Male hierarchy

I don't know if it only me ,but I have been a beta male since childhood . Never the leader . I would think that anyone in chastity is beta and has been. A true alpha male would never except chastity in any form . Short or long term

 

As someone that has dealt with gender, how each one is supposed to act, I believe that men that feel “beta” also feel the need to overcompensate.

Because it’s not appropriate to show in every day life, some can feel comfortable showing their inner self in private. We know how we are supposed to be, and instead of letting anyone know we don’t feel that way, we create a big tough guy wall, and show everyone just how “manly” we are. Doing this for a lifetime creates a persona that is hard to just shake off or let anyone break through the shell.

Some people are actually very alpha in everyday life and being submissive is merely a relaxing outlet, giving up control for the briefest moment before they must take up the mantle again.

So no I don’t believe it’s a rarity when people say they are only submissive to their wife etc., I think it comes with the territory of male socially acceptable behavior, and our societal reaction to any aberration of that.

I would say the rare form would be for someone to say he’s beta, and openly act that way both in public and private. Cool topic

 

I've had to balance between being alpha and what I feel is my more natural state as a beta. In school and almost every relationship with a woman, I fell quickly in line and followed their lead. That continued in my first serious job. Both my immediate supervisor and the top boss were women. The job was a library related one, populated by predominantly women. So, i followed their lead easily, just doing as I was told. I even was called out once, indirectly. My supervisor told us once at a group meeting, that she wanted her group to be more presentable. "Not just my girls, but boys need to dress nicer." That was sometime ago, when such language was more common. As I was the only male, it was apparent who she was referring to. I immediately began to wear dress pants rather than jeans, leather shoes and not sneakers, and bought some good dress shirts. She actually told me in the hall that I was more presentable now. Later I had to assume a leadership role in another job. I did okay, but was never comfortable and remained a follower in my personal life. Now that I've assimilated chastity in my life, it is much easier to feel and act as the natural beta male I am. Society definitely prefers males be alphas, but I see more and more that females are claiming that title as well.

 

I would split out a man's internal sexual wiring from other parts of his life and what he projects, particularly in public. People expend enormous amounts of energy creating their public persona, the "mask" or "brand" by which they are known generally. Projecting "beta" is almost universally damaging to a male and his earning potential, so we all develop "alpha" or "alpha-like" projections for use in public, at work, etc. It's not uncommon for people to get lost in the character they have created for public consumption and to have difficulty reconciling that with how they feel deep down. Much easier to keep the character in place generally, with one exception. This may not be ALL the men who see themselves as singly beta, but it must be some.

Personally, I enjoy the feelings that come with being wired as a beta male; it makes many interactions with women utterly delightful. I come across as a capable and confident guy who is also extremely nice and thoughtful and maybe a tiny bit deferential (as much as I can comfortably exhibit) because both beta nature and alpha construct play a part. I love the "alpha-like" public persona that has served me so well professionally and personally, I just see it as a social necessity that protects the beta underneath, not corroding or smothering it. Going "full beta" at work would probably come across as creepy or strange or at least disturbingly off kilter. But wearing a chastity cage to keep the swagger in perspective is a wonderful thing.

 

True... and I'm proud of that, mostly because women enjoy it. But my nature is to be far more deferential in a way that falls outside of social norms. This was a real problem early in my dating life before I learned to be what was expected. I have attended FLR events where beta behavior is expected and appreciated and I can take off the mask for a bit.

 

How would you define each category?

Some people mistake kindness for being beta. And precive that asshole kinda guy as an alpha. But I don't think I agree with that.

 

I think tagging someone as dominant (alpha) or submissive (beta) is better done without the gender included.

I don't call my Mistress an Alpha woman. Likewise I don't think of any of my female friends as 'beta females'. I don't even think of myself as 'alpha' or 'beta'. Depending on the environment I find myself in, I may play either of those roles. It's all about assertiveness or leadership. Or just being a bossy asshole.

Each of us has different walks of life that call for different attitudes. A parent can't be submissive to their children, but may have to be that way to their executive boss. A kindergarten teacher may be dominant in the classroom and submissive at home. Different atmospheres call for different levels of assertiveness.

When we mix the level of dominance with gender we get dangerously close to stereotyping, at least in my mind. Calling someone a 'beta male' seems to bring baggage with it. Calling a man a 'gentle soul' seems to be not be so dismissive.

 

I'm an alpha male at work, but not willie-waggling alpha. I have a responsible job and I have to make tough decisions sometimes, but I hope to always do so in a sympathetic way. In the rest of my life, I'm quite an introverted person so I don't like attention. I retire to the shadows. Not sure that's either alpha or beta. I just do my own thing.

