I often want to try to write something profound, or explore ways to unlock the ratcheting world of forward marching time. This thread has been a journal for me mostly, and since my wife tried twice but did not follow through entirely with making a profile here, it is only a very one sided view into my world. Ok disclaimer aside... I am unlocked currently. I was unlocked with the idea that I would stretch out my PA. Not having the device on at first was overwhelming. In many ways I felt naked without it. I could feel so much at once I could barely get through the day without thinking about it every second or figuring on when I would be able to slip away and say hello to my unlocked friend. That of course subsides, and now I am back to normal again, for the most part. The next is when do I get back into that cage? Or do I? I have this feeling that if I say I am uninterested, she will not care one way or the other. Our lives are busy. There is little time to indulge our fantasies, and even less time to work out details of a chastity device. Things did work out regarding the stretching of my PA, but even though I was able to, the air got sucked out of the chastity room once the device came off, and we are left gasping for air and running for the door. Odd. I knew this would happen, but yet I am surprised again, and also feeling depressed about it all. wtf?
A recent developement... Ever notice how when someone is upset, or tired, or maybe intoxicated, the truth seems to spew on out with spite?? My wife and i had an incredibly lame fight about literally nothing. There has been a lot of stress factors in our lives lately, and our home is in repair mode, making that sense of home cloudy at best. The one thing that has been a steady sorce of passion for me has been chastity and how it seemed to improve our relationship. And not just improve, it heightened happiness and seems to carve a new path for us. A whole lot of benefit... or so i thought. The fight about nothing... or was it a dirty sock on the floor, hmmm either way... During this argument i criticized her, and then she took our conversation in a whole other direction and mentioned something to the effect of 'that is why i do not really care about chastity' ... i am paraphrasing. But the message was clear. As a male who introduced the idea of chastity to my wife, this feels like a death blow. As a male who introduced chastity to my wife, when she approved i believed her. I was never pushy about it. We have done this for years and now it seems she has finally spilled the beans so to speak. I cannot exactly say why this feels more truth than heat of the moment... i just know it is. What can i say? I am devastated. I am hurt because she was dishonest with me... she lead me on to keep me happy, or to shut me up... i cannot speculate past that. But I am quite sure this insight is very real and our time utilizing chastity is likely over this time for good. It has been so much fun, i thought, for us--- not just me. It heightened and rekindled our relationship. Now that she said what she said, which i cannot even remember clearly except for the idea behind it was she has put up with me and my fetish since i brought it up. Since i confided in her and put it all out there now i feel like i am in a house of cards. I know people can say things they do not mean, but this was different.
Every time we get into a heated argument, the first thing she does is start grabbing the key around her neck trying to get it off. I’ve tried to tell her that she can’t just throw it around and keep using it as a argument ender, but usually when she’s full of booze, she gets Bucky and the next thing ya know she grabbing her key. Last time she did it in front of my buddy, he was like what the hell was all that about?! I don’t think it has anything to do with her not liking what we’re doing, she really does, but when she’s upset (and drunk lol)she lashes out at what she thinks will hurt me.
Yeah i likely am being reactionary. I wish I wasn't so damn sensitive. She totally knows that and was being hurtful on purpose. But never has she just fired from the hip like this before. It sucks. We have said sorry yada yada... Still left with a bitter taste. Hopefully this will work irself out.
