Mental Health

Usually you don't have to say anything. Just be a friend. Give them a call. Ping them with a text or IM message. Send them an email.

Take them to lunch or diner.

Encourage them to do something with you.

As someone who is fighting depression from PTSD due to a violent crime, I can tell you that the small things mean so much.

 

Mental health has been such a taboo topic for so long. I can only speak for what we see in Australia, but among men, suicide rates are high particularly for men in the 20-40 age range. Men are traditionally and stereotypically bad at talking about feelings and mental health and to try to help that there's some great initiatives happening at the moment. For instance, one of our largest national radio stations (whose primary demographic is males aged 20-40) is doing the below on Monday. To summarise, there won't be any news, ads, shows, talk back, phone ins, traffic reports, weather reports - basically no form on talking on the radio from 6am - 6pm. All they are doing is playing music all day, along with messages of support and encouragement to take the opportunity to talk to someone if there's something wrong, and if you're OK then reach out to a friend to check in with them. There's always going to be sceptics with this sort of thing, but personally, I think it's a great initiative.

Also, I'm not suggesting that this issue doesn't exist among the female population, and this is just as important and relevant to them. But, I'm a male in that target demographic who almost lost a family member to suicide very recently, so it's something that hits close to home.

https://www.news.com.au/entertainme...y/news-story/825c978947199fb47d57d2697420d96c

 

I thought I'd post something about my one and only depressive incident that happened 3 or 4 years ago now.

To those who have no idea what it's like, it doesn't feel like watching a sad movie and thinking 'oh, that makes me a bit sad *sniffle* but it's only a movie'. It's not like that at all.
It's a huge leaden weight in the pit of your soul constantly dragging you down.
Imagine a storm in the ocean. At night. Driving rain. Lightening flashing on the horizon. And the constant constant howling wind. White-capped waves everywhere. No matter where you look just bleak, grey desolation. And you're there, in the middle of it, bobbing around in a little lifebelt struggling against a huge weight pulling you under.
And did I mention the noise? The constant background mental noise?
It's like background static to your favourite radio station. It interferes with, spoils, degrades and ruins everything. The depressive just wants it to stop. That's all, just for the noise to stop. And in the darkest of dark times that can lead into the very dangerous area of 'suicidal ideation'. (The actual planning, in detail, of how it would be done). But the depressive doesn't want to die, not really, they just want the noise to stop. But the only way they can see to have a quiet mind is to to end everything.
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As others have said, if you mention to someone that for instance your liver is shot to pieces because you're an alcoholic, you'll probably get some measure of sympathy - even if you don't deserve it. But if you say that a little bit of your brain isn't working properly and that can make you feel, say and do strange things - you can get treated with horror and revulsion.
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For me, there were 2 or 3 physical co-incidents.
The first was very little sleep. Maybe 90 mins at most. I'd also wake feeling as if I hadn't slept at all. Not rested.
The next was night-sweats during those handful of minutes I was asleep for. I remember waking one morning, throwing back the duvet and padding off to to the loo. When I returned, there, on the blue bedsheet, was a perfect, black, sweaty imprint of how I'd been lying. Just like a chalk outline at a murder scene.
The last was the most worrying - a constant headache. It was like feeling a bump on the head, but on the inside. So I'm obviously thinking 'oh shit, is this the brain tumour that puts me in a box!?'

What got me out of it was amazingly simple.
The mildest of mild weight-training you can imagine. I've a few sets of dumbells at home and one night sitting on the sofa just before bed, I picked up a 'medium' pair and started swinging them around a little. Just 5 or 6 reps of maybe 3 or 4 exercises. Barely got the blood moving. Easily less than 15 mins. Maybe only 10. Went to bed and slept like a log. And when I woke up - the noise had stopped. It has all gone away! Literally blown over. The calm after the storm. It felt fantastic to feel normal again.
So that was 2 or 3 years ago. No re-occurences and no return of the co-incidents (which I keep an eye out for). No regular exercise either!
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If you know someone who has depression, I don't think there's much that you can do 'actively' to help. You certainly shouldn't get frustrated and angry with them say things like 'get a grip', 'pull yourself together' etc. The depressive knows they're in a dark place, they want to get out of it, but they don't know how.
But that doesn't mean you can't provide passive help. The 'just being there' help. The 'uncritical listening ear' sort of thing.
Just sit with them and watch a boxset on telly or something. Talk about the plotline or the actors or whatever. Make conversation without any expectation of where it could go.
Basically just sit and chill out with them. If they have something to say, they'll tell you. Eventually.

