May be time for a break

Have you talked to her about it?
In a way that it's clear that your not just focusing on yourself? Like you've done here

It seems good communication would help both of you get through this hard time. And it sound like you have a deep love so it shouldn't be too hard.

 

I really don't think I could wear the cage without an active kh. It would be basically like self locking.

I don't need a lot, but I do need to feel that I'm not just locking myself for the sake of locking myself. Encouragement, acknowledgment, something. I never asked my ex about chastity because even if she did it, it would turn out to be an easy excuse to ignore me.

Plus, having been in a sexless marriage before know that it can lead to resentment and loneliness. Adding a promise not to get yourself off would make it even worse. That ability to tend to your own sexual needs can lift a weight off a person that has little to no interest in sex. The last thing someone needs who isn't sexual is to be hounded for attention or feel guilty about not being a good kh.

A break might be a good idea, maybe it's just what she needs too.

Good luck

 

though menopause can be a real challenge on so many levels it can have a positive outcome. the ma'ats in our group who are or have gone through this have a unique method of dealing with it. not to say i would do this myself when the time comes but they are very happy and more sexual with it. they use injections of estrogen as well as a gel(length of time in the blood varies 3 fold) and injections of progesterone ( not progestin) to create a monthly cycle like before. and yes they have periods of a day or so. they also inject small amounts of testosterone to bring their levels to the high female range( testing is expensive). i have done some reading on this and have set my puck to do as much research on it as possible as i know some day i will have to decide. what i can tell you, conventional wisdom says this is a dangerous path. though the studies used synthetic hormones. there are some very small studies done on this method with surprising results but the jury is still out on long term use. hope they do large studies before my time comes.
when i confronted the ma'ats with the risks they told me each in their own way that it is a question of quality verses quantity and for them it was no contest. i suppose most of what a ma'at is, is about choosing quality of life. we work so hard for the better life on so many different levels, we trust in the spirit and we trust each other. still not science but it's worth a look if nothing else.

 

We're in a similar situation. My wife started her menopause six months ago and has had zero interest in sex since. Experimenting with chastity and denial during this time has helped me deal with the sudden lack of what had been regular sex. But being locked and forgotten isn't fun so it's been on and off. She's started HRT just recently so we're hoping that will see her libido return soon.

 

Can I ask you two things?

First, does she realise that you feel locked and forgotten? If she is unaware you feel that way, and is not feeling like having sex, she is unlikely to do anything about your frustration.

Second, from personal experience, if you raise the level of non sexual intimacy during this time in a woman's life you are likely to see an increase in sexual interest from her towards you. Have you tried being more intimate with her, but not in a way that makes it seem your only interest is making her want sex? For instance since starting chastity during the time that my Wife also began going through the menopause, we have started doing all sorts of non sexual but intimate activities. I read to her, apply face masks to her and read to her while she relaxes. I run her baths and read to her while she soaks. (She loves being read to lol.) I have learnt how to remove and apply gel nail polish to her toes. I rub body lotion into her skin after she has a shower. A few times a week I prepare a mineral soak for her feet and clean her feet for her when she gets home.

We are constantly looking for more ways to spend time doing this sort of activity and I absolutely never ever remotely think I am going to get anything in return for doing any of these things. Elle, my Wife, has told me that she absolutely loves this attention from me, that it has made her love me even more, and in turn makes her far more likely to instigate some sexual activity.

One of the issues I think some people have is they think that chastity can be a short term fix for a long term issue. Maybe the guy has been masturbating for years, not paying his wife the full respect she deserves. He tells her that she can lock his penis up then gets upset when she doesn't immediately see how brilliant this idea is. It takes months for her to slowly evolve, to discover for herself why this lifestyle is so advantageous for some couples.

I am not saying you are guilty of this, I don't have enough information about your situation, but you should seriously put aside a good year or maybe more to see the benefits you want.

 

Hi Jasmic,
Yes, we've talked about locked and forgotten, and she understands how I feel about that. She recently forgot whether I was locked or not and was worried as she had the key for a couple of weeks. We had a laugh about that. The menopause has caused other general wellbeing issues for her beyond a lack of libido, so I have been trying to "not be a dick" and to see the bigger picture beyond my urges. She tells me I'm doing a pretty job on that front.
We have had times of intimacy without the pressures of sex, but you've made me think about whether I can do more in that way. Thanks for your comments and questions.

 

That sounds really positive. The fact that you are talking about this is so important. I think one of the positives of chastity is that it gives a woman a safe space to discuss sex. She can talk about her desires, worries, without feeling that it could be used against her. If she is in charge of what happens sexually then she can relax. Congrats on being told that you are doing a good job of thinking more about her at this time.

 

This is a tough discussion and my straight-laced wife states she likes the concept but not the reality of being the KHer. As I stay confined and true to the intent of chastity i.e. no orgasms, I believe she will come around. Sex changes when we get older - less frequency and more time to think about it, which is a dangerous in this day and age of instantaneous gratification. Good luck.