Love & Hate

spot on.
and most relationships dont have the true sadistic Domme, its more applying what both partners enjoy and adapting that into a loving relationship to further enhance the love and respect.

 

The key word in FLR is relationship! If you live together/are married and know how each other tick, and are "into FLR" then it will work! And you really do love each other and the dynamics! Hope that makes sense!

 

I’m sub, she is dom, I love and live to serve and please her, she lives and loves to be pleased and served. I’m also a masochist, I get turned on by types of pain, she is also a sadist and gets off on causing pain,
We’re a match made in heaven!

 

@eoniss, What you have described does not necessarily define a FLR. The type of relationship that many of us here are interested in - and hopefully practising - doesn't need to incorporate sadism or humiliation (or any other 'ism' for that matter) to be a happy, healthy, creative and highly functional blending of the core belief that feminine wisdom is a useful guide to living a worthwhile life. In a FLR both partners are of the view that males are born to serve women. That is the basic philosophical belief from which many levels of Female Leadership can be structured. Goddess Lucy's recent thread regarding Female Government is essentially a FLR moving to a higher level, the logical progression of empowered women once society starts to embrace the concept and comprehend the benefits to all.

The wide variety of kinks at one's disposal may or may not play a part in a FLR, the same as in any other type of relationship. I am in a strong FLR, have been for years, yet I'm definitely not a masochist and nor is my partner a sadist. We have discovered over time that chastity (I don't use a device although I've practised long-term retention for many years) is hugely beneficial to my awareness of her needs and my general attentiveness and obedience. These attitudes would exist within me anyway, but chastity helps polish them to a gleam (as my Goddess says).

On the other hand, if your Mistress and you have agreed that you can benefit from public humiliation and scolding, then I'm happy for you both. That's a FLR too.

 

Agree with Frankie. FLR is not the same as BDSM, and there is not necessarily any punishment element to it. Beatings are something I'm not remotely interested in. But where that sadistic element does work, it works because both partners are willing to play their respective roles. It therefore becomes a symbiotic relationship, each providing what the other needs. There's a beautiful symmetry to that.

 

First, it doesn't have to be like that. My version of FLR isn't. There's no chastisement or punishment or humiliation. It's a simple recognition that the female is superior in the relationship.

Secondly, when there genuinely is some form of humiliation or punishment, "how can she still have respect for him"? I can't answer with any authority, obviously, because I'm not in that kind of relationship, but I imagine it's to do with how they see each other. Although the language and action may be demeaning, the reality from the inside of the relationship may be different from the reality as we might perceive it as outsiders. We might look at man X being humiliated by woman Y and make assumptions about both of them. Weak X, cruel Y or whatever. But in their heads they do not see it like this. Y sees faithful but flawed X; X sees loving but demanding Y.

Or something like that. People create the environments they want, and that includes their intimate relationships.

 

It all depends on the dynamic of the relationship. While I'm sure there are successful FLRs which involve consensual humiliation, it does not have to be that way.

Miss Amanda is never hesitant to tell people about the key she wears, but she also knows that I am not humiliated by that. For her the key element is control, not sadism.

 

You pose interesting questions eoniss, but the thing is I'm not ashamed to be her property even if sometimes when I'm not expecting disclosure, it happend the other night at her friends house, I had not met her friend before and we were just chatting normaly, when I cleared the glasses without being asked her frioend was told I was a slave in BDSM, I quite enjoyed the embarrassment. Crazy isn't it? Wish I could tell you why but its like asking why you someone is gay or transgender, we just are like that.

 

I would say that is a lot more rare than the reality of “she is in charge of sexual decisions”. I myself don’t buy into all the superior gender nonsense, goddesses, or meant to serve cult-like genderism.

People are individuals and one of a couple may be better suited to contribute in different ways. It just so happens, she makes better decisions about my sexual activity. I am a lot better at shoveling the driveway. Is she humiliating me because she is in charge of my sexuality? Am I superior because I am better at physical tasks? It doesn’t have to be all the kinks, humiliation, or anything that doesn’t appeal to one or both.

 

Honestly, I can't think of anything that she might do which would humiliate me.

 

A FLR is essentially just allowing a woman to have the relationship dynamic that men have had since the beginning of time and benefited from. Do you like pizza? If you do, does that mean that you don’t care about eating healthy? There can be a place in your life for both and a healthy dose of the two can make you whole. Same goes for someone who desires a loving relationship but also seeks to explore their more sadistic tendencies.

 

You seem to very much be mixing up the idea of a FLR and a slave scene from a bdsm porno. A FLR is you taking your wife’s last name, you not having your name on the bills or bank accounts for the house, etc. It has nothing to do with slaves and historical aristocrats.

 

Worth reading Deleuze “Coldness and cruelty”. He argues, contrary to popular views, that masochism is distinct from sadism and the true sadist would as you imply not be interested in the true masochist because they would not be recalcitrant. The true masochist wishes to set up or stage the idea of ideals itself, personified in the (ideal) dominant. If both of those arguments are correct, the risk from the idealistic masochistic perspective is that one’s partner is simply abusive, not sadistic. The risk from the sadists perspective is that the partner is boringly compliant. Of course, neither risk may crystallise.

 

The spirit of a FLR is not any specific thing. It is an embrace of you being submissive to her in the non-sexual aspect of things. Even the everyday mundane things that you don’t notice as a man that you control because society looks the other way.

 

Women don’t wear chastity belts or have their orgasms controlled because they don’t need it. Just put your chastity device on, stop talking, and do what your partner/wife/whatever tells you to do. It sounds as if you could benefit from listening to women more.

 

Both examples you have just said are of men being so insecure with themselves that they need to control and abuse women to satisfy their own ego. Men have used these tactics for centuries to keep women under control. Women don’t seem to have an issue controlling their own sexual pleasure. They don’t rape, masturbate in public places, etc,etc,etc. BDSM and the like are used by people to sooth deep psychological wounds. It can be healthy or harmful depending on how it is used and the same goes for chastity/FLR on both sides of the coin. Women and men.