mikecb's journey

sub4life, yes, I've been watching craiglist, thanks I've seen a few things, but not just what I think I need yet.

I had a minor setback on the home-built CB front over the weekend. I figured I'd whack together a plastic tube as a proof of concept.. just a short length of tube that would sit behind the glans, but restrict the girth of my penis. I drilled a hole in it to match where my PA entry hole is. I had hoped to put my CBR in through the hole, and out the urethra as normal, and basically secure the tube with my 6ga PA. I can't remove it without pliers, so I thought this would be a nice little "dry run".

Well, I made the tube easily enough. I took off my CBR, and managed to get myself shoved into the tube.... I had to spend some time doing math problems in my head, and thinking of old nuns to get things calmed down once or twice.

Finally, I was ready to try and install my jewelry through the hole in the tube. Well, I just couldn't get things lined up. Grr! The hole was narrow enough that the jewelry wanted to go in at basically a 90 degree angle. Unfortunately, that's not the entry angle of the PA. I was reluctant to make the hole too big, as I was afraid of pinching.

Well, I fought and fiddled until I started seeing blood coming out my urethra. Note, my stretch to 6ga is only two weeks old. In retrospect, I should have tried this with smaller jewelry.

Seeing blood, I decided it was time to punt and let things heal. I removed the tube, and tried to reinstall the 6ga jewelry. It was quite a fight. I had a nervous few minutes when I thought I wouldn't get it back in. Things had swollen a bit, restricting the opening. With an eyewatering bit of pain, the CBR finally got through the narrowest constriction, and I was able to finish re-installing it.

I'm doing some saltwater soaks now, and letting the piercing heal for a few weeks before I try something again. I may attempt it with either my old 8ga or even 10ga jewelry. The point of this first attempt is not a permanent attachment, but rather a proof of concept. If it works, this would be fairly straightforward to replicate in stainless steel, once I have the proper welding tools and skills.

Meanwhile, I've had a blast writing my stories - Willing Prisoner, and The Lottery, over the last 4 days or so. After 10 weeks of self-imposed chastity, my hormones are over the top, and I'm daydreaming kinky stuff non-stop, like when I was a teen. I have to admit that cuckholding and castration hold no real interest to me.. they just made for good story topics. However, the permanent chastity thing still gives me a chubby! lol.

I've had either an epiphany over the last few days, or the hormones are simply making me insane. As I've viewed my own situation, with my Wife's disinterest in D/s, my chastity options have been limited. She's fine with me wearing a belt. That's no problem. We have sex so infrequently, that it wouldn't really prevent a barrier, even if I had no access to keys. So, in my situation, I've envisioned three ways to live a "chastity lifestyle", once I have a belt that works.

1) I lock up in a device, but always have access to the keys. That seems kinda lame to me.

2) I lock the device, and use an electronic keysafe to prevent my own access. I would have enforced chastity for fixed durations. I'm geeky enough, I could even program the safe for random release intervals. The goodness here is it doesn't involve my wife. The badness is that if I really do need release, I either need a safety key or to cut off the device. Those are both manageable.

3) I get my wife to consent to holding keys for fixed intervals. She would have no obligation to have sex.. simply do me the favor of hiding the keys, and returning them at some arranged release date, either random or pre-determined. The advantage is that she actually participates in my sex life a little. The disadvantage is that since she doesn't like sex, and finds it all rather immature, she may not be cooperative about returning the keys, or letting me masturbate when I have them.

So, this weekend, as I wrote about a long story which culminates in "Permanent chastity" for the protagonist, I started asking myself the question.... "What do I like better? The chastity, or the release?" I can tell you that I was SO freaking horny on Saturday night that I nearly cheated. I have pretty good willpower, and it was really touch and go. The one thought that crossed my head, as I contemplated giving up my 5-month stretch was this ... "Doesn't this feel better than the orgasm would?" I had to conclude, yes, it did.

I went to sleep that night with a raging hard-on, which lasted most of the night, rather than having 3 minutes of pleasure, followed by a night of guilt and frustration.

So, if I really DO feel that way (and it's NOT just the hormones talkin'), perhaps the risk of giving my wife the keys.. and her actually asserting control to deny me orgasms completely... is not such a risk after all?

Scary thought. Shit, I'm late for work. Have a great day, all!

 

You should. They seem to be well-received... budget some time to read Willing Prisoner, though. It's freakin' long! lol

lol. Well, it's either infuriating, ironic, or just annoying depending on the day. My own fantasies and desires have, of necessity, morphed over time. As much as I'd like to be the chaste slave, in a D/s relationship, giving oral to his wife every night, that's not how my life will play out unless our relationship completely dissolves.

So, my thoughts over the last few years have gone to how I >could< make an enjoyable chastity lifestyle, within my context. Long term chastity play has become an aphrodisiac. I already fantasize and plan for lockups of 6 months, and a year. I LOVE edging myself, without release over long periods. It's not a far stretch from there to wonder, "what if?" I was simply locked permanently... perpetually edging myself, but never achieving release.

