Male Post-Ejaculatory Moodiness Explained

Discussion in 'Book and movie reviews' started by Looking Glass Girl, May 15, 2010.

  1. Looking Glass Girl
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    I have a great fear of the post-ejaculatory moodiness that men so often experience. I'm afraid of it because, in the past, it has caused terrible misunderstandings and I don't want that to happen with the new man in my life. As a result, I've been researching this to try to understand it better.

    I found an interesting article that explains how, in both men and women, levels of dopamine and prolactin rise and fall with conventional sexual activity and how that can wreak havoc on our moods. Toward the end of the article, there's a discussion of how prolonged orgasm denial can help to maintain more chemical and emotional equilibrium, so I thought I'd share it. It explains a lot!

    http://www.entelechyjournal.com/pulling_away_after_sex1.htm

    This is another article by the same author but it goes into more detail about the depressing, frustrating effects of post-orgasm levels of prolactin:

    http://www.reuniting.info/science/prolactin_sex_libido

    This is stuff we all know intuitively, but I guess it's comforting to me to have a better understanding of the physiological reasons for why things happen. It helps me to not take things so personally, too. Now I know exactly why the moodiness happens - and it's got nothing to do with me or anything I've done, which is a huge relief.

    Maybe this information will be helpful to someone else as well. :)
     
  2. ChasteBr
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    ChasteBr Chaste Married Male

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    Awesome post, I am glad that there is a scientific explanation for this.. While I love a good orgasm, I have always had a bit of a depression afterwards.

    I always thought it was something analagous to training for a big match/game/race. You work hard every day, you build and build an build, and no matter what happens in the game, at the end it is over, and at least until you start working at it again a little bit of what makes you get up in the morning is missing from your life.
     
  3. Looking Glass Girl
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    Excerpt

    Thanks ChasteBr!

    Here's an excerpt from the first article (the last 3 paragraphs in fact):

    There are at least three source of emotional friction related to these brain chemistry shifts. (1) Partners get out of sync. Dopamine levels rise in one while the prolactin levels are still high in the other. You may desperately want sex, while your partner has no interest at all. (2) Partners project their state of mind onto each other. When you feel rotten, or "hungry," or just plain "off," it's normal to find fault with the person closest to you. It honestly seems like you'd feel fine if he'd just be more generous, or she would just stop shopping for more and more shoes and make love. (3) Partners' brains get rewired over time, away from love and toward defensiveness. The part of your primitive brain that is designed to react to snakes and predators is now being activated by your partner. Certainly your partner didn't threaten to poison you, but sex with your partner later made you feel bad at a subconscious (neurochemical) level. Actually, of course, you hurt yourself by letting biology tell you how to have a good time in the bedroom. Your subconscious, however, feels that your lover is the culprit.

    Virtually no one identifies this hidden, biological source of distress. Instead, the part of your brain that analyzes looks for other explanations. You know, for example, that you don't feel right. Your partner is acting weird. You're upset, and your honeymoon has ended. Maybe you write your uneasiness off as a mood swing, or get a prescription for an antidepressant. Or maybe you feel that your partner is somehow to blame for the fact that you feel rotten. "If only he would help more around the house." "If only she would stop badgering me." And so on. Yet, when you try to fix each other, you're addressing symptoms and ignoring the deeper problem—these neurochemical shifts.

    To heal the underlying problem, you may just have to change the way you make love.


    And that goes back to the idea of sex without the goal of orgasm, which the author explores in greater detail together with her husband on their site. There's some really interesting stuff there. It's fascinating to me to realize just how much biology/anatomy can control our moods and behavior - yet we think we've been in charge, making rational decisions all along! Bahahaha! It's liberating information, for me at least. :) And it underscores my desire for a chaste lifestyle - for both partners - in order to prolong the periods of chemical/emotional equilibrium.

    Here's a link to another article from their site with some related information:
    http://www.reuniting.info/science/pheromones_immunity_end_of_the_honeymoon
     
  4. cockislocked
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    cockislocked Senior Member

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    but i feel happy... what's wrong with me?


