Lauren's Journal

The first day I wore panties...

Well the book didn't arrive, but I summoned up my sissy courage and wore thigh highs and a nice pair of cotton panties all night. I decided that this was the day I would actually leave my panties on when I made advances this morning with my wife. I had never done this before so it was a big step for me. I was up most of the night just thinking about taking this step and had such a hard on the whole time that I was pretty sleepy by morning, but still very perky!

I snuggled up to her and let her spoon me. (I sort of forced my back into her tummy and wrapped her arm casually around me and just waited). I waited and got no response so after a few minutes (which seemed like hours) I wiggled and started to rub my smooth legs into hers. I began stroking her breast and licking and sucking her nipples. She began to wake up a bit so I began to undress her... Still she's unaware of what I'm wearing... Grrr. I've got to let it happen, but I'm so nervous.

I enter her and her arms are flung up over her head... Then at last she starts to touch me and notices something. Is she aware? She must be. She touches my firm round bottom and feels the edge of my panties. Ahhh I'm in bliss, but feel awkward. She touches me/then again. Definitely now. She knows. I'm at the point of no return and cease all motion to keep from coming first. I want to let her orgasm first and foremost. Mine will come later...

Okay she has noticed that I am wearing panties - Hooray! I've made it this far. But she says nothing. Then I move off her and begin to use my hands on her clit from the side while I continue thrusting into her - a favorite position since it always brings her off. I'm beginning to relax and feel like I need her to orgasm and then we'll just see what happens. Will she say something? Will she take a commanding role? Will she touch me to confirm what she already knows? I'm such a wimp I can't say anything. I've got to let her take the next move.

She comes. Then lets me come into her. It actually takes a bit longer than usual. I'm in a weird state where I'm all ready to come, but being in such a strange zone between submissive sissy and wanting to come like a man I'm feeling odd. Well, I continue thrusting away and orgasm in due course. It felt great (when doesn't it?).

So we haven't spoken of this encounter since. She's taking our daughter to work and we'll see if anything comes up today. She should be back by now. Is she out buying me week's set of girl panties? Is she going to make me her sissy?

I don't know what to do next. Is she angry? Is she confused? Is she going to kick me out? Who knows what will come of it. I want her to say something - anything. I'm in anxious land!

So many questions! Wish me luck!!

 

Tonight I'm wearing my favorite black boi short undies. I love how it feels against my little clitty. It's so sheer and skin tight. It leaves just the bare end of my little ass cheeks exposed. Yumm.

I'm not expecting any action tonight or tomorrow morning. I've got to work and she will be home - there's still the chance that the book may arrive tomorrow from Amazon. I'm a bit scared about that, but will deal whatever life hands out to me in this regard.

Either way I'll be super horny from wearing my black panties tonight so I'm happy right now. I hope I can get some sleep though - big day tomorrow at work.

I'll fill you all in on how the rest of the day went and the "conversations" we had around my daring attempt to bring a bit of my extra feminine self into my sex life... Until then think of me as a total :slut: !

 

Clueless

In a follow up to my "first day I wore panties" post from a day ago...

So the conversation went something like this:
Her: "Hey I noticed you were wearing underwear when we were doing it this morning. That's odd for you, did you put them on last night or just then for sex?"
Oh boy! Here's the moment I hoped for. She is bringing it up and I am so completely aroused by this I can't hardly think or even form words; however, it is not apparent to me yet is that she thinks it was male underwear I was wearing.
Me: "Yes, I put them on last night before bed."
Her: "Was that to be sort of kinky? You usually are naked. Why did you wear your underwear?"
Loud gong going off in my head! Cripes. Ah ha, she is not aware of my little plan. Damn. Now I HAVE to tell her!
Me: Whispering in her ear and blushing 3 shades redder. "Oh. Those were girl underwear that I had on."
Her: Smiling/frowning - I'm not sure??? "Oh. Well I see. Daddy was naughty this morning!"

...then we're interrupted by our son so the conversation died...

total thrill-kill. I've got to figure out a way to bring this up again and talk about it. At least bring some closure... (Deep down I realize that she probably does not want me, her husband, to be all sissy and girly around her... Maybe there's a chance for chastity play, but probably not to be sissified - that which I yearn for. Oh Well. That's part of the package of marriage so I'll deal with it. I mean I wasn't up front with this when we were dating (20 years ago) so that's the bed I've made for myself.

