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Discussion in 'The Vault' started by beck, Jan 16, 2017.

  1. Update.
    So the other night my Wife and I were just watching some tv and when the show was over, I causally mentioned chastity. I said I really would like to try it again, if she was into it. She replied with a bit of an eye roll and quickly pointed out I should just put it on, but she wouldn't ask me to do that since misplacing the spare key. I then mentioned the techniques to keep keys in a common spot with some kind of key management device. (Thank you @harddenial@harddenial for bringing this back to my attention.) She seemed to like this idea very much as it relieved her of the duty of having to be responsible for the key. With a key lock of some kind, we'd both have access to the key if necessary, but only she can access it with a lock code. In an emergency I would be able to break it, or ask her for the code which can be reset later. The key lock, less than $10, was ordered within minutes of our conversation. To my amazement our communication grew by leaps and bounds once she was relieved of being the sole keeper of the key. She wants me to go through a break in period of locked time again. In times past that has meant as long as 3 months. We went over our concerns and expectations, and I am chaste again. This time I am focusing on the things I've done that I know have detracted from our experience. I have mentioned before how the feeling of neglect can really ruin everything for me. When this had happened in the past, I would become needy and ask all kinds of questions and basically beg for attention. That is what I will be trying to avoid at all costs. When times get crazy, and they will, or I feel a need to play with myself, which I will, I am going to remember to be strong and what this chastity thing is all about: pleasing her. She has said that if I can without mentioning chastity begin foreplay with her, she will tease me. This seems ridiculously simple, but, in the past as much was never stated. In the past I would selfishly mention chastity first, and this was a problem that would basically require a time out to reset everything. Well, time out is over. And I have a renewed resolve to really really focus on being an excellent servant to my wife's needs and pleasure, and if all goes as planned I will earn her attention. Her pleasure must come first. I need to be stronger. I need to be more submissive with her, and to do this I need help. The chastity device really goes a long way with reminding me of this. We are also considering a birdlocked as a way to allow a break from the Lori if I am exercising. One other thing she told me really bothered her was having to unlock me so i could ride a bike for example. We are looking at a birdlocked as a possible answer to this. If a birdlocked could be used for such occasional breaks, she said she would feel more in control, because she doesn't approve of breaks --- holy shit that was a turn on.
  2. @beck@beck , good luck. Me and my wife stopped over a year ago for many of the same reasons you mentioned. I have been thinking of trying again also.
    beck likes this.
  3. It's nice to see that your working on your relationship. New people need to read this to realize that it's a struggle and not a magic wand or cage. The bird lock is a nice device because it's soft. The problem I had with it was in the shower I could remove it because it was soft but I couldn't get it back on without unlocking it. Most people have more than one cage like they have more than one pair of pants or panties lol
    beck and manintyres like this.
  4. wLockridge: I wear a Neosteel transformation and support your statements about a full belt as well as your other points.

    I do, however, believe that chastity isn't a commitment because that means having a choice. In matters of the heart and passion we don't really have a choice.
    To me, the commitment revolves around accepting the lack of control over that. The belt is just an extension and consequence of that commitment.

