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Male Chastity from my female perspective...

Discussion in 'The Pedestal' started by Lady De, Apr 20, 2014.

  1. hey - still new to all this i have received numerous sweets posts and also many inbox questions about my views on different subjects, ( thank you:)- and i thought it would be good to share with others some of my answers and views. I have learned already that this forum is good at sharing:)

    So - with the help of Google Translate - hi-hi. Here we go:

    Hurdles in the beginning?

    For me two things was major hurdles at first:
    1. that i was all vanilla - as you call it , and had NEVER before been into any kinks:), and I had this, i'm sorry, impression that people who had, was obsessed with sex and not so much with love and care.
    2. I fell in love and married BlueEyes because he was, and is, a strong lighthouse for me. Inventive, creative, talented, a man how dared speak up in the crowd, a commander who took leadership and got the job done, when others only saw problems or came up with excuses for not doing anything. Yes he was an alpha- male, and he still is, when I'm not around - hi-hi:)

    When he first introduced me to this he did a good job in explaining that it this was not all that strange, and that he still would manage to be MY MAN, - who could protect me and provide, when needed.

    But looking back i can see what an impossible job he started out.

    I was listening, but i was not convinced, to say the least.
    Well, he kept saying that he did it all for me, for us, but i could not help but also to see it at first - being him having traded one kind of kinks he had practice for himself with another. He showed me all kind of stories on the internet of the supposed benefits of this lifestyle. That was rather annoying in the end. It all seem so - "happy happy" - and I was suspicious , and not convinced at all.

    What changed my understanding over time:

    1. The discovery of all the advantages, he taking over on so many levels of household, and he started to spoil me completely:). I could not resist that:) It was so sweat, and I have had so much more time to do what i want ever since.
    2. The shift from - at first to focus a lot on sex in chastity, he changed mentally to focus entirely on my needs and showed me real love and care. Well sometimes he overdid it a little! I do not want a pet in the house, - but it was nice.
    3. In action - he managed to convince me that he indeed still could be my man, when I so needed. That he easily could manage to be Alpha when he was not under my command;-) Both were very reassuring.
    4. that I took the change and told my best friend about it, and found out that she got so jealous;-)
    5. He opened up - gently my eyes to the power of this lifestyle, and the fact that friends around us had great troubles in their relationships, and gets divorced and such, made me realize that this bond between us, and all the renewed affection, love and play we now had in our relationship, all came down to this change in lifestyle. It was a little weird/disappointing at first to realize this - that it had to be this that recharges our life together, but i have come to realize that it does not matter at all. It is the result that counts, - and they are very very good.


    Our sexlife has never been better - for him it seems;-) and certainly also for me. Today I feel lucky!, and sometimes i have this feeling that i live a dream that simply cannot be true. So good is this for the both of us. I get a lot of attention, love an services. He knows like never before to please me, in and out of bed, -and he is hardly getting any.hi-hi. And he is so happy!
    I felt sorry for him at first and thought he must be weird to not getting any, until i understood that he really really was satisfied in every way, when my pleasure was taken care of. Still puzzles my mind from time to time, put I have seen enough proof, to accept it as a fact.:)

    He has become so good at serving.He even got to serve my friend Anne i Berlin, on my request/setup and that was in the heat of the moment- very hot:) I no longer have a man that rolls over once he is done:) He serves when i tell him to. Most of the times without getting anything himself, and even when he gets something he serves me afterwards. Very very nice indeed:)

    Turning back time?

    I would rather not turn back time! This has been wonderful for our marriage, and I like it to stay like this. Of course he needs to be challenged a little more now and then, and I have come to like seeing those little extra proofs of his devotion. That kind of domination is ok with me. I have to admit that it has revitalized our sexlife and our lives as such - a lot. I thought it would not, that it would all be so artificial , but it is oh so real...
    I hope it will never change. I have learned that long denial of him seems to protect this from changing.
    So... no - I no longer feel sorry for keeping him locked up and to deny him release.

