My Hands Free Journal

Saturday afternoon Mistress told me that she has a date with Silver and she would probably be back Sunday. After Mistress left I called Robert to ask if he had any plans, and he invited me to come to his place. Shortly after I had arrived we were drinking some white wine and chatting. Robert moved us into the bedroom. When we had finished we took a shower together. After drying off, he told me that I make him happy. Soon we were kissing. We had another glass or two of wine and went to bed. Robert stroked my balls and said that the cage was coming off July 4th, and I would be allowed to cum. I laid next to him, a little sore, but content. He told me he loves me. I marveled to myself, "I think I love him. Once again, Mistress gets what she wants."
Sunday Mistress came home in time for lunch. As we ate Mistress told me in detail about her date. Then I told her about my time with Robert, and how he told me he loved me. Mistress asked how I felt about it, and I told her it was both scary and exciting. When prompted I admitted that I think I'm in love with him. She smiled when I told her.

 

Thanks.

 

Mistress said she saw the attached and immediately thought of me, that it would make a good birthday present. I hope she forgets. She said she sent the picture to Robert. Amazing what she finds funny.

 

Mistress sent me the picture below with the note, "Look, your dick has a twin! LOL. Such a funny woman.

 

Spent the weekend at Robert's, being, as he put it, his wife. Mostly that consisted of my wearing at home, besides my cage, a short skirt, being domestic, and to always be sexually available to him. Saturday night he had me shave, paint my nails, put on lipstick, wear a wig, wear a stuffed bra (I guess a b cup), and a long black skirt, no panties. Also a muted floral blouse. Hose and loafers completed the outfit because he said he doubted I could manage heels. Then he took me out too dinner, ordered for me without consulting me what I might want, referring to me as "the lady will have..." well you get the idea. It was, for me, an uncomfortable evening. I did my best to be what he wanted, although I was mostly guessing, taking my cues from what he said, or his body language.. He held my hand across the table, and a couple of times kissed my hand, the attentive husband. My guess is that I made an unconvincing female, but no one made any comments. When we got back home, Robert fucked me missionary style, me still wearing the outfit, after having me blow him. Finally he had me shower and change back into just the short skirt. I doubt I will ever forget that evening. We spent the night spooning, his semi hard cock resting against my ass. True to his word, he kept me in the cage the entire weekend.

 

Well, Robert was true to his word. On July 4 he had me come over to his house where he unlocked me and was my sub for the day. First he went to his knees and gave me oral. After a little while to recover and get hard, he gave me his ass, insisting I finish inside him. This was so unlike our normal relationship it almost felt wrong. By the end of the day it was practically a relief when he handed me my cage and told me to lock up. When I returned home, Mistress welcomed me back and told me that now that I had been allowed to cum, things could return to normal. I had hoped that my Independence Day would include PIV with her, but that was not to be. Mistress had me satisfy her orally, to remind me of my place. The cage never felt so restrictive, in spite of not being able to get hard thanks to Robert's affectionate attentions earlier.


Sent from my Sprint Samsung Galaxy Tab A

 

