mikecb's journey

Lol. I never thought of it that way! Imagine, a life saved by kink! :character0028:

 

one900goat, yea, I'm sure I'll move some weight around with muscle, but alas, I know my body composition and strength pretty well. I really DO need to lose all that fat to make my goal. I've achieved that weight several times in my life, but I've never had the discipline to keep eating right to stay there. I love to exercise, I HATE to eat right! lol.

Alas, I've been sick for a week, first with a stomach flu, and now with a chest cold. I haven't exercised in about 10 days. I'm dreading hopping on the scale tomorrow :-( :sick0026:

 

Just a brief update, since I've been scarce around the mansion for a few days.

I got over my 10-day long illness. The good news was, I lost 5 pounds. I guess Stomach Flus have some merit after all! lol :sick0026:

I got new jewelry for my PA, and I'm not sure I like it. I was using a 6ga CBR. I switched to a 6ga circular barbell. The reason is, it is easier to put on and off. The CBR requires some pliers, and a delicate hand, to get it open and remove it. With the circular barbell, I can simply unscrew one ball.

The bad new is, that the thing tends to twist while I wear it exercising and one of the balls will back up into my urethra. When I disrobe later, I find one ball completely missing, up the end of my cock. It's a little unpleasant feeling, and burny. I don't really like the idea of that ball backing up there all the time, since it may not be perfectly sterile. Ugh. I may switch back to the CBR. It didn't seem to do that.

Meanwhile, I'm a few days away from my 4-month "anniversary" of chastity. I'm still horny as ever, which is nice. lol.

To "simulate" an unpredictable Mistress, I've written some software that just makes me wait a random number of days, before I get an email which tells me I'm allowed to "edge" myself a little. On those days, I may masturbate a little (but not ENOUGH, of course), or do some other kind of stimulating play. In between, I force myself to behave. It's an interesting way to simulate having no control over my sexual pleasure.... it's as close as I can get, anyway, without my wife participating.

Anyway, that's the brief update for now. Hope all is well with everyone!
mikecb

 

Hey gang,

Just a brief update. I've passed the 4 month mark, well on my way to the scheduled end of my self-imposed chastity stint at the end of this month. :anim_65: I suppose I'd be happier, if I was closer to my weight loss goals. I've only lost about 5 pounds since the beginning, leaving 15 to go. :anim_39: I remain committed to remain chaste until I reach five months AND my weight loss goals, so it's definitely going to be longer than five months!

I have to admit that my normal steely resolve was flagging earlier this week. I was starting to fall back into the "why am I bothering?!?" rut. With only myself as motivation, and not even a working chastity device, some days it's really tough not to reach down, and just take care of business in the shower. :jerkit:

I stood there, the other day, literally about to take matters into my own hand, but somehow stopped myself. I considered my frustration, and how I'd just like to say "fuck it", and jerk off. Then I considered what it would be like if my wife really WAS in charge, and held my keys. I wouldn't have the luxury. I'd be standing in the shower, frustrated, and unable to do anything about it. In other words, the frustration I was feeling was exactly what I would want, and expect if I was in a "real" situation.

The fact that I was feeling that frustration, just as if it was "for real" made all the difference. I smiled. I even got hard, as I reflected that the feelings I had were a reasonable simulation of the "real thing". That made me smile some more.

I finished my shower, chastely shaving my wobbly bits, and went about my day. :love0063:

As an added bonus, I checked my email later, and discovered that my random time was "up" after 15 days, and I was allowed to edge myself twice last night. After tucking my Wife into bed (which I usually do about an hour before I go to bed myself) I masturbated to the edge once, and stopped. Then, for an added bonus, after I calmed down, I squeezed out a large dollop of Ben Gay into my hand, and rubbed it all over my cock and balls. As my groin started to feel on fire, I stroked myself to the edge again. I then went, and lay on the couch for a while, until the fiery heat from the Ben Gay subsided. I'm such a pain slut! lol

I needed that!

mikecb

 

Yes, the same weight of muscle consumes less volume than fat, but I get the point.

Actually, I do a fair amount of resistance exercise with my normal workout routine, so I'm not too concerned about losing muscle as I drop weight. Still, my Wife and I are both planning to add a day of resistance exercise to our normal routines starting next week. Bowling season is nearly over! lol :anim_19:

 

Oh, speaking of building my own device.

