Mistakes you made

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by sonhee, Apr 18, 2021.

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  1. sonhee
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    sonhee Member

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    Looking back, what would you have done differently if you could start over again with chastity play, or introduce it to your partner for the first time? Any avoidable mistakes you made?

    Both male and female answers would be interesting :)

    For me, I think I introduced it at the wrong time, when my wife was pregnant and had no libido. She played along for a few months and I've got some hot memories, but ultimately she wasn't interested in sex herself (pregnancy/breastfeeding hormones), and since having the baby there has been little time and privacy for us for much activity in the bedroom, much less anything kinky or 24/7. I should have waited until the kids are a bit older.
     
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  2. Chaste J.
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    Chaste J. Active member

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    Apart from wishing we had discovered it earlier (and I do mean we). I think it has all evolved rather well over the last 8 years.
     
  3. CumSlut
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    CumSlut Member

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    I came out to my wife right when we started dating so the introduction was not really an issue.

    What I would definitely change is to research types of devices better since I have some issues wearing a ball-trap type on the long term. Currently chastity for my Wife and I is mainly based on the honor system: I don't cum unauthorized and unsupervised.

    We're getting a first full belt type for me to see how it is different and to compare the practicality compared to other devices. At some point we'll get me fit for a customized device.

    Given all the devices I tried way before getting married and those after, changes I'd make:
    - conduct much better and intensive research
    - train myself much better and on a more regular basis
    - save up for a durable customized solution

    Also: cute profile pic
     
  4. gary170
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    gary170 Active member

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    As Chaste j said wished my wife and i started a lot earlier and we have been at for over 10 years
     
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  5. Coffeeandcaged
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    I know my wife wishes we would have started earlier. Me, I wish I knew then what I know now about male chastity and the benefits associated with it.
     
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  6. Chaste J.
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    Chaste J. Active member

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    A very familiar story it seems after reading previous comments! I just imagine how much fun we would have had if I was locked before we got married 30 years ago! Especially the fact that my sex drive (and Mrs Chaste) was definitely a bit different back then!
     
  7. MissyB
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    MissyB Active member

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    Going too far too fast.

    Waiting so long to express my inner desires.

    Not separating fantasy from reality.

    Sacrificing time for privacy.

    Not trying harder to make true trans fiends who know what i'm feeling and experiencing.

    Not buying those really cute, sexy shoes when i first saw them.
     
  8. madams-sissysub
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    I wish if listened to my madam when we ordered our first cage, she was the right, the curve was far to long for me!
     
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  9. CumSlut
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    CumSlut Member

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    this resonates a lot
     
  10. meuk85
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    meuk85 Member

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    All things considered, I think things have progressed reasonably well for us thus far.

    Chastity for me also made my dick a lot more sensitive again. Back in the day I jacked off 3x a day and when I met a lady I wasn't able to get hard.
    Since we changed roles I quickly discovered the benefits as does she. :D
     
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  11. HusbandX
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    HusbandX Active member

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    Lots of mistakes. The biggest one was not discovering it thirty years ago.

    When my youngest son was born, my first wife verbalized suggestions that led me to hide the scissors and knives in the house. Actually, she screamed it during delivery. You did this to me...

    A few more kids came along. Her thinking mirrored her original sentiments. I think she'd have been quite enthralled with something metal with a key, because she never liked to drive, and never much liked what I had to offer.

    Alas, discovery is seldom in its own time. My present wife couldn't care less, so a cage is less a utility than an ornament for the unused. Somewhat like putting a frame on a dusty velveteen glow-in-the-dark picture of dogs playing poker, in the basement.

    Except we have no basement.

    Yet.
     
  12. NZSenator
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    NZSenator Active member

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    I think I went from nothing to wanting the full fantasy too quickly, expecting that by me locking up my dick and focussing on her, that she would want to be more active than she is now, that she would tease me more often and demand more orgasms for herself.

