Sorry to be asking so many newbie keyholder questions! I want to lead my partner sexually and I am pretty sure he wants that too. We're both excited by this. But I don't want to lead him in other ways in our relationship and I hope he doesn't come to want that. I've just posted a blog about our latest steps on our little journey. But to summarise the bit I wanted to ask about: Yesterday, I noticed he was being rather quiet about some of the things I was suggesting, and he hadn't been arguing with me as much as usual about the cage etc. I asked him about that later and he said that mentally, after he'd been wearing the cage for a while (we're only talking about a day or two here) he felt a bit subdued and wanted to avoid undermining me and was ok to accept what I was suggesting. In a sexual context, this is exactly what I'd like (as long as I can uncage the beast from time to time and he can have his way with me, even quite assertively if he wants, when I've given him permission). But I don't want wearing the cage to start making him all meek and mild in the rest of our lives. I don't want him to start agreeing with me on all the other things we do - in those areas, I don't want him to change at all! So, my question - does wearing a cage affect how you think, other than in a sexual context? And if so, does the size of the cage make any difference - say, if it is big enough to allow the beginnings of an erection, or sufficiently small that any erection is stopped before it even gets started? Sal
Good question. Something I've been thinking about as well (but more from the other side). I know, personally, it isn't that I want to avoid undermining my wife, but more that I want to please her. Sometimes going along is what will please her. However, I'm not rolling over either. Case in point. This weekend we were the first to arrived at a venue for a family event. When we walked in she commented that it was warm in the room. Old me would have looked the otherway, and prayed she didn't ask me to inquire with the staff. New me went, without being asked, and politely figured out an accommodation with the venue before more guests started to arrive. I didn't think it was that hot in there. I wasn't afraid of contradicting or undermining my wife, but I did want to make her happy. If anything old me was more meek for not wanting to have a tough conversation with a stranger to help my wife. Also, as it turns out my wife was correct. The air conditioning in the room was broken. I turned out being the hero for the event! Also, she gave me a good tease afterwards that sent my head spinning!
I wouldn't read too much into his behavior in one or two days. It could be any number of things going on between him "processing" your new arrangement, or he could be distracted about a bad day at work. It seems like you're good at communicating. I would just suggest you keep on with it. If he IS finding his "submissive groove" with this arrangement, then just continue to steer him in the direction you want. Telling him you want own his sex life, but that you don't want that to bleed into your mundane life is not an unreasonable position. "Be decisive or you're not getting any tonight" could be a great motivator. lol
I also found that it's not so much as undermining my wife, I strive more to please her. There are some days when we might bicker a bit, but I generally try to avoid that because I don't know what I may be in for, could be the silent treatment for a day or it could be a very unpleasant punishment.
I’m aligned with what @mikecb suggested above. I think he is just processing it. We don’t have any sort of dom/sub or FLR (or MLR) relationship at all. None of that changes when I’m caged except for me willing giving her the lead on when I am uncaged. I can’t speak for everyone, but in our case I do not suddenly fall into a submissive partnership role when the cage is locked. It’s a narrow, specially defined case for us and that’s how we like it. Your writings and comments demonstrate that you are very attuned to and concerned about your Pete. I think that if you follow through with everything you told him you would, he’ll be fine. And if he’s not, then I am very sure you will make it right. You have been very honest about your priorities and it’s him and your lifelong partnership.
Good question again. Really. Yes and yes. Yes it affects the way you think, but mostly that's the denial,.and hormones at work. I recently posted in my journal about size of cage.and.the effects. I have different Holy Trainer v4's. The tiny nub is a mindfuck, helped me at day 10 to calm down but 36 hrs was enough,.started feeling wrong. Not uncomfortable, just strange in my mind. No penis poking out at all. A bit emasculating. The rest is about comfort. The right size when flaccid. Tight but pleasant when hard. I've been in the nano mostly, for a long time. Tried the small (next size up,.which fits but slightly loose flaccid) the other day, and I felt it helped if I didn't want to get as aroused by the feedback loop. I got softer quicker. But I then craved the feeling of a more intense arousal, and put the Nano back on. HTv4 range from AliExpress with a metal ring. Can get the whole range dirt cheap. What is Pete in?
"So, my question - does wearing a cage affect how you think, other than in a sexual context?" I believe that there is an effect for most men in other areas than just sexual. Although for some it might be small and not easily noticed. However many factors affect it beside the cage itself. How many days he is caged, how often he get an orgasm, are you being dominant, does he have a submissive nature, etc.... and then ofc time itself - what works now, what you wants now, what you dont want now, etc. can all change dramatically over time. "I want to lead my partner sexually and I am pretty sure he wants that too. We're both excited by this. But I don't want to lead him in other ways in our relationship and I hope he doesn't come to want that." Remember to talk often and try to shape it over time, the way you both wants. There is always a risk with development in relationships that you grow apart instead of growing together. However, I believe the risk is worth it, cause the alternative is standing still, not getting to find out how you can form life the best way for you.
