1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Master Disasters

Discussion in 'The Powder Room' started by Guy, May 19, 2017.

  1. I seem to be somewhat unusual here, as a keyholder and Master of sissies and boys.

    It is obvious most would be lockees here are looking for a female-led relationship.

    I can see exactly why, having met a lot of self-defined 'Masters' whom I'd not trust to look after a cat, still less a person.

    So I thought that it may be amusing and educational for some of you to recount tales of encounters that went wrong.

    Meets, scenes or relationships with Masters, male, female or other that went spectacularly wrong.

    The usual rules apply, to smear the innocent and protect the guilty, no names, no identifiable details, date or places.
  2. I haven't had any experiences with a master but I'm replying to bump this interesting thread and hope somebody answers.

    All I can say is I would make a terrible Master. After we had been doing chastity for a while and my Wife had got comfortable in her role as being my Mistress she offered me a no holds barred evening where I could do what I wanted to her within her hard limits. I remember being really nervous and didn't do much at all. I just didn't have that dominant edge that she wanted me to have.

    She wasn't disappointed, it actually helped us go further into our FLR and her dominance as she has no such qualms. She actually told me she loved me more because of how caring I am about her and how that made me worried about going too far.
  3. All good. The way I see it, in any pair it'll work best if there's a capable leader, plus a loyal and respectful follower. I'm completely open-minded about whether it should be one gender or the other. Just aware that if you pair two leaders, or two followers, it's a lot harder. Once you both realise who's which, things click into place much more smoothly, you have a team.

    I've had perhaps more than my fair share of disasters, particularly in the early days when I thought I was the submissive, looking for a Domme! But hopefully I've learned from each encounter, whether it went well pr otherwise!
    Jasmic68 likes this.
  4. It's been an interesting journey for both of us and one that is far from over. I think I have discovered more about myself in the last twenty months than I had in the twenty years before it. I have found a new energy in my efforts through the willing participation in all of this of my Wife and how much she has changed.

    As for my Wife she is a natural leader but that doesn't mean that she is a natural Domme. She gets very turned on by the things she does to me and my response o her, but I am constantly assuring her that everything is fine and she hasn't gone too far, in fact she hasn't even got close to being too far. She has joked a few times that she wants to go and watch a professional Domme at work and I don't think she realizes how much I would love that to happen.

    We are lucky though that we have been paired as her the leader and me the follower. It works.
  5. Mistress B

    Mistress B Mistress B
    Staff Member Moderator

    Feb 29, 2012
    Likes Received:
    Trophy Points:
    Business Owner
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    United Kingdom
    There are bound to be mistakes made when starting out in any relationship whether it be in FLR or virtually anything. The best one can hope for is that you can get help from someone who has had more experience but even this still doesn't prevent mistakes being made.
    RGL likes this.
  6. I do these things, enter relationships for my own comfort, convenience, amusement, etc. But I always want the other to be happy happy overall in their role too, even if at times I hurt or humiliate them. Enough of them come back for more that I think I do something right.

    In my experience some of the best scenes are just a step away from us both collapsing laughing hysterically at the preposterous things we're doing. Like the time I was in Schoolmaster role, trying to teach algebra to a group of girls, most of whom really didn't want to learn. Then one of them made a comment at my expense, that so cracked me up too that I just had to hide behind the blackboard to compose myself, before declaring an early playtime. I was just too amused to order her to the front for the caning she deserved, by the rules of that establishment. Embarrassing, but I learned from it.

    I try to avoid thinking too much about my (or indeed anybody else's) motives, I can never be quite sure of my reasons for doing things; whether what I think are my reasons are actually just rationalisations. So I just do what comes naturally. If it doesn't work, try another tack until I do something that does.

    It seems to me the problematic Dom(me)s are those that don't learn from books, videos, other people, experience.

    They just repeat the same pattern over and over again, and blame their playmate when it doesn't work for them.
  7. I couldn't agree more with you about there are some "masters" you wouldn't trust with a cat .
    Unfortunately some of my friends have had disasters /bad dates with these types and some of the worst ones who try and ban the subs from seeing friends and family and using "BSM I'm in control" as their excuse to try and isolate them .

    One friend in particular has had a run of bad luck where they say all the right things to her then when she let's them "have their way with her" they then backtrack on the promise of monogamy or "it's not you it's me" chats but basically they were out for a shag and nothing else .
  8. One particular funny story (well she can laugh at it now anyway) was when she went on a first date with this "Dom" and they ,after messaging and phoning each other , arranged to meet for dinner and they arranged to meet at a large shopping centre (mall for our American friends) .
    She got all dressed up in her best dress and shoes etc and was assuming that once they met at the shopping centre they would be off to a nice restaurant somewhere . (She was doesn't drive and the chopping centre was the best place to meet due to a train station being there) .
    After a bit of small talk he said "food court ok?" She gave him the benefit of the doubt and went upstairs in the food court even though she was dressed up to the nines and there were a couple of Restaurants in the food court but no they say out in the main area and ate .
    They went halves with the meal and she paid via PayPal for tickets for an upcoming play party (he said he didn't have PayPal).

    They went back to hers and he had his wicked way with her (in fairness to him there was a small bit of kink involved with him tying her to a chair ) .
    Then a few days afterwards he was "I don't think I can do this" kind of thing "i'm really a sub " .
    She was upset but polite and said he may as well use the tickets as she didn't want to go the that play party now (again she was assuming that he had wouldn't actually use them ) and guess what ? He did use them tickets and met someone else there and was her "Dom" for a few weeks .