Several hours later...
Me: "When you touched my bottom through my underwear I thought you knew they were girl panties, not boy underwear."
Shit. I should have worn a fucking thong or something completely silky!
Her: "No. They felt just like your own."
Me: "I just wanted to be a little kinky I guess."
... another family interruption ensues...

That's the end of it. That whole time I thought she knew I was wearing panties, but she just thought they were my own boy underwear. The way I was moaning when I finally came must have been odd to her too. Grrr.

It should be obvious to me how vanilla my/our sex life is. I do not blame my wife - she didn't expect anything was up. I just figured that she was in the same bed as me. These panties are skimpy and I love the way they feel on me. She felt them, she held me, she maybe even saw them briefly - albeit in a dark light room of early morning.

Conclusions:
I'm really thinking that forcing my femininity on our relationship isn't going to work. I don't want to damage her vision of who her husband is. I think that would be selfish and possibly hurtful towards her - certainly frustrating. I've been dealing with this for my whole secret life and I guess I've kind of grown to like the added frustration of wanting more... However, I'm still upbeat about trying to introduce some kink into our sex life via chastity. I'm bored with what we've been doing and need something more. I would never stray, but need to spice our relationship up a bit. I hope she comes around a little. After my ten day journey into feminization it's really hard to go back and be "normal" again. I want to be femmed! :work4sex: Grrrr.

If I awaken the "Tigress Mistress" within her I may be wishing I'd never gone there, but right now I'm hoping for something more than what we have. I'm upbeat, but feel like it will take a lot more work than I had hoped for - I guess that was all a fantasy too.

 

The book arrived

Greetings,
The book: Male Chastity: A Guide for Key Holders arrived today. I can't wait to read it and I'll do a review once I've got a handle on it here at the mansion. It looks short. I think I'll read it in a public place just to see if I get any reaction from the cover and title in LARGE print.

:manga_cheer: Dollyanne - thanks for your continuing strong support and guidance. It sounds like you and your SO have made a lot of progress in support of your lifestyle. I commend you both. :manga_cheer:

Later this week I'll get a chance to prance around a bit and get all sissified. :butterfly: Who knows just how daring I'll get with this rare opportunity? I can't wait... Where's my camera!

 

Moving Forward

Thank you! I appreciate all the comments Mistress Watchful, Dollyanne and Miss Tanya. I see myself moving forward SLOWLY yes. :happy0158:

When we do have sex again I think I'll try to wear panties, but only occasionally. Maybe 1 out of 10 times or something like that - which will probably take some time at our current rate.

If she feels around for them (whether I'm wearing or not) I may bring it up, but I'm really hoping it will be her that says something first. Maybe she will say "Please don't do that again." - that would send a clear message and I would honor that. Or maybe, just maybe, she will leave the door open a little and we can talk/go from there.

I really want to bring up the (my perceived) growing difference in our relative interest in sex. I could use that opportunity to mention "the panty incident" as it may be referred to hence forth. From my perspective my sexual energy/interest seems to be only increasing and hers seems to be waning. (Maybe I'm compensating?) There could be lots of reasons for her (my perceived) waning interest (medical, age, health, me, her, kids, life, Oprah, Global Warming, politics...) Yeah I know. We should talk about it, but there never seems to be a good time and I think it's more my problem than hers. I try to put others before me and I tend to keep things bottled up... Oh and there's all the trust issues I have with everyone that messes my head up too. Grrrr...

I think the best course is to be patient. I hope she will bring it up. I'll try to be ready to respond, but then the humiliation kicks in and I get so tongue tied and I sort of shutdown...

This is hard stuff to talk about with her, and yet so easy to write about to the anonymous virtual world of the Mansion.

 

Fretting over fetishes are we?

Okay... This post rambles on a bit but I think there are some points to be made here and your input(s) have helped... Feel free to poke holes in my logic if you wish.

I do like the approach of saying it's a fetish if this subject of "the panty incident" comes up. I doubt it will sadly, but 'ya never know. Although my real purpose with "the panty incident" was to be daring and challenge the norm - at least for us - and not to be a fetishist. (I know you know that). Wearing panties is all about feeling feminine in my case and the humiliation that comes with it - of being discovered even. It was an attempt to take our relationship towards the chastity/femme lifestyle I yearn for - with little baby steps. :snail: I mean I'm not going to make these initial advances to her in her flannel jammies while I'm wearing my bright red waist cincher, heels, and mini skirt... That just wouldn't go over well. I'm the one with all the sexy stuff in my secret lair. She doesn't wear sexy clothing by any stretch of the imagination - it has been mentioned by her that it doesn't do anything for her. "Why would I want her to wear lingerie when the whole idea with sex requires that one is naked?" And from her/my engineer mind perspective that makes perfect sense. I can't really counter with anything that has swayed her in this regard... I've tried!

