Manifesting a FLR...Which Approach?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by severalist, Jul 7, 2018.

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  1. severalist
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    severalist Member

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    After surviving some character building challenges life has hurled my way, I'm ready to start dating again.

    It's very important that I meet somebody open to my kinks and willing try a FLR (hopefully including chastity) lifestyle.

    I'm also much more than a chastity slave. I have a job that I love, I'm an excellent co-parent to my child, I have deeply held (unconventional) beliefs and opinions, I'm a introvert, I get moody, angry, sad, manic, sometimes overcome with gratitude. I can become lost in my own inner world and my point is... Not everybody is going to like me, or get me, or appreciate what I bring to the table.

    Finding somebody to connect with and be comfortable around, who gets me, seems like a daunting task.

    Finding somebody who shares or is open to my love of chastity, bondage, strap-ons, power exchange, etc., seems like a daunting task.

    Finding both seems an almost insurmountable challenge as I begin this journey. But it isn't impossible.

    I can think of two general approaches to get started...

    1) Be up front about chastity, bondage, strap-ons, from the very beginning. Try to find a match from this subset of the dating pool not frightened off by such things.

    2) Try to find the best match overall, my best vanilla match, simply somebody that I enjoy spending time with. Gently broach the kinks & fetishes after 3 or 4 dates, take things slow, focus on things that she enjoys

    Could there be a different approach that I'm missing? I'm almost certainly overthinking this. As I typed this out, option 1 felt like a better option than 2.

    Any other advice for someone looking for love, happiness & unicorns?
     
  2. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    In my opinion your second approach is much more important that your first. At the beginning of a relationship we don't really know much about the other person. There is a process of discovery and opening up that is a gradual and not all at once process. I also believe that sex is only one piece of the relationship pie. She could be a whip wielding, strap on wearing, rope tying dominatrix, but if you hate each other outside of the bedroom it's not going to work. There is nothing wrong with looking in places that have a higher likelihood of yielding a dominant woman. Just remember if you can't enjoy a meal together or a walk in the park together, you won't enjoy a life together.
     
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  3. Bonobo
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    Bonobo Long term member

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    Find out if your compatible first. Then have an open conversation, it may be a month or two but I think it’s only fair to have the conversation fairly early on. I would not wait much longer then that. You don’t have to go into every detail and fantasy just need to start the conversation and see where it goes.
     
  4. Goddess Gaia
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    Goddess Gaia Looking for a Good boy in Phildelphia
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    Where are you located?
     
  5. CD_Erika
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    CD_Erika Active member

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    I try to get more involved in the Kink / BDSM scene around here.
    I think it's easier to find someone compatible there, cause they already communicate that they're into the "unusual" stuff.
     
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  6. desertsub
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    desertsub Junior Member

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    This would be my recommendation also. Start a profile on fetlife and get to know those in the kink community in your area. Go to a few munches and get comfortable with that then try attending a play party. People in the BDSM community are some of the most open minded and non-judgmental people you will ever meet. There are quite a few singles in the community in our area and they are usually open to exploring a relationship if they aren't already attached to someone.
     
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  7. GoddessG
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    My other half introduced me to this way of life. We are extremely compatible as a vanilla couple, although in the bedroom he always made clear he liked me on top as his place is beneath me. Gradually during bedroom time he would beg to kiss my feet, say he wanted to please me and ask if I owned him. This was all without mentioning chasity. I obv told him that of course I owned him and when I climaxed I'd tell him he had pleased me.
    He started mentioning being caged and zapped and wanting me to control him, I went along with it as it clearly turned him on he seemed helpless which I liked ! Over weeks and months the words spoken intensified with regards to him wanting to be my slave and him referring to me as his Goddess (and now Queen).

    On a whim, I decided to surprise him by ordering a cage (and then found this place). It blew his mind, he didn't think he'd ever meet someone open minded enough (his words). For me, it feels natural with him. He asked if I had spotted anything about FLRs and I had, via here. He begged for one and how could I refuse, I can't imagine any woman not wanting her man to do as he's told! We now have an FLR and it's the healthiest relationship I have ever been in.

    We are soul mates and have a very vanilla exterior, we are compatible on every single level. Because we are so compatible with all else, it was natural to move to this and he felt comfortable enough to start mentioning his deepest desires. He hadn't ever been able to before with anyone else (and I'm discovering desires I hadn't realised where there too).

    So in answer to your question, go for option 2. If the person is meant to be then it'll click into place, it will be natural. I am a soppy soul and believe that we all have someone who is perfect for us and who will naturally just click into our own life jigsaw.
    You may meet the person through BDSM worlds, or in the local pub however if they are right for you where or how you meet is irrelevant.
     
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