    We have gone in and outt of chastity for the last year or so, currently in (but only a week or so) and although we've had a very quick discussion, nothing much has changed. I'm just letting her simmer on things at her own pace and seeing where it goes
     
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  13. lrnck345
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    lrnck345 Member

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    In my experience, the entire lifestyle revolves around trust. In my situation, my greatest turn-on is to see my wife having the greatest satisfaction ever -- really bed shaking orgasms, if that's what she wants. I'd love to give her control of my dick and let her satisfy herself in every way she desires. By that I mean "every way" she desires even if that involves cuckolding with bulls, or showing off in front of her friends. However, as It turns out, her greatest desire is to be left alone. She was told by her mother that sex is nothing more than a "Wifely duty." So for me, handing her the key would mean nothing more than never, ever, ever, ever being intimate again, because I provided the excuse. I use a chastity cage when she's not around as a way to slow down masturbation, since PIV is just too hard to negotiate.
     
  14. Susanstoy91
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    Susanstoy91 Active member

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    I'm not sure it's a mistake, but like others we wish we would have started sooner. My Wife(KH) was into MC right away. She loves the T&D, tying me up, having full control of my sex life. I can't imagine what paths we would have gone, if she would have found this earlier in our relationship.
     
  15. Thomas Gangman
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    Thomas Gangman Active member

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    I think like most people who posted, I wish we would have started earlier. This would have been ideal when we were swinging, I made some mistakes playing with a few ladies my wife absolutely hated. She never held it against me, but did voice her displeasure and asked me never to play with them again which I honored. When we did swing, I was usually finished after the 2nd round and would sit back and watch her in action. It would have been better if it was the other way around, watching her in action while I as caged and could have no fun.
     
  16. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    1. Nickel plated hinged ring with huge gap and way too long.
    2. Birdlocked silicone device
    3. 15 or so steel devices that are now useless because I’m now pierced.
    4. 4 ringless devices I bought after piercing but can’t wear because I’m too small.
    5. My first Rigid Chastity model05 that I measured wrong on and had to order and wait for another.
    6. The “fuck machine” I bought thinking she would like but hasn’t used once.
    7. Not closing the toy drawer and the dog ruining three high end dildos.
    8. Not finding out about baby oil gel until 2 yrs later.

    As far as our dynamic goes, it went pretty smooth. She was leery and apprehensive. She ended up loving that I was always locked, and I had already done all the research on cages and limited my expectations from her.
     
  17. WillieBDenied
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    WillieBDenied All men should be locked

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    I just wish I had learned about it sooner (and Femdom / BDSM in general).

    My college girlfriend would have been the Mistress/Keyholder that I dream about but we didn't know how to realize the lifestyle that we both wanted. The internet didn't exist then so information was hard to come by. Not to say we didn't have a good relationship, there just would have nuances that I think would have really raised the bar to new heights
     
  18. Dr MBogo
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    Dr MBogo You heard the lady! In you go.....

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    like most, I wish we'd learned about chastity earlier. We were both 57 when we stumbled on it, quite by accident.

    At the same time, we might not have been ready for it much before then-certainly not until we finished having children. She was ravenously hungry for intercourse during pregnancy, and wanted me inside her at least daily. (not that I minded,LOL, -We had some great pregnancy-sex stories.) It wouldn't have worked for us until she hit menopause, I don't think.
     
  19. jennifer_sissy
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    We wish we had started chastity a lot earlier. Also wish i had been pierced earlier as a cage secured with a PA or frenum piercing is a lot more practical than one that uses the balls to secure. No chaffing and much easier to keep clean.
     
  20. Mike hammer
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    Mike hammer Active member

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    My ex-wife and I had troubles. I mentioned a chastity cage. She said no, I'd enjoy it too much.

    She was right.

    She woulda made the best key holder.
     
  21. cagedfellow
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    cagedfellow Member

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    Yep, that's about it for me.
     
  22. Open2njoy
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    Open2njoy Member

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    It was a mistake to not explore the chastity lifestyle sooner because I was afraid of losing control. Now I love not being in control.

    I also wish I had begun with a stainless steel cage. It’s so much easier to keep clean and doesn’t need to be removed every few days.
     
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