Yesterday, as arranged, Robert visited us. I have gotten used to him kissing both Mistress and me on the lips in greeting, although I noticed that with Mistress it is somewhat perfunctory, while mine is lingering. Just saying. We sat with drinks, me sitting next to Robert, as has become usual. Robert likes to stroke my hair, play with my nipples, and caress my balls, sometimes resting his hand on my cage. After a while Robert handed me a large padded envelope. In it I found a full belt. Mistress had, unknown to me, supplied him with my waist measurement so he could size it snug to my body. Mistress handed me an open padlock and told me to go into the bedroom and put it on. I was surprised to find it fit perfectly. I reentered the room, feeling like a runway model or a slave being inspected. I was probably somewhere between the two. Robert said he wanted me to get used to it gradually, aiming for me wearing it 24/7, except for removal for a daily cleaning as there are no vent holes in the upper part of the tube. Robert is very conscious of good hygene. He said maybe I would do the full cleaning only twice a week. I will have to get used to the feel of the rubber covered chain between my ass cheeks, as well as having to hold it to one side when I have to defecate. Mistress said that I would probably have to wear panty liners to catch any drops of urine that were bound to drip out from the tube. Robert said he didn't want me to ever feel entirely comfortable in my chastity, but should always be reminded that I had no control of my body, that my penis was a toy that belonged to him and Mistress. He said to remember that there is a reason that the padlock says "Master". Robert said that the chain could be held aside whenever he wanted to use my ass. He tapped the tube with his fingernail and asked me if I had any sensation of my penis. When I said no, that it was as though my penis was totally numb, as if by lidocaine, he seemed pleased. Robert showed me that he has a key to the padlock which he wears around his neck on a chain, as does Mistress. Later, we went to bed, Mistress in what is usually "our room" and Robert and I in the guest bedroom, what she insists on calling "your (as in mine and Robert's) room." Robert proved that he could move the chain aside and have unimpeded access to "make love" to me. When we were finished, Robert unlocked me to shower and clean the tube. The belt went right back on. We fell asleep spooning, my hand cradling Robert's cock. Bliss.

 

Funny how wearing the belt, with my cock in a type of sensory deprivation tube, keeps my mind on sex , even though I can't feel my penis, much less feel any indication that it's trying to get hard, if it is. I can't concentrate on anything. Mistress and Robert have gone out for brunch, with me doing my Cinderella impression doing last night's dishes and starting a load of laundry. I just realized why Mistress said "See you later, Ella". CinderELLA. I get it now. I must have come down with a case of the dumbs. Or I'm just dick drunk from last night, thinking of Robert pulling aside the belt's chain and easing into my ass or the feel of him in my mouth, the taste of him, the feel of his strong hands gently touching my body. All I can think about this morning is sex. With Robert. I wonder if Robert is thinking of fucking me right now. Maybe he's sending out some kind of super strong sex esp. Maybe it's just a case of wanting what I can't have, and wanting it now. If that's true, I should be preoccupied fantasizing about Mistress. Sometimes I just don't understand the way my mind works.

 

I am happy to say my horniness slowly subsided and I was able to get some much needed sleep.
Today Mistress handed me a pullup diaper to catch any urine that comes out of my tube after using the toilet. She assured me it's not a kink of hers, just a practical precaution against my having to walk around in damp jeans. Soon panty liners will become an essential part of my life. Mistress took photos of me wearing the diaper as well as one of the nightshirts I have to sleep in. She told me to post them to get me over being self conscious about the diaper. I doubt this will do it. Mistress left a while ago to spend the night with her bull, Silver. Robert said he might come over tonight, but made no commitment. So it will probably be a quiet night.

 

Sunday night was weird. Mistress handed me my hood and told me she wanted to take some photos that would show me obeying her without question. All I had to do was stay still. Next thing I knew she showed me a couple of chip clips, and the rest is history. Those little bastards sting. She took one photo to show my nipples hard after she removed the clips. She phoned Robert and asked how he would like me posed. His answer required the belt to come off, so Mistress waited until it was removed for cleaning, when I was let out to shower. I was told what pose Robert requested when Mistress approached me with the clip. Whatever I did to bring this on, I will never do again.

 

