Looking fir advise

Discussion in 'Crossdressing in all its variations' started by Serafina's pet, Jul 8, 2017.

  1. Serafina's pet
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    Serafina's pet Locked and loved by lady Serafina

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    First off, i hope i have the right area here. Im new to the site so forgive me if i have this wrong. I am a submissive male, i have been in chastity full time sense January. My Lady and i have been experimenting with it for some time before that. Any way my question is, My Lady has been having a hard time mentally with taking full control, she says she wants to but is having a had time with it. Is there away to help her around this.
     
  2. tomf_22033
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    tomf_22033 Well-Known Member

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    Welcome
    You'll get lots of good advice here. But the common thread will be to be supportive and don't push her. Show her the benefits by being patient, by loving her and being on your best behavior. It's a journey not a race. Be prepared for ups and downs and don't expect it to be easy. And communicate well.

    The trick is how you do these things. You know it but men and women think and communicate differently. So you need to slow down, be very precise and make sure that you hear her, and that she understands what your saying the way you mean it.

    Other than that love her, and repeat.
     
  3. Ma'at Rebekah
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    Ma'at Rebekah Active Member

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    maybe your lady should be the one asking for help. the fact that you are here on her behalf may be half her problem. tell serafina about this site and suggest she find her own answers. they may not be the ones you want her to learn but your likely to get what you asked for.
     
  4. Serafina's pet
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    Serafina's pet Locked and loved by lady Serafina

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    Thank you both for your your replys, i have already given my lady the web site she said she'll check it out. She has told me she want to go further but is basicly having a mental block. Witch is why i was trying to see if there where ideas to help her.
     
  5. tomf_22033
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    tomf_22033 Well-Known Member

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    Give her time to come here see what's said and become comfortable.
    Remember it's about her. It's should always be about her. The only thing thing about your pleasure is that you should be about her pleasure. I know it sounds crazy but when you get to that point it's amazing. Unfortunately too few men never get there. Now that doesn't mean you don't get pleasure. It just means she's first and her getting pleasure gives you the most pleasure.
     
  6. Ma'at Rebekah
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    Ma'at Rebekah Active Member

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    few women make it to be a dom without first dealing with their mindset. we have to overcome the deep seated paradigms implanted by society and religion that keep xxs submissive and accommodating.
    as much as i like this site, to me most of the xys are topping from the bottom. you have put yourself in position to do the same. if i gave you ten great ideas it is likely that only the ones that appeal to you will be encouraged. mind you, this works for a lot of couples. so who am i to criticize............ oh yeahhhhhh i am the dominant xx that belongs to the ncc (non consensual consent)camp. there is no topping from the bottom in my lifestyle. though many may disagree with me, you don't know "real" until you have been in a ncc relationship! everything else is an attempt to get the feelings of a ncc relationship or as close to a ncc lifestyle as possible without giving her that much power.

    if you like the idea of keeping some control in your hands( as many do) steer your lady away from me.
     
  7. sissybitch
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    sissybitch Well-Known Member

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    XXS , XYS , ????
     
  8. Lanas Pet
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    Lanas Pet Member

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    XX = two x chromosones, genetic female. XY = one of each, genetic male.

    Topping from the bottom is a very touchy issue for Lana's sissy pet. i hate the concept; i want my submission to be real -- i find it much more exciting to be doing something Goddess wants rather than something i've suggested. On the other hand, i've spent a good part of my life without a true Dominant to serve, so i've often found myself manipulating situations to put my self in a submissive position. Plus, i've done a *lot* of reading on this, and have been exposed to a lot of ideas. So it is very common for Lana's sissy pet to share ideas with her Owner, but Lana's sissy pet has no attachment to any of those particular ideas; it is ALWAYS Goddess' decision. Many times She will take the kernel of an idea and change or extend it. And very often a reward will be offered if Lana's sissy pet can demonstrate she deserves it, which opens the door to solicited suggestions.