 

Good evening everyone,

I was trying to search for a good thread to post this in, and I landed on this one. Please let me know if there is an advice section on this site that would be better suited. I wanted to share my story....dealing with a member on this site.

I am currently battling severe depression/anxiety because of what this man did to me. I am a very strong woman, beautiful (not conceited, just that's what people tell me) sweet, huge heart, devoted, very passionate, fun-loving, 200% loyal, and dedicated. I fell in love harder than I have ever fallen before with what was seemingly an amazing man. I was enamored by him on our first date, and things quickly ramped up because I fell so hard for him and I thought he fell hard for me.

We were together for 4.5 years. We were engaged last year but he just up and left me for minor issues that normal people move past. He introduced me to the kink life about 4 years ago. He slowly introduced new things and as I learned more I introduced things as well, punishment ideas, panty play, and the pegging life. I loved all of it. I especially loved the chastity aspect and knowing my man was saving his load for me. mmmmm.

Well, we had a huge breakup over something no man should ever do to a woman, he got violent. But I loved him deeply so I forgave him and still chose to move forward with him. He chose to move out though and forced long-distance on us which completely broke us apart. I felt he was lying to me and was not completely open with me. If I even presented one paragraph of his actions, all of the post viewers would probably be like what a Dick!

I gave him everything I could in this chastity world given my time constraints with work and being forced by my job to move across the country. I literally gave this man my soul.

Well, he recently broke up with me and ghosted me. I have no closure. I have a feeling it was another woman. I'm so hurt because I gave 4.5 years to a man who didn't respect me or maybe even truly love me. Even after becoming a sexy Domme for him and learning new things to please him when I barely had time to put that amount of time into it.

This guy acted like he wanted to be punished by a Domme, but just never even followed through on minor punishment and flipped the heck out on me for doing the things I learned and that were minor in comparison to what I have read on here.

Ladies and Gents, I am absolutely at a loss for what has happened. I'm so hurt I can barely function.

Any advice you can give to get over this would be greatly appreciated!!

 

I don't know that I can offer advice, @Madam Jen, as I've not really experienced anything like that (and I'm a cisgender male to boot). But I can offer my deep sympathy. Sounds like an awful, unnecessarily hurtful experience. No one should feel mistreated like that.

 

@Madam Jen

First what is important now is that you take care of you. You'll essentially need a replacement for the time that might have been spent otherwise. The replacement needs to be on your terms, ie exercise, reading/writing, a hobby etc. Then in order to help yourself move on, dedicate yourself to the new replacement that you control for a while, perhaps indefinetly. This will allow your mind to focus on something else, and ease some of the stress. You have to be dedicated again, find a passion, go for it. Post haste!!!

With regard to your description of your ex, it seems you may have dodged a terrible relationship. Whenever violence enters the equation the situation is toxic and must be amended. You managed to not get married, financially obligated, ...children. Things could be exponentially worse!
Now go take care of yourself, and be the clearly strong person you are. Don't let this small lapse in time steal your sexual energy or your passion!

I wish you the best!

 

Thank you so much! I'm definitely trying to do things for myself, but he is on my mind constantly, thank you for the kind words!

 

You're welcome! And yes it will not be easy to just stop thinking about the past. I think of that as like living next to a highway- constant noise. But, after some time you don't even notice it anymore.

 

Yes Ma'am, and mentally manipulative. I came into the relationship as one heck of a strong woman, and he wore me down to nothing. Now it's time to rebuild. And I guess as he has already posted he's trying to find a new GF/KH on here...I guess I need to find someone too truly respects a women and everything she brings to the table. I hadn't heard that phrase before, but now I thoroughly know what that means. Thank you!!

 

I'll try to not get too smart-assy here, but my advice would be for you to do your best to avoid anything resembling a sunk-cost fallacy.

