Mindfucked

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Wolfie, Sep 22, 2011.

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  1. Wolfie
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    Wolfie wolfie

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    Well, I like most, did it to myself..Was it just an inquisitive mind or something else that sent me in the direction of Chastity? I really don't know, but, the idea of a woman having that type of control, has long intrigued me. It is a total turn on.
    The woman I reside with, knows that, yet ignores it almost completely. It is so frustrating for me as that is part of my sensual well being. Don't know how to get things on the right course, it may just be a case of sexual preferences. Any ideas?
    Thanks,
    Wolfie

    "You don't know how good you have it, until it's gone"
     
  2. tiemeupalso
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    tiemeupalso Long term member

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    no ideas here.ive been looking for a local keyholder for a long time.no luck so far.
     
  3. Sissy_Aline
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    Sissy_Aline Senior Member

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    Go to munches when at all possible and contact someone nearby who would provide this service - it can be done. But it will cost some for the service as it sounds like the wife s not interested.

    Know how that all goes.
     
  4. Missy Tanya
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    Missy Tanya Senior Member

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    Finding the right Partner in Real life is tough enough, just look at all the people you know that is divorced, single, or just plan unhappy. Now add another dimension of Chastity and Femdom. You can just start to see just how difficult finding Miss/Mister right could be. And with me I threw Cossdressing in way before Chastity. Luck for me my wife of 20+ years is very tolerant of Tanya's many quirks. But even though, she doesn't do the Mistress role, playing with it every once an a while, but just not full time Mistress material. But I've learned from before, from divorced, that you can't have your cake and eat it too..

    So for now I'm my own Mistress/Keyholder, and finding that I'm way tougher than she would most likely ever would be. But the thought of not having the key available and being at another's mercy, Oh my, what they could make us silly men do once they lock our penises up and take away the key, Yes Mistress, anything you wish, comes to my mind, and not the one in my pants either..

    Missy wishing, Tanya
     
  5. Mistress Michelle
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    Mistress Michelle Magical Mistress

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    Hey Tanya....you can send that key to Me precious, you know I'd love to have it!!!

    Mistress Michelle
     
  6. fgrfgrfgr
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    fgrfgrfgr Guest

    Based just on what I've highlighted in green, maybe the issue is that you've expressed that it intrigues YOU and is a turn-on for YOU, but without selling her on the benefits to HER. Having several decades of experience in this arena (and almost the past one ALONE now), I can tell you that from my own experience and from what I've read from women's perspectives, this is key. If she is fairly traditional or vanilla, you'll have to take 'baby steps' toward incorporating chastity into your regular routine; that is to say, don't expect her to lock you up for a year or a month right off the bat. That's like being thrown into a river before learning to swim. You may even have to start by just proactively doing some 'submissive' things, if that makes any sense; almost akin to 'topping from the bottom' at first, but what I mean is by voluntarily offering to do whatever it is that she likes a lot and perhaps you don't, at least under 'unforced' conditions--- things like massages, footrubs, pedicures, lots of oral sex, or even housework like cleaning or laundry. Very gradually, you can introduce the (accurate) idea that the more aroused and unfulfilled, the more attentive a man is to the desires of a woman. There are many good books, articles and websites (a few spring immediately to mind - PM me or reply to this post) that are written BY dominant women (not horny men) which extol the benefits of FemDom and/or Chastity. Usually, once a woman gets a taste of the power and sees the 'big picture' of what's in it for her, it's more addictive than any drug (unless she just happens to be wired as a total submissive type herself). Hope this give you some ideas to adapt the concept to your particular Lady.
     
  7. Divine Mistress Angelique
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    Divine Mistress Angelique Divine Mistress Angelique

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    This is basically the same question that gets asked over and over, day in and day out, on this board and every one like it. And it’s a damn good question! Basically it’s: How do I get my loved one/partner to participate in my sexual fantasies. If I could articulate an answer or answers that would communicate clearly to all the people who ask this question from slightly different point of view, I would write a book and give it away for free. Better yet, if I had a magic wand I would wave it and everyone would come together in mutually satisfying relationships.

    First of all I don’t think “normal” people realize how deeply imbedded these desires are. Jamie couldn’t have become an alpha male in a hundred years. He is what he is, much like being gay I would imagine. I think normal people think it’s more akin to someone wanting to try some peach mango kiwi tomato ice cream. If you don’t get it, vanilla’s fine, it’s not a big deal. But for many of us doms, subs, cuckolds, sissy maids etc. it is the only way we can express our sexuality. And although it’s exceedingly difficult to find someone who will share our proclivities, it is a very deep, very committed, sincerely appreciated connection when we do. I doubt that it is ever taken for granted.