Absolutrely yes. I'd worry if it didn't affect a man. Hormones and neurotransmitters will be going crazy. Just delaying orgasm for a few weeks will do things to him (google nofap), but having a sex toy on his junk too...well, his mind will be marinading in sex hormones. From my perspective a smaller cage is more comfortable, practically speaking. A snug cage, that is not too tight, with open bars, is perfect, it won't cause oedema and won't allow erections. but allows proper hygiene. My KH loves the smaller cages but they are just not practical for her goals of longer continuous lock times (> 3 months until the key goes in the lock).
Also, I'm not submissive in any way but when we did weekly unlocks it would often cross my mind that if I was remiss in something, like I decided not to do something I said I would do, then she might not unlock me. That was enough motivation for me haha, I couldn't risk it. We were both highly entertained by it.
Specifically this onward about cage size.... https://www.chastitymansion.com/for...-started-to-get-real.42007/page-6#post-526236 But then the beginning of my journey is here... https://www.chastitymansion.com/for...n-chastity-the-beginning-of-my-journey.39134/ And continued here... https://www.chastitymansion.com/for.../this-s-£-has-just-started-to-get-real.42007/ I hope you enjoy it.
I have definitely changed. I think Goddess and I are both enjoying the changes. I am more attentive to her needs and wants, and we have a better overall relationship recently (since starting chastity) than we had in our previous decade of marriage. My advice, with all due respect, is that you sit back and watch the changes happen and enjoy them. Don't worry about them. I am not any less of a man since giving my Goddess the keys. I still handle every husband/father situation the same. I still fix things that are broken, and build things that are missing. And when something goes wrong I curse and scream. But with my Goddess, I am more gentle and soft spoken than I can remember ever being with anyone. It's doing worlds of good for us.
We have a Dom/Sub element of a FLR, wearing a cage makes me feel more submissive. I think letting someone lock you up is an act of submission. Being submissive can be strangely relaxing if you're not normally submissive outside of your relationship. I read an interesting piece about switching (I can't remember if it was book or a post here). The lady writing wanted her partner to sometimes be dominant when she was in the mood, both sexually and non sexually. So she would tell her partner that she wanted a day of him being dominant, scratch that bent over and taken itch, then go back to being in charge. There were clear expectations around the start and end of this switch. Also, you don't have to keep him locked all the time. It can be a fun experience you do for a week or two then take a break. An extended scene rather than a lifestyle. At the end of the day men, submissive or not, do like to please their partner. Knowing what she wants makes pleasing her so much easier.
I don’t think this can be answered one way or another. Every man is different and so is chastity relationship. Also incorrect cage size will most likely just hurt him physically, because of simple mechanics (i.e., force balance) and the soft tissue of private parts. In my opinion this cannot be easily answered.
That feeling is pretty common a few days after lock up. I used to cave in and let myself out when i hit that melancholy state. Now i know better. Soldier through it, it should clear up by day 5 or 6. Of course, my experiences are based purely on self locking and dealing with my own psychology. The whole thing gets turned on its head when you consider someone else in control of your sexual expression, or lack thereof. so take everything i say with a grain of salt. committed though i may be, if I REALLY wanted to wank, I could get this thing off in 2 minutes, key or not. He might be able to do the same, but he has another factor to consider, which is betraying you, so he cant get out no matter what until you say so. Your S/O is going through quite a bit of emotional processing, and part of that process is probably his kinky side fantasizing about doing any little thing wrong and you saying something sexy as hell like "oh, so I guess you don't want to get unlocked this month then" from a caption pic. Once he is settled in, he might be willing to risk it, but for now, just enjoy the power and fun it brings. If hes not in the mood, just chill. if he wants to go down on you, do that. etc etc.
I remember reading something like that too. The man was caged and submissive until his wife/dom was in a subby mood, then she would unlock him and he could have his way with her, including BDSM etc, but as soon as he had an orgasm (assuming she was satisfied), it was back in the cage till the next round.
There is almost nothing known medically about nocturnal erections and cock cage. Indeed, there should be no pain wearing a cock cage. Not just in the flaccid state, but never. I have no pain and I have my cock cage 24/7. Also we should be real here. Every person is different and considering we have no scientific data about cock cage and nocturnal erections, we should just be very careful to make suggestions.
When d dick is let loose.. d man wil stroke it every now n then when d oportunity arises.. ie porn, dirty tots.. or he wil initiate sex with u whenever he wants n expect som sexual acts being performed on him.. when his dick is caged.. d very basic instinct act of erection is disbled.. n if u r keeping d key.. he needs u as d main source of being unlocked..theres so much of sexuality being identified with d male organ.. d very act of enforcing a restriction on its freedom…d male agresion is reined in, d patience of waiting is ensured, d prevalence of agreeability is much more… which women wouldnt want such changes in their men… its not like u r chging him into a docile, ever likeable unprotesing pet who wil sit n stand at d snap of yr fingers.. instead of worying tat you wil sudenly find a sisy in maid uniform in yr house (unles if tats yr kink.. i dun mean anything weird about it as in any role playing…).. embrace your new man.. who doesnt wank his dick bhind yr back like a boy…