Love and denial

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by Jasmic68, Jun 12, 2016.

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  1. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    I wrote my last entry whilst Elle was having a nap in bed. She told me to wake her up after an hour and a half with a fruit tea so while I waited I did some chores, played a bit on my iPad and then wrote my journal. When I woke her up things got interesting.

    The earlier teasing and denial she had fun with and the assertiveness that she had displayed had left me really receptive to her attention, so much somit even surprised me. When I took her tea into her bedroom I got into bed with her to have a cuddle. All she did was stroke the small of my back and I was immediately in heaven. She obviously noticed and started stroking my ears, caressing my back and pushed her body close to mine. She put her leg over mine and pulled me in close.

    I don't know how long this lasted but it was exquisite.

    And then, another first. Elle decided it was time to get up, as usual at the point where I was most in her power, loving the way I am desperate for more of her attention. She pulled away from me and knelt up on the bed. All of a sudden she exclaimed that she was really wet! Elle has never said that before. In the past she has got aroused but she has never pointed out that she was wet with excitement.

    I was still lying on the bed, eyes closed, trying to pull myself together. All of a sudden she said 'Do you want to feel how wet I am?' She took my hand and pressed my fingers up against her pussy, slowly pushing them inside her. She was absolutely soaking wet. My attempts to pull myself together came to nothing as my mind melted into the moment. After a few moments Elle said enough, and pulled away, laughing at my reaction.

    I looked at her and told her that I was a bit scared. Why? Because all she had done was melt me into her by stroking my back, making my penis so erect it ached, making me desperate for her touch and attention. She had basically teased me for a while and had become more sexually aroused than she has done in a long time. So she obviously enjoyed herself. And when she enjoys herself she does the thing she enjoyed again, and develops it. So I can expect more of this treatment.

    Scared and excited, in awe of the Woman who is so much to me.
     
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  2. Hans Dietrick
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    Hans Dietrick Member

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    I am glad you and Elle had a wonderful time. I really enjoy reading about you and Elle. You seem to have a beautiful relationship with each other.
     
  3. Hans Dietrick
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    Hans Dietrick Member

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    I really enjoy your updates on you and Elle, you are so lucky to have a wonderful and understanding wife.
     
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  4. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    @Hans Dietrick , that is so very true. Obviously what I write in my journal is an edited version of our day to day life. The support and love I get from my Wife goes way beyond what little bits of our life I include. She constantly surprises me and I am very lucky.
     
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  5. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    Chastity and the year we have spent establishing a more defined FLR has changed me. It is my belief that I am calmer and display a far better attitude, especially towards Elle, in our 'real life'.

    Yesterday, when the initial day of skiing went wrong, Elle got really stressed. She is a nervous skier until she finds her ski legs, even though she is technically better than me. We got into a situation where we were stuck at the top of an icy red slope. We either had to get down the red or walk back up the blue back to our start point. If you have ever walked in ski boots you will know why that prospect wasn't a good one. Elle was also angry that we had been put in that situation.

    I stayed calm, tried to find an alternative route and when I realized we had no choice, I took her skis as well as mine and trudged back up the hill. After a few moments Elle calmed down and we sorted out between us what we were going to do with the remainder of the day.

    Later on Elle thanked me for my calm approach to the situation. She said that in the past when she got nervous I would get angry and fed up with her. That would make her feel even worse and would put her off skiing with me. She said that my calm response helped her calm down quicker and was the reason we had such a nice day.

    It is remarkable to think that our decision to use chastity has had such an impact. It was never my fantasy but it definitely has developed into a highly charged sexual activity. When Elle told me that I wasn't going to have an orgasm this side of Christmas I got very turned on.

    I don't pretend to understand why not being allowed to cum turns me on. I just know that I am really happy that my strong relationship has been improved in so many ways.
     
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  6. Musher
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    Musher My wife`s sex toy

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    Congrats on a new milstone. I love to read your jurny when you hit them. Me and my Wife had ouer first mile stone 2 days ago and the feelings Are amens. But then i got to go hurting myself that leves me like a zombie on the bed not Abel to see light in any way.. stoping the Good thing gowing. Hope you have a lovly weecation
     
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  7. Hans Dietrick
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    Hans Dietrick Member

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    I would love to get my wife to get involved in chastity, but she isn't interested in it. maybe on day she will see the light of this life style.
     
  8. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    You have to make it about something that she is interested in, almost make it her idea instead.

