Looking for friendship

Discussion in 'Personal ads - Looking for a keyholder or sub?' started by Miss Alison, Oct 30, 2017.

  1. Miss Alison
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    Miss Alison Member

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    My husband and I are new, navigating the world of FLR. We've been involved with the BDSM lifestyle for many years, but this polarity of D/s is new for us.

    We're looking for another FLR couple for friendship only. (No cuckholding, no relationship, no sex. Simply friendship.)

    It would help me having another wife to bounce things off of, and it would help hubby to have the support of another submissive husband.
     
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  2. Vinny
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    Vinny Locked up again. Starting year 6.

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    My wife and I were into BDSM as well as other things for much of our 45 years of marriage/poly triad. Only into Chastity of the teasing and denial variety lately. I can be sexually submissive in the bedroom but not outside of it. You are either submissive in nature and psychologically or not. If not it is all role playing and you start to do the things you read about that you are supposed to do if submissive until one day you wake up and don't feel like like doing all the housework, being whipped, licking boots, etc.. The initial excitement wears off and like I said, if you are not psychologically disposed to be a submissive personality, it is role play. I do not think you can become submissive if you are not that way from the beginning, you can play one though.

    We have kept our fetish play and my sexual submission/masochism confined to sex time and try not to let it bleed over into our non sex life. In the bedroom my wife calls the shots. Outside, I am the man of the house once again. At work I am nothing like I am in bed. My wife and I slip into and out of our roles as the mood strikes us and I think, from real life experience and not the garbage often found on the internet to attract site visitors by providing masturbation fodder, that most do as we do, especially in a loving relationship.

    My wife and I always keep each other's needs and wants in mind in every decision we make that affects the both of us. We have never in 45 years done anything against the wishes of the other. Compromise was always reached and perhaps that is why we are married so long when at least half who post are not.

    If you want a weird relationship we are your couple. My wife gave me to her girlfriend to cheer her up after her divorce. Her gf and I had crushes on each other since our teen years. I had sex with the girlfriend and then I invited my wife. I was the focus of our threesomes for at least half of the 30 years were in our poly triad. Our gifriend started out like a normal lover but had a dominant personality that I trained to become a very good sexual sadist to my masochist. She would do painful things to me but we would discuss the scene ahead of time and agree with it as you might find even in a BDSM club. We alway played safe and sane and not like you see in porn. No one who says they love someone is going to whip and humiliate someone 24/7 or take advantage of them all the time. So that is a problem in real life versus the junk you read online about a FLR.

    Why do you need to go into a D/s relationship simply because the wife is now head of household? When your husband was HOH, did he dominate you all the time? So why all of a sudden make the marriage about D/s when changing HOH? My wife is in charge of sex and running our house. I stay out of that part of our lives. She stays out of my business activities and our finances. I think it not prudent to assign roles based on gender rather than who is best qualified to handle things.

    Although on the internet people claim all sorts of things but those who have been doing them for a very long time and are still married, are as difficult to find as hen's teeth. We do not know anyone in a poly relationship or even BDSM one for as long as we have been in real life. Online you can find anyone doing anything. We hung with people like us and they are all long divorced, many several times. Then again, the vanilla couples we knew are all divorced too as well as all of our siblings.

    My advice is to let who is best qualified handle those things they are best qualified to do. Compromise if you disagree. If not, sooner of later the sub one is going to resent not having a say in things once the initial excitement of being a full time sub wears off. Here is a little thing we used to do. I have a slave collar. If I put it on it signaled to my wife and/or girlfriend that I was in a submissive sexual mood. If I was asked to put it on and did, it meant that we all were in the mood to play. If not, I was in charge of a household of two women who would beat the daylights out of me in bed and yet let me guide the relationship through life.

    Best that you figure out what works for you. These days too many people are trying to follow the scripted versions of fetishes found online or in books that are mostly geared to sell to men and therefore not very reality based no matter what the author's claim. Sure there are always people living on the extreme edges but I ask everyone who thinks everyone is doing something, if they know someone in real life actually doing it. Never had anyone tell me yes. They base the popularity of something from what they see in porn or read online where every women wants a big penis, to be degraded by many men while humiliating the man she loves.

    I might in be a FLR. My memory is going due to old age so my wife is running most of our marriage now. I still bring in the money and she does all the rest. However, I am not her slave. She still does all the housework and we agree on things before we do them. Does not matter who leads, as long as things get done by the person best equipped to do them without treating the other as a lower being.

    You will figure it out.
     
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  3. Miss Alison
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    Miss Alison Member

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    Hi @Vinny!

    A relationship with longevity such as yours is certainly something to aspire to! That's incredible, Congrats!

    As to your question - Why D/s? The answer is because we want to :) At least at this point in our relationship. Things continuously evolve of course, even as you described - sometimes someone is no longer interested in the role, or things change or shift. We've been D/s before, we've been in places similar to where you are before (dominance only shown in the bedroom), we had a couple rough years with family emergency situations where our marriage was functionally egalitarian, getting through the day to day. We remain flexible. :)
     
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  4. Dogchasecats
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    Dogchasecats Princess Elizabeth
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    Do they have meet ups with couples in areas other than San fransico?
     
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  5. guest 2942
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    guest 2942 Long term member

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    it will probably be easier to meet other couples on fetlife. But that depends on how active people are in your area. Bigger cities tend to have more active members.
     
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  6. Miss Alison
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    Miss Alison Member

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    Thanks! We're on fetlife as well and are active in our local community.
     
  7. LBandHerNerd
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    LBandHerNerd Lady Blue and Her nerd

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    Hi. My Lady and i have been doing the FLR dynamic for a while now. Feel free to chat here as we both use the profile. Always happy to chat
     
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  8. Vinny
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    Vinny Locked up again. Starting year 6.

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    That is great. As long as you both want to and it does not hurt your marriage, that is all that you need. For us, there is a big gulf between our abilities, education and skill sets. I have provided my wife with a lifestyle she never dreamed she could have and one which she is incapable of providing if she was in charge. Simple as that. I can do the things that she cannot do and vice versa. I like to lead and am a very bad follower. I rather be alone than follow. My wife is the opposite. She does not like the stress of leading, and is not good with making decisions with serious consequences if wrong. A lot has to do with her horrible childhood and bullying. So we do what has proven to be very successful for us, and would be unwise to change it now. Realistically, my memory is going much faster than my wife's, so she is taking a more active role in our marriage, but not in a sexual D/s way. Just in a loving wife caring for her husband way. :)

    I actually had my cake and ate it too. I had my submissive wife and our dominant girlfriend in our life for 30 of our 45 years of marriage. Each night we had sex I was able to be both submissive with one, and dominant/loving with the other. It does not get any better than that for a person like me who views sexual submission as a stress reducing different way of experiencing sex and not a lifestyle.

    In the end, as long as something is fun for all concerned, go for it. I have done things that people would find distasteful even if they were kinky. I am in no position to judge what anyone else does and all I try to do is let people know that they do not have to let life imitate art, they can create their own art if that is what makes them happy.



     
  9. Natian
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    Natian Member

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    Hi it is all about the relationship we are just into chastity but slowly we have been trying more and more just seems a natural progression. feel free to contact us - again both use the profile.
     
  10. Skywalker41918
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    Skywalker41918 Long term member

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    Hello my wife and I have been at this for over a year. FLR and chastity she is in charge and know how to keep me in line lol we are also looking for like minds to chat with and get support from would love to start .
     
  11. Mandynjack
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    Mandynjack Long term member

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    Myself and jack are full FLR and D/s. Happy to chat and support here if needed.
     
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