Let's make a deal with my sex life on the line

Those who read my posts know that I am married to a bisexual wife of 44 years who prefers women and has denied me intercourse for longer than we can remember. I do not want to go into the whole long story again other to say that up to 7 years ago we had a very active sexual life that included groups sex, all kinds of fetish play but mostly BDSM and a few thousand FFM threesomes. After we moved away from my wife's girlfriend, our sex life became in frequent. The lack of intercourse never bothered me before since I was living and having sex with two women and a few other girls who did have intercourse with me. Chastity was a perfect solution to our current situation of monogamy and being just a couple again.

However my wife kept telling me that she was no longer a penis fan and if I left it solely up to her, I would never get an orgasm again. She finds the whole ejaculation process disgusting. I should know better. My ex-finance, also bi, was married to a man for 20 years before she left him to marry a woman. Seems that like my wife, both loved penis until after menopause. In any case, I am OK with it and had told my wife a few times that I owe her big time for all the sex and sexual freedom she allowed me and was willing to turn the sex reigns over to her.

Problem is that she had me a on rollercoaster. Sometimes she wanted to deny for half a year but then gave me an orgasm much sooner. She says she does not need my penis but likes to hold it while she pleasures herself with her vibrator. I do not care either way since my sex is merely a hand job which is not a great way to have sex after months of orgasm denial. Not even worth starting chastity over again. So we made a deal to put up or shut up about what she wants. The deal is as follows:

If she actually follows through with denying me an orgasm until the end of October, which would be 6 months of denial for me, I no longer have any say in our sex life. That means she can have or not have sex with me and give or not give me any orgasms. I would just remain locked up. I assume she would let me orgasm on special occasions since she does love me after all. All of her girlfriends no longer have sex with their husbands except on their birthday and anniversary. I will no longer be able to use my safe word to signal a timeout.

If she gives me an orgasm, even accidently, we then have sex twice a week with two orgasms a month by oral sex until October 2018. So the battle begins with a lot to win or lose for both of us. She has already told me she lusts after no man and is not even sure she wants a woman anymore unless it is her old girlfriend. I do not like pity sex or sex done for marital duty. I understand about the effects of menopause and am not the type of guy who insists his wife services him like it or not. This should be interesting.

I almost forgot one thing. In the past she has given me an orgasm to stop me from talking about sex an annoying her with too much sexual attention. She stopped paddling my butt because she said she does not want to hurt me due to her father beating her as a child. I can understand that but I asked her how did you intend to stop me from using my favorite tactic of annoying her to let her know that I need an orgasm. She got out the paddle and paddled my butt. She asked me if I needed to have her mark my butt to prove she is serious. I said no and that is how we left it.

 

She rarely feels the need for sex. In fact, she made sex tonight feel like a chore because she was not interested. I wanted to make her happy so I agreed to forgo the once a week sex promise and only have it when she feels like it or wants to please me on a special occasion. She is not averse to sex with me and in fact, she has great orgams during sex. She just lacks the desire to have it. I already know that she would not have sex with other men but she said that if a woman she liked was in our bed, she would not kick her out.

I kind of like being in courtship mode. I feel like I have to get her in the mood and convince her to have sex all over again. Time will tell.

 

I think I came across too depressing. My wife is good natured about teasing me by touching my encased penis when she passes by and always quick with the small penis jokes. She like teasing me with her nudity and lets me touch her breasts every day. She wears revealing clothing so she is having fun and so am I. I have known for a long time that she had no use for my penis and neither did her girlfriend and yet I always had a good time with them even if there was no orgasm in it for me.

We have been heading in this direction for a few years now. We would have done this next year but I hurried it along because I have reached the stay in orgasm denial when I no longer care about the orgasm. The teasing and the hope of sex is what I enjoy and that she gives me all the time. As I said, it puts me in courtship mode and I do not have to worry about taking a Viagra before sex or if I will get erect or not, etc.. It is what we were shooting for and it is not like she has no love for me or does not like to sexually tease me but she is right. Sex is just a handjob for me and a vibrator for here. Hardly worth destroying my sexual tension.