Mistress just pointed out to me that the black clip she had attached to my scrotum says "JR. BAG CLIP." Funny lady.
This afternoon, I was sitting in my armchair reading, when I noticed Mistress looking at me, like she was thinking deep thoughts. My legs were spread wide as the penis tube pushes my balls out on either side of it, making any other position uncomforfable. Mistress understands and does not give me grief over not keeping my legs closed. She left the room for a moment and returned with a vibrator. She told me to pull down my panties and try to get off in the tube. I told her I get no sensation of my cock in there. She tapped it with a coin. I shook my head. Nothing. She told me to try anyway. I didn't know where this was going but was more than willing to try. Touching the tube was a waste of effort. I tried shaking it, but my cock was too isolated, the tube too thick for that to work. Fondling my balls felt nice but my cock might as well have been removed for all the effect it had. Applying the vibrator resulted in my being aware of the vibrations but not the slightest sensation in my cock. I told her that wearing the belt left me more than impotent, as I have no feeling there whatsoever while locked. Mistress summed it up by saying that my biggest worry now is having accidental discharges. She said it would be interesting if i start to leak and how long it would take to happen. Another good reason for panty liners. Mistress then said that for the forseeable future the belt will not be removed for sex, only cleaning and unlikely emergencies. Robert has agreed to this. She said that the last time I used my dick for sex might well have been the last time. She said that she or Robert would try massaging my prostrate to drain me. I might have an orgasm when Robert fucked me, but shouldn't count on it. Just like other wives. She gave a little chuckle when she gave that bit of news. I must have looked crushed because she told me that I shouldn't feel bad, if Robert wasn't available when I needed sex, she would be happy to fuck my ass. Then she led me into the bedroom and had me go down on her. I guess the thought of my deprivation turned her on. When she was finished she chose 3 dresses for me to model for her. She e-mailed the pictures to Robert. She also sent them to Silver with the note "Here's your competition. Isn't she lovely?" Those photos are attached. She said that once I get used to wearing the belt, I will accept the fact that my sexual/gender identity is evolving and that eventually I will begin to feel less "masculine", and more "feminine", possibly achieving a true balance. I have no idea what she pictures that would be.

 

Thsnks, but it will take some very loose clothes to make me a sexy woman. I don't l now how far she wants to take this, or if it was a passing whim.

 

Funny how Waring a cage can be a source of comfort, a private hug.

 

When Mistress let me out for my shower and cleaning yesterday, she bet me that I couldn't make myself cum using just the vibrator, no hands. If I won I would have had a free orgasm. If she won, I would have to let her sister use me as a servant for 48 hours, wearing only the belt. I would have 10 minutes to do the deed. Based on my performance on the 4th with Robert, 10 minutes should be more than enough time to orgasm. Way more, I'm embarrassed to say. Ever the optomist, I accepted. Predictably, I lost. I did get some growth in length and girth but did not come anywhere near a reasonable size, or anywhere close to hard, the way I used to do. As Mistress said, "It looks like genetics played a nasty joke on you." However as I did have noticable growth (for me), and some leakage, Mistress told me that she awarded me the consolation prize of being allowed to wear the hood if Callie has company. She said it seems we are both softies.

 

I arrived at Callie's not knowing what to expect. Well, to make a tedious story short, I spent the weekend thoroughly cleaning her house, lunch and dinner to be eaten outside. I slept on the floor with the provided pillow and light blanket. She spoke to me only to give me orders. The belt stayed on me until I returned home Monday morning. After I took my shower Mistress and I took a long walk in the park like any other couple, followed by a spanking and old movies. Yes, my life continues to get weird.

 

Today Mistress told me to wear pajama jeans over my belt in lieu of regular jeans. When I pointed out that they are held up by a draw string and might fall down and be embarassing, Mistress told me that it was my problem, solve it. I attached clip on suspenders, problem solved. Add a tee shirt and I was ready. I pointed out that the pajama jeans don't have real pockets, just looked like they do. I had no place for my keys, handkerchief, wallet, and cell phone. Turns out this was another problem for me to solve. I resurected an old fanny pack of hers. Problem solved. Mistress instructed me to wear it in front for easy access. Not the most masculine of looks. At least my shirt partially hid it. We went out to a few stores, with Mistress having me open the pouch to dig out my wallet when I was in front of the cashiers. At one point she had me go into the car and redress so that my shirt was tucked into my "jeans", the suspenders now over my shirt. Then it was on to more shopping. I realized it was just another way for Mistress to assert her dominance while making me self-conscious. Mission accomplished.