    Every heterosexual woman likes being the main focus of their man. My Wife really didn't mind me masturbating to porn, she didn't feel threatened by the figures of the porn stars or under pressure to do the sex acts that I watched. But, after a very short while of me not being able to masturbate, she came to realize that me not masturbating did all sorts of things for her self esteem. So now I am not allowed to masturbate not because of the 'it's disgusting' reason, but because of the benefits.

    After a while I start to really respond to her touch. When we are being intimate she can feel how much i am enjoying what she does, much more than before. I am always ready for sex, there is never one of those moments where she is interested and it is too soon after I masturbated. When she makes me orgasm after a period of denialI I cum hard. She has become my fantasy.

    Both Elle and I agree that having a lump of plastic around my penis is weird. We don't understand why this game is working for us but it is and we are never going back to how things were pre chastity.

    You can't though go up to your wife and say I want to wear a chastity device so I won't masturbate. You can however stop masturbating. I have heard of a few guys who got their partners into chastity that way. It isn't easy, it takes a lot of will power. But your wife will soon notice a change in you. Your passion for her will increase, your need for her will increase. When she mentions this, as she most likely will, then you can tell her about how you have stopped masturbating and why. You can tell her how wearing a device will make it easier for you not to masturbate as it will help reduce the sensations you have in your penis when you get aroused.
     
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  9. Musher
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    Musher My wife`s sex toy

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    Happy birthday btw Hans Dietrick. I got to agree with @Jasmic68. My wife had to think about it and asked all sorts of qestions on why i wanted to try. The reason she got on bord was my mastrubating. And not ready for sex when she wanted it. Now she loves her power over me!! And will not go back. But AS jasmic sad. Find somthing she will get out of it. Try to macke it her fantaci.
     
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  10. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I was married before, would classify as a sexless marriage. I masterbated often. I justified it, and rightly so, that I was still always ready to go if it was called upon. I used to try to initiate often.

    One of the problems that arose that isn't discussed much isn't so much that you can't have sex because of jerking off, but odds decreased because my effort went way down hill. "She's just going to fall asleep anyway, then I'll be hurt and sitting there. I'll just stay up late and watch tv." My need to please her was low, resentment built up.

    I'm not saying masterbation was at fault, but my efforts could have been more insistent, had I not taken care of my own needs so often.
     
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  11. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    Incredible evening leads to severe issue!

    After a day of skiing both of us were tired and Elle had a really cold hip. She had a bath to warm up and I sat in the bathroom with her, talking about our day in the mountains. She realized I was too tired to read to her. Somdodnt ask me although. I would have done my best if she had wanted me to. I had a two hour private lesson working on really pushing my carving turns to the next level and I was seriously exhausted. After her bath she went for a lie down and I passed out on a sofa in our apartment.

    After a good sleep we sat together. Elle sat naked, teasing me occasionally with a stroke of my hair, a brush of her breast against my side. After very nearly four months since my last orgasm I am very easy to get aroused and she enjoys my responses to her light touches.

    We went to her room where I read a chapter of the book we are reading, lying close. She wrapped her legs around me and pulled me close. Concentration was at times tricky. Once I had read a chapter we were thirsty and hungry so went back into the living area. We only have this to ourselves for another day so we are making the most of it.

    Elle lay down on the sofa and, lifting a leg, told me to suck her toes. The night before I had knelt at her feet in the shower and kissed her feet. I was nervous, not sure if she would think it was too much. She told me she had liked it, but I'm not to do it too much, she isn't into over the top, gushing subservience. I really enjoyed liking and sucking her toes and, feeling bold, ran my right hand down her leg and brushed her bottom and pussy. She shuddered with delight and shifted a little, giving me better access.

    When I had spent a good amount of time on each foot she led me into the bedroom and lay down. She pulled me on top of her and we lay as if I was making love to her, impossible with my device still firmly in place. She rubbed herself against my device and became very passionate. I had raised myself up to kiss her ears and I noticed that her hand was on her pussy. At first I thought she was having a scratch but then realized that, for the very first time in our entire almost 30 year relationship, she was masturbating.

    I put some lube on my fingers and started rubbing her bottom, stroking and running my fingers over her anus. She loved it and started rubbing herself even more. I kissed her breasts at the same time, not quite believing what was happening.

    She told me that she wanted me to lick her pussy. She trusts me now to wait until I am told, not to just think I am allowed to go anywhere near her pussy. I was so happy when she told me what she wanted and happily did as commanded. Her orgasm was powerful for both of us.

    We lay next to each other, cuddling, slowly floating back down into reality.

    And next, the issue...
     
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  12. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    This issue...

    A while back I had to spend several days out of my Holy Trainer. I had what was essentially a severe nappy rash on my penis. The skin of my penis was red raw, all the way around and about half of my shaft down from my glans was affected. It itched like crazy. Elle only locked me back up after I had apparently completely healed.

