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Discussion in 'The Vault' started by beck, Jan 16, 2017.

  1. I've had a similar reaction to the "release". Not as strong as yours, but I definitely resist relocking. I feel that old pull towards myself first and wanting a bunch of orgasms. I want to sleep in on the weekend instead of making her breakfast in bed. Ultimately though (after a bit of headstrong resistance) I realize that being locked, submissive and in her service made me happy. I grudgingly lock back up. Initially I don't feel submissive at all and I'm usually moody and resentful. She breaks me of it, it takes several days, but she prevails. Then I get back in my submissive head space and things are back to normal. The problem with this is it teaches our KH's what a bad idea it is for us to unlock and have an orgasm. It's been since July for me and no idea when that situation will change. She takes care of me in other ways, but it isn't the same thing. I wish I reacted differently so releases would be more common, but I guess we are who we are.
  2. @beck@beck, not sure if this would help your situation but I finally found something that turned our relationship around. I had help of course from a lovely lady online. But basically for my wife it was the little things that really moved her emotionally, I mean who knew? ha ha. But we spent the last few years in a sort of mexican stand off since we ended chastity. Things were really bad sexually but great on the surface. I had a live in room mate :eek:. So with the advice I had I started out by letting her know that I had been failing for a while and wanted to make amends. I made a list of sweet things I could do everyday to make her feel wanted, loved, and appreciated. This list was short but boy did it make a huge difference to her. It was a hug and a kiss every evening when she gets home. Back rub anytime she wanted. I also started going to bed at the same time as her. With in the first week we were having sex pretty much every night. We were back :D. We talked briefly about chastity but we both agreed to hold off until we were stable in our new intimacy. But the little bit we did discuss about chastity she said I never gave her any incentives to stay involved, or to spend the time to give me what I wanted. She said the little things I'm doing now would give her everything she needs to come back to it with the resolve to keep me happy in whatever I needed. So any how not sure if it will help you but it amazed me how the little things affected her so much. I was astounded, literally. I guess I could be an idiot lol, but it never occurred to me to be more affectionate.
  3. @PouchPantyLover@PouchPantyLover -I could be wrong, but this is almost certainly why the whole 'forced' line of fantasy exists at all. Because it is only a fantasy, and in reality nothing can really be forced, sadly things aren't very likely to change that much. It literally takes an enormous amount of will power to submit in a relationship, regardless of sexual orientation or gender dynamic. You have to really want it. I think I do, but getting the will to make it possible at all is going to take some real mental hurdles for me at the moment. If only the fantasy could come alive, my opposition could be used against me and I could be returned to my rightful place! . . . sigh.
    @ineverknew@ineverknew I miss your old avatar. I still don't totally understand this outrage of the sight of chastity on a chastity forum... but if that is what is expected then so be it eh? Brave new world! Yes, the little things are often the most substantiative it seems. But more than that, consistency.
    We were hit hard by the recent storms, and our focus is on getting back to normal in terms of our house being repaired. Our sex life is on a vacation as we have lost quite a bit of privacy that we had before. That, and I am stubborn.
  4. @beck@beck yeah I miss it too. I thought it was very fitting but it did have a chastity device in it :eek: and was asked nicely to change it. Oh well.

    So your feeling dominant and stubborn eh? Does your wife like you being dominant? I'm sure stubborn will not go over very well lol. Anyways I hope things get patched up including the house. :D
  5. @beck@beck I think forced is not an accurate portrayal of how a dominant wields influence over a submissive. You are correct, there is no such thing as being forced. However every decision has consequences. I can eat like a pig, but I reap the consequences of doing so. As such our dominants can use the consequences of our actions and decisions to mold us as they see fit. For me this is like a series of dominoes falling, but the first few dominoes fall in slow motion and accelerate with each domino that falls. The force required to tip the first few dominoes is enormous. I have to force myself in some ways to allow them to tip with the knowledge that I'm being taken to a better place. Once they pick up speed though I am swept up in it and the idea of resisting is heresy.