No matter what you do, you'll never get your time, money and energy invested into that relationship back. And wasting any more time, money or energy into things like finding out what he's doing now is precisely that, a waste. Save your strength for healing yourself.

Next? Take a good look inside yourself and check what you truly desire. How much of your kinky play was what you wanted, and what was just you trying to make him happy? Sure, you know what you can offer. But are you sure you know what you honestly want in return?

 

Thank you. I do know what I want. I actually did really enjoy the play and it created a strong bond... or what I thought was strong between us.

 

And after reading many of these posts about how a KH should be treated and what the committed partners on here do for their KH......I realize he gave me crumbs of what we deserve. It was mostly on his terms. I should have become a member sooner!!

 

We're glad you're here now.

 

Ummm... You don't "deserve" anything from your sub, at least not in the sense of you being entitled to it. The same goes for me, in the sense that I'm not entitled to anything from my beloved. Whether we're doms, subs, switches or whatever, whether we're kinky or vanilla, we shouldn't expect anything from our partners simply because we "deserve" it.

What we can hope for is finding a partner who is happy to give enough of what we desire. To use a somewhat crude example, a submissive man who honestly enjoys chastity and orgasm denial is quite likely to eagerly give his partner lots of orgasms even when he knows he will not get any himself, not because the dom "deserves" those orgams, but because making the dom happy makes the sub happy.

There are no fixed rules of how D/S relationships should work. Don't do things simply because some other folks here say they do them, not even if you're sure they work for them. Strive for a relationship where both your partner and you are happy to do what makes the other happy. People are more likely to keep doing things they enjoy than the things they have to be pushed into.

Oh, and let me add my voice to those welcoming you here. This is the interwebz here, so be ready for all sorts of things here, but let's hope you'll like it here anyway

 

I meant in a sense of how awesome the guys on here treat their KHs. I read one of your posts and you were their for your KH while going through grad school. I’m in grad school now.... and my guy could not understand the time constraints and was not their for me. I liked what you wrote about being there for your wife and having understanding that she didn’t have much time.

 

I’ve been to grad school multiple times to collect lots of paper so I feel for you.

Please know some of us respect how hard it is to live a life and do it

 

Holy crap the use of there Sorry. He used to complain that I just forgot about him, but I didn’t. I did what I could given my time constraints. We were long distance because I was forced to move across country, so I would set aside LD play time on the weekends to fulfill our desires. And message him kinky stuff whenever I could.

 

He seems very egotistical only about his needs needs to get fulfilled not about yours. I know both ends of it being chaste and wanting just anything to please the sexual excitement on the other hand I want to please too it’s not just about the kink. A true sub would put the woman’s needs first. It’s not your job to fulfill his fantasies getting a bit pissed about reading how you got threatened. Maybe take a little time to get over it. But trust me when you do another man will fill that gap and treat like you should be treated

 

Think of what you’ve learnt this way: before you met him your life wasn’t lacking him, and for your efforts and investment you have learnt about what the cultural studies folk call alterity, or, put differently, as you say, the fact that other people can be dicks. I am with the poster above who advised you to be happy you didn’t get further down the road of commitment.

I am very confident you’ll find a better more suitable partner once you’ve processed this experience. Good luck!

 

Mental Health is the worst illness of all.Ive known several people so unwell, they ended precious relationships, and almost lost their lives, and their partners lives.No one can tell who is suffering, unless you recognise the signs.And the signs can vary.I noticed someone close starting to change their behaviour.Going from law a biding, to completely going against the law.They were a non drinker.But suddenly started drinking, and driving while under the influence.I couldn't bear this change in them.Could not reason with them at all.They even starting the ball rolling in selling their home, and talked about suicide.They seem to be better now.God willing, next time they will get help.

 

I feel your pain. I was diagnosed with depression earlier this year, and that was not the root cause of my illness. It only came as not being able to find what was wrong and badly prescribed medication. Felt my life was on hold for months. Support from family, friends, work colleagues was fantastic and kept me going even when I didn't want to, but it was enough to let me see the end of the tunnel.

Friends help, good friends are amazing and every now and again a stranger will light up your world