Lauren's Journal

Taking the final step...

... or the first step into submission and chastity!

Well there I was this morning a few feet away from grabbing the book and handing it to her as she sailed out the door to her 2 day meeting. My brain is thinking: Must make hand give book. Must control h-a-n-d. Must c-o-n-t-r-o-l...

Gaahhh. :sad0147:

I was so close, but just couldn't do it. Lot's of reasons why. Some reasonable, most are silly, but I just wasn't ready to give up my freedom and give her control. Actually I think I am ready to give her control, but scared to go out on a limb and see if she would even accept becoming my keyholder.

Why is this so easy to talk to y'all about and nearly impossible for me to act upon it with my wife - to take that final (hopeful) step? Forget all the femme stuff I'm into, I just want to be locked up and teased mercilessly by her to fire up my loins like never before. To be suspended in utter rapture!

Anyway. I've impounded my cock in my CB for now until she returns. I plan to tease the hell out of myself and maybe do some dress up time if I can.

Between being belted again: all tucked and snug and forbidden from access and having a little perfume on today along with the hope of getting dressed for later has got me feeling all scrumptious!

:manga_blowkiss:

If I ever make this leap I'll probably look back at it (if it goes well) as such a trivial thing, but right now it's an impenetrable wall of looming doom and despair. Biggest fear being it would somehow really damage the great relationship and life I have now with my wife. But shouldn't I be always trying for more?

Peace out!

 

Bold and daring is the dress code for the day

My wish for today if I can mange to dress up and play Lauren full-throttle is...

I'm thinking that I want to look so incredibly femme, so ardently hot. So unattainable and exuding of feminine mystique that no guy would even think he had a chance for me.

We've all seen those women that are drop dead gorgeous and know we're not worthy so why even try! That is what I want to feel when I dress up. I think it's the highest form of praise I can give to the vision of what it means to be a girl. It's these qualities that I strive to experience in all things feminine.

I use this mindset to help myself eat right, try to keep my weight down and look as fit and healthy as I can - just so that I can spend a few extremely rare hours dressed up as my ideal girl. It's a huge motivator for me and I can see how teen girls & women today would struggle with letting something like this get out of control and spiral into an eating disorder or other serious thing.

I hope I can pull it off - even as I get older, more wrinkled and find it harder to keep the pounds off. It's all worth it in the end.

 

Cheers to that Mistress W.

I've got sooo far to go before I'd pass that's for sure. Can't even walk straight in heels, but it sure is devilishly fun trying to improve all the many fine qualities we girls put ourselves through. How does any girl keep it together?

TTFN -Lauren

 

Just had an encounter with the largest most pointy and evil POIs. I put it in just as a tease 6 hours ago and forgot about them until I was watching two lovelies doing naughtiness a few minutes ago. :anim_55:

Then bam! It was the most intense pain in such a happy place. I wanted to shrink down to an itty bitty teenie tiny boy weenie as fast as I could. Better yet I wanted to become an even smaller little sissy clitty, but then that was a mistake in thinking because it got me all hot again and bam there I go again. If I was a balloon I would have popped!

Time to take it out before slipping off to dreamland.

 

Well I finally got around to reading Dollyanne's fiction: The fishing trip! Damn, her writing style got me all twisted up and excited. It got me so horny I had a weak moment and went upstairs and took care of things being all unlocked and what not.

It felt so good, but I really wanted to be locked up immediately and given a good spanking whilst wearing something really slutty. I felt just like the main character and that left me feeling really weird and dirty since I was so naughty myself.

Thanks a lot Dollyanne for being such a twisted naughty writer and getting me so hot.

 

My mother gave a subscription to Ladies Home Journal to my wife. My mom tends to be somewhat "traditional" so she always addresses anything intended for my wife as Mrs. myfirstname mylastname instead of using wife's name. So as it turns out, it appears that I am actually receiving the magazine...

This is sort of a secret turn-on since I am now subscribed to a ladies magazine as any aspiring sissy-in-training should. As a result I'll probably start getting other 'lady junk mail" addressed to me too, but I should probably send an address correction to the department to send it to Lauren.