 

Personally I wouldn't label myself as either.

 

I work in a high-pressure sales role. There are a lot of elements of my job that require me to act as what most people would define as an 'alpha male'. But, I certainly wouldn't define myself as one. In fact, one of the reasons why I enjoy BDSM, kink, chastity (and the crossdressing) is because it means that I can completely drop the 'alpha act'!

 

I'm an omega male. In vanilla life (that is, in work) I am a normal person: I am certainly not an alpha but I behave in the most appropriate way to perform my job in the best way. For the rest, I'm an omega male

 

Precisely! Well stated.

 

@LesterBallard I totally sympathize with this as I tend to be quiet, not making a huge ruckus. If challenged, I often find subtle ways to make things happen with a minimum of escalation and without any chest thumping.

Wondering out loud for the group in an attempt to explore the question posed by @L-u-c-y :

There seem to be two elements being discussed: decision-making / directing in pursuit of business or personal objectives, and displaying status queues. My sense is that "alpha" in the way it is being used on this site is more about the overt display of status. If that's true, then I would guess that there are many males here who are tough-minded and capable both at work and in their personal lives, but who do not like competing for or displaying status. In fact, I would bet that this site tends to attract males who would prefer to support a good leader (at work or at home) with excellent-quality hard work (status through reputation for competence) than to expend any energy on increasing their own overt social/political status. We sometimes do what we have to do to get things accomplished, but we actively avoid what looks like a game of silly competition and don't care about the corner office or the parking space with our name on it.

EDIT: We'll know that real progress is being made in the acceptance of beta males on the domestic front when it becomes more common for men to take their wives' last name.

 

regardless of my accomplishments I would love to be your doormat

 

Do we have to polarise?
Alpha Beta ..... only two sizes and neither fit very often

If I think about it at all I'm happy to be me in any given moment. I'll fit in if it suits me I'll take charge if I think its needed I'll follow if its necessary and I'll go my own way if I feel like it

I'd say at a guess that an Alpha males biggest worry is other Alpha males... and the more Apha the more he is the nore he worries

Beta males probably worry about all other males

And the there are some of us that without being foolhardy or totally reckless don't worry about any other males. I wouldn't or don't ever worry about other males unless it is prudent at the time to do so.

 

I think you are quite Trumplike creating two extremes where they do not have to be.

I would characterize myself as what most people would call alpha. Why so ? Because I am self centered, because I know what I want and because I am selfconfident. Maybe i am somewhat Macho ,too from time to time, but not foremost.

And this is where this thread fails. Beeing self confident and and showing it for everyone to see is not the same as beeing some pseudo macho or jerk.

 

@Shimone :
1) We don't know who you meant by "you" in your first line.
2) Bringing politics into the thread is almost never constructive or helpful.
3) How can the thread succeed?
4) What is the difference between "self centered" and a "jerk?"

 

I’ve always considered myself a hybrid at work and at home.

I can lead, direct, and manage large groups.

I can also be led, inspire, listen, and empathize.

Each trait tempers the other and combine to be effective. At home, we are discovering my wife’s latent dominance and I am letting my service submissiveness tendency take over. We are enjoying it. I think we will both benefit by learning about the dominant and submissive aspects of our personalities.

 

I really like this description on Alpha Males from Urban Dictionary courtesy of Matt McMillin back on April 07, 2008

alpha male:

“The alpha male is an act that is performed by males usually in their teens and twenties who act tough, are loud, and have to be the center of attention or they feel insecure. When a man is successful and in his thirties he no longer acts this way because he has grown up and realized that the entire alpha male act is phony. When was the last time you saw a rich, successful man try to pick a fight??? Never. The only guys that do this are the losers that go to bars to take their anger out because they are angry inside for going nowhere in life.

35yr old alpha male at the bar, "I'm bald, fat, I make 7 dollars an hour and I work a job I hate...what are you looking at? Do you want to fight? I need to kick someones ass today because my boss ripped me an new asshole for burning the fries at McDonalds and I need to take it out on someone."

If you want a laugh on why the concept is fallacious then heres a funny history check by Adam Ruins Everything on Alpha Males if you haven’t seen it already.

 

Guys like to think they are alpha but only about 5-10% really are. Alphas usually have a commanding presence and most women notice them as soon as they enter a room. One of my best friends/boss is an alpha and waiters always give him the check and people always assume he is the boss in any group. There is a much larger group of men that fall behind the Alphas and are not really what would really be referred to as a Beta.