Despite the fact that I hadn’t orgasmed in eleven days I felt that I had better control over when I came. I lasted a good ten minutes before my wife’s big climax.

Another big breakthrough for her was that after we both came she rolled over and smiled. She told me that she needed a second external orgasm with the vibrator. To which, again, I happily obliged. Her asking for a second orgasm tells me that she is no longer afraid to ask for what she wants in bed. I think the next step is helping her understand that telling me what she wants is much better.

 

My ultimate goal when I decided to start all of this was to give my wife complete control of myself and our relationship. Of course now I understand that how much control she decides to take in our relationship is out of my control. I have come to terms with the fact that she may never want to be that kind of woman.

That being said I have noticed some key changes in our relationship. She is becoming more and more comfortable in controlling when and what we do during sex. I find it incredibly arousing and love when she denies me.

For instance, last night I was giving my wife a full body rub down. When I got to her feet she rolled onto her back and spread her legs, exposing herself completely.

“I’ll at least let you have a look tonight while you rub my feet.”

In a more pathetic tone then I intended I practically begged to lick her.

“No. I’m too tired and I just want to relax, maybe tomorrow night if you’re good.”

“Can I just have one taste? Please baby, I need it. I need you.”

She smiled and her thighs spread apart a little wider. I bowed my head and made my tongue as wide as I could so that I could taste as much of her as possible. I took one long lick and then she swatted my head away. Her thighs closed again like porcelain curtains, signaling the end of the greatest act a man can witness. The heavenly taste of her coated my mouth and for the rest of the night I didn’t eat or drink anything in order to savor her. It wasn’t until bed time that I begrudgingly brushed my teeth and accepted that my interactions with her lovely sex would not be as frequent as I would like.

Despite the sexual control she enjoys administering now she also has accepted the fact that I do all of the household chores. Sometimes she comments on how domestic I’ve become. I think she is also very happy with this development.

I am so happy with the way things are going now. The only other thing I could ever want out of this is being caged. However, things are going so well I don’t want to ruin it by pushing my wife farther than she wants to go. I don’t think she will ever stumble upon the idea of caging me by herself.

Do I completely forget about the idea of being caged and just be happy with what I have or do I push the subject and risk losing all of the progress we’ve made until this point?