    Thanks for sharing your insights!
    beck likes this.
  5. So you feel that chastity is a tool, or a mechanism, that once implemented shouldn't be in the control of the chastised? I agree with that, but realistically this depends upon the key holder. There are also safe words that most chastity users have for unforeseen circumstance and that could be considered a 'choice' also. My central conundrum with chastity revolves around this sort of contradiction. That is why I believe most would ultimately agree that a chastity lifestyle, while certainly an exchange of power dynamic, is also a bit of fantasy at play. This is not exactly what one wants to hear or think about when dealing with matters of chastity. The truth tends to take some of the luster out of it, so it seems to me.
    Matters of the heart and passion are not choices, but could be the results of them. Chastity is not slavery, not even if one loves being called slave.
    All that being stated, the more I see about what seems to say full belts are the most secure, despite the fact they are larger and more cumbersome, the more I want one. My device is not removable without the key and creates a circumstance of bondage, there are only a few rare moments I forget I am wearing it, this much is true. I want to not be able to cum in my device, but I can with some decent effort. My expectations around chastity therefore are part reality of chastity bondage and fantasy of orgasm denial. My wife is the manager of my chastity more than she is in charge of it. She has the choice, and I have a voice! Keeping quiet is at times as much a key. My commitment is to being respectful, which means not speaking about my chastity. This is certainly the most difficult aspect for me as I want to yap about it all night, edging myself along, towards what my mind has not yet totally realized for whatever reason. Shut up Beck. Shut it. You still have a... choice . . . ?
  6. So..... We got a Birdlocked! And it is pink oh joy! I was able to ride a mountain bike quite vigorously without any discomfort whatsoever. This made my Ms very happy and has added another dimension to our experience. I can remain locked and still get a workout in on a bike. I will say that the Birdlocked device is little more than a place holder, but it made putting my Ms Lori device back on a whole new experience. I do not think the Birdlocked device is very sutable for any kind of long term wear, but a few days is no problem. Any longer than that the silicone starts sticking and there is not enough air circulation which will likely cause irritations or a rash. So that element of the Birdlocked is kind of crap, but it does a great job as an effective restriction so long as the wearer is somewhat preoccupied. Any down time in that kind of device and you can slip out etc. I was really taken by the pink color too, which added a slightly fem element that I enjoyed.
    Otherwise things are going well this time around. She did walk back some of what she initially had said, but I was glad for it . It is working out for now. I am beginning to feel altered a little bit by the experience. The lack of freedom in chastity which is that constant reminder is crazy sexy and makes me mad with pleasure lust. Switching from the minimum security prison of the Birdlocked reminded me how serious the maximum security Ms Lori device is. After having the Lori on for just a few hours I was already amazed by how little I could feel anything compared to my new pink locking sock. Not to mention how much better the Lori is for hygiene. It has been almost a month and our relationship seems to be benefiting from it. Ms is happy to have control again, but hasn't gone full commitment with anything other than keeping the key from me, which is more than enough really. I am doing my best to keep my mouth shut when it comes to talking about chastity with her. I wait for her to bring it up, if she does, and then I use that opportunity to get my OCD out. But I'm still being more careful to be more respectful this time, so far...
    ineverknew likes this.
  7. I hope it works out, sounds like it is so far. thats the key huh? Keeping your mouth shut? lol.
    mrfelix and beck like this.
  8. Good for you. I too have been told that I talk too much about chastity. That was a big problem my wife had with this whole thing. Also the neediness and puppy dog eyes. This is the hardest thing to repress. I struggle with it everyday, but when I follow this outline of conduct, respect, that my wife has given me, Everything is better. She is much more responsive, she is much more sexually active, and I am usually in a state of bliss. All that I have to do is watch my mouth....and my hands.....and my mind. Very hard to do but well worth the effort.
    Mash2214, manintyres and beck like this.
  9. Ha yeah I think it is. How ironic? Maybe no. But as most of us here have, I also asked for the whole chastity thing, and now that I have it, for now, despite all my thoughts pre-locked I am now having to adapt to chastity again and what it amounts to, which I am not entirely sure anymore other than it creates a sexual energy or tension unlike any other I've ever experienced. It is never easy.
    mrfelix and manintyres like this.
  10. First this is a TMI post. Real life serious situation. I am posting it in hope that someone will read it and not make the same mistake as I did.

    Things are never easy. Never. I feel that the further along we go, the more difficult the challenges we are confronted with. Most recently I encountered a dangerous medical condition. I awoke early in the morning with arousal pain, and went to the bathroom to pee as that is usually what gives relief. This morning was different though. In addition to the usual arousal pain there was a burning sensation. The best comparison I could suggest would be the feeling one might get sometimes when they are drinking alcohol, except not a passing or temporary feeling, it was constant. At the time of this pain I had been locked into my device for about a month. Never before have I had a complication like this. The pain was unique. As the day progressed, the pain did not subside, and progressively got worse. I also had the urge to pee very frequently. After visiting the restroom more than usual by a lot, I knew something was not right. I began to worry, and just as I did, I noticed my pee was pink. Shortly after that, I would relieve myself and at the end a few drops of blood would appear. When I got my PA I went through the whole seeing blood on my dick thing, so this wasn't as unsettling as it could have been, but never the less, it was. I alerted my Ms and she gave me the key and I contacted the dr. I was diagnosed with a UTI, and treated with a heavy antibiotic. It is my guess that during cleaning I had not done an extensive enough job, and because of the nature of the device there was a direct pathway to my urinary tract for any bacteria that may not have been cleaned away during my usual hygiene routine. Which, I might add has never failed me in the many years I have been using my device. I have recovered fully as far as I can tell, and the dr gave me the ok after a subsequent urinalysis. So, yeah. What the fuck right? In any event, I am unlocked now. It is not clear if with my 'all clear' status I will be going back to being locked or not. Ms says she misses it already, and so do I, but we are both apprehensive now. Life.
    Mash2214 likes this.
  11. Hey @beck@beck, that sucks! What kind of device are you using? Its actually kind of difficult for men to get UTI's from what I hear but not impossible. I wonder if the device was not letting all of the urine out. I have some small chinese devices that can do that. Its so short that it just won't let all of it out from compression. Then I think you end up with urine trapped in the urethra.
  12. Like the four little monkeys with hands on eyes,ears,mouth and genitals Ha
  13. https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?gallery/photos/cage.19223/

