My changing body

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by Nicoftime, Mar 31, 2017.

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  1. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I thought I would move this topic from my normal thread to one specifically for my physical changes. My journal thread "uh oh she likes it" I would like to keep about our relationship and sexual fun/or no fun as the case sometimes is.

    So to recap on my condition, I was born a bit different. It's technically called partial androgen insensitivity, but most call it intersex. I was born with both boy and girl parts as a result. My testicles were where ovaries would have been, and instead of a scrotem, I had a labia and small pseudo vagina opening. And a small penis with a clitoral hood, and later developed breast tissue.

    I was surgically changed to the sex of procreation...testicles, so labeled boy. Labia and pouch was sewn into a scrotem, clitoral hood was removed with a very tight circumcision(my guess was to make it look larger).

    As a toddler I had another surgery to move the testicles down to the sack, and was given male hormones to jump start male pattern growth.

    Was a big success physically, looks pretty normal, and except for the circumcision scarring, a small scar from moving my testicles, and some breast tissue showing up during puberty, would never know I was born different.

    After experiencing some issues, I went to the doctor. My breasts had gotten bigger and more sensitive, harder to achieve orgasm. After tests and scans and two specialists, good news bad news.
    Good...I don't have a tumor on my glands or have cancer.
    Bad...my body's hormone receptors has started being unable to convert androgen to testosterone. Excess testosterone converts to estrogen...so, eventually I will be estrogen dominant.

    There is a drug that would eliminate excess estrogen, but was deemed too hard on my liver. It would need to be taken forever and he said I was too young to take it for that long of time.

    That diagnosis was last summer. He said there was no way to judge how fast or slow this would escalate, and that more than likely would take years for secondary sexual traits to become pronounced enough to notice, more than likely be gradual enough that even I wouldn't notice. When the time came, I might need some ED drugs, but most other physical changes would be gradual.

    After some changes in the last couple months have had a small come to terms with it moment and decided to move forward on a positive note and be the best me I can be, whatever I am. My breasts have started growing again, I know for sure because they feel just like they did during puberty. Sensitive, itchy, sore, and have noticed I've gained some weight, but fat isn't where it normally is, hips, thighs, and butt. Yuck I have cellulite!

    So after my soul searching, and discussions with my wonderful mistress and key holder, I have decided to just be me. If I look feminine, I look feminine. I am never just going to try to be a woman, but am going to be comfortable in an androgynous look and state of mind. After all I was born as both, it seems silly to be hung up about it now. So I'm growing my hair out, and will pick and choose my attire as the moment strikes me. If it seems a little feminine, who cares it fits. I can be me and my mistress has assured me that she will love me no matter what I looked like. Last summer I was very worried about it, and now that some changes have started I was worried again. But our relationship is even stronger now, and I wasn't nearly as upset. I've come to terms with my manly man days being somewhat over, at least looks wise. On to new experiences new looks and new attitude going forward as me. Whoever that turns out to be, I'm so glad that I won't be alone, thank you @Mistress Amanté i adore you.

    Funny part about all this, is I finally opened up sexually, and have a keyholder, and I might not be able to get an erection! Finally cock locked and now it might not work?! Ahhh life you bitch, funny sense of humor. Although maybe chastity was just what the doctor ordered, I haven't had any erection or orgasm problems since we started doing this seriously.

    This is an intro to this thread and quite long, my next posts on the subject matter will be much shorter!
     
  2. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Thanks! Wasn't always this positive, took some pity parties, but doing well now.

    Acceptance is usually the final stage of any big change. I'm a glass half full guy anyway!
     
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  3. Chas4us2
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    Chas4us2 Member

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    Very interesting.
     
  4. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Not really the word I would use, but I guess it certainly is lol!

    I go days without even thinking about it and others I dwell on it I suppose. Kind of the reason for the thread, therapeutic o_O:D
     
  5. spider203
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    spider203 Active member

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    Thanks for taking the time to write down what it is like to be born with that condition and how you you are dealing with it. I also think you are right to except your condition and I love your idea of dressing in what Clothing you want to ware at that time.i would love to see what different styles you have since you are coming into fashion not from a female or male but a mixture of both.
    And remember I am what I am.
     