    And it turns out Lana's sissy pet has quite a mind for her own torment; Goddess has suggested Lana's sissy pet was a domme in a prior life. As is common i'm sure, many of the things Lana's sissy pet might suggest sound awesome at the time, but it usually takes five minutes for sissy to wonder what in Goddess' name she was thinking!

    Lana's sissy pet has to be careful about two things: the perception of topping from the bottom, and her sense of humor. Fortunately, the Women Lana's sissy pet has actually served over the last 20+ years -- both of them -- seem to enjoy both her suggestions and her humor. That may be why it is so difficult for Lana's sissy pet to find a compatible Domme, but she is very happy with the current situation. And now she will stop babbling :).
     
  9. Mistress B
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    Mistress B Mistress B

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    @Serafina's pet I suspect it's more to do with how you want her to be that's preventing her taking control. Remember that you are caged and it's up to her what happens next. For heavens sake don't try to rush her into doing what you want.
     
  10. Serafina's pet
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    Serafina's pet Locked and loved by lady Serafina

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    I have talked with my lady for a great deal of time today. And I have had a habit of asking for things, i am going to stop that immediately. Havent tried to rush her but after the comments here i see i may have been doing just that unintentionally. We agreed that i can write stories about the fantasies and desires i have and she'll read them. But weather or not to act on them, or how to go about it, would be on her. These stiries would be my way to express myself, she said its a good way to get ideas of what i like with me never knowing if it'll happen. My lady is my life and ive always taken good care to do the best i can to make sure she gets not only wht she needs but also what she wants.

    Thank you all so much for your input!
     
  11. Mascara^Snake
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    Mascara^Snake Ms Amanda

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    Perhaps just force her into your fantasy like the others do.
    I'm not sure of their success rate but I do know that you'll get plenty of advice as to how to manipulate "your Lady" from members here.
     
  12. Serafina's pet
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    Serafina's pet Locked and loved by lady Serafina

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    Im definitely not intressed in manipulating her. I have way to much respect for her to do that.tgere are also down side to that as well atleast in my mind. My ladys heart would not be into it. And she may feel uncomfortable. No thank you i want her to be the alpha. I want her love.
     
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  13. Mascara^Snake
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    Mascara^Snake Ms Amanda

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    Very good.
    I would recommend helping her to understand your feelings and taking on board the fact that she may never wish to have "full control".
    Also consider the fact that she may come to realise and enjoy benefits of the dynamic herself slowly over the next few years so long as she doesn't feel forced into it.



     
  14. the odd tease
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    the odd tease Well-Known Member

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    Perhaps if you gave her some lovely jade jewelry while you slowly introduced it to her, just not too much jewelry too soon, or she'll get 'jaded'
     
  15. Vinny
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    Vinny Locked up again. Starting year 6.

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    Welcome. Yours is not an uncommon problem. Although my wife has become more dominant about chastity, if truth be told, she is so by my consent and we both know it. She is 4' 11" of nothing who I usually bruise during sex if I hold her too tight. :) For us, chastity is a sex game as has all of our other fetishes. You assume a role when it is time to play. I am normally a very alpha guy who needs to be in charge of all things. However, I am also sexually submissive to someone I love and trust. I do have limits and I do have a safe word so my consent is within those parameters. My limits are not specific, but more along the lines of not doing anything that requires medical attention or harms me psychologically.

    What worked for us was me using positive reinforcement. Every time my wife denied me an orgasm, I thanked her and acted nicer than normal. When she allowed me to orgasm, I did not thank her and acted like my old self afterwards. It is a tried and true method used in all kinds of training both people and animals.

    Try establishing a safe word so that KH can feel at ease denying you by knowing if you are really in distress, you will use your safeword. Also let her understand that while you may say yes, you WANT her to say no. Denying you gives you pleasure, not letting you orgasm. It took my wife almost 3 years to actually lose the last vestige of guilt about denying me but even still, her love for me only takes her so far.
     
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