    For example my weekly punishment spankings. Physically I am not a small man. I could turn around and pluck that spanking implement from my wife's hands easily. Mentally I am completely unable to do that. She doesn't restrain me in anyway other than with her will. It's not a choice anymore that I can make. Now if she tried to punish the lazy, indolent just had an orgasm me, it would probably turn out differently. That road back, the initial domino tipping became such a struggle for my wife that I fear my days of orgasms may be a thing of the past. Nothing is stopping me right now from walking upstairs, getting out a wand and giving my self an orgasm. Nothing but her instruction not to. You can tell me all day long that this is a "choice", but I don't believe that to be true anymore.

    Incidentally I agree with your comment on avatars and I miss mine too. I think it is OK if it helps CM in the long run, but I'm yet to see any indication this is the case.
  6. I would like to thank my friends and especially those that believed in me. This forum has been useful beyond my imagination. Therapeutic at times even.

    I am confident now that part of my identify remains suppressed the majority of the time. What was the most pleasant surprise of being kept in chastity was how after a long while things normalize. What starts as an incredibly xxx rated fantasy kink thrust into action via metal, locks, and bdsm play becomes a daily routine, and even background noise. But in suppressing my penis dominated sex drive, I was able to also feel a great sense of relief. Chastity is never over however until the locks are undone and the device no longer connected. In being confined, rather in having my male bits confined, I, and I assume many others are able to become more human and less tribally male. There is a certain relief from the confines of who we are and are expected to be, in particular with a sexual partner. And it wouldn't be proper to not acknowledge the irony of a chastity relationship. The term chastity relationship in itself seems to be an oxymoron. A relationship is a two way interaction, where as once locked, chastity is very much an agreement to yield that dynamic in favor of one of submission to the key holder. The relationship is no longer a two way interaction if successful, instead it becomes more one of owner and owned. Hopefully your owner likes to take good care of their belongings.

    Needless to say I wanted very badly to be owned. I wanted very badly to not have to be the male that everyone expected me to be. I never have felt entirely at ease with that male label. I have never wanted anything to express machismo on my behalf. Instead I strove to be a individual. Individuality is actually loneliness, and has some kind of reflex effect causing the rebel to run back to the shelter of how it ought to be, where mankind follows a rigid path of the explained and expected. But chastity made it all ok. Underneath my life was a sexy secret, that was slowly surfacing in many ways, but never fully to the point of full explanation. I was becoming more in tune with being a giver and not a taker, but in a way that I still got what I needed and wanted, a mutual benefit was had by both of us as chastity became normalized. I was also able to reinvent myself in a more ideal image, one where I wasn't at all confined anymore to being a typical man. Instead I was seeing myself in the mirror for the first time in my life. But nature has a way of changing things. Perhaps the answer I have been given for now has more meaning than I can know anytime soon.

    This crazed loop of near misses, or near hits, has brought me back here time and time again, searching for that bit of inspiration, that magical spell that allowed me to carry on without my made up self getting in the way. A build up of sexual tension that liberates from all sense of normalcy bringing me on a journey into the unknown --- except one thing, my cock wasn't mine anymore, and that was the most freedom I had ever had.
    ineverknew likes this.
  7. please i hope that You a bit more happy now then.
  8. Chastity is your "Siren song" beck.

    Love reading your posts. xx
  9. Thank you Ms Amanda. I'm glad.:)

    Chastity is something I am deeply sexually enticed by, and drawn to like a moth is to a light in the dark.
    Interesting how I can see that as both self destruction and rebirth at the same time.

    Makes me think of an expression I've heard; 'beside every great man, is an even greater woman.'
    To achieve greatness a woman must be involved, and for me, that woman must command respect. Chastity is certainly a great aid in that regard.
    ineverknew likes this.
  10. We stopped playing chastity for almost a year and still not playing. But its true, i'm drawn to it constantly. I have worked my way back into her good graces and hope to restart soon.