    (hi-hi- i am used to comment that my husband post are very long- and here i am doing one myself:) )
    God morning - He is asleep, and I'm sitting in bed writing this. He will be up in an hour the make me wonderful sunday breakfast.

    Life IS good!
    MyDB, Usul, JetMirage and 13 others like this.
  2. best to you, as your journey is just begining. we all are different, thats what makes the world what it is. enjoy your new freedoms and your wonderful husband. Mistress Linda and slave.
    Lady De and manintyres like this.
  3. Thanks for speaking up and sharing your life from your perspective there are many women in similar positions to yours and you may well have helped ease their suspicions as well. It is indeed strange how something so weird sounding can actually if followed through cautiously and slowly have such a dramatic effect on a relationship that has up to the point it was mentioned seemed pretty good to begin with. As most will testify if a relationship is in a good state to begin with it can only help in making the changes to the lifestyle easier to adopt for one thing this is not is a cure fore a bad relationship! it takes an awful lot of work on both sides to make this work fully and a bad relationship has very little chance of being able to survive even more pressure on top of the problems it already has to contend with. You have listened to what was suggested and taken time to discuss and assemble any facts you needed to make this work for you both and i wish you all the luck in the world in finding the true happiness this change offers you the chance of.
    slave stroppy:)
    Metalman and manintyres like this.
  4. Yes, I think that is a good cure to actually tell it as it is - and not just the "happy-happy" version. It was not that easy in the beginning! Besides my struggle with the lifestyle - was I married to a freak?? ( Sorry!)- I could not help but to to feel that there was some level of blame in his approach, that for some reason he was not satisfied with my performance, and he therefore had thought of this to either cover up the problem with sex denial , or to try and turn me into a sex maniac, witch I was Not, and will never be!
    I must however admit that my sexdrive has increased more than I thought I was capable of, and that is something that I have come to treasure a lot;-)
    It took time for me to turn it around in my head and see his approach as a clever strategy in so many levels, to recharge our life, our marriage, and I thank him for that:) TIME is the key.

    Yet, we did not have a troubled relationship prior to this. I Think You are so right that this chastity-thing can not fix a bad relationship. It can break it completely. But it seems to me that male chastity - (how weird it sounded to me at first ) - can recharge batteries, - can bring back the love an attention that we all experience in the first month/years together. Everyday life - careers, kids etc.. can make it very hard for love and attention. Chastity seems to be a delightful shortcut back to those days...:)

    Of course there are sides of this lifestyle that I find way too much for me- and we would have serious issues if my husband would ever suggest that I should take a lover. For me that would be a sign of him being more into his kinks than him being into us.
    Yes, I have had a thing with a girlfriend, and that is something else - i think. I even allowed him the pleasure of serving her, so that was kindness and care - and a turn on for me - as well. Its more like and added bonus for him I think. hi- hi:) We shall see where is going, but it is never to evolve beyond casual incidents.

    The trust he puts in me - handing me over control of his sex and all, was very intimidating at first. It is a huge responsibility, and it took time for me to master it and to be comfortable with it . Now I have come to like it a lot, and I see no reason for us to go back:) I'm good at it!! But I think it is important that males think of it as not just a gift, but also - at first - a burden, to take charge and to make "the right" decisions for both of us.
    I think he was very quick to pick up my signals and adjust his approach, and also to accept that this "journey" could not always be easy. That was very comforting. And the more he hold back his sexkick that he gets from this, the more I found interest in playing with my new property, and to have him serve me.
    Women are strange - I know;-)
    JetMirage, kazrin, Petros and 3 others like this.
  5. Hello DREwife.
    I am finding the perspective of your journey very refreshing. It interests me to hear from the female side, especially when it came from the perspective of reluctance in the beginning. Anyway, I have one query. You seem to have glossed over your mention of a "thing" with a girlfriend and minimized it yet you mentioned if your husband were to hint around at you taking on another lover that it would not be good. Arent the 2 dynamics virtually the same? My apologies if I am misunderstanding you, but a 3rd person is a 3rd person, shared, male or female. My Wife/Mistress/Keyholder and I do not involve others and to each their own; I AM NOT JUDGING, but I always find it interesting how females always find a way to rationalize their proclivities and just skip over them as if they are a non-issue. My Wife/Mistress/Keyholder does the same thing...there is no doubt in MY mind she is bi-sexual given the lesbian erotica she possessed when we met (and the collection of which I continue to help her expand) yet she to this day claims it is not the case even though she masturbates to that collection regularly, engages me sexually in overtly lesbian mannerisms and likes me in lingerie more often than not...but this is not my story....anyway, may I kindly ask you to expound upon your "thing with a girlfriend"? It may enlighten me a bit to hear your thought processes.
  6. Its good, as has already been said to get a woman's perspective, thanks for sharing.