    I want to say something important here, but I don’t know if I can. I feel it in my heart; I just don’t know if I can translate it into words, at least at this time in my life. Hopefully, as is so often the case, in trying to make it clear to you, it will become clearer to me. I want to talk about intimacy, but I’m not sure how to put it. In my mind I think the answer to accepting an alternative lifestyle is a willingness to take intimacy to its deepest level. Or to allow intimacy to become whatever form it takes in particular relationships.

    I may utterly fail in this attempt to communicate, but please keep one thing in mind as you read on: I am a woman who knew with absolute certainty, that I could not and would not ever make love to another man either behind my husband’s back, or in front of it, even though that is what he wanted, and was constantly begging of me. Nor could I ever dominate him since I needed him to make every decision for me. Yet now I cannot imagine our relationship any other way. I have learned that romance is not necessarily love, and love is not necessarily romantic.

    One of the first things Mistress Dominique taught me was that a good dom/sub relationship, by its very nature, has far more trust than a “vanilla” one. One person is literally putting their life and well being in the hands of the other, and the other must honor that trust perfectly, or the relationship is damaged.

    It is also important to note that without Mistress Dominique, if we had tried a dom/sub cuckolding relationship we would have ruined it. It never would have got off the ground. Jamie would be topping from the bottom (awkwardly at best) and I would have gone through the motions (awkwardly to be sure) for a few months and then given up. We would have been more miserable than before we started.

    My life lesson lately seems to be intimacy. I recently realized that I had gotten caught up in my health issues, and business issues, and had lost my intimate connection with jamie. Besides missing the emotional connection, I realized our physical relationship had stagnated. So, as jamie has mentioned, I’m trying to once again be creative and cunning in my dealings with him. It’s amazing how much love and intimacy can be communicated with some inescapable bondage and a good paddle or cane . . . and a good chastity device. Jamie’s sexuality is 100% about me. I am the beginning and the end of his sexual desires, and sexual reality. He cannot even masturbate without me. And when he does he only fantasizes about me . . . and possibly someone fucking me. How many women can say that about their men?

    To really over simplify it: if you want to approach your partner about an alternative lifestyle, why not trade on the idea of a deeper love, commitment and intimacy. Tell them what it would mean to you in terms of deepening your relationship. Tell them it’s not about kinky sex, it’s about a willingness to give, to step outside your comfort zone as a gift to your partner, yourself, and your relationship.

    I can’t say jamie and I would do anything for each other. But anything we wouldn’t do for each other the other would probably never ask.

    I have sex with a lot of people. But the only people with whom I have ever felt comfortable enough to let down all my defenses are jamie, Frank and Mistress Dominique. Real intimacy is a rare thing. It takes time, experience and trust.
     
  8. Keuschling
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    Keuschling Active member

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    Hi together,

    first let me state that i really see a lot of fundamental truth in Mistress Angelique's recent posting, and can only agree fully.

    Yet i do want to add one aspect that came to my mind when reading Her posting, as i read Her wording version about this obviously perpetually reoccuring question: How do I get my loved one/partner to participate in my sexual fantasies?

    It seems to me that in most cases the one asking maybe does not know about his or her partners sexual fantasies exactly. And although acting very vanilla or even boring when it comes to sex, there might be very intense sexual fantasies hidden, unknown to the other partner, or even to the one him- or herself. What arouses the partner, even if it is hard for her or him to admit, even or especially to the other partner, maybe fearing to appear as a pervers who could not be loved anymore? Although it might be easily detected by the bodily functions, while experimenting (subconscious body betrayal). Everyone is aroused by something, otherwise sex would not happen, or only as a routine in a mechanical or clinical way. But i doubt that any human being lacks any sexual fantasies. But just adding another, formerly unknown fantasy to another one seems to me like pressuring or forcing this concept onto him or her, without cherrishing or respecting the other's sexual being and fantasy, in a kind of topping from the bottom.

    i think that it might be a good idea to really know about the sexual fantasies of each other's partner, to the biggest extend possible, which needs honest communication about it. Which in itself will provide both with higher intimacy, both getting very open and honest, adding high value to the relationship. And then to include them fully, in the mission to add chastity to them, to harmonize the sexual desires of both, but respecting and including the individual sexual fantasies and desires thereby. Maybe even in a way that one asks the other how it could be possible to include the fantasies of the one partner to the fantasies of the other, to get help from the individual partner instead of an anonymous community, not knowing about anyone of both involved. As there is no general answer to it, and also no general way to do so in any manipulative manner. There might be success-stories and many ideas that have worked for others, but are just not applicable to the highly individual relationship one is in. Thus everyone has to find his or her individual way. And such way can only be found and work if both partners are involved, trying to make the best out of their relationship, for the benefit of both involved, pleasuring each other to the max.

