Mental Changes

Some background:

I’ve been kept in chastity for about 1 year. Other than when the CB6000 has broken, the average lock-up time before some form of release (milking or actual orgasm) has been about three weeks. In addition to chastity, Madam decided that she would best be served if I lived as the maid/housekeeper. To that end, I am not permitted men’s clothing at any time and must wear breast forms in my bra regardless of activity. I wear domestic uniforms as my main daily wear, though Madam does sometimes permit me to dress in a more feminine (girlish) manner.

I should point out that I am not remotely passable as a crossdresser, and understanding that and believing that we don’t have the right to force the vanilla world to deal with our lifestyle, I am permitted to wear androgynous women’s clothing (and smaller breast forms) outside of the home. Women’s jeans, shorts, and tops make up most of the rest of my wardrobe (along with the necessary undergarments).

If anyone would like more detailed information on how this came about, feel free to ask.

And on to the topic...

When we talk about the mental aspects of chastity, in my case it starts with me being a much better servant. I am far more biddable, and much less likely to argue or disagree with Madam. As I am also kept feminized, I tend to take on the aspect of a much more demur female persona. Madam is very quick to point out behaviors that are unfeminine and I’m rarely reminded twice about the same thing. The longer the period of lock-up, the more this persona becomes the dominant one. And as the last year has gone by, the more quickly and deeper I go into the traditional female role.

I get fidgety if I’m not doing some domestic task. Madam will often ask me to sit and watch a television program or movie with her; it takes a concerted effort of will to do so. I feel that I should be serving her, not watching TV, even if that serving is just standing in the corner waiting to refill a drink or get her a snack. However madam prefers that I sit with her, so that is what I do.

During my last period of unlock, I needed to spend 6 days purely in male mode (we actually had to buy me clothes to do this). Frankly, it just felt wrong; the clothes, the lack of chastity device, not having breasts, the behaving in the alpha male role. It all was somewhat uncomfortable. I’m sure this is indicative of the level of mental change that has been wrought.

These mental changes and feminization also affect my sexuality. I am treated as a girl, and have no expectations of being allowed a male orgasm. As a result, my arousal has been redirected to what seems to be a much more feminine approach. When aroused and teased by Madam, I long for penetration, even though I know I can’t achieve orgasm in that fashion (though I can be milked that way). I no longer think about being the taker, but rather the taken.

Madam asked me why I was so enthusiastic about using a strap-on, fitted over my chastity, on her; she wanted to know what I got out of it. My first thought was “How else do girls fuck?” though my explanation to her was far less crude. Giving her pleasure just seems so right; my enjoyment becomes purely psychological, though I will often show physical signs.

I’m fortunate in that I work from home, and that I am long established in my profession, so that I can apply a few hours a day to the outside business world and make a good living without ever physically needing to return to the alpha male role (or impacting my role as housekeeper).

I am happier than I have ever been in my life, and Madam is coming to the realization that this is completely true; that while I do it for her, I also do it for me. She now believes that I am completely in her hands, as evidenced by her interest in having me pierced, which is something that I have no interest in. She knows that I may express an opinion, but that I have only a few, clearly defined limits (which cover only outing my life to my family).

Curiously enough this behavior change is only directed towards Madam (and anyone she chooses to share my story with). I am otherwise a dominant personality, and have no trouble with that duality. The feminized housemaid in chastity is the property of Madam and no one else and I see no dichotomy in that. Being in that role effectively 24/7 for the last year (with occasional short breaks) has made this the best year of my life. I only expect m life with madam to get even better.

Mentally, I am not the person I was 18 months ago. And I believe I am the better for it