    It's always been a concern to me that when I've sucessfully introduced a new partner to TTTWD that she is participating only as an indulgence for me. Initially it can be but there are ways in which you can tell if she is getting into it for herself.

    I already knew my last partner was into it right from the start but how's this for a confirmation.

    I was laid awake in bed one night, she rolled over in her sleep, took a hold of my cage and let out a really sweet and very sexy little giggle. I checked she was still asleep and lay there amazed. She was still holding on to my cage and I was getting turned on by the warmth and thought of her enjoying my predicament. Invitably the contents started trying to move my cage. Without waking, or at least not fully, she giggled again and said; Ooo not yet for you babe. Then turned aver and continued or went back to sleep.

    I decided not to tell her about it in case it stopped her from doing it again,. The holding on to my cage whilst sleeping and giggling used to happen 2-3 times a week after that, sometimes she spoke but mostly once I started to get interested she just giggled again and turned over.

    I can't explain how much that meant to me and I never did tell her about it.
    Metalman, spider202 and timeofmylife like this.
  7. With all due respect having a lady post on here with her real life prospective is a refreshing and rare occurance which is so lovely to read about.

    I can remember another lady posting about her experiences with her hubby and she ended up with loads of questions from males and she stopped posting in the end.

    Please let us all allow these ladies the respect to post and not give them the "spanish inquesition" about the what's and wherefores on their postings and then hopefully more wives and partners may post from their experiences.

  8. It was never my intention to to "just skip over it", nor was it my intention to make it look as if I have a "thing" going on the side.
    Yes, I had - way back a thing or two with Anne ( and another girl once), I was exploring and learning about myself and my sexual preferences, besides being attracted to her. At the same time I dated men...
    Later on my bi-thing fell asleep and I soon found myself happily married to BlueEyes:)
    His introduction of chastity to me, has somehow revived this desire to explore and this lifestyle has also provided the opportunity.
    I have with this acceptance and embrace of this new lifestyle again become aware of lifes many options and offers and I have regained the ambition to not let all of them pass me by:)
    BUT , I do not have a lesbian relationship on the side. If Anne is closer to me again, she is certainly also close to my husband. If You have read my husbands post about our trip to Berlin, You will know what I mean. You see, we do this lifestyle together me and my husband, I will not have it any other way.

    The fact that i control him, - does not mean that I lie to him, have secrets from him, hidden agendas or for that matter a clever plan for him to do the house chores and provide the finances, locked up with limited sexual requirements from me, - while I fool around on his expense, fulfilling my desire for a lesbian relationship.
    I love only my husband, I also love the fact that he has a cock, A cock that he has given to me, to do with as I please.
    @allaboutHer@allaboutHer - I also happen to be turned on -again - by this lovely female:) And having her in our life as an option, is something I am certain that BlueEyes enjoys just as much as I do. Why don't You ask him?

    Spoken with kindness, I somehow sense that You have issues in Your relationship , that needs to be addressed. Women are not that selfish, so I suggest that you try to solve what You do not find to be fair in Your relationship, and not "blame" the entire womanhood - hi. hi.
    But I Thank You for Your question, It gave me an opportunity - by the help of Google Translate - to expand on my views:)

    And @manintyres@manintyres Thank You for your views and Your concern. I am new to this, and I knew somehow that I could get lots of questions ( I have been sneaking around for a while, so I was warned). I don't mind, and that does not scare me of.
    I think there are so much more talk of the life after the crossover, than talks of the real journey.
    The posts about journeys in here are for the most parts stories about levels of denial, and not so much about how couples cope with the transition and this lifestyle in general.
    That would be refreshing, and most likely fill the demand for insights and how-to strategies, that so many are looking for. Well, that is my simple observation, I could be wrong of course...