    Maybe I wasn't as completely healed as we thought. When we sat up after coming back down from Elle's orgasm we suddenly noticed blood on the unfortunately white quilt cover. We soon determined that I had dribbled precum out of my device and it was mixed with some blood. Elle was absolutely horrified and insisted I take the device off. What we saw horrified her even more.

    A large patch of skin on the underside of my penis has been rubbed off. It isn't sore, isn't a cut, it isn't like anything I have ever seen before, but it looks horrible. It is where the worst of my earlier problem had been, where the skin was really sore and itchy. Elle looked distraught, and said that what we had done was supposed to be fun, not hurt me. I realized instantly that this was a major issue. It is lucky this has happened a year into our exploration of chastity. Early on this would have seen an end to our use of the Holy Trainer and perhaps chastity altogether.

    We talked in detail about where we go from here. I am desperate not to stop and I absolutely still want to wear a device. I cannot imagine going back to how things were before chastity. The device might only be a symbol of our contract but, to me, it is an important one.

    Elle has said that we will talk more about what we do next once my penis is healed.

    I need to find something different to wear. It looks like my Holy Trainer is about to be retired.
     
  13. Hans Dietrick
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    Hans Dietrick Member

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    Thank You for this information. I will try this approach and see what happens.
     
  14. Hans Dietrick
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    Hans Dietrick Member

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    Thank You
     
  15. Hans Dietrick
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    Hans Dietrick Member

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    Sounds like you two had a wonderful time. Please keep the post coming I really enjoy your post.
     
  16. Steve-0
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    Steve-0 Long term member

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    Heal quick. Hands off!
     
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  17. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    Good luck. Just remember that if she likes sex, and likes having fun, that this can be a lot of fun. It doesn't have to be deadly serious. Don't fall into the trap of thinking chastity has to be done a certain way, it is what you want it to be.

    Another idea to introduce her is what Elle did with me. For the first six weeks I was my own keyholder. It showed her that I was serious about doing this and didn't put any pressure on her with regards to holding the key. Some people think that it is too much work for the keyholder but nothing could be further from the truth for Elle. Her 'job' is to decide when I get unlocked. Anything else is what she wants to do, not what she has to do.
     
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  18. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    But it's so damn tempting! It's sitting there, begging to be played with. And it's getting itchy, and scratching feels soooooo good. Mmmmm... gooooood.
     
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  19. Musher
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    Musher My wife`s sex toy

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    Sounds like you need some handcuffs!! Or maby som boksing gloves. So its hard too rub!!:rolleyes:

    Hope you heal quekly! And hope you find a new device that works for you!! Good luck!!
    Dont want to lose you to the Vanillas:p
     
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  20. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    Today the raw area is a bit sore, starting to get itchy. The skin is dry only 24 hours after the issue started, but it's sort of rough and a bit tender rather than painful. It does mean that I am unlocked and unlikely to go back into the HTv2 any time soon. I have had lots of advice about a replacement device and something will happen sooner rather than later. We are away from home until Thursday so it will probably be early 2017 before I get anything new.

    ___

    Elle is really enjoying herself with me this week. We have had this huge apartment to ourselves for several days, with two bedrooms, a large dining area and a fabulous wet room to play in. Elle has thoroughly enjoyed being Mistress and her confidence in her role is developing rapidly. In fact I am editing out lots of what we get up to as it will start to sound like I am one of the hysterical fantasists I have issues with occasionally.

    One of the recurring themes of chastity is Elle keeps doing things that, prior to chastity, weren't my fantasy, but then blow my mind when we do it. Playing with my bottom for instance, she never did before chastity, and I never thought of it as something I wanted. Yesterday she had me in the wet room, on all fours, head down on the tiles, bottom in the air, while she had a jolly time making me moan and quiver with excitement. So it wasn't my fantasy and now it isn't my fantasy because we do it. (To me a fantasy is something you dream about doing, that you wish you could do. Once you do it it crosses over into reality and stops being a fantasy.)

    Another recurring theme is she keeps doing things that are written about in the Mansion and visualised on Tumblr that, and this is important, she has never heard of or seen anything about. Tonight one of those events happened. Another first in our relationship. How many of those has there been recently!? Tonight we did CFNM. She had never even heard of it, didn't realize it was a thing. It wasn't a fantasy of mine and I totally got off on it, we both had a fabulous time.