I hate to say it but the old saying....you can be right or you can be happy truly does have some meaning. For a long time way, way before anything chastity related we would argue. I would stand up for myself. She is a terrible communicator and leaves things out that I guess I should know and then throws it in my face when I let her know she never told me. Then she goes on and on about how she told me over and over again lol. I'm like sorry, you never told me, you told everyone except me. Anyways thats how a lot of our fights used to go. After some time I realized its just not worth it, im tired of fighting her on such stupid things. So I just give in, yup your right honey, you did tell me and I forgot . @beck, as far as what she said was the truth or just in the heat of the moment, I would say its not always that easy to discern. My wife can say some of the meanest nastiest things sometimes and she certainly will not admit it was wrong or over the top. But regardless that doesnt mean its the end of all things. There are ways to make up, forgive and forget. And of course move on. The only way to tell for sure is to go through that process and see what comes of it. She may have meant it, she may have felt like a caged animal and said what she had to just to win lol. So I wouldn't necessarily go thick headed and throw in the towel. After all thats probably what started the fight in the first place
Update. We had a modification done to the cage. It turned out better than either of us had hoped, and has improved the security and perhaps safety of the device. She simply told me when the cage returned in the mail that she was glad, and to give her the key once I put it on. I stalled for a few days, trying my best to come up with some bargaining chip, or some reason I could not wear it. Then she simply asked had I tried it on, to which I had to reply yes as it was on at that moment, and she asked if there was any problem, to which I meekly said no. Later that night in bed I gave her the keys. I am locked up until further notice.
Understatement. This mod has got me locked in very securely. More than ever before. I don't want to jump to conclusions about orgasm denial, but the new config has greatly heightened consequences for fucking with it. I'm like a fish out of water at the moment. I felt myself moving with almost a magnatism to the requests she made of me last night, knowing that i'm in uncharted waters and am slightly desperate. It is both exciting and scary doing something new, or renewed.
From the sounds of it your device is very secure now. Isnt that what we all want? Sounds like your in a tight position
My device had a PA pin that moved. Now it has no movement and the pin is larger. That little bit of wiggle room went a long way, or it being gone is looking to go a long way.
I am taking a vacation from here. A self mandated one. Spending too much time thinking and not enough time doing. I am at a point of reflection, again. Recently I was advised to be more selfish by a very respected source. It is a matter of preservation essentially, and as an empath a necessity that I must take for myself to be healthy. It is the same idea as what a flight attendant alerts you to as you are preparing for take off- In the event of an emergency, please put your oxygen mask on first, then see to your children or loved ones. You cannot help anyone if you do not help yourself. Too much admiration for this place to say goodbye, but, bye for now.
It has been a long journey back to this place. I missed it. Mostly I missed the ability to flow with honesty where the consequences seemed tame. Mascara snake did a lot of damage to what I saw as being safe here on this site. Thankfully, Lucy seems to have it well under control. I learned something from the whole experience though, that I have a void in my life. As someone mysterious wove their way into my life with all kinds of egg shells to walk on along the way, somehow I found myself willing to do that. Why that was something I allowed myself to succumb to I think I have a better grasp on now, but it still is mysterious. The void begs to be filled. It can take over my life at times. I wonder if there is a method, or a person, that can fill such a place, but more realistically I just try to maintain a balanced outlook, that has greatly diminished any expectations I have of the people in my life, and allowed me to be content with what I have. Contentment through a hard days work or play. I basically just keep moving. Anyway, cheers to all who have read through this. I really appreciate you, and hope to ad more positive things going forward. Don't worry, dear reader, I will not spare you the truth, but I will be conscious of your feelings, and I hope you might consider mine too
Update We've suddenly picked up full on FLR, not just chastity. Part of me has been begging for this to happen. I can only guess how transparent I am with her when it comes to my thoughts, but we had a fun night not too long ago and before we went to sleep we had sex. For basically two reasons I was lasting much longer than usual. She started to get tired, and I was too. I was also having trouble staying turned on, maybe because it was late, maybe because piv sex only does it for me if I feel she really likes it. Maybe because I masturbated earlier or because I was drunk. She kind of motioned that she was going to stop, and I whispered to her to tell me that 'you'll put me back in chastity...' she paused for a second, and then fulfilled my request, and without any delay I was swiftly on my way to orgasm. Relieved it was over, we both went right to sleep. The sex talk we had