    This is my device. A Ms. Lori 18a. slightly modified. I am very confident, not certain, but confident that there was some kind of build up of 'dirt' on the pin and during a shower I probably dislodged some of that and subsequently caused the infection. I sincerely hope that is all it was. The pin tends to get dirtier than the rest of the device. Due to the design of it, the pin can be removed and the device can stay on. After some discussion we decided that will be a normal step in the hygiene routine going forward. However, Ms has not yet indicated if we are going to utilize the device again. And so the mind fuck of what is and what should never be, or will be, goes on and on and on and on. Its a journey in a led zeppelin.:confused:;):rolleyes:
  14. I was told to buy condoms and that because it was father's day she'd be nice to me. I went dutifully to the store post haste and obtained the rubbers, eggs, creamer, etc on my list. I also grabbed a hearty IPA and once home began watering myself towards further stupidity. After a while she told me she was going to take a shower. She said it in a way that suggested there was more that she was not saying. After she texted me she was sleepy and that she had just put her head down on a box of condoms. I had set a trap earlier, which had served its purpose. I knew she would probably go to sleep before having sex with me so I planted the box right were her head would lay. Sinfully devious I know. I rushed at my opportunity to have sex with her and approached like a dog in heat, practically ripping her night clothes off and immediately pushing my throbbing member towards her. This is rather uncharacteristic for me, and she did not really respond very well to it either. She calmly stated, I can feel your beard, more than your tiny dick. I lost my erection almost immediately, and she jumped on the opportunity to point out my arousal was diminishing, that maybe I had been watching too much porn and had probably lost my drive earlier while wacking off again. I sadly looked down as if she read my mind, and she again in her quiet voice began to tease me about my porn selection, was it sissy porn? let me guess, she remarked, sissy hypno? I replied well sort of. She asked more, to which I explained it was a sissy humiliation video where the Mistress instructed the sissy via a pov type video to get dressed like a sissy and then return for cock sucking lessons... My wife looked rather blase and said If that is what turns you on then go get dressed right now and hurry. I was stupefied. She really knows how to get in my head, but I wonder sometimes if this is completely boring for her...? Anyway, I returned to bed quickly as any sissy eager to get her rocks off would and began to climb onto her again, to which she firmly said no. She told me I am a sissy so I would be masturbating in front of her, cleaning up with my mouth, and then after I'd be putting my chastity device on, which had been off for almost a month. That was last night. So here I sit in the mansion again, day 1, all over again. She is being quite regular about it and not saying much other than don't ask. I couldn't help myself and asked if I would be skipping the 90 day break in period, to which she only reminded me how long I had had the device off. Yep. Day 1. Again.
    Mash2214 likes this.
  15. It always is a bit strange getting used to wearing my cage. Like a Kubler Ross model I go through stages.

    Denial - did i agree to this? nah, it'll come of in a day or even tonight! This thing isn't so bad anyway.
    Anger - I fucking agreed to this! Fuck! Am I fucking stupid? This thing fucking sucks! FUCK!
    Bargaining - Ok this is what i'll say--- no wait, ok yeah, that'll work! Ok so if I can just, bah! not enough time! too early to complain... PLEASSSE!
    Depression - I don't need a dick anyway. Fucking thing, flopping around. I can't do this. not again.
    Acceptance - This is my cage. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My cage is my best friend. It is my life. I must submit to it as I must submit my life to my Master. Without me, my cage is useless. Without my cage, I am useless. I must wear my cage everyday. I must be denied.