 

Had a good evening. We made out twice and my wife stopped when I tried to get erect. Then we played my favorite game where we look at the girls on TV and choose whether we would have sex with them or not. I have always loved girl watching with my wife. She can spot them quicker than me. Other than very hot girls, our tastes in women is different.

What we discussed this morning is not a surprise. It was just verbalizing what we both already knew. My wife told me 25 years ago that she only fantasizes about women. I knew that. Out of my two ladies, my wife leaned more towards women and our girlfriend was more into me than my wife. Just that we lost our middle woman and have had to adjust using chastity as our vehicle.

We still love each other and my wife is not averse to sexually pleasing me at any time I ask, outside of chastity that is. We just have been exploring chastity to its final conclusion and it fits in perfectly in our situation. We tend to go all in with our fetish play. We are always intimate and affectionate throughout the day. Just that the old drooling lust is gone, but that is also a function of our age. Lust has been replaced by something else I like to call mature love. It is different and very comfortable for us. My wife has her preference, but it is just a preference just like all things being equal, I will choose the Brunette with the nice butt. So would she, unless there was a really hot guy there. She has higher standards for men than for women.

 

Thanks. Yes the initial news did put me off balance and I was in a depressed state. Then my antidepressants kicked in and all was well again. Every relationship in my life has been with bisexual women. I am very used to them. Being bisexual is not black and white. They may prefer males and females in different areas of their life and to a varying degree of intensity. For instance, my wife never dated a woman or wanted a romance with me. She never had sex with a woman unless I took part. Her insistence, not mine. She said without me taking part, if only to watch, it would feel like cheating and she still feels the same. She never even kissed or hugged her girlfriend outside of the bedroom. One week my wife is gushing over the hot guys she sees on TV and the next week she is only interested in hot girls. I just go with the flow as long as she loves me and that I have no doubt of.

In the past I had to seduce my wife into giving me an orgasm and sex was scheduled for one a weekend. The only real difference now is that the scheduled sex dates are no longer scheduled and I have to seduce her into having sex with me and I find that very exciting after accepting sex as a given in our marriage; if not with her then with her girlfriend. One other difference is that when once my wife lusted after me, she now has to be aroused to get in the mood. I actually like this after taking sex and orgasms for granted for most of my marriage. It is courtship all over again. I was kind of bummed out about things but my wife is 65, has had major surgery and I have to accept that sex is no longer a priority in her life. She cannot move very well and we are very limited to what we can do. We have found solutions within Chastity. Long term orgasm denial and sex for the wife's pleasure only is a goal in Chastity that many men fantasize about. I just live it, at least for as long as our health permits it. There is always the risk that one day one of us will have a major medical issue that makes Chastity impractical or of no importance, so we are going for the brass ring while we can. Thanks for your comments.

 

I have never used my safe word because I only submit to women I trust with my life and have my well being foremost in their minds. My wife knows me better than I can and will always rescue me if she senses that I am in any kind of mental or physical distress. She knows that I will tough it out like a man when I should not, so she will jump in when necessary. I have no worries there.

As for control, my wife has shared me with women for most of our marriage, even allowing me to have sex with them when my wife did not take part. She tried every fetish I asked her to try and we did all the things guys post about wanting to do sexually. To tell the truth, I am tired of running our sex life and making it fresh and exciting. I want her to have full control and she did not want it. After 4 years in chastity, she is willing to give it a try and since we are real people and not fantasizing about what we do, it could change next week. One thing we do well is communicate. If something is not working for both of us, we change it as we did with our marital structure. I am just along for the ride. I am tired of running things in our marriage and being put before my wife's preferences. I am semi retired and would love if she took complete control. Unlike many men, having the wife in control does not mean she is a dominatrix or I am her slave. I never understood why if their wives are in control it has to be in a D/s femdom marriage. It is not that way with the husband in control so why expect it to be different with the wife in control? My guess is that it is because they really do not want their wives to have control. They want them to dominate them in a specific way that sexually arouses them. My wife could have sex with other men. No rules. She does not have to let me watch or bring me home a cream pie. She can also have sex with white men if she wants to. That is giving away control, not letting your wife have sex with others under your terms and restrictions. I just view "control" differently and more realistically than most and I can see that there are forum members like us and not everyone is loving their sex life online.