was great, but t was just sex talk. Maybe a week went by and yesterday we talked and she decided that I should be back in chastity. I said that I want to make her happy, and put the Lori device on. Some of what we talked about was what we were considering this time around. Once again, we agree that it is best to not have a specific time for my chastity to stop. No break in period. No release either. Just wait and see. She also wants me to come to bed when she says so, at which point I am to obey all commands she has for me. Last night that went right to our known extreme. Chastity is the tip of the iceberg with her. She has demands! I must obey! I was pleasantly surprised at her determination, but also in shock that some of the freedoms I once had are quickly slipping away yet again. I always seem to forget just how intense chastity can be, and how it turns my wife into my master. There is one major problem however, exercise. I found that exercise has been invaluable to my mental health. The truth is being in chastity does not prevent me from exercising, but the kind of exercise I prefer is on a bike. I don't just do laps, I go off road. We got a Birdlocked silicon device long ago to solve this, and it did not. I wore it once during a ride and when I took it off, because of sweating, and being in motion, I had bad chaffing and discoloration. It really doesn't work as a during exercise alternative and the steel device is too unforgiving. So at the moment, I am like a child waiting for mum to give me the okay to go ride my bike. If it weren't for this one detail, and based upon our conversations, I assume I'd be in semi-permanent chastity. Just in the short time we have started back with the lifestyle I can clearly see how it has enabled confidence in my woman and thrown a log on the fire of our romance. If I were a giver only, I would give up biking to keep interruptions away. I know that the interruptions really are a buzz kill for her, just like me back talking or not doing as I am told. It will not be easy to find a balance that actually works. It seems to me that chastity and biking are in direct conflict.
Well, quite the story, I actually read through all of it today. I’m sure you’ve got many other things you’d be able to share, especially if asked. As a beginner in this I see some of what you’ve written as valuable & some I question (I don’t know that I could be denied access to our bed for the closet). I look forward to future updates from you.
Doing some kind of exercise on a regular basis is very important to our long range health. When you cage gets in the way of doing this. That is a problem. Sorry I don’t have an answer that’ll solve your issue. I personally use a Rowing Machine that doesn’t bother my Locked up property. I understand this isn’t an option for you because who wants to change their way of exercising, it’s also apart of us. Good Luck
I’ve read accounts of people successfully combining bike riding and chastity. Put it out there on a separate thread and I’m sure you’ll get some good tips. PS - glad you’re back!
Thanks for the huge compliment and for reading. I am glad to help where I can, please ask away! or pm Ah yes, the closet. That might be her favorite move. It rarely happens, but can at anytime. I think she can see my skin go pale when she mentions it... it is absolutely ridiculous actually! I'm like a shell shocked dog being scolded, tail between legs, shaking, horribly guilty- even for no reason. And as the door closes, and it all begins to sink in that she has this power over me, that I'm her bitch. chastised and restrained. that I am past the point of 'allowing' something and well onto the addiction to head subspace that occurs at that level of submission. Each time she says I have to go in there, she says it so sweetly, and I remember my addiction, and obey. Like some kind of involuntary response. Total mental roller coaster in a way, but a brilliant mechanism of putting me right under her control. At this point, even if I complained or begged, if she has decided to do something, it is going to happen or else I will hear about it many other ways, so best to do as told!
Last night was the first in a week where I was not in the closet. I think if I complained she almost certainly might stop, instead I am doing everything I can to remain calm about it, and be humble and not question her at all. I guess she has had her reasons lately, and it has been a while since she held the keys. So she gives an order, and I do it. I aim to please. I am glad she is in control of the keys. The device is working, although very very painful when I'm aroused. I've needed breaks here and there even this late in the game. I am looking for the key to being submissive. So far, it is somewhat in giving up on certain expectations with regard to roles, or anything really, and seeking the abundant possibility of joy from restraint. Literally. She says, I do. No questions. Just enjoy the ride.
The phases... where am I now??? Giddy? Excited? Slightly buzzed?? There is an energy that begins to build as the last orgasm begins to be a dot on the horizon. I can't say exactly what it is other than it has a constant electricity to it. It feels like things are in motion, despite being in strict chastity. It feels like each passing moment is another win for her. I cannot complain about that, and as i spend more time in chastity, even if it comes off, the experience is fresh and the expectations she has have been vocalized more boldly than before. I am excited about that, and at the same time grabbing the bars of my cage like one might grab an arrow that just pierced their flesh.