    Very interersting, thanks for the post. i am glad that this helps you know what goes on and that there is no 'fault' on anyones part, personally, i don't get depressed/moody in a negative internal way, maybe i push my Mistress' rules and boundaries but that's because i feel absolutely great and energised for ages afterwards, sometimes days, and just so bouncy that i sometimes forget my place.... and then back to 'normal', whatever that is! i guess my levels are more in balance all the time and not as peaky as the diagram explains? Who knows eh? but nonetheless a very intreresting post, once again thanks.



    i fully appreciate that everyone is different and on the standard deviation curve most people will fall in the middle, hence some form of what is 'normal' is explained... i guess i fall at the extreme end of this particular curve.
     
  5. Looking Glass Girl
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    You're so very correct about "normal" body chemistry! "Normal" is extremely unhelpful when it comes to that sort of measurement, as "normal" gets determined by such a wide sample of people with different ages, weights, etc., in order to come up with a very generic bell-curve for "normal". Everyone IS different and "optimal" levels for one person may not be "optimal" for another.

    I'm glad you enjoyed the articles, though. :)
     
  6. cockislocked
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    cockislocked Senior Member

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    i did enjoy them. i also enjoy your other posts, they are clearly formed in an articulate and capable brain.... hey..... a better than 'normal' brain i would suggest! a :ten-on-ten:brain.

    i am hugely fortunate to be owned by a Woman with an IQ of 150 and it sounds like your man is equally blessed with an intelligent and 'thinking' Woman. i think we are lucky guys.

    i remember having a conversation with one of my teachers many years ago about normal.... She has a great line.... i will never forget it...

    'Normal is what everyone else is... and you're not...' She was a great teacher (genetics, lots of normal there then!), This has some great and endless possibilities for 'interpretation'. a simple example......

    So... If i was in a room of females... i would not be normal...?? i am sure You can think of many more!
     
  7. SubHub72
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    SubHub72 Member

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    Gender differences?

    Hi Looking Glass Girl,
    Sorry, I just found this thread, thanks for posting! I also find this interesting. I have had some direct experience where medications I've taken have altered my mood and I don't "want" to act a certain way but the meds predisposed that of me. Sounds like that has some similarities with post orgasmic response, based upon this site. there is certainly a wealth of information on this site, and I probably only scratched the surface, but I didn't see any discussion on gender specific differences. I think this would be interesting, especially to CM members.

    Bear in mind that orgasm denial (for me, the hubby) is a kink that my wife and I enjoy.
    In my own experience, I have been an outright a** after I have climaxed. Just a complete jerk. My wife has given me a really super intimate experience and I screw it up big time. I am cognizant that this can happen, so I do my best to avoid it. When I do climax, I usually want to cuddle afterwards. I suppose I may have conditioned myself to deal with the brain chemstry proposed on this site.

    My wife has never done anything like that. After her first orgasm, she definitely seems sedated but not moody at all. For example, if we discuss doing some kinky play that involves a lot of attention on her part (prostate play for example) she is FAR less likely to do that after she has had an orgasm. I am not sure if that has to do with the brain chemistry discussed on that site, or if it is a function that when we do play, we are usually very very tired (we have kids...). So, it's clear that if we are to have some kink in our play time, she has to do that before her climax. Otherwise, a large proportion of the time, she just doesn't have the energy. But I would not say she is moody per se, she is just satieted and lacks the motivation or energy to continue. She will allow a second orgasm and massages for her :)

    In any event, I didn't see gender differences discsussed. Perhaps I missed it.

    Some parts that resonated with me included the pleasure that I receive from non-orgasmic sexual play. There is no doubt that having an erection is in itself pleasurable. I *enjoy* the act of penetration or manual stimulation alone, even if it does not lead to orgasm. My wife is not that way. She is very frustrated if something isn't leading to a climax. I wrote a thread about this recently, my wifes focus on orgasms. So denial for her doesn't seem to work for us. Indeed, I get a lot of pleasure just in watching her climax, and I wouldn't want to deny the vicarous enjoyment of myself. I am interested in how long I could go with sexual play without orgasm. When I am denied and then allowed release, I come very quickly. I wonder if I could recondition myself to last longer if I was denied over a longer period of time... I think I read a few couples discussing that the male hasn't ejaculated for half a year or so!

    Anyways, thanks for posting... very thought provoking!
     
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