It's funny how the road curves and twists, as we move forward.

 

Heh, ya exactly. I struggled with that notion when writing my Willing Prisoner story... ultimately, John begs to be locked forever, but his Mistress doesn't commit to that.

I could imagine locked "forever" if there was constant teasing, denial and D/s going on. Being locked "forever" and sex becoming uninteresting, on the other hand, ain't no fantasy of mine! lol. As my signature says - "I want chastity, not celibacy!" To me, that means I want to be a very sexual person, who simply isn't getting a lot of orgasms. :anim_39:

 

I want to go Bi

So, I did it. After consultation with my doctor, I declared that I wanted to go Bi. I was tired of fighting it. It's been driving me nuts for two years. It's all I could think about, lately, as my doctor's appointment approached.

As an emerging presbyope, the doctor felt it important to examine me carefully, to assure that I a good candidate to go both ways.. Fortunately, at my advanced age, I felt little discomfort as I was measured and tested. I was given a clean bill of health, and the doctor declared that I could indeed be Progressive, like so many of my friends. It's funny. Until recently, I hadn't noticed how many friends my age had already gone bi. I guess it's a mid-life thing!

For old guys like me, being progressive like this can sometimes lead to frustrations. Fortunately, emerging presbyopes like me have a vast armamentarium of solutions available to them. A technician fitted me for a titanium and plastic appliance that would help me with my Transitions. He also offered me options which would reduce unwanted glares. I hopped at the opportunity, of course. One can't be too careful!

No sooner had my Wife and I completed selecting an appliance for myself (and TWO for her!) when the Doctor called her back to the examining room. He said "Let's see how far you're dilated!" I looked at her in shock! "Umm, honey.. is there something you needed to tell me?" :confused0068:

Current Mood: silly
Current Music: Talking Heads, "Girlfriend is Better"

 

Lol. It's like the cliff hanger in one of my stories! ;-p

Sorry, us highly edjumicated people use dem kinda words! ;-p

Actually, I googled most of the big words! lol

 

Eek! No Vistas. I'm going straight to Windows 7! ;-p

 

Half Way Mark - maybe

So, I'm 11 weeks into my self-imposed 5 month chastity stint. That means I'm at about the 1/2 way mark. Whoo! Hormones are running rampant. My imagination is in overdrive, which is probably why I'm having so much fun writing stories for the Fiction section. Believe it or not, even though I'm cranking out 4-5 pages per day of fiction, I've got at least three other story lines churning in my head. A sequel to "Exposed" with Allyson and John, a chapter for a whole other D/s couple that have lived in my head for years, and some snippets of hot scenes floating around without much background. Damn, I'm such a perv!

Regarding my long term stint, I say "maybe" to my half way comment because of a complication. I have it in my head, that the end of my chastity stint is not only time based, but also contingent on my losing some weight. I set a modest goal of losing 20 pounds over 22 weeks. I started at around 206 and would be, I think, quite buff at 186. I exercise a LOT, and teach kickboxing and spinning. I'm in very good aerobic condition for a 45 year old, but also carry the baggage of a 45 year old, all on my torso.

I had actually been down as low as 196 last year, but put 10 pounds back on when my parents had some medical drama over the back in October and November. I thought that would come off easily, and then I'd do about 10 more. Well, this all transpired just before the Holidays. While I didn't gain any, I'm only down two pounds from 11 weeks ago.

So, with 11 weeks of self-imposed chastity left, I still have a goal of losing 18 pounds. Umm...ut oh. So, either I'm going to get my ass to the gym a few extra times per week, or my 5 months may be a bit longer! The goal remains 186. This is all further complicated by the fact that I'm taking my welding class on one of my standard gym days, so I'm missing a workout. Add to that, I'm sick this week. I'll go teach tonight, but it'll be a VERY mild workout. I get light headed just walking around the house right now! Ugh.

Ahh well, I certainly have incentive!

 

I think I just topped a Dude

Yep, not a week after I declared myself bi-focal, I think I just Topped a dude.

No shit, there I was. I had decided to teach aerobics tonight, even though I had stayed home from work with my cold. I was feeling better, and sometimes a very light workout will actually make me feel better.

Class was sold out again, with all 25 bikes filled. I was behaving myself, and spending a good portion of the class teaching OFF the bike, so that I wouldn't overdo it. I chose one of my rides with really rowdy music, to help compensate for the fact that I wouldn't be on the bike, cranking it out with everyone in class.

I was off the bike, dressed in my usual all black workout clothes, cuing, as the music came to a bridge. This song was the last in the interval, before they would get a break. The last, most frenetic round of the music was coming, and I wanted them to really crank it up to full intensity to finish out the song. As usual, I decided to do one of my shout-backs. "OK, you know what's coming! I want to see big smiles with lots of teeth!" (I pointed to my smile) "I want to hear some noise!" (I gestured the 'I can't hear you' sign with my hands). "DO YOU FEEL GOOD?!?" I screamed.