    Nevertheless, i do not think this question is futile or useless in any way. As by reporting about ideas and experiences, others could be inspired for their own relationship. The only thing i wanted to add is the idea to involve your partner's sexual fantasies, as i am sure they do exist and should not be neglected nor ignored, but fully included, or at least to the biggest extend. And i can imagine that if one partner finds out the earnest effort to respect and include all sexual fantasies for making this one happy, excited and fulfilled, giving a feeling of being respected, honored, fully accepted and loved, this partner will absolutely want to do likewise towards the other one, supporting to find ways to achieve it fully, to make the relationship really special.

    i hope this thought and posting is not too confusing, and might be even helpful.

    Chaste regards,
    Keuschling
     
  9. Wolfie
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    Wolfie wolfie

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    I want to thank you for the responses I have gotten so far. I first should go a little deeper as to my experiences, so that you may get to know me a little better. I started off with Bondage at a very early age.. By the age of fifteen, I was into that, but on a minor and very singular scale. The first time I actually played around with bondage with a partner, was when I was 23. It always was more exciting than straight vanilla sex. Play toys came a little later, but, by the time I was 30, it was defiantly happening. Every woman I had been with had been tied up multiple times and it was fun.
    So, you might wonder how I went towards the submissive side. What I haven't said, is not only did I tie them up, but they tied me up as well. ;) Along the years, especially with the computer, I found out a lot. I even in the early 90s started a web-site called Dominant Women Make Great Lovers and to this day, I still believe that. Then, after two other web sites and a rather vast knowledge, I finally met someone who's sexual desire equaled mine.
    So, we spent much time trying to top each other. I taught her to be a Domme and one day, I shared my knowledge of male chastity and the first chastity device was ordered. That was an exciting day for both of us. Soon, I was locked up, her in control and off we went..
     
  10. Keuschling
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    Keuschling Active member

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    Hi wolfie,

    sounds like a perfect situation to me. But i cannot really relate it to your actual question. It is hard to understand for me that under such circumstances she just ignores your wish regarding chastity. Unless she maybe does not really understand the concept behind, and maybe she even totally misunderstood, thinking that ignoring your locked away sexuality is the perfect thing to do for her about you.

    Under the described circumstances, my former comments are useless. But as i have no experience nor idea for a situation like your's, i hope you will get the most meaningful hint to help you from someone else.

    Chaste regards,
    Keuschling
     
  11. petevans
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    petevans Member

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    As always, Mistress Angelique speaks so eloquently. I am sure I speak on behalf of a lot of people (if not the vast majority) here on CM, that her posts & threads have been extremely appreciated.

    I am sure I have said this before in previous posts, so I apologise in advance for repeating myself. Mistress Angelique is the most dominant woman I have ever come across. She does it with such femininity & charm. She is a true goddess of dominance.

    Mistress Angelique's
    pet & plaything



     
  12. Wolfie
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    Wolfie wolfie

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    So, I had the almost perfect Domme, but, had trust issues that interfered heavily. I wish that I could bring them up, however, cannot, due to confidentiality. She, however was everything I almost wanted, but she couldn't leave all the drama out of the picture. I don't do well with drama as it factored in to much in the early part of my life.
    I am every bit of what a man should be. I am very intelligent, love to have fun and have a great sense of humor. I, however, am getting up in my years and don't have the time to find that perfect mate, and I have come to realize, that perfect mate doesn't really exist, except in maybe someones head.
    So, what does one pick? Less than perfect and make the best of things?, or continue the quest for god know's how long...Too fucking picky?, Ya, probably...
     
  13. Keuschling
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    Keuschling Active member

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    Hi wolfie,

    development is the key. Humans are not perfect, although they try to be. And thus are developing.

    It is a seldom fortune if people meet each other to be their mutual perfect mates from the very instant. But they have the potential to develop into it. Of course, a close starting point is better than being miles away from what one wants and desires.

    But for a special and loved one, a human might be devoted to do and try almost anything. To be closer to him or her, to satisfy him or her better, just to be loved and special in return.

    There is no such thing as a "less than perfect" human being. We all are less than perfect in a way, which makes us human. But the point in my opinion is: Do i want to develop for enhancing a relation? Am i prepared to take any challenge that will be there in the future, to safe and embrace this relationship? And of course, this also has to be mutual and cannot be one-sided.

    The real value of a relationship in my opinion is the development of each one involved, for the benefit of both. And if one is not able or willing to develop, the relationship may end in total desaster, with much pain to each one involved.

    Chaste regards,
    Keuschling
     
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