 

This morning Mistress gave me a pair of red slippers that I am to wear at home. They look like something out of Wizard of Oz, and when handing them to me she said, "These are for you, Dorothy." Then she had me put on a dress which I am to wear all day unless we go out. She said that she wants me to appreciate that wearing a dress can make me feel sexually vulnerable and available, the way women have been made to feel. She also said that male oppression was not permitted in her house, and that I am to make a consious effort to avoid toxic masculinity in my appearance and attitudes. I wonder what exactly she has in mind.

 

Random thoughts:
Well it's been almost 3 weeks exclusively in the full belt, with unlocking only for shower/cleaning. Mistress makes certain I am unlocked just long enough to maintain hygene. I am getting to the point of regarding this as normal. I am brought out of any physical complacency when my balls get a quick, unavoidable pinch. That gets my attention. It's funny how I'm otherwise not allowed an erection but Mistress enjoys administering tease and denial.
It's been 20 days since Robert made love to me and I find I am missing the closeness and intimacy of sex. I miss my husband.
Mistress has told me she wants me to wear a dress while at home every other day to even out my sexuality. At least it's only at home. To go along with this Mistress wants me to remain clean shaven.

 

After my shower this morning, Mistress said that she wanted to play with my dick. I hoped for the best. Mistress brought out a hair clip, pulled and stretched my dick, and attached it to me. That's 2 rows of 7 teeth slowly biting me. She had me stand still for half an hour, while she observed, occasionally adjusting it. She never said why she was doing this. I believe she was just indulging a whim. I was surprised how it grew more and more unpleasant as I struggled to stand still. Once relieved of the hairclip, Mistress pointed out my dick showed extreme turtling, which Mistress described as, "far from masculine" and, "You should be ashamed. You're hardly a man with that." Yes, I remember that word for word. Who wouldn't.
Mistress told me I'm to post photos of her hairclip on my dick.

 

Mistress invited Silver and Robert over for dinner Saturday. I was told that I would be doing the cooking. I was also told that yes, I would wear a dress, but no panties. Mistress put a soft shade of lipstick on me, "for that extra feminine touch". Silver smiled when he saw me, but chose not to say anything humiliating, for which I was grateful. Robert gave me a quick kiss and checked to see if any lipstick had transferred to him. When it came time to sit down to eat, I was careful to follow the instructions Mistress had given me earlier, which was to lift my dress so my bare cheeks were on the chair, something from Story of O that had stayed with her. I had to adjust where the back chain was attached to the tube, to keep my ball sack from getting pinched. Mistress smiled in approval. Robert saw me do this but didn't comment. Silver was across from me and didn't notice.
After the meal they sat and chatted while I washed the dishes. When I finished I joined them, again lifting the dress before I sat down. Mistress explained why I had lifted my dress. Mistress then told them that in honor of Story of O, I would be paddled by one of them, chosen fairly by lot. Mistress bent me over the bed and tied me down. Then she brought out a bowl containing 3 marbles, 2 white and 1 black. With closed eyes they each chose a marble. Silver had picked the black marble. Mistress pulled up my dress, exposing my rear and told him to begin paddling me. There was no counting strokes making it impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Mistress told him to stop when she felt I had had enough. Robert commented "Nice shade of red." Mistress then untied me. I had no idea Mistress had planned this. Mistress hugged me, soothing me. A short while later, Robert took me by the hand and led me out to a waiting car service, leaving Mistress and Silver to their fun.. As we settled into the back seat Robert reminded me to lift my dress before sitting. I was wearing a wide-brim hat to disguise my gender as much as possible. I was oddly ashamed to be male in the presence of the driver. If only I could pass as female rather than feel like a fraud. As Mistress had said, wearing the dress made me feel vulnerable and available. Robert reached under my dress and fondled my balls. It was odd to know I was getting aroused but having almost no sensation of having a penis. I was aware some movement was happening in the tube, but not enough to make me want to try to masturbate. Once home, Robert made use of that availability the dress provided.
Later, Robert unlocked my belt. He handed me a screwdriver and pliers, and told me to tighten the belt, that it wasn't snug enough. That was my evening assignment. Once finished, I showed Robert the newly tight belt. He told me I had done a good job. Later we fell asleep, his cock between my cheeks.