The class did not disappoint. All 25 participants SCREAMED at the same time... LOUD! "YAAA", "WOOO HOOO", "HELL YA!!!", and from the new guy to my left, one "YES SIR!!!!"

"Then CRANK IT UP!" I screamed, as the bridge ended and the music resumed, more energetic than ever. "There's energy in this room! USE IT! GO! GO! GO!" I looked around. Resistance knobs were being cranked, faces grew intense, people leaned into the petals. They were going for it!

My eyes passed over the new guy. He was leaning over his handlebars. Veins sticking out on his neck, his red face squeezed into an intense glare. Sweat dripped from his face, and misted with his labored breath. His eyes were cast front, unseeing, focused on some image in his own head. He was CRANKING!

The song ended, and everyone recovered. Class ended 20 minutes later, and it appeared everyone had a good time. I received many smiley thank yous from sweaty, red-faced participants, as we all packed up our bikes. I had a few minutes before ab-lab, so I went to the locker room to change into a dry shirt. I saw the new guy there.

He was seated on a bench. He had paused while tying his shoes, staring off into space. I know and love the look well. He was having a major endorphin buzz. "Did you have fun?" I asked. He looked up, in a fog, and took a moment to focus his eyes and form words. "Oh ya," he grinned. "See you next week?" he added, demurely.

"Oh ya! Come early. We're usually selling out by 5:15!" He rolled his eyes "I know! I'll be here!"

I left him to it, as I headed back to ab lab, musing. "Yes Sir!" That's a new one! I wondered briefly if he was imagining me in a drill sergeant uniform, or in leather with a riding crop. I decided it doesn't really matter. Whatever works! He had a great time, and so did I.

I'm home from my classes now. As expected, the light workout perked me up. Light aerobic exercise bolsters the immune system, you know!

Mood: Bouncy
Music: Dead or Alive, "You Spin Me Around"

 

Ahh, see, your instructor must have been a novice. If I was teaching, it WOULD have! ;-p

Seriously though, one of my pet peeves is instructors who make spinning seem SO intense that it kills people. I lecture my class every week that it's THEIR workout, and that not every one is intended to be uber intense. In fact, I encourage new riders to take it easy, relax, and have fun. I remind them that if they work so hard that they hurt themselves, they'll never want to come back! It sounds like perhaps your first instructor should have given that lecture too!

 

Oh. MW, actually the track playing during the intense part of the ride I described was Big & Rich, "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy". hehe. The other song was just what was stuck in my head as I was writing the blog. lol

 

Plugged up

I've been plugged up all week, in more ways than one. I've had a cold, which has been dragging me down a good bit. I've got most of the conclusion of "Exposure" written in my head, but lack the energy to type it up. Perhaps I'll get the next installment out tonight.

On the bright side, I've been playing just about daily with my butt plugs. I blogged a very long time ago, about my struggle and finally, success, with my larger butt plug. It took me quite a few days of constant effort to "broaden my horizons" and get it in there! lol. It was a huge sense of accomplishment, and I DO mean HUGE! ;-p

What's funny is, I'm very comfortable with that plug now. I've gotten to the point that I can wear it over night, and have done so most every day for the last two weeks. It's gotten MUCH easier to insert. I'm now stretched out to the point that I can literally lube it up, and put it in with one smooth motion now, whereas before it took me multiple attempts to ease it on in.

That plug is probably 1 5/8" diameter at its widest. Well, I went to the local sex shop, and found a bigger one. It's 2". Though I wasn't really looking for this feature, it also has a vibrating egg thing in it. Well, much to my surprise I was able to insert it with little difficulty during my very first session with it, though I couldn't hold it in for more than 5-10 seconds. It was REALLY uncomfortable. Well, after a week or two of puttering with that one, after using the smaller to stretch me out, I was able to hold it in for about 1/2 hour the other night.

For fun, I hooked up some batteries, and turned on the vibrating feature. OH MY GOODNESS! I may have finally found a way to achieve milking. I've been unsuccessful to date, but I was dripping like mad when that big plug was vibrating! Fun fun!

So, yesterday morning, I realized something else. I slept with my 1 5/8" plug all night. I was going to remove it as I did my morning shower and such. I was feeling really "full", and thought that perhaps my morning poo was backed up behind that plug. Well, I leaned over to pick something up, and the plug shifted a little, and a fart squeezed its way around.... and I farted... and farted... and farted...... Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtttttttttt .. frrrrrrrrtttttrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrttttttttttttt .... frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ... frrrrrrrrrrrrrr.. frrrrrrrthhhththththththththhhh

When it was all said and done, I felt like a beach ball had been deflated in my abdomen! lol. I guess you never notice how much you "outgas" in the night! lol.

Ya, I know.. charming!