    Gosh- I write long answers too;-) I thought it was only him!
    ineverknew and Joroincharge like this.
  9. Hello All.
    ....wow. A simple, polite question and all of this...why do people take themselves so seriously? Is it any wonder so many people lurk on web forums and never post or never muster the courage to reach out share or heaven forbid, ask a question? I am not here to judge or be judged. I am not here to "troll" or get in spitting wars...sigh. I regret having said anything and should have known better...so "off I go" into the shadows for now. My apologies for derailing the thread. Carry on and enjoy yourselves.

    ...and my Wife and I are quite fine, thank you.
  10. Hey @allaboutHer@allaboutHer - it WAS a polite question - And I was trying to give a polite answer, but obviously i failed.
    Of course You may ask - and maybe I should not have made assumptions on your relationship, but I was just trying to understand where you where coming from, with your remarks. I have read another of your post regarding this - this one ( hope I manage to link it right:) ) and I saw a pattern, that I maybe should not have seen.
    I hope You are very happy in your relationship:) , -and please don't dramatize , so away with this "off you go" thing, - and lets continue to enlighten one another.
    I Don't thing anybody would like to see you go, they were just trying to make room for new females in here, and thats appreciated, -but I never felt intimidated in anyway. I have a job were I can boss around if I feel like it!

    What is left here for me is an impression that you take care of one another here on this forum.
    End of story!
    And - Your questions are welcome:)
  11. Well allaboutHer that is that cleared up in an instant, well said DREWife you cleared up any misunderstanding that could have been there before everyone else had chance to wade in and make things worse. I can understand where allaboutHer was coming from with his response it can be a little intimidating to respond to posts sometimes as they do sometimes get taken in the wrong way and suddenly jumped upon by others and you wish you had just stayed in the background but thank you for dousing the flame before it got going it was so good to see your reply (yet again).
    I feel we have in you a new take on some of our other contributing Keyholders and it is refreshing to hear compassion as well as an air of new found assertion. Long may it continue here. Thanks. Take the olive branch allaboutHer we need members who do dare to ask questions as well.;)
    manintyres and Lady De like this.
  12. That made me Smile. Funny to read as I could almost have written it myself...almost.
    Aside from my initial horror I was also suspicious. I why would he need to have this thing, was I not good enough, was this something he was introducing from a past relationship, etc, etc.
    The man who introduced me is long gone now however, like you I couldn't look back.
    In fact I liked it so much that I introduced into my current relationship myself.
    Thank you for your posting :)
  13. What a delightful sharing of the Female perspective on chastity; i am so glad it has been of benefit to you both and has revitalised your relationship. The boldness of Your partner has completely paid off in putting You in Your rightful place; in charge!
    manintyres and Lady De like this.
  14. DREWife
    What a fantastic post!!
    My KH wife was highly excited to read it!
    All she said is that you've written 'her story'!!
    manintyres and Lady De like this.
  15. It is so great reading about a wife/girlfriends perspective of their journey .
    Hope more ladies post as well because these posts can help the men who haven't brought it up or have brought it up and having issues because it helps us understand how the ladies deal with this and what the are thinking, thus gives us a better understanding of the thoughts and feelings and emotions etc
    Sunny and Lady De like this.
  16. @manintyres@manintyres all you has to do is asks Ladies then they soon tells you.
    Lady De, Mascara^Snake and manintyres like this.
  17. Thank you all, for the kind reception on my take on our journey. I am sorry for not having seen @allaboutHer@allaboutHer back here in the forum.( I have been looking but in vain). It was not my intention to have him of the site. Hope to see him back soon.
    I do not mind questions about our journey at all. I made my mind up about that before I joined here:) Questions would be asked, and with BlueEyes detailed and long(!) reports on our journey, I had a feeling questions could come in plenty.
    For those of you who would like to protect me from to many personal questions, I Thank you for your kindness and concern, but I can handle it, I'm sure. I will call for help if needed. OK?:)

    BlueEyes was taken by surprise last night - I rewarded him a release after just 6 weeks:) - and his service has been a little bit rusty today;-). I had to make my own cup of thea this evening, while he has been working in his studio.