Now then, she's not into frilly stuff although she likes real cuddly clothing like super soft flannel sleep wear and heavy socks - but that's not what anyone would call sexy - unless they have a weird :interrogation: fetish around thick heavy soft clothing. After all she's a mechanical engineer by profession and thinks like one. Her needs are met by how functional something is. It's cold therefore I will wear flannel. Pure logic trumps being fancy.

That said, she also has a commanding presence when there is a need - like to show dominance over our dogs - she can do this like nobody's business. I think the Dog Whisperer would cower in her wake. Ha ha. However, I don't know if she would get off on being the complete dominator with me in our sex life - that's where I'm hoping the chastity might come in and allow her to develop this kink, but only if she digs it. I won't force it as that wouldn't accomplish anything and probably doom my attempts of being chaste.

Years ago (like 18 years ago) I bought her a cream-colored garter belt and stockings. It was really thrilling for me just going to the local Victoria Secret and asking for help. It probably took me three tries of walking past the store and gawking before I veered in. [You should hang out near the front of any lingerie store and watch the males' behavior as they approach. Do they sneak a look in? Do they stride right up, or meander by several times like I did before making their assault. I bet you could spot the closet cross-dressers every time!] Getting help from the sales girl with the right size was so awkward for me - I was so shy about it. (Oddly enough my wife and I are about the same size - I bet that could have sounded to the clerk like it was really for me since I've used that line before, but really I swear this time it wasn't for me)... The point of me bringing this up is that when I gave the garter belt and stockings to her (they were stocking stuffers at Christmas); it was apparent that she acted and felt demeaned with having to wear it. Like she was a piece of meat for me to admire. It didn't go well, although she was a trooper and did wear it for me ONCE. That was the end of it... Years later it became a staple in my private collection. I still have it today. arty0042:

Going forward: So I'm still left with feeling that as far as "the panty incident" goes, I will leave it to her to bring up and move very slowly in that regard. I doubt I will strategically wear panties with her unless she asks for it... although if she initiates sex and I happen to be sneakily wearing something to bed I won't take them off as I have always done in the past.

I have another idea which I'll post about next and I may move on that idea quickly because I'm all excited about it... Stay tuned for that... I involves "the book".

 

Wow. and I thought I had a lot of outfits. I am sooo jealous of the tremendous range of clothing just for women... Guess that's one extra reason I like to dress up like 'um.

I wager that you could auction off the outfits you don't want and you'd have bidders from near and far clamoring arty0023: to get their hands on an item of clothing. Just think of all the sissies and lingerie fetishists wishing they could be honored with the chance of wearing clothing that had been graced by THE MISTRESS WATCHFUL.

 

After reading the book (review to be posted soon) I think it is quite appropriate for me to give to her to read with an explanation that I am interested in giving this a go and would like her help in being a keyholder PLEASE.

The book does seems ideal for someone just getting started with chastity and wanting to introduce it into their relationship. It seems to remove a lot of the taboo that one might have preconcieved about the topic and highlights the advantages and disadvantages to getting involved in chastity play or more long-term lock up.

As far as WHEN to give the book: I just have to time it right. I have a choice right now. 1). I could give it to her to read tonight OR 2). give it to her to read while she is away for 36 hours starting tomorrow where we wouldn't be able to chat about it until she returned OR 3). I can wait until another time.

With #1 I just get it out in the open and then hopefully start regretting "what I has wished for", but what if it's too soon since "the panty incident" to like totally freak her out that I'm this total pervert (which I am) and she's so turned off by the creep that she's been married to who's been living a lie this whole marriage...
With #2 she reads it (hopefully), but can't really ask me questions about it or talk it over until she's returned which might be good or bad for us. Seems kind of selfish to me to do this to her, but maybe not - what do you think?
With #3 I continue waiting and nothing changes until I decide to give her the book at another time.

Either way you know what I'll be doing for the next 36 hours while she's away...:innocent0002:

 

Good point!
Thanks all. :fighting0038: It will be door #2 or #3 I think.