  6. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Thanks, doubt much will change except maybe the cut of the clothes. Still t shirt and jeans. Depends I guess on if my chest gets much bigger.

    I did joke with mistress, well wasn't a joke, but laughingly told her that if I end up with a nice rack I'm definitely getting laser hair removal on my chest...be a shame to have hairy boobs!

    All kidding aside, have decided to go androgynous, and not really present as either. It isn't like I will be out in a dress, heels, shorty shorts, just whatever is comfy and not going to go thru trouble of hiding.
     
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  7. SubVerity
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    SubVerity Still the mansion's fairy godmother. ;)

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    It sounds like you've been through quite a lot of head wrangling over the past year or so, but it sounds like you've taken a very sensible approach, and I applaud that.

    I was chatting to a guy yesterday about dealing with change, and the glass fullness thing came up. We decided that not only can the glass be half full, but a bit like a hot chick on the crazy/hot matrix, the glass can at any instant become a different size, or the fluid having a different density or mass. It's worth remembering that anytime you just see an inch of water in a glass, take a break from the situation and come back to it. Chances are the glass will have more than enough water when you revisit it.
    That's a bit of an aside, but I thought it was an interesting take on looking at water in glasses.

    Androgynous can be a great look, and I hope you're able to play with it and enjoy the changes that come.
     
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  8. Lakeman
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    Lakeman Member

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    Well, what a fantastically positive attitude you have to life, you're an inspiration!
     
  9. Steve-0
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    Steve-0 Active member

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    Way to go into a challenge with a positive attitude. Life is change. Just stay the snarky jackass I have come to call a friend.
     
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  10. Wendygirl
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    Wendygirl To offer advice and keep CM safe and welcoming

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    Hi
    So do you just run on low testosterone ?
    Thing is to prevent osteoporosis you need either testosterone or oestrogen at a reasonable adult level .

    Quite an interesting decision to think through. As you say hairy boobs are not an option! Can be quite fun to play around with as I guess you have nice hair that you can change style as you go one side or the other depending on boy or girl modes. Androgen can produce stunning looks !

    Xx Wendy
     
  11. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 living in interesting times

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    I would go further than to say this is interesting, I think it is fascinating. @Mistress Amanté deserves a lot of respect for the way she has encouraged you. I can easily imagine a very different response from a partner, so the fact that she is so supportive is not to be dismissed lightly.

    My first thought was that it was a shame that medical experts took a decision for you before you had the option to choose for yourself which direction you wanted your gender to go. Obviously I do not know the full story but it seems to me that while your genitalia might have been more boy your hormones appear to be more girl. Maybe waiting wasn't an option, but if I was a parent of a child with your mixed gender that is what I would prefer to do. I would have thought of a name that could be taken either way, Sam/Samantha for instance, and then just waited to see which gender was the strongest.

    Another thought is a little silly but there is a part of me that is a bit jealous! I realize you have had a lot to put up with but the idea that you can now approach gender with an androgynous choice sounds amazing. I love women's clothes but my body shape is very male. I am not an alpha male and never have been, but most women's clothes on me just don't look right.

    Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us, it is definitely something I would like to read more about, if you are happy to continue sharing.
     
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  12. Martsp
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    Martsp New member

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    So.. Did the docs have real proof about your liver not gonna stand aromatase inhibitors? I'm on testosterone replacement therapy and also using aromatase inhibitor (anastratzole). And will be using rest of my life. Just thinking that your docs might be idiots albeit I don't have enough info about you(r liver).

    Edit: I'm 26, started meds on age 25.
     
  13. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Well I didn't ask him for the blood work but I don't think he would make it up.

    @Wendygirl im not running low on testosterone, in fact I have more than I can handle. The way it was explained to me by several, is I am not converting it all and excess turns into estrogen.

    He did not say why it was happening now though. Why after so long my hormones are acting different. I've done enough internet searching to make my head explode but have found nothing that had my similarities. Another reason not to freak out and just let things play out...maybe he doesn't really know.
     
  14. Martsp
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    Martsp New member

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    Sorry to say, but doctors are just humanbeings and can be wrong. Awfully wrong.