    It is my cage. I cannot pull out. I do not have the key. It keeps my dick chastised. I cannot masturbate easily at all or without a sense of shame, and perhaps danger. My device is serious. My device makes me butter at the hands of my wife. I cannot say no to her without great difficulty. She can so easily bring me to heel when I am under her lock and key. It is both a dream and amazing exercise in submission. It brings an element of fear, which I find myself attracted to. Each time I put the device on for her, suddenly there is an electricity to the air. She looks at me just a little bit differently. It keeps me focused, which can be both an advantage and distraction. It changes things. Since we started playing with chastity, things have changed. We are happier with it. It is amazing how we have evolved with chastity as a part of our relationship. It is never easy, but adds an element that is beyond sexy or kinky --- it is like what I assume some people feel when they go to church. Sex in general is awesome. Bodies together in a lusty moment with a fantasia gas filling every last breath. Crazy we can feel so much. At her command, being denied, and being kept submissive for me embeds these feelings even deeper. She hints at things she disapproves of with my behavior, but she never goes full dom on me. I think this is in part my fault as I talk too much. This time I am hoping to play it cool and just be ready to do as I'm told. I really want to prove to her how committed I can be. I want her to see my submission and reward me with keeping it going. I just need to be patient, and obedient. Anyway, that is all for now.
    Mash2214 likes this.
  16. @beck@beck, just a thought. Have you talked to your wife about what she wants out of this? Maybe your wife doesn't want a submissive, maybe she just doesn't want you to masturbate? I have no idea obviously. I just know when me and my wife tried chastity out she definitely did not want a submissive but she did like the fact that I couldn't masturbate. By the way, nice reference to full metal jacket ;)
    Mash2214 likes this.
  17. @ineverknew@ineverknew Hey there. Thanks again for your replies and insight, its much appreciated. We have talked, but mostly she doesn't like to talk, that is at least if it is something we've been over before. But to be honest, I am not exactly sure what she wants out of it, even though I know the question has been asked before. The irony is she really doesn't care that much if I masturbate, but she does want allegiance and for me not to question her. She gets off on being dominant but only if I am completely submissive, mostly in the bedroom. This is tough for me because i am naturally inquisitive and not very submissive at all. I am very drawn to it, but it is a task and not my natural way of being. We keep our sex life mostly private, and keeping up a sense of normalcy, particularly with consideration to the kids, is priority. But for our bedroom dynamic to work I must make changes. Chastity has been helping empower her, and remind me. Reading this over, and I don't even know if that made any sense. Kubrick is one of my all time favorites!
    Mash2214 likes this.
  18. @beck@beck, yeah I hear you on that one. My wife rarely talked about anything sex related. We have kids too, so between them and her job I take last place. No I didn't really understand what you were saying but thats ok. These things tend to be complicated lol. With women its never easy ha ha. I seen today that there is a book on amazon called "what men know about women" and its a blank book :p.

    Thats an odd combination. She wants you submissive but could cares less if you masturbate? Does she even care if you are wearing a chastity device or is that more for yourself?
    Mash2214 likes this.
  19. Planting Condoms would not go over well with my Mistress. I would be over the ottoman and my backside would be showing the signs of her disapproval. You got off easy.
  20. I have to agree with you @beck@beck What your looking for isn't so much Chastity but FLR. When I started putting her first in my life and committing to serving her and doing nice things for her no Matter What. Things started to change for the better. I also went for months with her not even so much as touching me. Her interaction even now isn't really high she uses other people and tells me to do all of things. Every woman wants to be treated like a Queen. In my Opinion anyway
    HollyC likes this.
  21. What men know about woman. That's a good one. I can only say give from the Heart Unconditionally. Try and think about making her life better and not about what you want. Good luck
    ineverknew and HollyC like this.
  22. @Mash2214@Mash2214 , completely agree. I think thats why chastity failed the 1st time we tried it. I threw way too many fantasies at her at once. Poor girl didn't have a chance. Hopefully if we try again my attitude will be handing over the keys and asking her what she wants out of this. I've heard being selfless has many rewards, unfortunately I have never actually tried it :p
    Mash2214 and Mascara^Snake like this.
  23. I did say she doesn't care if I masturbate, but truth be told what I meant was she doesn't care if I orgasm while locked. Which, I've only accomplished with her help for a grand total of 3 times during the last few weeks. She is more than determined lately to keep me locked for another few months at least. I think we have found a groove this time, and it still seems to be up to me keeping myself respectful and obedient. As long as I keep my mouth shut, she is relatively happy to keep pushing things forward. I have let a few daft comments slip here there and she asked me very sternly to receive her spanking, to which I replied 'as you wish' and bent over. I am very lucky such a strong woman is giving me exactly what I have fantasized about for years. Each step further seems incredible as the dynamic of our relationship is deepening, but she is also becoming much more transparent about what her needs are, and she hasn't been shy with putting me in my place. Incredible. At first, being submissive feels just wrong to me, but as I see how it makes her happy, and then I reap the reward of being dominated . . . Incredible just incredible. I am more than willing to do as I'm told, but I've learned not to be too eager either.