Maybe there will be some cute clothing catalogs that come my way - how exciting. I may have to start buying from them.

Thanks Mom!

 

I like traffic lights

I like traffic lights... especially when they're not red...

My wonderful wife and I had a bit of fun last night in bed... And "the panty incident" came up again. She said that she was okay with it, but didn't understand why it was kept from her. (like for ~15 years until she found my panty lair). I said it was a secret part of me and that it was just really hard for me to reveal any of this to ANYone...

At any rate she said my wearing girl's clothing "wasn't a show-stopper". (Where show-stopper would equal divorce I suspect!) She just doesn't understand the thrill I get from wearing girl's clothing, but said it was okay with her... I explained briefly that it's just a huge turn-on for me. Not sure why, but that it is and I love the feeling of it. I also asked if there were any unfullied fantasies she would like to try, but she doesn't seem to have any or at least isn't ready to tell me, but knowing her I think she would tell me. She much more forward than me whereas I'm pretty closed off (as you can tell).

She indicated that something like my doing drugs would be a show-stopper. I'm all good there since Lauren doesn't do that now (although she dabbled back in high school and college).. So I feel like we are starting to get on the same page and I'm slowly (but never fast enough) starting to get comfortable with the idea of being with her while en femme.

In fact I started to imagine myself actually going through the act of wearing clothes and her seeing me in them - that's a scary moment for me and thrilling and awkward and humiliating and erotic and oh boy! Last night after our talk/sex, I imagined myself (for another future time) where I am getting dressed, trying to figure out the logistics and all the other stuff and I've never actually thought about before... Like do I get "dressed for sex" before going to bed, OR slip off to the bathroom/closet and donning my clothes then, OR excusing myself after we've started kissing to "slip into something a little sexier"?

It's all starting to come together for me and that's quite thrilling and scary all at the same time. I know I have to move slowly with her (any myself), but I feel like I am getting a "green light to proceed" or at least maybe the light is amber; so my song for today is a Monty Python song: I like traffic lights!

Love, Lauren

 

Responses to You and Passion

Since my talk with wife 2 days ago about it being "okay" (POST: I like traffic lights) I've slept so soundly at night. I haven't slept this well for years. I really feel a weight has been lifted off my chest - a weight I didn't even know was there...

Oh my dear! Dollyanne that list is so naughty. Might these be your favorites from that list? Shy Lauren wouldn't even dare to think of these fantasies - she's such a pure chaste girl. :innocent0003: *teehee*

Lauren would just about die if she could prance about the house in heels and thigh highs or just silky smooth legs with lacy ankle socks. If a girl is going to dress up in our house, it's going to have to be me since my wife just isn't in to that for herself. Maybe one day Lauren will get the chance, but that will be a loonnng time coming she thinks.

Lauren would love it if one day she came home to find that her boy underwear had been removed and a new "policy" were in place - all enforced by her wifey. enisdance: I long to hear these words: "Only panties from now on for you sissy! I'll lay these out each day and you will wear them and do as I say henceforth."

Now on to Miss D's advice: "...accepting a cross dressing hubby and actually seeing him all femmed for the first time" That makes perfect sense. I was hoping "the panty incident" would help that along since we were in the dark and just groping... I'm finally ready and want to share this part of me with her. (huge step for me) I think she's okay with it, but her tone might change the first time she actually sees me. I really need her to understand how awesome this makes me feel before I shock her with a vision of me - I think.

"that you would be like putty for her to mold." That is a fantastic idea! I'll need to store that sentence in my mind and say it *gulp* :confused0068: to her when the time is right.

And thank you sooo much for saying that Lauren is pretty. It feels so good and warm inside... we girls can't hear that enough. I guess since we have no part of our manhood-pride left, :chores001: we need that reassurance that we can "bring it" in other ways.
======================================================

Now onto what happened this morning...
I woke up hard and wet and horny and playful. I leaned over to my wife and tried my patented touch (my signal to her) and got her response back which said "you're not getting any, go away dude"... My usual response is to roll over to my side of the bed and push those thoughts out of my mind, but for some reason I asked her if she would "will you touch my peeeppers" to which she said "okay".

