I have decided to start a journal where I can look back on when this started and compare it to where I am at any given time in the future. A little history about my wife and I. We have been together just shy of 15 years. Most of those years were spent with me in the dominant position. I came up with the ideas and then we tried them. Really theres not much left we can try without involving other people, which is a big No in my wifes eyes. I stumbled on chastity while looking for our next new adventure. We bought a silicone cb-6000s knockoff and gave it a try. My first denial period was 4 days. In those 4 days I nearly went crazy. I had been accustom to getting off daily. At first my wife seemed to love it. She had fun teasing me and I was enjoying giving her what I could. Day 4 she was edging me and told me to lock up. I crashed. I still don't know what actually happened but I couldn't take it anymore and had an emotional crash. She was terrified that she had upset me or had hurt our relationship. From then on she never really pushed me and became very lax in keeping me locked. I unfortunately learned a lot of bad habits going forward from there. I learned I could get anything I wanted by just pushing a little. Its taken me a year and tons of conversations with her to get to this point. I have made a few posts about what we could or should do to make it work. Most of the responses all centered on me. Everyone telling me that I was the reason it wasn't working. And many people throughout that I was "topping from the bottom ". I actually took some of the responses very personal. I reread them numerous times and kept asking myself if they were right. I have since realized that they were. Breaking ones dominat streak is difficult for anyone and my wife wasn't one who ever could. The only way it could be stopped is if I chose to let it. We also have not yet found a perfect fit for me which has made things harder for us. Although I do wear them on occasion I typically cant for more than a day or so before chaffing or pain arrives. We have a new cage that should be here in the next few weeks. Hopefully it will be my forever cage and we can move past that issue. This morning I wrote to my wife that I wanted to try again. I had previously asked if she minded me locking up which she said was fine. In my writing I told her I wanted her to decide what happens in our sex life. I asked her if I could default to being locked and only being released when she wanted. There would be no rules or expectations. I told her it didn't matter if I was released daily or not for a month. I just want her deciding. She agreed to try it this way. I just now need to keep myself in line and allow her to do things her way. I know this will be difficult for me but I also know it will be worth it for us.
Good luck. It takes a lot of self-control and effort to walk away from the alpha roles many of us were brought up to fill, but it's very rewarding once you put her first.
@Rectrix thanks it has taken me a year to get this point. The road to happiness is filled with lots of ups and downs. @LesterBallard that's the one thing I hadn't learned how to be patient and let things develop her way. Communication has definitely been a huge part of everything . Actually this journal is another way for me to communicate with my wife.
A quick update. Not much has changed. We discussed my device issues and I asked if it would be possible if I was only locked in the evenings. She agreed that as long as I locked up when I got home from work I could unlock before going to sleep. But this will be temporary until we receive my new cage. Last night I was released and after a little teasing was allowed to orgasm. It had only been 2 days since my last. I wouldn't say I was disappointed as I still enjoy them, but I wouldn't have minded waiting longer. I was extremely happy that she took the initiative though. I didn't ask or question her which was a big thing for me. I spent some time thinking this morning about myself. I guess you could say I came up with my first 2 steps in this process. Step 1. Forget about it- what I mean by this is stop thinking about sex constantly or my specifically my next orgasm. At one time I was borderline a sex addict. I couldn't go a day without looking at porn and masturbating. I tried to hide all of this from my wife. Now in the last year I have gotten away from porn and masturbating but I was still wanting to know what would happen each night. Sometimes asking as early as 9am. So for me this step is a big step. I need to learn patience and I will find out eventually. Step 2 Let it be- kinda goes hand in hand with the first step. I need to accept the decisions my wife makes and trust that she does know what is best for us. Obviously this is just the beginning for us. And honestly even though we have tried off and on for over a year I'm looking at this as our first real attempt. For once I can say I'm all in. I know there will be difficult times for both of us but ultimately what doesn't kill you does make you stronger. I feel as long as we can continue to communicate and listen to each other we can make our relationship so much better.
Self-recognition is the only place to start. You're coming from a place many men have been -- I can't count how many of here are recovering alpha masturbators -- but with chastity and humility and deferential acceptance of your weaknesses and her leadership you can get to where you need to be.
Today has been difficult. My alpha tendencies have been very strong. I mostly managed to not listen to them. Last night I was released for PIV and was allowed to orgasm again, second day in a row. I think that could be part of my issue today, but it was what my wife wanted. I have continued with locking up when I get home. She has released me both nights unsure how tonight will work as I let my thoughts get the best of me and asked if she had any plans. I was told I wont be getting off tonight. On one side that's great hopefully the submissive feelings will rebound tomorrow. The other side (alpha) is not happy. At least accepting it isn't as hard as it use to be. So I guess that's a positive. On a nonsexual side last night was different. We spent a lot more time together doing things than we normally would have. I was happy to help cook dinner even. I want that back as tonight hasn't been anything like that.
After spending a few days free and getting off 3 out of 4 days I was pretty confident my wife had decided to put chastity on the back burner for a while. I asked her about it yesterday just to clarify what was going on. Well that could be viewed as a mistake cause I was promptly told to lock up. I was even required to sleep in it last night after being edged for about 30 minutes. Its only been about 3 days since my last O but my arousal is through the roof today. Normally she leaves her key on her nightstand and I'm permitted access to one at anytime. Not today she left for the store and I received a text "I have both keys". Things maybe getting real now. She has hinted that she may let me on Thanksgiving but I am wondering if after the busy day we will have if that will actually happen. Only concern I have right now is whether I will be required to be locked for work. I have been before but generally its difficult. I spend most of my day either in a truck or on my feet. Guess I will have to wait until later to see what happens. Overall I am happy to see things progressing. Let's see if it continues.
Been a while since I updated. The last 3 weeks have been as vanilla as it comes. I was free 95% of the time. Occasionally she would tell me to lock for the evening or a day but it was really just foreplay. There was no real denial in that time. I was a bit puzzled and brought it up last weekend. Simply put she was waiting for my "forever" cage to arrive. We were expecting it Monday so the weekend included many Os for me. She allowed me to have anything I wanted as it was my last time being free. Ultimately the Bijou finally arrived yesterday and I was intructed to lock up immediately. Have been since other than a short time last night as she wanted to take it off and put it on herself. I took a lot of time today to think things through. I decided that the only way this will work for me is if she has complete control and I have no option to stop. I made an agreement with my wife that basically states that. I'm sure I will spend a lot of time locked. Denied? I'm still not sure how far she will go with that. I'm technically on day 2 of denial. I think things will be progressing now. At least I hope.