Married and need to be locked up

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by beefycorndog, May 4, 2009.

  1. beefycorndog
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    beefycorndog beefycorndog

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    Hello,

    To start I've been married for 2 years, have two kids (The oldest is my wifes from previous) Before we got married I owned a Pink CB3k which I wore off and on as a fantasy I had several other things all relating towards feminization. Unfortunately everything happened so fast when we were dating that the next thing I knew is that I had thrown all my fantasy's and "toys" inthe garbage and we were on our way to vegas to get married I opted not to tell her of this closet side of me thinking that having her would make my urges subside and I could move on. Unfortunately they did not, actually lately they are getting worse!

    I work construction so I am constantly relocated where ever they need me. My wife and her son had been traveling with me, but with with the arrival of our baby. and our son moving from school to school we decided it was best for her to settle down. With the economy the way it is I am continuing to travel and only get to see her once a month and on holidays.

    During the last few months we have been doing this I find myself continuously browsing the net and finding anything that exites me so I can jerk off. The need to releave my self has been so bad it is hard to focus at work and often find myself going for a drive so I can Jerk off and calm down.. I was doing this before when my wife was here too. It causes frustration for her and me though when I can't perform at night. Sometimes I use the excuse that I'm too tired or just not in the mood. Last weekend When I was home through 6 times in 4 days I was only able to cum twice because I had cleaned my self out on the 12 hour drive home. I was able to get her to relief but she feels disapointed and guilty when I'm not able to produce.(which makes me feel the same way.) A couple months ago I couldnt take it any more and bought a CB6k and once again started using it recreationaly. I also bought a few "manties" This weekend I had been trying to see how long i coud last locked in and got curious. I binged again buying a Birdlocked and several pairs of Panties this time and some PJs. (got some for my wife too) I have been reading posts and stories for the entire weekend and finally decided to post.

    Sorry to be so long winded but for me I felt it all important, and a relief to get it out. I want to include my wife in my chastity as I feel it is the only way to kick my need to Jerk and fullfill her sexual needs when I do get to be home. I want to be able to sweep her off her feet and please her as well as be able to perform when I am expected to. Most of all I want to be open with her about my problem I'm just not sure how. I know I should have told her initially before we started a familly, but I was too embearased and ashamed... Still am. I don't want her to think me a freek or any less of a man, I dont want her son to some how find out and think that either, he looks up to me so much! How do I tell her? Will telling her and leaving for work a few days later ruin our marriage? These are things that I continue to ponder and try to find the answer of how, if, and when.

    Thanks for reading this and offering any suggestions you might have...
    With Respect,
    beefycorndog
     
  2. madamsboy
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    madamsboy Looking for a special female

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    next time she gets upset that you didn't finish tell her why you didn't and that you have a "solution" depends on her reaction to your reason as to how soon you bring up the solution.
    My wife/Madam would be better able to advise, but she doesn't post.
     
  3. beefycorndog
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    beefycorndog beefycorndog

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    That's some good advice, it would be good timing, I guess its mostly me having enough courage to start the topic.

    Thanks sub4madam.
     
  4. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    What a huge muddle to get yourself into! :mad0025:

    Let me give you the (real) girl's point of view!

    You didn't say how old baby was? Our "baby" is 2 at the end of this month, and I remember clearly feeling that I wasn't "me" any more and worried that I wasn't as sexy and attractive to my pet.

    Although she isn't saying as much, this may also be part of her anxiety, and if hormones are still bouncing around, it could be a patchy time to introduce your fantasies... just tread carefully!

    On top of that, don't throw it all in at once. (I'm sure you already know this and have probably run the whole thing throught your head endlessly!)

    Start with the idea of "saving yourself for her". But make it VERY clear this has nothing to do with protecting yourself from other women (that would be my first instinct... is he having thoughts of infidelity?)

    You didn't mention where the rest of your fantasies truly lie... do you want her to be your Mistress, just in control of your orgasms, or forced femme, or tease and denial?

    I would say again at this stage, post baby, that you should concentrate on servicing and worshipping her and building up her confidence. Later on, this can lead on to other things.

    I was a very reluctant Mistress and never thought I would want to see pet in women's clothing... but it grows on you and becomes a natural progression.

    We'd love to hear how you get on. You might want to take a peek at lauren's journal and read how she introduced the dressed side of herself to her SO.

    Good luck, and don't be a stranger. :innocent0006:
     
  5. Mistress Kate
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    Mistress Kate Senior Member

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    As usual some sound advice from Mistress Watchful. The only thing I would add is a word of caution about the female clothes. Personally I've not found it a very easy natural progression. I've come to really enjoy the keyholder role and although, in theory, I know this is supposed to place me in control, now that I know Cobweb likes the femming, I find myself feeling I should let him do it sometimes but I also think that almost however much he does it, it's probably not enough for him and currently this is a tricky area for me/us.

    I can do it for him - only really with panties/stockings/corsets etc (as I think he looks really ridiculous when he puts outer clothes on too) and then when I'm in a mode where I'm going to tease him rather than release him. I've made him wearing womens underwear all part of the teasing process but I just can't fancy him like it.

    When the idea of chastity play was introduced to me, I took the time to research it properly and, once I got over the initial shock, would actually say that it was a positive development for both of us. I found out later about the femming desires and then only because I pressed the issue - having read about so many men into chastity also being into femming. To be fair he admitted to it very reluctantly and I think if I hadn't pushed it, I would never have known about it. For what it is worth, with the benefit of hindsight, I wish I hadn't ! I know that he might well have dressed up when I wasn't around but I think I would have prefered that.