Whheee I'm gonna get me some sex here and she's doing all the work and oh wow... I'm all of a sudden feeling very submissive! Yumm, she's rubbing me and touching my shaft and bringing me really close. I'm squirming and feeling all sexy, but I'm not thinking of sex in a manly fantasy way. I'm thinking of myself in girl-mode and I can't quite reach orgasm. [We don't have a lot of time and I'm afraid she'll stop before I'm finished off.] What to do... I need to give her a little help, a few words and direction like she'll give me from time to time if I'm not touching her just right...

Oh wow. The table has turned. I seldom get this kind of attention and here she is bringing me off and I'm so close and as I get closer to climax I feel myself sinking into an even more submissive place. I begin to touch myself too, grope my breast, grab my balls, hold my shaft so she can touch just the tip! I'm moaning, squirming, hoping she can touch me just where I neeeeeeddd it. Ahhhh. There it is!

arty-073:

Epilogue: For the first time (perhaps ever) I was totally submissive with her and completely open in how I felt, moved, writhed, vocalized... This was me - completely open and enjoying it without worrying about what she might be thinking. What a cathartic moment it was for me. I thanked her!! Not long after, she (not me) slid off first to the shower while I just lay there glowing in the moment. I am in LOVE with this GIRL! :love0059:

 

Forced Domination?

So if I'm reading this right I (the submissive) kind of have to get the unknowing/unwilling Domme to become THE Dominant One. That in itself is somewhat backwards (talk about topping from the bottom!), but I understand that this is merely a bootstrapping process and that we would assume our proper roles once things were established. Makes sense or cents

Dollyanne - thanks for that dear. You are so sweet.

 

Advice on That Little Black Dress

Last night a thought popped into Lauren's little sex-crazed head that my wardrobe needed something. I think a staple in a girl's closet (besides herself unless she's come out - hahaha) is to have "a little black dress". I mean it looks so hot on a girl and it's such an icon - think Audrey Hepburn, Jaqueline Kennedy, etc. Totally classic for sure!

So I need some advice on this... In case you had not noticed Lauren tends toward sexy over frilly, slutty over conventional. So she's wondering if she can pull off wearing a hot little black dress? She might need some shoes to go with it too, but that's secondary.

The thing most of us "gurls" struggle with is, well let's face it: we've got a man's body to deal with. *sigh* Our torso is generally bulkier and our shoulders are lanky and muscular. Now Lauren tends towards a more tender shapely frame, but she's still got a guy's musculature underneath with hairy arms and bones and shoulders - it's not nearly as curvy and soft as she would like. I'm rambling on here, but what Lauren is wondering my dears is: what works and what doesn't?

• 
  Like don't pick something strapless, instead go with ???
  Find a dress that hides your shoulders or ???
  Look for something that has a belt or low plunging front, but avoid ???

:help-0031:

Another problem for Lauren would be finding the right size. She knows that different dress makers vary in size, so even if she's a size 10 in one type of dress, it doesn't mean she will fit in ALL size 10 dresses. Lauren is waaayyy too scared to try something on in a store, or even hold it up to herself for that matter. That would be so embarassing if anyone saw, but then what a thrilling test of her true femininity to actually try this. Can you imagine if she trusted a sales girl to help her out? "Oh honey, this will look so nice on you. Let me hold it up for you in the mirror." Whew just thinking about that is getting her kind of hot and worked up... *panting now*

If she got the courage to do this there would be a steamy story that follows. *Gulp*

So anyone please, help a gurl out here if you have experience in this area. She's lusting :jumping0039: over the need to shop and find that nice hot little black dress, but not sure if it will really turn out the way she'd like. If she does end up getting a dress, you can bet Lauren will be showing off her feminine sluttyness soon at the Mansion.