    There are tons of people using AI's, many of them women to combat breast cancer. If you want to research this then you should go to forums of t-nation.com. Or ask from your doc about his opinion - does he have anything else than a hunch?

    Or just let it go if you are fine with all of it. I just think that you are going to feel like crap when hormones go unbalanced. And risk getting heart related problems.

    But I wish all the luck for you!
     
  15. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Thank you for the information, will do some checking and ask him about it. Definitely worth looking into, and yes I still find all of this a bit vague and somewhat nonchalant. It was like he didn't care anymore after he found it wasn't a tumor or cancer. Will definitely be asking some more about this.
     
  16. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 living in interesting times

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    My experience of doctors is the rarer your condition the less likely they are to know anything about it. Then there are two types who I have met. The first are the ones who believe that, because they don't know something about your condition, nobody does. The second are the ones that take the time to research your condition and find someone who does know something about it.

    There is also the issue that the rarer your condition the less likely any research is done as there is no money to be made for the big pharmaceutical companies.

    The good thing about the internet is it gives us regular citizens the opportunity to do research of our own. The bad thing is that then let's us find out information that makes us think we have every condition possible and it's a miracle we haven't dropped dead from some malevolent disease!
     
  17. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Lol! My mistress loves web md...I think she's diagnosed herself with the plague, polio, and scarlet fever
     
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  18. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 living in interesting times

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    I once had a thumb that ached whenever I had been typing for a long time. Turned out I had leprosy, glandular fever and a chronic respiratory obstruction.
     
  19. Steve-0
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    One of my favourite things working in the ER was listening to patients who'd self diagnosed with web MD. "It's lupus, isn't it!?"
     
  20. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Haven't really posted on this in awhile.

    I'm not really happy with my looks right now. I have gained close to 25 pounds in the last 2 months. My chest is a lot bigger and wearing t shirts is now something I'm careful about. Sometimes they are too tight up top and it looks aweful.

    Hair is in that awkward phase of growing it out. Not long enough to pull back and kinda falls down. Should be fine by the end of summer.

    Breasts don't hurt nearly as bad thank god, but they are still very sensitive, and sometimes find myself touching them. Still don't require a bra but they shake when I move and it's driving me nuts. I brush my teeth and wonder what all the movement is in the corner of my eye...it's my boobs bouncing around.

    So going on a diet. Going to lose the 25 pounds and then work on 20 more
     
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  21. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Tested out a bra, thought A cup would be fine and just keep them from moving...but seemed kind of overflowing. so if I do end up wearing one, probably more of a B cup.

    I started laughing...I got a rack lol
     

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  22. Wendygirl
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    Wendygirl To offer advice and keep CM safe and welcoming

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    Lol I suspect your missis is putting something in your tea.
    Xx Wendy
     
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  23. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Lol
     
  24. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Well my body has started to settle down.

    My chest seems to have stopped growing, don't hurt anymore, and am my normal surly self.

    I still look a bit awkward with my shirt off, but with a t-shirt on it's nothing that can't be explained away by being an out of shape middle aged man. Certain things have always been there and always will be, but have adjusted with them years ago. Ok, one thing that is new that I haven't come to terms with is cellulite.

    When younger I didn't have any but as I aged I noticed a few dimples. This last year when my hormones were going crazy and I happened to gain a bit of weight, I got some on my butt and the back of my thighs. Men do not typically store fat there is why I'm guessing men don't get cellulite, but nevertheless I have it. I don't spend a lot of time exposing my butt or back of thighs to people so it's not an embarrassing issue, it's more of a self image issue.

    So time to stop eating junk, do a little exercise, and see if I can beat this into submission.
     
  25. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Lately not too happy with my appearance. It’s one thing to have a feminine shape, a whole other to have that and all this fat! I am starting to look ridiculous naked.

    I posted last time about cellulite, I haven’t gotten any more, but my belly and sides have gotten bigger. I probably have reached 210 pounds and need to be at around 180 to look nice again. So thirty pounds. It seems so daunting. My last diet consisted of divorce and custody battles. So, I am pretty sure I just need to eat less and get out there and do something. Maybe I’ll start the Atkins diet again, it did help to lose some weight fairly quickly, I will miss pasta and potatoes.
     
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