    I had a very lucky maintenance check by her just yesterday. My mind has been so intoxicated by her more recent resolve to dominate the pants off me(one can only hope), that my body was literally unable to get aroused while she watched closely as I cleaned myself and then the device. The device probably could have stayed on, but she said it was necessary because if all was well that would be a green light for at least 2 months more with it on.

    I've learned some new things about wearing my device more recently also. I've found that going commando for sleeping is usually the best way to go. Nightly arousal happens. The form of my device allows the PA pin to protrude a bit with that arousal. When sleeping, this can go on for a while, and if wearing anything remotely tight, that adds a small amount of pressure when I am basically unaware. That happening night after night was causing just a little irritation, and over time became troublesome. Not wearing anything seems to have completely resolved this issue. The other thing I learned, which I had suspected, but I apparently need to learn through vicious repetition, or I just like pain a little too much, is that climaxing in the cage is not a smart idea when looking at the long run. For me, orgasm is better without pain and worth waiting for. It is unusual how in accomplishing being a little bit more submissive, there has been a snowball effect on the return. I must say it has been a pleasant surprise, but also getting my fantasy is at times torture! I am not even concerned with getting out of the cage so much as I am very concerned with keeping her happy.
    bethanise and Mash2214 like this.
  24. @beck@beck, sounds like things are going good ;). Keep up the good work and the daft comments to a minimum lol.
  25. When my wife an I first started dating we played with BDSM often. Most of it was entry level stuff, and nothing that was all consuming or that became a way of life. Years later after our chastity evolution, I am finding that we are so far past entry level now it scares me. I never anticipated the directions any of this has gone, but I am satisfied with the results. I find I am enjoying servitude this time around like never before. There has been an additional element lately. She used to only lock me up with leg shackles if I was to be allowed a release, or if I really made her mad she might lock me up in her closet. 2 weeks ago she informed me I would have to earn my way back into 'her' bed and that I was to be locked into the shackles in the closet every night unless directed otherwise. ( just in case you are wondering the door isn't shut and she can hear me if I were to call for her) If I have impressed her, or she has a need for me in 'her' bed she will let me know, but as far as I can tell she has every intention of making this a thing we do all of the time. At first I was both shocked and turned on intensely by her directions and strict nature towards me. Well the shock has diminished but the lust I feel towards her and in being kept like a prisoner with strict control has not. I have not put up a word of protest yet, though I have flashed pleading eyes, and she did not like that at all. She has said this control over me makes her happy, and she is sleeping a lot better. I never realized that her appetite for control over me would increase past chastity. She tells me it is for my own good . . . that if I keep up with doing as I'm told I might just earn a night in her bed and maybe get a release in a couple months time after all. My caged bits ache with anticipation, and now my nights are deeper reminders of the control I have given to my wife. The cage is becoming second nature to me, and the frustration is like a dance with an addicting drug. I still cannot imagine accepting my new bed yet, but each additional night locked in there has promised more personal time interacting with her before we start our day. This is lovely and seems to have strengthened our relationship, and she seems happy. I cannot imagine her wanting to give up this time she has made for me. She has utilized me to streamline her morning, to which I am more than happy to oblige and now with a very large added incentive.
    Mash2214 likes this.