    As we have had the apartment to ourselves I have spent a lot of time naked apart from my device. Elle has enjoyed this, it is part of the reason she has enjoyed teasing me so much, seeing me respond to her attention. (Teasing me? Whatever next!? Obviously only doing it because I expect it.) Today I was unlocked and free but, as she has enjoyed having me around naked, I carried on. At one point she told me to make her a drink and noticed that telling me what to do made me start to get an erection.

    Elle was sat on the sofa reading her book and I was snuggled up next to her. She was fully clothed. She started stroking my head and realized that she had given me an erection. Not long ago she would have to play directly with my penis to make it hard. Now she just has to stroke my head (the one on top of my neck with the main brain, not the secondary brain) to have me panting with desire.

    Elle pulled me on top of her, and just had all sorts of fun. Tweaking my nipples, biting my tongue and lips, sticking her tongue deep into my mouth, playing with my ears, stroking my abdomen. During all of this my penis was erect and at some point it ended up under her bottom, trapped between her jeans and the sofa. We were in the position we would have been in the past whilst making love, only now she was fully dressed.

    I couldn't help myself, I started thrusting, rubbing my penis into the groove of her buttocks and the sofa. The feeling was indescribable. Elle closed her eyes and started moaning. That was it, I was off. I pressed my abdomen hard into her groin and really started humping getting closer and closer to orgasm. Elle opened her eyes and looked directly at me, piercing me with her gaze, approving and obviously enjoying the experience.

    Earlier this week Elle told me that I wasn't going to have an orgasm this side of Christmas. That command stuck in my head so, as I got close to orgasm, I slowed down, and at the last moment possible before even a slight ruined orgasm, stopped. I told her why, that I was so close to cumming that I had to stop. She kissed me deeply and told me she had really enjoyed what I had been doing. She even told me that it had made her really wet.

    Elle asked me why I hadn't continued until I came. I told her about how her decree about me not having an orgasm before Christmas was important to me, more important than an actual orgasm. I couldn't go against her wishes. All of a sudden the look on her face became a mixture of passion, love and desire. She leant forward and kissed me again, holding my face in her hands. She was really happy with this and told me how good it made her feel.

    It is interesting to note that the entire experience was only possible because she was dressed. I was on top, but she was in control. At no point was I able to actually penetrate her but she could feel my erection. If she had been naked I would not have been able to hump the way I did in the same way. It was in part the sensations of my penis rubbing that turned me on but it was her control that was a much larger element of my arousal.
     
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  21. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    This has been a truly extraordinary week. Elle has had a huge amount of fun making me aroused and denying me an orgasm. I now truly know how much of a difference not having an orgasm for four months makes, and it is at times almost ridiculous.

    During most 'normal' weeks nothing much happens. When Elle is busy she tends to not spend much time teasing me and her own arousal is put aside for the weekends. This week has been different. Every day, most mornings and most evenings, Elle has had me squirming with desire, panting, begging, in rapture. A few examples...

    I was nude, giving her a shoulder and neck massage. She was laying on her front and I was stood at the edge of her bed. I couldn't quite get the right angle for her shoulders so I knelt down. All of a sudden I was reminded of the time she made me kneel and masturbate to a ruined orgasm. I was instantly aroused. It was only later that she admitted that she had seen how aroused I had got and how wet this had made her.

    Elle was cuddling me, giving my neck and back light strokes. She took my face in her hands and kissed me deeply. She bit my bottom lip, looking directly into to my eyes as she did it. The feelings inside me reached a dangerous peak and I could actually feel an orgasm beginning to develop. I let it go for as long as I could before having to ask her to stop, explaining what she had done to me.

    Elle remarked today as we packed to return home that I have never dribbled as much precum from my penis as I have this week. The problem is I am now going to have to return to how things were before this holiday, and try not to expect this sort of spoiling on a daily basis.
     
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  22. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    I woke up this morning a few hours after Elle had left to go to work. She doesn't have to, she is officially on holiday until the new year, but she holds a position of importance and having been away for a week wanted to check things were ticking over nicely. I lay in bed, thinking over some of the things that had happened over the last week and quickly began to be aroused.

    I have been unlocked from my Holy Trainer for much of the past week, since the issue with the skin condition started. I had asked Elle if I could be locked up in my Attica metal device when we got home. As much as i have enjoyed having wonderful, glorious, glans stretching erections, I realize that I need to be locked up to make this chastity thing work properly. The Attica is only a short term option, it has a split ring which means it pinches really nastily when I get aroused wearing it.