    I would say, in this particular respect, tread carefully.
     
  6. Ms.Linda
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    Ms.Linda No longer a member

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    I've ascertained from your post that she is pretty much unaware of your lifestyle ideals. Communication is of the utmost importance, but must be done with care. Mistress Watchful's advice is quite good. I would caution you, however, to remember that LISTENING is a very important part of communication. When you decide to inform her of your lifestyle wishes, listen to what she has to say. Don't try to mold her into a fantasy ideal but encourage her to find her inner strength.

    Good Luck-
    Ms.Linda
     
  7. Sissy_Aline
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    Sissy_Aline Senior Member

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    Good thread

    Wow Ms. Linda - so eloquent and to the point. No, you cannot mold an individual to your way of thinking.

    A way that you can do this is: attend a couple's session with a great Pro-Domme (and see what the reaction is - that is if she cares to do this). Another way is play parties with a group of like minded people, but be careful here where you attention goes.

    Chastity will save you up...but it really does come down to communication. There ARE ways, if you have the means.
     
  8. beefycorndog
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    beefycorndog beefycorndog

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    Thank you all for your advice and experiences. Mistress Watchful, Our baby girl is just shy of a year old, and your descriptions of the anxiety are very true. This is why I think I have been so nervous about bringing this up to her. And the hormones may have been an issue but I think she is starting to get more relaxed and fall into her new role. Without getting too personal, She has delt with so much and is such a a strong woman that I really respect her. In just our short 2 years of marriage, she's been through a miscarriage, a second unplanned pregnancy resulting in our beautiful daughter, and is now basicly taking care of our familly and working a full time job. I really respect and honor everything she does for me and our children that to have this uncontrollable, sick urge to masterbate constantly leaves me a feeling of guilt.

    I'm not sure where exactly I want this to go, more than anything its a relief to get some advice from the outside looking in, and I'm very thankfull for this forum as its a great place to sort these things out. I think to start I would just like her to be in control of my release. If that leads to other things then that would be up to her... I just want to be able to sexually and emotionally please her and not have the feeling of guilt for not succeeding. More than anything I want her to reep the gains of my chastity weather its a feeling of security with me working on the road, or just plain pleasure. I've always strived to give her everything and I hope it can be about her and not me. If there is one thing that I do hope to gain though is the Open communication of my issue, and that she understands why I would ask her to participate. And I totally agree with you Ms. Linda, that Honisty is very important and hopefully this will open new windows as I think in the past she has suspected something on my mind, I just didnt know how to confront her with it. I don't want to make excusses though... I just want to make it right.

    As far as the panties are concerned, I'm not sure why I feel the need to ware them, mostly its just a comfort issue, they just kinda make me feel good. For some reason I've always been attracted to the different cuts and designs available for women and less than impressed with the options available for men. Why women can wear so many different styles and configurations of undergarments while males are left with only three main options (Boxers, Tighty Whities, or Bikini) baffles me. I guess I've never brought this up to her because its not always viewed as "socially acceptable". Although Reading material on the internet and forums would make one suspect its more common than you would think. Wether she chooses to have a say in my undergarments would be up to her. I think I will heed your warnings and lay low on that one for a while. As I'm really not sure on where I want that one to go either.

    I do appriciate everyones advice on this matter, I will continue to read about others experiences deeling with this issue, and will try to post about my own. I am going to wait to confront her until the end of the month and will hopefull be able to post good news of the results. Once again thank you all for your advice and help. This has proven to be a great sight and I hope to be able to contribute the same as you all have for me. Thank You.
     
  9. madamsboy
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    madamsboy Looking for a special female

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    Bad choice of terms, it implies that you feel it will be a battle and you are going in closeminded and expect the same out of her. Think of it as a conversation rather than a confrontation and it will go easier (sorry, too many years of therapy)
     
  10. Sissy_Aline
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    Sissy_Aline Senior Member

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    Confrontation

    Good point - it isn't about confronting - although it seems that way.

    i thought of another way to do this. There are great sample vids and you can become a member and see lots of them - at The English Mansion.

    http://www.theenglishmansion.com/home.html

    It could be a way to break the ice. Make "play" fun for BOTH - it can't be any other way :)

    All the best - find a way - or keep doing what you do - not a great option.
     
  11. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    Men's underwear is dull only if you stick to the chains that sell it (my opinion) For example go to Ebay and type "MENS SILK BRIEFS " and you should find a large variety of very comfortable (Because there is room for your package) underwear thats pure silk. Very sexy, still "male" and might even get your wife turned on when you come to bed in them! :chores025:
     
  12. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    beefycorndog... my gut feeling says you're going to be fine!

    I'm sure if you present this to her as an aid to stopping you masturbate (which is why you want it!) rather than some kinky fantasy (which is why most want it!) then she should understand.

    If there are explosions and anger and upset when you present the idea, just leave it. Let her think about it, and hopefully bring it up again herself.

    There is always this book, which might be more helpful than kinky/bondage porn. I found the perfect bodies of porn Godesses (anyone remember the Bianca Beauchamp episode with my pet.... grrrrrr.....) quite intimidating. This book is written from a relaxed, female, non-fetish point of view.

    I'm sure it will all be fine. :party0019:
     
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