Sigh, this is frustrating, too. I know what I need to do. I know how to do it. I know where to get the materials. The problem is that the best (and perhaps only) good welding solution is to use a Tig welder. Tig welder's cost the most of all welders - like $1000+. GRRRRRRR!

Mig welders are cheaper, but I'm not as confident they have the fine control on thin material, and I'm not sure they're very good for welding stainless. I'd need a spool of stainless wire for it, which seems very odd.

So, once again, I'm stuck wondering exactly how to proceed. :mad0235:

 

Yea, but...... BOY...... TOOLS.... Do the math! lol :character0174:

 

Yanno, I've been thinking of getting some silver solder for another little project. You're right that soldering or brazing might do me just fine. The question is whether I can find a solder that looks close enough to stainless to look good, and is non-reactive, like medical grade stainless. I guess Silver is a good start! Maybe I'll try that!

 

Commitment

OK, this has been burning in the back of my mind, so I just need to vent on it a bit. It's about "commitment".

Now, I know I'm a freak when it comes to self-control and "persistence". If you believe in such things, I'm a Taurus, and I understand we're supposed to be stubborn. Perhaps I'm the poster child for the breed, I don't know. Still, I don't think I'm supernatural in my ability to follow through on something I commit to.

Anyway, the thing that's on my mind lately is the dichotomy between the fantasy and reality of those who are lucky enough to have a KH... and perhaps this need to write about this is also fueled by jealousy. I just WISH my Wife would play a KH. lol.

So, over the past few months, I've read blogs from couples struggling with chastity. In most cases, the idea of wearing a chastity device was raised, and even pushed by the wearer. However, once the device is purchased, it seems like nothing the poor KH can do is good enough - and I mean this from both sides of the relationship.

We have wearers who are getting grumpy because they haven't been released for a few days. We have KH's feeling guilty because they haven't been in the mood for a while, and don't want to just leave their sub locked up. We have topping from the bottom. We have bottoming from the top. We have couples SO hung up on worrying about the other's feelings, that they're making themselves bitter. It's mind boggling, because it all seems to be taking something SO simple, and making it SO complicated! lol

I've never looked at the "Contracts" with any seriousness before, but now I wonder. Are they a better way to spell out "the deal"? Does the act of signing one of those contracts help the wearer and KH let go of some of the guilty over-thinking that goes on? If so, maybe I shouldn't have dismissed them so easily.

Anyway, it wouldn't be one of my sermons (oddly, placed in my OWN blog for a change!) if I didn't tender some advice.

Wearers: You most likely fantasized about this. You knew the reality would be different than the fantasy. You were warned "Be careful what you wish for". Face it. Not cumming for a few days, weeks, or even MONTHS will not kill you. I can say this with authority. In fact, long denial may help you feel things you never felt before. Isn't THAT the fantasy?!? Stop whining. Support your KH. Your KH may be suffering, too, feeling guilty. Are you a good sub? Do you put guilt trips your Dom(me), or support them?!? YOU asked for/agreed to this! If you can wear that device 24/7, it should be ON you 24/7. Period.

KH's: They agreed to wear the thing. One thing that is a "given" is that when they get horny, they'll get whiny. It's as predictable as day following night. You're not doing anything wrong. Subs WANT you to be strong for them. So if you agreed to hold the keys, remember the commitment to be strong. Also, holding the keys is NOT a mandate to become the sex slave of your wearer! If you're not in the mood, busy, got your period, whatever.. that's LIFE. Sometimes, the wearer will wear, and it won't be erotic. Guess what?!? That's where it stops being a bedroom game, and starts being D/s. Do you WANT to be the Dom(me)? Don't over analyze. Like Nike says.. "Just Do It!"

Again, the contract notion comes to mind. Perhaps some of the frustration comes from trust issues. "What if she locks me up, and loses interest in sex?!?" Well, maybe you could both agree to spell out a duration. What if you agreed that the wearer will wear 24/7, but if the KH isn't in the mood, the wearer will be released to masturbate once per (whatever). This leaves the wearer locked up, and relieves guilt from the KH.

I don't know. There are a million ways to do this. It just doesn't seem that difficult, if people just commit to love and trust one another.

It just horrifies me when I see couples SO interested in chastity, that CAN wear the device 24/7, but then get lost in the "stuff" of relationships. Again, perhaps I'm just channeling my own marital frustrations here! lol

End of cranky sermon. Like my Mom always said, "I yell at you because I love you." Funny. That never made sense to me when I was a kid, but it sure seems logical now! lol