    I decided to act and, having had permission to be locked, used my initiative. I went into Elle's bedroom and took out my 'bag of failed devices' from my bedside cabinet. I laughed at the very first one, a stupid chrome device that was much too large and grimaced at the nasty CB6k knock off that literally tried to cut my balls off. I found the Attica, chose the second largest ring to get things going and put it on. It's much heavier and bulkier than the HTv2 but I instantly felt happier once I was locked in. I put the keys on Elle's bedside cabinet and all of a sudden realized something.

    The things that Elle do to me are far, far better than anything I do or have ever done to myself.

    I got into a heated debate recently during which an attempt was made to make me feel guilty because I am doing this chastity thing with a real, loving, involved keyholder, my Wife Elle. One person even questioned how real she was, given how many guys aren't as lucky and how many appear to make up their experiences. I realize that there are many guys who do this thing solo and they have my complete respect. I am not sure that I could do it, but that surely isn't the point? I certainly don't think that what they are doing is wrong. I am also very proud to have helped a few couples get involved in this chastity thing through these incoherent unplanned ramblings in my journals.

    So to point out how good the things are that Elle does might seem insensitive but it is the truth.

    Anyway, before I became chaste and locked for my Wife I was very much a typical male, totally into my own pleasure and finding as many ways as possible to make me cum. As a result I have a collection of ball weights, sounding probes, penis plugs, things to tie my balls up, clamps, cutting equipment for my genital modification, the list goes on. It was all sitting in my bedside cabinet. Tempting me, crying out to be used.

    Elle gets a lot out of this chastity thing through the trust she has in me not to try and beat my device and masturbate. I get a lot out of this through her control over me. My level of need for control outweighs the need for trust that she has so her decisions are always final. For instance if it was up to me I would have at least one piercing locking me into my device but this will not happen due to how much trust it will remove. What trust is needed if you literally cannot remove a device? That is Elle's point and her decision was a definite no.

    She does however realize that her control needs to be exerted and I am not topping from the bottom when I ask her to do something to do this. So I got all of my pre-chastity toys out of the bedside cabinet and placed them on her bed. I am going to ask her to put them in her safe and lock them away. I don't want them to be thrown away though if she demands that I will obviously comply. My personal thought is that throwing hem away will exert one short, powerful level of control over me, where locking them up will extend that control indefinitely. But the decision about what happens is very definitely hers.
     
  23. Happy wifes matter
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    Happy wifes matter Long term member

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    That is one of my favorite things in the world to do . She let me lay my head in her crotch while we took a nap . She ran her fingers through my hair while I lay there smelling her increasing pussy sent. I asked if I could lick her pussy and she said no. I moved up beside her and lay by her side. I grabbed hr vibrator out of the night stand and just layer it on her clit on the outside of her pants. We just layer there for about 15 min when I asked if the vibrator was doing any good . She said it was . I grabbed it and started working it up and down still on the outside of her yoga pants . She quickly pulled her yoga pants down to her knees leaving her panties on. I worked her clit back and forth until she started bucking against it. I slid her wet panties to the side so I could lick her pussy while vibrating her clit. I took a little while but she aventualy had a very strong orgasom. I asked if she wanted the real thing and she just said no . She said to pull her panties and pants back up that she was tired . I was so hard and throbbing inside my cage. I did what I was told and layer back . She lay on my chest and fell asleep . I lay there excited and frustrated . My balls were burning from the pressure my attempted hard on put on my cage. There was no sleeping for me when she finally woke up about an hour later I had finally got soft again . She got up grabbed my cage gave it a little shake and walked back into the living ingmire room . It was just enough to make it nice and tight again !!
     
  24. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    As long as you are both having fun @Happy wifes matter - that is my Wife's perspective. This has to be fun. It has a serious side, helping us really improve our relationship, but at its core it has to be fun.
     
  25. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    Ouch. Ouch ouch ouchey!

    Chastity might be fun but it really does need a good device to make it possible. I am locked up in my Attica with the second smallest ring, and this is not the correct device. It has a split ring that pinches like crazy. Especially when I am aroused. Which, due to the four month denial period is pretty much all of the time. I am in the 40mm ring which is unfortunately poorly made. The 45mm ring is much better, doesn't pinch as it has been made with a much better quality hinge but the ring slips due to how too big it is. The other thing I am not used to is that the Holy Trainer stops any swelling of the penis when I am aroused. The Attica lets my penis swell until it meets the sides of the cage, and this is not comfortable at all.

    It looks like I am going to have to ask Elle to lock my up during the day and allow me to be on the honour method at night until I am healed enough to go back into my Holy Trainer. I can sleep in that, I hardly notice my nocturnal erections any more. I cannot sleep in the Attica, I have been awake since 5am this morning.

    Time to wake Elle up with a coffee.
     
    Hans Dietrick likes this.
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