Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by Mascara^Snake, Jul 17, 2017.
What is your motivation?
What are the main drivers behind your urge to be chaste?
Sorry it's hard to say but here is the best I can do.
I have always liked bondage and giving control of my body up. Chastity is a way to do that with my most intimate part. I give her control which means I no longer can even touch my own penis. She has complete and 24 hour control, not just for a few hour session behind closed doors. I am locked in public, with friends, and family etc. She is not sexually driven very often, so now I don't pressure her for sex she gets it when and how she wants, I did not want her to feel guilty for not being in the mood etc.
In decreasing order of importance
- It fits/facilitates the FLR I crave
- I enjoy the denial and asymmetry of pleasure
- It's convenient long term bondage
not sure why but the first time I saw a cage I knew I had to be in it .
Nothing shows more devotion that to give away something that you normally have full control over. I have the desire to please only one person and to surrender to that person and show them how devoted I am to them makes me feel amazing.
It started as a way to cover up my penis so Elle wouldn't have to see the modifications I had made to it. Both of us were surprised at how much of a thrill both of us got when she fully became first my Keyholder and then my Mistress. In fact when we started she said she didn't want it to be a 24/7thing. Somehow it rapidly became a 24/7/365 thing!
Now I do it because of the way Elle has blossomed. She is far more happy both in the bedroom and in general life.
I do it for her. I wouldn't choose to not orgasm for months at a time but the reaction I see in her is so immense that I couldn't do anything but do this for her.
It allows us to have a mutually enjoyable sex life.
Many men I've spoken to mention the handing over of the reins and responsibility as motivation.
A form of freedom in a way.
It is mixture od several feelings and desires. It is difficult to point out exact order, but probably
the expression of my natural self, my submission and in wider sense expression of how intraction between male and female should be
desire to submit to woman
desire to be a good boy
During my early teens when I have started to explore my sexuality, I have always felt somehow uncomfortable about what I would describe "standart male sexual behaviour". I had no clue about chastity or any fetishes. I remember there were about two main feelings.
First one, it was desire to stay innocent, pure and be a good boy. This was about my personal level, about my inner self and this feeling struggled some conflicts between what I felt I realy would like to be and what was expected from me.
The second one, which came a little later, but still in my teens, was some comfusion how I felt about girls. I felt very odd how other boys tretaed them. I felt, we should have more respect them, to be more gentle and have more attention to them. It is very difficult to explain it from adult perspective as the strongest feeling was some strange confusion.
Later I slowly realized my understanding and male/female interaction (and sexual behavious) differs from "norm" and it is good to say, that sex itself was the last Pandora box for me. I mean, the acceptance what I am, how I am "different" was easier for me in how i behaved, in social interactions etc. but Iwas still ot sure how all this express in sex. It would sound funny or strange, but there was confusion how I felt "normal" sexual behaviour is something I felt uncomfortable and I may even say unacceptable so I prefered to stay a virgin. I had some "interactionů with girls of my age, but none of them was active or dominant. They enjoyed i was a different than other boys, but it always ended after few weeks/months when they expected I will be the active one and we will get into "standart" sexual behaviour.
Then I met one older woman and she introduced me to chastity and Ds and I finally find out how my sexuality can perfectly work with rest of my personality
For me it just feels right! I love bondage and being locked in a device makes me feel complete!
To help maintain intimacy between us. For a long time we adopted the view that my wife should cum first in our lovemaking and me afterwards. After a few years it was clear that her making me come after she had was a bit of a chore for her and she would prefer to either go to sleep or get on with other things. So I suggested orgasm denial for me: I would only get to come sometimes after she had. She liked this a lot and how it affected me. Over the last ten plus years my orgasm rate from her has diminished from two or three a week to two or three a year. Obviously as the waits got longer for me, the temptation was to masturbate, after which I lost the desire to physically connect with her through lovely pussy worship, and so to the chastity cage and being locked up 24/7. Male orgasm denial appeals to her a lot, but the chastity cage is only a means to make this work at a practical level. She has suggested long-term orgasm denial without the cage, but I know that won't work; she says it should, but probably underrates the effect of testosterone and no orgasms for months!
That is my reason. It is very liberating to be free of these decisions.
Instigating sex, how far to take it, what activities, is she doing this out of obligation, does she really want contact....knowing that I am never "wrong" about sex is a large burden lifted. I am grateful that she is willing to carry the responsibility, knowing that it is one.
We have moved to other activities, that aren't really about chastity, more along the lines of her being dominant, activities that she wanted that help her do that(discipline,service,routines). These aren't necessary for chastity, but she has found that she likes them , so she's incorporated them into our life for her benefit.
So for me it's all about freedom. Free from decisions about sex, free from being wrong about sex, free from rejection or disappointment. I know for a fact that every single time I have sexual activity, it is because she desires it to happen, that is priceless to me.
These feelings aren't uncommon. I've heard this a lot from men who are attracted to chastity and FLR over the years.
I also find it odd when we speak of giving up control...did we really have any to begin with?
Its just out in the open now lol!
I will say this, having touched myself daily since I was a teen, to cold turkey never has been the most challenging. To let someone else control "our" sex life is relatively easy for me, but to let someone take away that aspect is strange.
my story/reasons are basically the same as those that have described already.
What grew from a growing interest in the BD lifestyle in my late teens, the late 1970's, but over many years changed often forms and then morphed into what eventually became an obsession to live an actual submissive FLR lifestyle in my mind 40's. The dawn of the internet and eventually "playing" with short then longer term chastity. The ultimate bondage, submissive and exciting experience of them all for a male beta!
In early 2012 i met Mistress Sonia and it became REAL.