    We laugh about it now and when I give her a lift home from a munch or event we will usually end up in macdonalds or KFC and I'll say " I take my dates to all the best places " lol
  9. I have heard many stories that reveal self-defined 'male Dominants' to be just 'vanilla' men after free sex, submissives without the courage to submit, or just mean or misleading in what they promise, whether deliberately, or just because they can't see themselves as others see them.

    Which doesn't mean I take my date to expensive restaurants; I can't afford that! But I do tell them that 'it's only a cafe', or a quiet pub, so they will dress to match and not have too high an expectation, and then feel let down.

    Similarly I never promise monogamy as I've tried it and rejected it, and make that point explicitly.

    Trying to cut a partner off from their support network of friends and family, by whatever means, or doing things that discredit the partner in the eyes of friends and family, is a major 'red flag' an indication the person is likely to be abusive, a narcissist, sociopath, etc. I'd advise anyone who finds that is happening to always get out.

    There are't that many of them about, but because they often get bounced out of relationships fairly rapidly, they get around a lot of people, so it is always worth asking for references and researching their back history; I've rarely been asked but would always be willing to do so.
  10. If he would have said that he couldn't afford a posh Restaurant or said he was low on funds till the end of the month etc etc there are plenty of good but not expensive places to eat , then she would have been ok with it and if it was going to be the food court then she wouldn't have dressed up so much ,if that makes sense , from what she said he led her to believe that they were meeting at the centre then going off somewhere else to eat .it was ,after all, supposed to be a date .

    Yes I have a semi friend who currently is seeing a "Dom" well I say seeing he keeps saying he will come round and see her so she cancels weekend plans with friends/family then doesn't turn up as well as "I own you " and "you wearing my collar" bollox (they have only met twice and watched a film on the telly) and it's mainly calls and text (they don't live far from each other) for the rest of it .
  11. Always best to be clear in advance what the plan is!

    Yes, the second paragraph is a recurring pattern, he is probably married &/or stringing several other girls along.

    If I collar them it will be in person, after we have got to know each other well, and it will bean occasion they remember! What it means to both of us is discussed and agreed beforehand. If either of us concludes the other is not keeping their side of the bargain, or it just isn't working for them, then we part.
  12. If ever there was a "love" button on here i'd love that quote.
    Yes collaring is a special thing and done over time with lots of communication and chats etc whether it's male or female subs /Dom /Dommes.

    Unfortunately all we can do as outsiders is give the person the information and offer support and it's up to them to take the action off of their own back (otherwise they can always have that doubt in their mind thanks to what the "Dom" has done to them mentally about "what if I hadn't left him because Guy told me so ? " kind of thing and I can guarantee that's what the "Dom" will say to them to f*** their head up some more. where as if they leave because they decided they will more than likely stay left from that "Dom" because they will have more confidence in their decision to leave ).
    I don't judge them if they decide to stay and tell them that i'm always here for them whether it's good news or bad news and if they moan about that person next time I just listen and not jump on the "you should leave him " bandwagon and simply ask " what do you feel about it ?" Or something similar and let them talk themselves out .
  13. I'd agree with all that. Unless there are kids or real estate involved, once it is over it is over.

    But the person making the break has to work it through and decide for themselves.

    Telling them 'they ought to leave' will just alienate you, when they most need friends.
  14. That's right so that's why I never tell them they ought to leave , they have to come to that decision themselves .
    And always tell them that i'm here for them and cos that's what "real friends " do is be there for both good and bad times .

    I've noticed, both personally and witnessing others experiences , that in the BDSM community there are lots of more supportive people and friends around compared to vanilla lifestyle .
    My personal experience was everyone running away in vanilla life and yet when I found real life BDSM and made friends whenever I had problems they didn't run away , they ran to me and offered help /advice or just a shoulder and the friendships I have built is the best thing about the whole lifestyle for me
  15. Let's not go too overboard, there are abusers, trolls, bullies, narcissists, sociopaths around in the scene.

    As my father used to say, 'birds of a feather flock together' and 'you can tell the mettle of a man by the company he keeps'.

    I've been targeted by such packs of hyenas, more than once! They'll defend one of their own by counter-attack, come what may, even after one of them them been convicted of involving children or animals,

    At least many people in the scene, when they hear somebody slagging somebody else off, or deliberately trying to undermine them, will realise that the complainer is/are the one at fault, not the person they're attacking!

    But sadly, not yet everybody.
  16. I'm not saying that everything is all roses and sunshine , at the end of the day , we are humans on the scene and you get the s*** stirrers and drama lamas , bullies etc too .
    I was just making the point that it ,from what I've both seen and experienced more supportive when someone needs help or is in trouble .
  17. I'd agree, if you get out there and do the stuff you learn a lot about yourself and other folk.

    You 'join the dots' and learn why we all need a support network, empathy.

    On the other side the red flags and danger signals, and when to back off.

    Very much like those who've served in the armed forces, done time in prison or on the streets.

    Done right it punctures arrogance, conceit, smugness, complacency, selfishness.

    Done wrong and you get all the bad stuff; abuse, exploitation, manipulation, bullying.
    manintyres likes this.
  18. From my experience "bad masters" comes with intemperate youth. I've spoke to boys who wanted me formally address them right off the bat and start off something sexual. It tends to set the tone for what they really want you for. Don't get me wrong, it's rare that I'll turn down dick but inexperienced guys who aren't educated about really wanting to Dom are just not safe situations.
  19. Yes, age and experience don't always turn bad men (or women) into good ones, but generally it does help those who are basically good people, albeit with the wrong approach, see the error of their ways and learn to be better.

    As a Dom I see the other side too, far too any young submissives with unrealistic expectations, prepared to jump into slavery without first taking up references or researching the back history of potential Masters.

    Given that any decent Master (especially if female) will generally find playmates very easily, those who are 'desperately seeking' will get around a lot, as nothing lasts for them!