    So as you can see - I am quite capable - ha.ha, so no need to worry on my behalf. :)
  18. @DREWife@DREWife , I love rereading these posts from you, so enlightening to get a glimpse of the female perspective on male chastity. Will your lady friend be joining you guys on your vacation? I hope to hear of more experiences among you three, of course if you so choose ;). Cheers :).
    Lady De likes this.
  19. Hi @ineverknew@ineverknew - and thanks!
    So you know of our vacation - in Crete? :) We are leaving next Sunday, and Yes my/our "lady friend" as you put it, will in fact be joining us. That has been planned for months. I have been planning this very special trip for the last couple of weeks - at least.. With good help from especially @Mascara^Snake@Mascara^Snake.

    @BlueEyes@BlueEyes has found- months back a beautiful - and very private Villa, where we will stay for 11 days.. I am excited! The twist is that our "lady friend" has announced her submissiveness a couple of months back( long story) , and we have all agreed to a temporary arrangement;-). We have already "tested" this triangle , and so far all lights are green! Even @BlueEyes@BlueEyes are one big smile... But of course we all have to be careful and keep this as innocent as we possible can. And please remember what a big task that especially is for me.. It is tough to be the boss!

    The plans for the trip I can not reveal - but - yes there will be a few surprises coming their way....;-)
    It surely will be a trip to remember.
    I am considering if @BlueEyes@BlueEyes will be allowed to report from it. He did well from Berlin , and he likes to -so , maybe there will be a tale or two to read... We shall see.:)
    CorsetJane likes this.
  20. Well i for one wish you a fantastic holiday and am hoping very much you allow us to share in anything and everything that happened along the way, to think how far things have come in such a short period of time is phenomenal and gives hope to many members here of what might happen if they take it slowly and carefully when expressing some of their deepest desires to their partners. Please consider sharing............in other words "dont be too discreet" in CRETE.:rolleyes:
    ineverknew likes this.
  21. oooh @slave stroppy@slave stroppy that a very clever thingy, making it all like a little poem. discreet in Crete, giggle. i been to Crete
    Lady De likes this.
  22. Thanks! - And yes, we shall see if there will be anything to report ;-)
    Keep your fingers crossed:)
  23. @DREWife@DREWife , I only knew of your trip by the tag on your avatar "lady in blue....getting ready for crete." Sounds like a delicious arrangement you are in charge of. I agree with @slave stroppy@slave stroppy when it comes to sharing and allowing us into your goings on. @BlueEyes@BlueEyes is a wonderful writer so that would be a treat if he was allowed share.
    Wendygirl and Lady De like this.
  24. I am just amazed at the big improvement in English from the first post to the last. Towards the end there you were using complex statements and a level of English even some born to it, never achieve. I studied several languages but do not have a knack for it. I use Google Translate but never get the precise and well structured translations that you do. I envy you for you grasp of our language in such a short time and your perspective on Chastity. Thanks.
    Lady De likes this.
  25. Thank You @Max51@Max51 :) You are being too kind...
    I believe the big break-through came when I actually stopped using Google Translate as translator of whole sentences, and now only seek help from Google Translate when I need to translate a phrase - or a word that I do not know how to spell. Once I started to THINK my sentences in English and not in Danish , my old almost forgotten english skills came back to life, - and yes I have also notices that it is much better now...:)
    The fact that I have been reading a lot in English lately has certainly also improved my flow and spelling, I hope;-)

    Just as my my taste for a girl-fling seems to have been revitalized from this lifestyle , so has my English skills hi.hi..
    Wendygirl and Mascara^Snake like this.