Well... frankly, I have always enjoyed/been interested in various aspects of BDSM. Chastity falls under that umbrella term BDSM. In regards to BDSM I prefer submissiveness because it's like you can switch off the constant need of taking responsibility or thinking or planning, that shit is a constant in life whether it be career or whats for dinner. Chastity seems like it epitomizes that notion of giving up control.
Secondly, I noticed if I don't orgasm after 5 days or so I become way more energetic and focused and horny. That energy is a positive. So I bought a cage (hasn't arrived yet) with the idea of experimenting with all this.
To answer these questions directly ...
Motivation = since you said "your motivation" being caged is a way of continually being reminded of sex / my penis / etc everywhere at all times yet I can not physically really do anything with it so it puts it all in the mental side ... meaning I love the long tease.
Drivers = again you said "your urge" ... it starts with the motivation (as stated above) but as the KH becomes more "active" in the KH role I then begin feeling a want and need to please her every want ... my urge diminishes quickly as her interest / interaction drops ... so my urge is driven by the KH / chaste interaction.
So to put it together in a neat little package (pun intended) ... I have always thought of Sex 24 / 7 and always felt that sex should be equally pleasurable to all parties, I find pleasure in giving pleasure, and love the build-up of a long tease (days to even a month or more).
I focused purely on my side of the chastity BECAUSE you asked for "your" ... there is a complete other side that is based on the KH, but I'm sure you have a good grasp on that side
I "discovered" this site through seeing chasisty cages in femdom porn, which to this day thrills me. Over a multi-decade long marriage, my wife's sex drive and mine have been vastly different. She didn't go down on me for nearly 20-years, but I get her off orally whenever she finds time for lovemaking. Between kids, jobs and travel, I have become totally dependent upon myself for sexual gratification, as she can simply go without it. The sex is good, when it happens - it just doesn't, much. A vast amount of my productivity and alone time is taken-up by kinkier and kinkier fantasies and masturbation. Having read a lot of this site, and some of the links and references to other material, confirms my suspicion that I own much of the issue - rather than focus on her, I've been focused on me...
I am currently self-locking, but more turned-on by the kink, than the practicality of why I have bought two cages so far. Once I can wear a cage long-term, and If I can figure-out how to get my wife to participate, without losing all respect for me, I hope that chastity will allow me to "Giveitup" (masturbation) and focus on her being the source of my sexual pleasure. Enhanced productively, free time and focus will be but a side-benefit.
This isn't our motivation. Because we have also evolved our relationship into an FLR that follows a mixture of Ivey Greens shipboard and cooperative styles, while Elle is in charge and decides if and when I am to have an orgasm, that is a minuscule part of the whole. It also does not take away her need for me to use my own initiative in our day to day lives.
Hi Mascara Snake!
Very interesting question which cause me a kind of introspection about my sex life and the ways I live it.
How did I change from a daily wanker to chastity lover?
First you need to understand that mens libido in a straight point of view can be a bit boring. Womens frequently compare the number of orgasms that mens have (each intercourse) with womens ones.
But the key point is not orgasm or not, it is the intensity and duration of thoses orgasms.
When uncaged, I can wank and orgasm in less than 2 minutes.... but, even if it is not a ruined orgasm, it is not very satisfying. I fell 3 seconds of intense pleasure And then the libido go down and I'm not attracted to sex for a while ( Minutes, hours , days.... depend of the afterplay).
While caged, at the opposite the libido grew up for days. Ok you give up for a few quick orgasms, but the rare ones you have are now heaven! And when you're locked, you're in a permanent state of arousal which I like very much.
during our long distance seperation because of work my husband shared some info and brought all this up. I hated all of it at first. It was so weird. It turns out with me hours away physically he resorted to masterbating once or twice a day every day. He did think of licking on me each time he said so he would "condition" himself to love that act. That worked spectacularly and he is really obcessed with that now. Took about two years more or less. Thats very good and I would not trade that brain wireing he developed for any other good habit. The problem was he was unmotivated. He looked into it and found when he climaxes his brain puts out massive amounts of a chemical called prolactin which removes a motivational reward chemical called dopamine. So with his frequent habbit he was removing the chemical motivation he needed. He told me he could use help managing it and I reluctantly did. Now I don't really mind him wearing the cage and I can see a real difference in his behavior and his ability to get stuff done. I found out thier is a nice little bump in testosterone if he waits 7 days. I am not into the kink of it, but its practicle.
To ansver your question:
I do not practice a religious kind of chastity,
I do not "accept" chastity from a Dominant will
I just do it because I prefer permanent arousal and a few mind blowing orgasms to a boring wanker life!
The reason we started was just another kink to us, but now it is much more of a lifestyle. We do it because it has made a great sex life better, she loves the control over me and I enjoy giving her that control. It's a win win for both of us.
My chastity has very little to do with my orgasms. It has nothing to do with how I feel after I have had an orgasm. The fabled dip in interest has never happened to me. I might not be able to have another ejaculation but sex is about way more than shoving a hard penis into an available hole. My chastity does stop me masturbating but it isn't about stopping me from masturbating.
My chastity is all about how it has changed my response to my Wife. How the slightest touch from her is incredibly arousing. How this increases with each passing week she keeps me chaste. It is about how this makes my Wife feel, how turned on it makes her.
This was very good answer, my husband says that there is a low level "high" he has almost all the time when he is denied climax but brought very close frequently. It's like he can choose that feeling and the good behaviors that go along with it or have about 6 to 10 seconds of intense pleasure and no more low level high. He can have one or the other but not both. On my side of the equation I get lots of orgasms more than I used to and I dont have any problem with loosing motivation. I have needed to use my fancy chap stick balm on a seperate pair of vertical not horizontal lips.